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As a Matter of Fact

  • Posted on March 30, 2007 at 8:29 am

I’ve been observing lately how my emotions interfere with my parenting.

When my kids disobey, it’s so easy for me to take it personally, and a little edge gets into my voice. I’ve heard that edge mirrored in my kids. I’ve also detected the same whiny tone in my voice that I detest in theirs. When they are emotionally resisting a change in schedule, I sometimes  have a hard time resisting the urge to emotionally reason with them to calm them down. It sounds a bit like pleading. Sometimes I am troubled to hear a note of triumph when my children do something I clearly told them not to. Aha! I caught you.

It would be nice if I could be completely matter-of-fact when I deal with my children in all of these situations. But all my attempts at controlling my behavior have the same result– failure! I suppose I could be biblical and deal with the underlying beliefs that are manifesting themselves in my actions. Novel thought.

Popularity: 6% [?]

A Child’s Look at the 23rd Psalm

  • Posted on March 29, 2007 at 8:09 am

A Child’s Look at the 23rd Psalm by Philip Keller

I mentioned awhile back (a very long back) that as we were teaching Isaiah 53:6 to David and Bethel I wanted to get this book to supplement our discussion of sheep. I had this book when I was a child and enjoyed it very much. I know my mom uses this book when counseling children who have been abused.

I finally purchased it, and read through it last night. It’s written so that my children ages two and three can understand it when read to them (I’ve started reading chapter books to them at naptime while they’re lying down. Bethel usually falls asleep listening, and David stays awake). I’d say an advanced second or third grader might tackle the book on his own, but a typical 4-6th grader would be able to read it just fine. It would make a great discussion book for family devotions or a Sunday school class.

I’d say the biggest weakness of the book is in its explanation of salvation. I don’t think its wrong, just a little too vague. I’m opposed to the sentence “ask Jesus in your heart,” for example. For this reason, I’m not sure I’d give the book to a child who is not saved. If I’m reading it to my kids, I’ll skip the salvation parts or explain them better.

The emphasis on finding our joy in a relationship with our good shepherd is excellent. The sheep and shepherd facts are interesting. Line drawings on every page and descriptions about sheep and real life shepherds are appealing to children.

Really, I like this genre. There are very few spiritual books for children of this sort. Most that I’ve seen have a story, then spiritual discussion. As a kid, I always read the story and skipped the spiritual discussions, so I think a good author is wise not to have such a discrete difference. I like the nonfiction approach, using a topic of interest to children to teach spiritual truth.

The book is out of print, but you can get one used, or if you have older children you might just get the adult version (A Shepherd Looks at the 23rd Psalm) which is still in print. Lessons from a Sheep Dog is also back in print. I enjoyed this book very much as a child, too.

Some of us are like that [sheep with an unkind owner] too. We never come into the good, generous care of God. We do not really know and follow Christ. We have never been set free from our old owner. Who is that? It may be ourselves. We think we can be our own boss…. If we are wise, we will let Christ, the Good Shepherd, take over our lives. We do this by inviting Him into our hearts.

The surprising and wonderful thing is that when the shepherd is there, they feel safe. When he is near, their fears fade away. They settle down, and soon they are at rest. We sometimes have fears. When something new or frightening happens to us we want to run or hide. We think the best defense is simply to get away. Really, we don’t have to live like that. Jesus Christ, our Good Shepherd, is always near. He tells us, “I am with you always.”

Strange to say, some sheep, in their stupidity, will choose to drink from dirty pools and polluted ponds. Here the water is murky and dangerous. It is where the sheep often pick up disease. Because parasites– tiny, disease-producing forms of life– live in stale, stagnant water. Some of us are like these foolish sheep. We seem to prefer to drink from the mudholes of our world. I do not mean just running the risk of drinking bad water, or even the dangers of toying with alcoholic drinks or drugs. But most important, I mean trying to satisfy ourselves with habits that can never fill our longing for the Lord. You see, God made us for Himself. Only as we come to Him, whose life flows out happily like a singing stream, can we be fully refreshed, fully satisfied.

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What I’ve Been Saying Lately

  • Posted on March 28, 2007 at 8:16 am

Mommy, David not sharing. “Ask David if you can play with it when he’s done.”

“Finish chewing your food before you talk.”

“Now is not the time to talk about rockets. Now is the time to think about rockets. We’ll talk about them in the morning.”

” Do not fight over the baby. She is not a dolly.”

“Try saying okay respectfully this time. Much better.”

“How do you ask for more milk? [pause] You say ‘Please may I have more milk?’ “

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“She made me mean.”

  • Posted on March 27, 2007 at 8:05 am

She made me mean, David said. I didn’t understand what he meant at first.

Bethel had knocked over his tape measure (on purpose or accident, I know not) and David let loose with angry words. If he knew any swear words, he would probably have used them.

I’m not sure what I said, but at some point in the discussion, David said She made me mean. David knew he was unkind, but he blamed Bethel for his outburst. I wasn’t prepared for this line of thinking, so I just told him we’d talk about it later. Now, how to talk about this… I suppose talking about Adam and Eve might be a good start. Or even Jesus, who did not react when He was mistreated. People cannot choose how they are treated, but they can choose their reactions. Maybe the old tea bag illustration might be appropriate.

Perhaps it was the precise expression in child-like terms that struck me, but I suppose all blame-shifting (like he hit me too) involves an attempt to diffuse guilt. We probably don’t help matters when we use language like “What did Bethel do to make you angry?” Blame shifting reflects a false belief about sin that will hinder him from seeing his need for salvation.

Popularity: 5% [?]

Authority Structure

  • Posted on March 26, 2007 at 10:08 am

On Saturday, our family went on a treasure hunt around some old turquoise and gold mines. As we were hiking down from the ridge of a large hill, Lee went over with the girls to explore a big iron grate we saw from the top, while I helped David down. He called out to David and me “Don’t come this way.”

Now David wanted to go join his Dad, and he told me he wanted to go. I told him, “Daddy told us not to, and we must obey him.” Why? he wanted to know. I explain about God’s authority structure (God made daddies in charge of families) Now David is still learning that he cannot disobey just because he thinks he has a better way. I deal with this often when I’m the one telling him to do something. So he started to explain why it was a good idea for him to go thatway. I could catch up to Daddy. I’m a very fast runner.

It was a good opportunity to talk about submission to authority, because it was a situation where I was submitting, too. We talked about how Dad could see what we couldn’t (like dangerous holes in the ground) and how we needed to trust him. We don’t have to understand why in order to obey.

This was a God-given teaching opportunity.  I believe that if we pray for them, and pray that God would help us see them, he will send us what we need to teach our children what they need when they need it.

As a side note, there’s a difference in the authority relationship between husband and wife, and father and children. I’m not sure how to explain that. I’ve always said, “We all obey God, Mommy obeys Daddy, David and Bethel obey Mommy and Daddy.” I think that’s enough for now, but I’ll have to think about what how we explain the relationships as they get older.

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Much Better, Thank You

  • Posted on March 23, 2007 at 2:28 pm

Amazing how spiritual you can feel after a decent night’s sleep… It wasn’t great, but it was better than previous days this week, plus Lee didn’t go to PT (physical training) at 6:30 so I got an extra hour of sleep.

Bedtime went better for the older two last night. Lee parked himself outside the door and stopped excessive talking or getting out of bed. It struck me that this is one way to ensure 100% consistency for awhile until the bad behavior stops. That’s a happy thought.

Music class went well today. I had to humble myself and call a friend for help getting things ready (i.e., house cleaned), and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do it because I’ve been sick (did a throat culture today), but all went well. I’m on my way to bed now.

Almost back to normal. Bethel is still crying “I want my daddy” when she’s unhappy for some reason. We’re still adjusting to Dad in charge instead of Mom. (I’ve said more times than I can count “That’s your daddy’s decision” or “Ask your daddy.” Just imagine the adjusting when dads are gone for several months or a year.)

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What makes me feel better?

  • Posted on March 22, 2007 at 1:28 pm

Bethel has started saying “__________ will help me feel better.” She’s been doing this when she’s mopey.

Trouble is, it’s always food that will make her feel better! I’ve starting noticing her comments because I don’t really want her thinking that food is the answer to all of her problems (although it is an answer to some of them).

I just thought of this because I remembered that the books I ordered should be here today. “Those books will help me feel better” I thought.

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Harumph.

  • Posted on at 1:20 pm

Update:

Lee came back after midnight. So good to have him home. He was sleeping in a bit before spending the morning with us before heading into work after lunch. All was well until his cell phone rang, and, noticing it was from his superior officer, I answered it.

Then I realized his boss wasn’t calling to see if he got in okay, but to call him in to work this morning. And ask him to spend his lunch break doing training, so we can’t even go spend lunchtime with him. So I stomped around awhile (literally) and have been stomping on the inside all morning, without my husband. Yes, welcome to the military. I just wish I hadn’t answered the phone.

I’ve been somewhat sulkily thinking about how this experience of mine is mirrored in my children, but I confess I’m not spiritual enough to figure it out yet.

I’m tired. Taking a nap is actually the most spiritual thing I can do for my kids right now, I’m that tired.

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Realtime Bedtime Analysis

  • Posted on March 21, 2007 at 9:26 pm

At this moment our children are tucked in bed and talking quietly. I’ll come in the room in a bit to tell them to go to sleep.

I have always felt rather smug (a dangerous emotion) when considering all those children who obviously manipulated their parents into getting another drink, another kiss, another answer to a question. Our children have always gone to bed without fuss. Of late, however, Bethel, in particular, seems to have developed a difficulty going to sleep. I’ll never judge another’s child again. [if you believe that, then you clearly do not understand the depravity of a mother]

As is my custom, when I consider a problem, I look for developmental or environmental causes (or motivations) before considering a spiritual cause (or motivation). Of course, a problem may have all three components, but I try to take care of the first two before tackling the third.

In this case, I remember that the problem started when we took away the pacifiers. At that point, Bethel didn’t know how to put herself to sleep. Shortly thereafter, we put her in David’s room, because we thought David would be less distracting throughout the night than Laurel. Bethel seems to have discovered that wiggling (putting her feet on the wall, putting her feet through the slats on the foot of the bed, etc.) helps her to stay awake. I am not sure if she’s trying to stay up, or just doesn’t know how to go to sleep. She’s also learned to find my room in the middle of the night. Last night, she came in my room. I scared. I sleep with you. I tried letting her sleep beside me last night (I’m desperate for sleep lately), but she wiggled too much and I sent her to bed. Forty-five minutes later when I got up to check on a crying Laurel, I am startled by a chipper, Hi Mommy! I guess Laurel woke her up and she was coming to check on her. Now if they were in the same room… Bethel could put the pacifier in Laurel’s mouth. That’s a thought, but I don’t think Bethel can do that unless she climbs in the crib. Not a good idea.

David is a little better, but probably only because he’s too afraid to get up and walk to our room in the dark. He just wants to talk: What is this song about? I’m really thirsty. Do we have any wings so I can make an airplane in the morning? Bethel isn’t feeling good. Bethel is keeping me awake. Can I get a drink in the morning? You get the idea. If you ignore him, he’ll just keep calling “Mommmmmmm” over and over. I don’t want to completely ignore him because I do want to be available for a real problem (I consider a nightmare, for example, to be a legitimate reason for asking for mom at his age). So I don’t want to say, “I’m not going to answer you.” David responds very well to talking through a procedure, so I might try that. “Here is what you cannot call mom for. Here is what you can.” [I just tried this. I told him he could call for mom if he was hurt or had a scary dream. He told me his big toe hurt.] Now he’s crying. Sigh. Bethel is now up to tell me that David is crying…
Think merciful thoughts… as I head off to the bedroom… again.

Mom… Can I make some wings for an airplane in the morning?

I hope this is not another very long night. I better get to bed.

Mommy, Bethel is stuck.

Get Bethel unstuck.

Yawn and sigh.

I need to stop proofreading. There’s Laurel, who for some reason isn’t sleeping well this week. If you see any typos, just chalk it up to the result of sleep deprivation.

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A Conversation

  • Posted on March 20, 2007 at 9:21 pm

“David, would you like to see what God says about serving others?”

“No.” [Mom now tries to figure out the motivation behind his response]

“I’m going to read it.”

“Mom, I really do not want you to read the Bible out loud.”

“Well, I’m going to read it to Laurel [who is almost asleep on my lap].” I commence reading, and then stop to explain it to Laurel. Then I get distracted with something.

“Mom, I want you to read some more to Laurel.”

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