Selfish Art and Selfish Parents
Is it possible to be materialistic about one’s own artwork? When does a desire for a record of one’s work become selfishness?
Today we were making cards as a thankyou for a neighbor who did something very kind for our children. But as soon as the art project started to take shape (and it looked really, really nice), he decided to keep it. Fine, we’d use Bethel’s card. Then Bethel decided she didn’t want to give up hers. In disgust, I told them if they wanted to keep their artwork for themselves, then they should take it to their bedrooms.
The problem is that anything really beautiful my son refuses to give away. It doesn’t matter if it’s something he’s made six months previously and stored unnoticed in his sock drawer, or something with the paint still damp. I allow him to keep what he makes (and he’s got a portfolio crammed with artwork), and I don’t force the issue. But one of my concerns is that art production should not be selfish. When composers got too introspective with their music in the early twentieth century, their music was intellectually stimulating, but unpleasant to listen to. The audience didn’t matter; all that mattered was the mathematical order. I don’t believe that kind of attitude reflects God’s glory.
I suppose it’s natural that he wants to keep his masterpieces. I’m trying to think like an artist, and it doesn’t come naturally.There’s a difference between creating something for one’s own pleasure, and hoarding, I think. Maybe I’m just expecting too much from a five year old.
As for me, my reaction the other day was probably a little too abrupt for them. I was really disappointed, because I hoped they would find joy in giving someone something they had created. The problem is, it was obvious that I was unhappy with their decision, and I’m not sure I should have been so transparent.
Now I’m wondering whether this is worth deliberately teaching. I can’t think of any Bible passages or stories about selfless art. I do have a picture book about a sculptor who decides sculpting for friends is better than sculpting for kings. I can think of Scripture verses about selfishness, but I don’t want to be using the Scripture as a club for a child who simply enjoys making beautiful things.
After about ten minutes after the children scuttled to their rooms with their artworks, I in my bedroom pondering, David came and told me he had changed his mind and wanted to give his card to our neighbor. I asked him why, and his response was “Because you want me too.” I told him we’d talk about it later. I wanted to think about it some more.
If he gives away art because it makes him feel good to please mom, is that any less selfish than his keeping art because it makes him feel good? Was it wrong for me to be so clear that I disapproved? Am I being selfish in imposing my extrabiblical desires on my children, beyond their ability to understand? Should I continue to give them the option of giving their art away? Should I be glad that David changed his mind to please me? And how will I respond when we get the time to talk about the artwork on their dressers? More questions than answers today.
Here’s one verse we could talk about: God loves a cheerful giver.
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4 comments
Permalink1
I don’t have the answers. I’d be asking myself the same questions.
But one other verse that comes to mind is David’s statement about not giving to the Lord that which costs me nothing. And Hebrews 13:16 says, “But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.” I don’t remember the incident leading to it, but I remember one time we were going somewhere in the car and my husband was discussing this verse with the children, explaining that the Bible is honest in admitting that serving the Lord and doing for others involves sacrifice, giving of my time, effort, and material goods (I often think of this when some well-meaning soul says that serving the Lord is a privilege and not a sacrifice because we owe Him all anyway. I know what they mean and understand the sentiment, but if the Bible calls it sacrifice, it is not wrong for us to do so.)
Another angle would be to focus on the other person — how happy it would make Mrs. S. to receive something so thoughtful and pretty and how that is a much better use of it than keeping it in a folder or drawer.
I don’t know which I would do in the same situation — I’m just sharing some thoughts as they come to mind.
Permalink2
God made many wonderful, beautiful things (our world, our bodies, music, food, etc, etc.) and He made it all for US! A supreme Example. =) What about Dorcas, who gave freely from the work of her own hands, and was greatly beloved as a result? This is just off the top of my pointed head. =)
Could you possibly begin a scrapbook of good quality photos of his creations? He could also embellish the pages himself, which would bring even more joy to the artist in him. Good acid free materials are so much easier to find inexpensively these days. It would give him a permanent record of his work, and perhaps help him to be more willing to share it with others?
I felt through some of this back when Erin was small. I wrongly (I now feel) persuaded her to give up a pretty dress (she had been given several from a friend…but this one was her favorite) to her best friend, because she knew it would bring her friend joy (Ellie had her eye on it when she was at our house). I thought I was teaching my daughter a noble concept; but in the end, I believe it only fostered resentment toward me. She was too little to “get it”. Now that she is older, I can make suggestions like this, and let her process them through her heart. In the end, I think the best thing I can do to teach unselfishness to my kiddiewinks is to be the correct example. They need to oberve correct prioritization, as well as open-handedness, from me. “More is caught than taught” sometimes…
Permalink3
Those are good points, Diane. I can remember struggling with the idea of whether to keep back special toys of my children when others came over to play, how to balance preservation with unselfishness. I wouldn’t let them play with some toys unless everyone there could also play, but I eventually felt it was ok to put some things out of sight (the newest toy from Grandma, for example).
It’s funny how kids pick up on things. I can remember at birthday parties, a child would barely unwrap a new present before another child would want to play with it and tell the birthday child they were supposed to share! It’s tricky to teach, “Yes, everyone is supposed to share, but that doesn’t mean everything of one child’s is at another’s disposal.”
Forgive me for getting away from the idea of art and doing for others — though in a sense we;re still discussing teaching unselfishness in general. Maybe one idea, as Diane indicated in teaching by example, would be to tell the children, “I am going to make a card to say thank you to so-and-so” or “to cheer up so-and-so who isn’t feeling well. Would you like to make one, too?” Then possibly take them with you to visit the person and deliver the card so they can see how it ministers to them.
Permalink4
Hmmm… this is interesting. I know my baby is only 8 months, and I don’t have that much experience with pre-schoolers, but how about just asking your child to make another one that is just for the neighbor? Start a whole new project, now that he knows he can keep the first creation; perhaps he will be cheerful in giving this. = )