Forgetting to Smile

1st
February 2008

4 Comments
When this post was written: First child (D) was 4 yrs, 7 mo. Second child (B) was 3 yrs, 1 mo.

Third child (L) was 1 yrs, 3 mo.

When I taught school, I occasionally had a student who thought I didn’t like him or her. Sometimes this conclusion was more or less correct, but what was always true in these cases was that I found myself smiling at those students significantly less than with other students. I needed to deliberately smile at these students, and I found they responded to the different nonverbal communication.

We’re talking about motivating children in our ladies Bible study. We’re looking at what motivates a Christian to obey her heavenly Father. It gives us insight into learning what motivates our children. Of course, what motivates a high school student often will not motivate a preschooler. And, what motivates a preschooler may not motivate a baby.

For example, I might suggest that we get an ice cream after we clean up the living room and eat lunch. My preschoolers understand this and will work hard for the treat. If Laurel understands the word ice cream, she will not understand that ice cream is conditional upon cleaning up. She thinks it means she’s getting ice cream right this minute and will cry if she doesn’t get it. That’s because babies don’t easily understand time language (and preschoolers don’t always either, for that matter.)

So, what motivates Laurel? I’m finding how important that smile is. When I ask her to come to me, a smile makes a big difference in her motivation (as do the hugs, kisses, and happy language when she does obey). What I’ve realized is how often I ask her to come with a frown. Especially since she’s just learning that she must come when mommy calls her (and she doesn’t always obey), I want her to understand that obeying mommy is a happy occasion. I’ve watched a smile communicate this goal and make a difference in her motivation to obey. [a caveat: at a young age, sometimes children can interpret a smile as an invitation to play a game. I think this is why I got in the habit of frowning. What I think works for Laurel is to give the command with a straight face, but then smile when she's processing the information.]

So, is it biblical to show our children the joy of obedience as a means of motivating them? Absolutely. Jesus did, and often. Here is my favorite example.

So after he had washed their feet, and had taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you? Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am.

If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him.

If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them.

John 13:12-17

4 Responses to "Forgetting to Smile"

This is a great post, Michelle. Thank you!

I haven’t had much computer time recently, and have missed visiting your blog…so now I’m hogging the comments section!

This kind of thinking is exactly the reason why I feel I don’t relate to the parenting motives of those who criticize my method of child training. Training is not just “discipline”…just as God doesn’t always visit us with minor-prophet devastation! LOL

You give me much to think about, and you also give me encouragement that I’m going the right direction with my children.

1 Gina said this (February 8, 2008 at 10:27 am)
Hog all you want! It’s been quiet around here for awhile. Your last sentence makes me a little nervous, even though I think I know what you mean. Just as long as it is Scripture giving you encouragement and not my own ideas and habits.

2 Michelle said this (February 8, 2008 at 5:45 pm)
Por supuesto! lol I meant only that it is a great encouragement to fellowship with other believers who take the “whole counsel of God” into consideration…instead of camping on personal preferences (which, I of course realize that everyone does to one degree or another!)

Paul and I were discussing this last night. The idea you wanted to get across with this post is such a wonderful one, and very applicable to motives in parenting: God is tender enough to take the time to teach us the joy of obedience (as cited in the above passage).

3 Gina said this (February 9, 2008 at 4:44 pm)
Thanks, Gina. The fellowship IS encouraging. I’d like to think my thoughts are biblical, but I also hope that you wouldn’t hesitate to point out where they are not. What’s amazing about the joy of obedience is how often I forget about it and go my own way. I need more time in God’s Word to remind me.

4 Michelle said this (February 10, 2008 at 11:05 pm)