Comments on: Defining Mean

By: Laura

Laura — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 20:02:28 +0000

I did end up swatting before we left, convinced a distraught little girl that she could tape new flowers to the pens during the 20 minute drive to class, struggled with guilt throughout the class period and then spoke again with him about the actions, how they were a misjudgment and tried to honestly accept his plea that he hadn’t meant to be mean but rather it was in retaliation for the mean things she does to him. We then talked about re-paying evil for evil, allowing God to vindicate us and brainstorming ways we could “help” or “be kind” to Sarah instead (as an opposite to evil for evil…rather something nice BECAUSE of the evil done). I certainly wish I had handled it differently, but the good thing about being a parent and having God as my teacher is he helps me to see each mistake as a learning experience for the future. It has made me stop and take a little more time before making harsh judgements. I’m a slow learner though and needed another “episode” to really drive it into me. I’m doing a little study now on wrong guilt. I find myself continually feeling guilty for my mistakes at parenting and I am realizing it is the guilt induced by Satan and not God. It’s proving to be challenging and stimulating. : ) Thanks for your input!

By: Michelle

Michelle — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 14:25:41 +0000

Laura, I don’t know what I would have done! I know I probably would have struggled with anger, too. Here’s what I’m thinking: Because it’s possible that it wasn’t a cruel act, then I’d want to be careful assuming it was. Sometimes kids act silly when they don’t know the right feelings to have, or the right way to act, whether it’s meanness or not. If this is the case, then I would walk him through the right feelings and actions or making the situation right. Although you might respond differently if you determine he was genuinely being mean (questions I am not really very good at yet, but I keep trying), you still might want to help him practice being kind to sister. In this case, helping her with another project for her friends might be something worthwhile. It doesn’t have to be unpleasant., You actually want him to know the joy that comes from loving others. (The replacement principle in Ephesians 4 comes to mind.) What to do?? I dunno! But you have made me think through what I can do in situations at my own house, so I’m glad you poked a bit here. How did your followup go on this situation?

By: Laura

Laura — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 20:43:36 +0000

We had a conflict involving meanness and it took me by surprise that I fear I may have overreacted. Sarah had taken time to tape flowers (real ones) to the ends of a few spare pens we had around the house so she could give them to a few of her friends at science class. She laid them down on the table before we left and when it was time to go she went to go get them (of course it was minutes before we walked out the door and we were late as it was) and found her older brother had pulled more than 1/2 the petals off each flower. He didn’t waste time with denial, just acted silly. He truly didn’t understand the “meanness” of what he had done. I’m sure I empathized with my crying daughter and found myself REALLY angry with my son. I find I may need to put off disciplining or even scolding until I have had time to ‘think’ on the whole situation and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance. The problem with this is I often have so much on my mind I tend to forget to “get back” to the child with the training or disciplining. How would you have handled that situation?