When They Don’t Want to Listen
February 2008
9 CommentsWhen this post was written: First child (D) was 4 yrs, 7 mo. Second child (B) was 3 yrs, 1 mo. Third child (L) was 1 yrs, 3 mo.
A Conversation:
Me: Did you know that there’s something else God says makes us happy?
Child: Mom, I don’t really want you to read to me.
Me: [okay, that's fine. I'll just tell another child.] Did you know that there’s something else God says makes us happy? God says finding wisdom makes us happy.
(“Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding.” Proverbs 3:19)
End of conversation, a little discouraged.
I’ve had these discouraging conversations before. When I do share something I find interesting, or something I think they will be interested in, they often don’t really want to listen. I have the best success reading during breakfast, while they’re eating, but even then they will ask me to stop sometimes. And the conversation I just related was while they were jumping on our enormous beanbag.
The introspection begins… Is it because they are unregenerate? Is it because I don’t read them the Bible enough? Maybe my casual, incidental approach to sharing what I’m reading is misguided. I’ve stopped asking, “Do you want to know…” because they answer no. Maybe I need something more formal. Should I stop sharing Bible when they ask me to? Maybe I should just keep doing what I’m doing, and ignore their objections. The baby won’t stop me from talking about the Bible. Maybe I should just start with her.
But, I am reminded that one child did ask why when I told them what makes us happy. I don’t think I’m imagining that. And, I did notice that they all (even the baby) enjoyed sitting with me at the piano while I sang hymns, and later singing more while they played with their toys. So maybe my efforts to share Scripture aren’t as misguided as I might think.
Press on! The one thing I know, is that it I won’t feel less awkward talking about God if I don’t ever do it.
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Filed under: Discipleship, Introspection, Scripture Memory
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Reading your latest post, David is exactly between Philip and Laura. It’s unbelievable that nearly all my children are in the stage that I’ve been anticipating the most. It’s refreshing to me, spiritually, to dialogue (why am I not spelling that word right?) about the Scriptures every day with them. Such a difference than when I was just trying to stay afloat physically a couple of years ago! LOL I’m trying to take advantage of these younger, very pliable times to get their thinking pointed in the right direction.
I look forward to learning (more!) from you as your kids move into this next phase! You’ve always had a great knack for engaging children.
1 Gina said this (February 8, 2008 at 9:11 am)
I don’t know of any child who would be interested in hearing a spiritual lesson while jumping or actively playing. It’s not that there is anything wrong with that activity — it’s just not the most conducive to teaching. I don’t know when children would begin to understand abstract concepts like wisdom. That doesn’t mean we don’t talk to them about them — but it will likely not resonate for some time to come.
I used to feel awkward talking to my children about God in an everyday setting, too — set times of going through a devotional book were a little easier. It’s tricky sometimes to know when they are receptive and when to push the issue. I’m reminded of when Christ told His disciples He had many things to tell them but they couldn’t receive them yet. Yet we do sometimes lay “line upon line and precept upon precept” knowing that some day they will understand. I know the Lord will guide you. My one piece of advice would be just to make it as natural as possible.
2 Barbara H. said this (February 8, 2008 at 10:54 am)
Hmmmm…reminds me of how mom taught me the alphabet… I look back and remember much greater influence of my thinking happening in the by-the-way opportunities that mom and dad took than any of the direct, face to face kind of approach. Perhaps that is just me, though.
3 NeoFundy said this (February 8, 2008 at 4:59 pm)
Keep going Michelle! It made me think of Ethan’s answers to our questions in devotions two night ago. His book has question interspersed in the story. We usually answers them for him. But he is starting to respond and his normal answer is “no” to any question. We realized he didn’t know what we were asking but but it was awful to hear him say no to “Do you want to be God’s child” Don’t think we’ll ask that again for a while. He then said no to Do you love Mommy and Daddy? and Do you want to have fun? BUT, he responded different to Do you want ice cream?
4 Maya said this (February 8, 2008 at 5:35 pm)
Barbara, I guess I’m attempting to apply the passage from Deuteronomy where parents are instructed to teach throughout the day, in whatever they are doing. I’ve noticed with my own children (and it may not be true of others’) that they seem to listen better when they have their hands or bodies busy. Maybe it’s just this preschool age, and maybe it helps that these spiritual lessons are usually SHORT. I know my mom and I talked a lot in the kitchen together while we were making dinner, or in the car driving from place to place. I do see where a child who is concentrating on something else might not want to be interrupted. Perhaps what you’re identifying is a personality difference with one child that I need to consider some more. Now you’ll have my mind simmering these thoughts all weekend.
I do think your comment about readiness is very helpful to remember in situations like these. I have a friend that says teaching a child something before they are ready is like putting a fence post in frozen ground. And my mother often talks about “time-released teaching,” teaching that bears fruit long after the seeds have been planted. I have to remember that preschool is a time for planting seeds, not impatiently rushing the harvest.
And being natural…. if you could only see me attempting to be natural. You would laugh! Still, it’s good advice. Thanks for weighing in.
Tom, maybe you should write about some of those incidental influences on your blog. I’d like to hear your thoughts.
5 Michelle said this (February 8, 2008 at 6:00 pm)
I perfectly agree with what you are talking about — speaking about the Lord all through the day and the ability of children to learn while doing something else. Even now my adult son says he really gets more out of sermons when he’s listening to them at home while doing something else than trying to focus and pay attention in church (though of course he still does go to church.
). One of my other sons used to only open up when we were in the car together.
I was just suggesting that when you’re trying to do that and the child isn’t interested in a spiritual lesson right then, he may just be distracted and another approach at another time might work better.
6 Barbara H. said this (February 10, 2008 at 5:32 pm)
I understand now. You’re definitely right about changing approaches. I just don’t always know how, but I have been praying for wisdom about this, especially this weekend. Thanks for your comments. They were helpful in pushing me to keep thinking on this topic.
7 Michelle said this (February 10, 2008 at 11:19 pm)
Interesting discussion (I followed a link from jon trainer’s blog). As a teacher who would like some day to be teaching my own kids, I’m tuned in to what you’re saying.
I think you and Barb may be on to something. When the teaching is built into the activity (“natural” is an art form), then you are demonstrating the continuity of Biblical thinking with everything in life. When the teaching is set as an interruption or distraction during some other activity, you may be accidentally suggesting an opposition between Bible-world and people-world.
If you are as Bible-immersed in your daily activities as you seem to be, you may want to keep meditating from day to day on how the things you already do can be made explicit as teaching, and what you can build into your daily life cycle that enhances that effort. Then the “incidental” teaching opportunities will, I think, come pretty naturally. (“nature” is an art form, remember)
Cheers,
PGE
8 pgepps said this (February 12, 2008 at 7:38 pm)
PGE, Thanks for stopping by. You have a good point, and I’ll have to keep thinking on it. I’m starting to understand the interaction between personality and teaching style; understanding what distracts or interrupts one child may not help me with the next. This discussion makes me think of the student who listens as he twists paper clips into modern art, compared to the student who complains about a neighbor’s breathing and the air conditioner noise as he tries to focus on the teacher.
9 Michelle said this (February 13, 2008 at 1:03 am)