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Looking for His Appearing
Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep. Psalm 127:1-2Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. Proverbs 14:1
Reminding myself that while I have responsibilities, the results are up to God. I’m getting butterflies in my tummy with Lee coming home. I’m reminding myself that my marriage is in God’s hands, and that’s a good place for it.
I am looking forward to Lee coming home. I’m reminded of how we should look forward to Jesus’ return. I’ve been getting the house ready, thinking and talking about Lee coming home, getting excited. It’s a good lesson for me to have the same attitude (more so, of course) towards Christ.
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Cleaning
Today, I’ll be working on getting the house ready for Lee to come home. I’m not sure yet how well I’ll blog next week, but I’ve worked some things ahead so I think blogging will continue.
I’m really hoping Bible reading will continue. 
When Lee is home in a normal day, I tend to have trouble keeping on a schedule. I know my tendency is to drop everything (including Bible reading and housework!) when he’s around, and I’ll feel doubly like doing that. Those are a little more important than blogging, so we’ll see how everything works out. I suppose if I just hope, I’ll fall back into the default mode. I need to be like Daniel, who purposed in his heart.
That’s all for now.
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Dealing with a Tantrum
The other day, Laurel was as angry as I have ever seen her. It’s always good to examine big situations after the fact; perhaps I’ll improve in responding biblically.
She was happily playing and asked for a particular song to be put on, and when I put it on, she changed her mind and demanded that I put on something different. I declined. I was in the middle of reading a book with the other two children and hoped to be able to finish the story.
I tried ignoring her mild complaining, since she was acting somewhat tired, even though it was only midmorning. She got louder.
Then I put down the book and picked her up to deal with her in her room without distraction. She pushed away and got more angry.
Normally she’ll stop crying if I ask her a question. When I asked what the problem was, she kept repeating that she wants different music. She kept arching her back, and I wouldn’t let her. That made her more mad. She started to kick. I told her to stop kicking or I would spank her. Of course, she stuck her lip out and started kicking more and I spanked her. After that if she started to kick, I would say no, and she would stop. I feel pretty strongly that repeated spankings are not helpful or necessary, but I start to doubt myself in these types of situations.
She started saying, “I don’t like you” over and over. It’s the worst thing she can think of right now. But I didn’t discipline for it, I think because it seemed like she wasn’t being disrespectful as much as saying she wasn’t happy. I dunno. I responded each time by telling her “I love you. I love you so much that I will not allow you to… throw a tantrum. I had a hard time identifying what I wasn’t going to allow. This is actually funny to me now, since technically, she is throwing a tantrum and I couldn’t stop it. I still think it was the right thing to say, but maybe there’s something better.)
I had David get me a cup of water. At some point, I’ve found that the momentum of a tantrum can be stopped easily if they drink something. If they take the time to drink it, they often forget why they were crying, or realize they don’t want to be miserable and angry.
The second time I offered water, she took it and drank. Then she told me she was hungry. I told her she could eat when she chose to stop being angry and started being sweet and respectful.She said she would. Whew!
I helped her to ask forgiveness for disobeying, for kicking, and for saying unkind words. She did (repeating each phrase after me). Then I told her I forgave her and loved her, and she told me that she loved me too. And she gave me a hug.
Now I’m asking myself some questions. This is good for me. (If I hadn’t taken the time to think it through, I would probably have put it behind me quickly, and that’s wouldn’t be good for her or me.)
- Should I have “preached” some? I didn’t say much about God or the gospel. That’s something I would probably do differently, but I’m not sure how. After the fact, she was pretty tired, and I started to talk, but decided against it. I could bring it up again, since it was a significant enough event that I think she will remember it. I think she’s old enough to talk about it after the fact. In fact, in the few days since this incident we’ve had several discussions about anger and complaining and thankfulness.
- Did I wait too long to deal with it? I think this is significant. I started out ignoring her complaining, but it’s possible that I really allowed her anger to escalate instead of stopping it before it got out of hand. That doesn’t help her or me. I don’t have the answer for this, but I noticed in the few days since this incident I’ve been quicker to stop the complaining and that’s worked better.
- Should I have left her alone to cry it out, or was it right to hold her (much against her will) and physically restrain her? I think staying with her was the right thing this time. I had the time to spend (that’s not always possible), and in a way I felt like being with her was establishing my authority. (She ordered me to leave; perhaps I would have left had she not done so.)
- What exactly am I disciplining for? Anger? Saying mean things? Screaming and yelling? Kicking? Lack of self-control? Extreme complaining? I felt like I didn’t (and still haven’t) gotten precise about what I don’t want to happen. Kicking isn’t a sin, and neither is yelling. The context makes it wrong, so I want to be careful that I am correctly identifying the problem/ sin.
- I notice that her anger (and I suspect this is true at other times) happened when she was somewhat excluded. I’m not saying she shouldn’t be held accountable for the anger, but I do need to recognize that I’m not always aware when she feels left out. I thought she was happily playing. She started out in my lap and left when she got bored with the book, and I probably wouldn’t do anything different. Still, I see a pattern, and that’s worth thinking about.
That’s all. Next we’ll talk about some followup discussions we’ve had since then.
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Asking for Stupid Stuff
Trust in the LORD, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:3-4)
For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold
from those who walk uprightly.
O LORD of hosts,
blessed is the one who trusts in you! (Psalm 84:11-12)
Have you ever caught yourself in a really petty prayer? I did this week. Of all the things I could have prayed for! God’s eternal treasures of spiritual blessings are laid up for me, and I could think only of my own glory.
When God answered a measure of my silly prayer, I realized my foolishness.
What do I really want? to be faithful, wisdom to be a good wife and mom, i want to replicate myself so that when we leave our church, we won’t leave a hole, God’s guidance about where we should go next year (since staying isn’t an option), a good church wherever we go, a strong marriage, children who love God with all their heart, soul, and mind.
Duh– Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and HIS righteousness. And all these things (the temporal needs we have) will be added unto you.
What does it mean to seek the kingdom of God and his righteousness? Well, I can tell you for starters that my comfort and well being aren’t first on God’s priority list. I need to change how I think about my desires, and I need to passionately desire his glory at any cost. I need to put spiritual things on a higher priority– sharing the gospel with my neighbors, reading and memorizing God’s Word faithfully, serving my spiritual brothers and sisters in my local church through prayer and actions.
And now I need to feed the crickets and go to bed.
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How Important Is Wisdom?
So last night I had accomplished much, so when I went to bed I got a Louis Lamour novel to read. Went to bed too late finishing it. I really needed to be reading my Bible, but I wanted “easy reading.”
This morning when I read Proverbs, I was reminded again how important wisdom is. I wondered, have I spent more time in God’s Word with Lee gone and my evenings free the last six months? I guess when I’m not reading Proverbs, I forget how much I need wisdom. I know it’s important, but I stay rather apathetic about it if I don’t read what Solomon says about it.
Lee and I were talking about how Solomon spends a large amount of time telling us how important and valuable wisdom was, even more than step-by-step instructions. The how-to parts are scattered throughout Proverbs. We get frustrated, rather like a patient irritated with a doctor for telling her the way to lose weight is to eat less and exercise more. We know that, but we don’t do it. We want an easier way. When it comes down to it, we do what it important to us. Maybe that’s why Solomon spends so much time trying to convince us that wisdom is important.
Today went well, maybe because I took some morning time to read my Bible (and to be honest that was probably because my computer wasn’t working and I couldn’t get online). I had some lapses, but God helped me finish with several things accomplished on my list of things to do before Lee gets home. Still need to seek the Lord. If wisdom is so important, why don’t I act like it?
Because I don’t really believe it’s important.
Hmmmph.
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Friends Throwing Fits
Today my dear friend Kelly came over. She has three daughters who are delightful. Her oldest is passionate and intense, and the most spiritually sensitive child I have ever seen. She also has a temper. Kelly and I have talked about discipline and parenting as long as we’ve known each other. I know Kelly’s heart is to search the Lord (with the same passion as Ella Grace) and his Word, and she’s a fantastic mom.
Today, Ella Grace thew a major fit, a throw yourself on the floor kind of fit. You could hear her screaming from all ends of the house. We cut the visit short, packed some sandwiches for the trip home, and Kelly brought her girls one by one to the car. Ella Grace begged to stay, told her mom that she was ready to obey, but Kelly simply told her that it was too late to change the consequences of her actions.
In the quiet, before my children and I ate, we prayed for Ella Grace. I prayed that God would help Ella Grace obey and choose to do right. I prayed for Mrs. Fleming to have wisdom as she helped Ella Grace. And I prayed for us, that we would have the humility to recognize that we struggle with anger, too. I explained that throwing a fit is bad, but so is holding a grudge, so is taking revenge “quietly.”
I want them to understand some things.
- First, that we pray for our friends.
- Second, that we all struggle to do right. I don’t want them pridefully thinking about others failures without soberly examining their own lives. Come to think of it, I probably should have talked about the gospel and what it means in terms of sin, but I didn’t. Maybe we’ll talk about that soon.
- Third, that outward sins are sometimes shocking, but inward sins are just as bad. Again, I don’t want them to get into the comparing trap.
- Fourth, as I told Kelly, I don’t have advice to give her. They’re not my children, and I truly don’t have the answers for her, but I believe God does. He’s promised to guide her, and I believe that He will, as she passionately seeks Him. I’ve seen too often mothers frustrated, but not willing to spend time in God’s Word. That’s convicting to me, and I need to practice what I preach. I need humility too, because my kids will probably be the next ones embarrassing me. I need to remember that well-behaved children are not the same as regenerate children.
When all is said and done, we all will look back and say that anything good in our children’s lives comes as a result of God’s mercy and grace, not our might and strength. Today was a good, soul searching day for this reason. Now, go read Kelly’s perspective of the day here at her blog.
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Deployment
Laurel and I were looking at pictures of Lee last night. She asked if they were of Daddy at the house. I told her that they were not. They were pictures of Daddy in Iraq. Then she said, “I don’t like Daddy in Iraq.”
I told her I didn’t either, but that God was helping us to trust Him.
She said, “God is helping Daddy, too.”
This is a good thing to learn early. And…. looks like Lee will be home in a little more than a week. That’s good news! We can start cutting off links again.
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Dealing with Disappointment
Last week, Lee told me that he would probably be coming home a week or two after his expected arrival time. That means my counter is off by a little more than a week, but I don’t know how to fix it. I stopped removing chains from the paper chain we made until I know a little more (I should know a little more in the next few days).
I’ve found that my children don’t express their feelings or disappointment much. If I ask whether they’re missing dad, the answer is always, “Yes.” I’ve had a few comments like “Is Daddy EVER coming home?” and such, but none of them have said anything about being disappointed or indicated that they’re having a harder time with the uncertainty. It is easy to ignore the need to teach them about disappointment simply because they can’t or don’t articulate it. I can easily assume that their outside reactions accurately represent their feelings, when it doesn’t. I’m learning that I should bring up conversations “just in case” in response to what might be going in inside. Sometimes my perception is wrong, but I think it’s wise to risk it. No harm done if my children look at me like a raving lunatic, right?
So at breakfast (or lunch, or dinner) we’ll probably talk about trusting God in diappointments. Now I have to think about what I will say!
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Drawing a Blank
I’ve been trying to think about how God has used the Bible in my life to change how I think or act this week. I can’t think of anything. That’s not good.
Perhaps… but it is a stretch. I have been deliberately thinking on Scripture as I go to bed. For some reason I’ve gotten out of the habit.
Of course… diligence and walking in the Spirit. That’s not anything new, and it’s rather embarrassing to keep bringing it up.
I have been thinking about Solomon’s proverb about God hiding knowledge. God gets the glory when I seek after Him. This observation has a number of ramifications on prayer, on finding wisdom, on studying academic subjects.
It is the glory of God to conceal a thing: but the honour of kings is to search out a matter. Proverbs 25:2
Wisdom is when I apply knowledge, hearing the Word of God and obeying it. All these thoughts are good, but I want more. I need more time in God’s Word, more time thinking about God’s Word, and more time obeying it.
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