12 April 2007
Politeness or Dishonesty?
Posted by Michelle under: Communication and Meaning; Lying; .
The other day a visiting child cut David a paper square. She was very pleased with it, and tried giving it to David. David did not want it, so he was kind of running away from her. I started to tell David what to say, and I realized mid lecture that I was blurring the lines between tact and dishonesty. I stopped and told him he needed to answer the girl. He said, “I don’t want it.”
Yesterday at storytime another preschooler asked David if he wanted to hear him sing a song. David didn’t know what to say. I told him, “Answer him. Say yes or no.” David said no.
I could have told him to say “Sure.” Sometime later I’ll teach him how to be tactful. Before I teach that, I need to teach him to respond instead of ignoring the person when he doesn’t know what to say. Teaching to be tactful, now I can see that is going to be interesting. He’s a literal minded kid, and I suspect he’s not going to see the gray area between tact and honesty. Now that I think of it, maybe that’s why he’s not responding in these difficult situations.
Any thoughts?
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2 Comments so far...
Addy Says:
12 April 2007 at 9:31 am.
I think there’s also an aspect of teaching him kindness. He may not want to hear the song, and he may not want the paper square, but someone else wants to share them with him, so it would be better to think of that person and to accept the gifts rather than refusing them, which might hurt the person’s feelings.
What do you think?
Michelle Says:
13 April 2007 at 6:18 am.
Yes, I was thinking about this, too.
If we can be kind and honest, that’s a good thing.
I may need to explain how God can change our hearts when we choose to love someone else. It reminds me when I choose to listen actively to an elderly person telling a very boring story. When I consider their needs and desires above my own, I can say sincerely, “I’d love to talk with you” and mean it.
Right now, I’m just trying to get him to respond. Ignoring the problem as a way of solving discomfort is not a good response. I wonder where he learned that from…
