Since we have three unregenerate sinners in our household, we have conflict. Yes, we’re attempting to teach them to share, show love for each other, and humbly put the other first. God’s standard is not what is fair, but what is humble and loving. But in spite of our efforts, they still struggle. They’ve learned how to fight “under the radar” so that it’s not always clear what happened or who is at fault.

We’ve been dealing with screaming with the two girls. It’s hard to deal with, because often the screaming is a response to a legitimate offense. Deal with the screaming, and the offender gets the idea what he/she did was okay, or at least, not as bad as the other child. But if I deal with the initial offense first, then the screaming child is rewarded for her method of solving the problem.

Conventional wisdom would suggest that I deal with the worse offense first. Because typically the worse offense is by an older child who can understand the priority of offense if taught, I think I’ve been dealing with the screaming first, and then the offending child right after. I say, “No screaming. Say, ‘Please stop.’ Sister [or brother] should not take away toy. No screaming.” It’s pretty much verbatim right now. So I’ve focused on the child who because of a younger age seems to need immediate feedback.

And with the older two, we’ve been talking about where the fighting comes from. I’ve told them about James– where do wars and fightings come from? From our evil desires.

So now, I word it this way:

• Did you want that toy more than you wanted to please God?
• Why were you fighting? and then, Why were you fighting over who gets to let the dog in the house? [the right answer is... because I want to be right; what I want is more important than what sister wants; that's what the Bible calls "lusts"]

Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? James 4:1

That’s all for today. Have a good weekend with the Lord’s people.

Similar Posts:

• Why Do They Fight?
• another approach
• Discipline All the Children for One’s Offense?
• When Using Questions Doesn’t Work
• “I’m going to tell on you!”

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