27June2008

Over and Over and Over and Over

Posted by Michelle under: Attention.

I’ve been interested in the difference in attention to audio books when the children are familiar with the story and when they are not. For example, Bethel loves Peter and the Wolf, but that’s because she listens to it every day. The first time she listened to it, she wasn’t interested at all. That’s been very useful today since we’ve been in the car all day. I have a few new stories I’ve downloaded, but they’re not as interested in them as they are the ones they know. I don’t know why I am surprised. That’s true of the pure classical music I play a lot. They love the Surprise Symphony because they’re not surprised. And a few simple puzzles are enjoyed repeatedly, because they are familiar. It’s true of books they enjoy. I have some books that stretch them a bit, but because I’ve read them to them several times, they pay good attention.

We learn by repetition. Familiarity is important for very young children. That’s why the Bible stories they hear are good for them. I’m going to venture that this is why a young child can be attentive when Scripture is read frequently in the home, and why some others have great difficulty (although to be sure, personality is a large component).

What I’m really thinking about is the repetition needed to learn how to share, how to obey, and how to get along with others. I get frustrated because I gave the same lecture yesterday, or, horrors, five minutes ago. Instead, I should be thankful that I have the time to repeat the same lecture, share the same Scriptures, day after day. I should not be weary in doing good.

Popularity: 41% [?]

Popularity: 41% [?]

19May2008

Forgetting the Sunday School Lesson

Posted by Michelle under: Attention; Using Questions.

Today I asked David what he learned in children’s church. Try as I could, I could not get an answer out of him. I asked him whether he was being a wise listener. He insisted he listened, but he could not remember a single detail about what happened.

It is possible that fatigue had something to do with it. Lee and I were out on a date Saturday night, and the dear babysitter was bamboozled into letting them all stay up until nearly ten o’clock. And David was up around six, which is a bit earlier than normal.

I’m not certain that he cannot remember anything. Because of David’s personality, he doesn’t like pointed questioning. I need wisdom to know how to keep him talking. I’d like to get to a point where we actually discuss the lessons.

Any ideas?

Popularity: 83% [?]

Popularity: 83% [?]

30November2007

Paying Attention in Church

Posted by Michelle under: Attention; In the Car and on the Go.

Making the Cross-Country drive was not as painful as it has been in times past. I have a few fairly short audio stories I’ve been saving for a trip, and Lee and I were both surprised at David’s ability to follow along. This is a new development. He still kept asking for clarification, but he was getting a basic idea of the plot.

We have a CD with the story of the “Three Little Pigs” on it. Even Bethel could follow along on this story (and she was clueless about the others). I started thinking about the implications of repetitive, cumulative plot elements. I wonder whether telling these kinds of stories cultivates an ability to pay attention. I should be telling stories more.

I also spent time on the road thinking about these implications for getting something meaningful out of a church message. Among the things that I pondered how a child’s ability to follow a story can give insight to a parent seeking wisdom in this area. What things would I look for when considering an appropriate age for my children to understand anything of the adult sermon? (Note that I am not looking merely at a child’s ability to sit still. That’s a different skill.)

• Certainly, I’d remember that development varies from child to child. I want to remember that before I become critical of another mother whose child might not be ready to sit in church, or despair because another child took notes by drawing pictures of the sermon a full six months before my child even recognized the subject of the sermon.
• I think it’s fair to consider how they pay attention to sitting down to read an unfamiliar storybook. I’m interested in how much of the story he can understand. I figure this out by asking him questions about what has happened, or by asking him to predict what will happen next. If he cannot follow a story with pictures, he will not be able to follow a sermon without pictures. If he cannot talk, I’d ask him to point to certain pictures in the book.
• I’m also paying attention to how well they follow an audio story, with or without pictures. When I’m not reading a book, I have more ability to watch them. We regularly check out children’s books to listen to in the car. I check out books well above their listening skill, as well as books on their own level. This protects me from inadvertently underestimating their ability to listen, and I’m not frustrating them because they’d be sitting in their car seats, anyway. I can ask questions about what we’re listening to, and get a good idea of how much they are grasping.
• I must also remember that if my children never have opportunity to test or practice their ability, I run the risk of underestimating that ability. Now, some mothers make practicing church an art form, and explain how they have their children sitting quietly on chairs for an hour (perhaps reading books? I don’t really know). That’s not my style. I figure there are enough opportunities for practice without creating artificial environments. Sometimes I do need to find opportunities, to be sure. And I must remember that if they fail once, it doesn’t mean they’re not able to listen.
• There’s room for me to improve. My mother-in-law sat her three young boys in little chairs and taught them the Scriptures. I’d like to incorporate some sort of formal instruction at some point, or at least work to that end, even if the time is initially very short. I’d like to experiment with cumulative teaching, like fairy tales do. I wonder whether I can use that technique when teaching God’s Word to my littlest ones. I’ll have to think on it.

Popularity: 26% [?]

Popularity: 26% [?]

1September2007

Look at Me

Posted by Michelle under: Attention; Obedience.

For some reason all of her short life Bethel has had a difficult time with the command, Look at me. Sometimes I have to repeat the command several times before she responds.

Yes, she’s naturally non-linear, like me. And yes, there are times when I think she really forgets what I ask her to do. This is a part of her personality that we’ll probably be working on for awhile. Because of her personality, making sure she is looking at me helps me make sure she’s paying attention before I give a command. It helps her to pay attention better. It also helps me follow through better, for some reason.

Yes, it’s possible that she really doesn’t hear, and I don’t always know. But refusing to look up when I’m certain she’s listening is (or should be) an obedience issue. I need to be praying for discernment here, and actually working on this task. Perhaps my suspicion that she’s deliberately not obeying is the discernment before I’ve even asked for it.

Popularity: 20% [?]

Popularity: 20% [?]

15June2007

Heading Home

Posted by Michelle under: Attention; In the Car and on the Go; Military Life.

Lee comes home tomorrow, so we’re on our way home today. I’m leaving some things I brought so I’ll only have one suitcase (plus the children’s small suitcases). I have yet to close the lid, so that should be a challenge.
The children have done great, but I think they all are looking forward to seeing Daddy. I have enjoyed being with my parents, but really, I think staying home wouldn’t have been bad. Last time Lee was gone I stayed home, and although it had different challenges, it was easier in some ways. Still, going home is good because you get a chance to see your family from your family’s eyes, since they’re the few people who will tell you what they think of your childrearing habits if you really want to know.

The kids never did go to bed well, not a one.  Laurel is about to learn the meaning of no since she’s just about ready to crawl. Bethel is really doing much better about obeying these days. She still has her moments, but I’ve noticed a difference.

I didn’t get any help from my parents on dealing with Bethel’s preoccupied and carefree personality. They claim I wasn’t like that, but I think they’ve just forgotten. Meanwhile, she continues to need verbal feedback to help her follow through with obeying, she still carries her dinner plate in the wrong direction, and is often generally not paying attention to the world around her. She’s got something exciting going on in her head I’m sure, so it’s something I’ll be watching. For now, I’m just giving verbal reminders: look where you’re going, your glasses are on your head, what did mommy tell you to do? This seems to help.

I must return to my packing.

Popularity: 32% [?]

Popularity: 32% [?]

7March2007

Zero to Five?

Posted by Michelle under: Attention; Child Development; Communication and Meaning; Discipleship.

Ted Tripp has a lot of wisdom, but I really think he’s been away from toddlers too long.

In his videos, he does a session on disciplining children zero to five. Now apart from the fact that his examples are mostly children not age zero to five, I think he misses something important. I do not believe you can disciple a two year old the same as a four year old. And saying that the primary goal of disciplining a 6-month-old baby is teaching submission to authority is dangerous, in my opinion, particularly when there is no difference explained between that baby and a five year old. This is why a mom of a toddler will listen (or read) Tripp and shake her head in discouragement.

Some have responded to this weakness by saying, “Well, you cannot disciple a younger child like Tripp is saying. You just train the toddler, and disciple the preschooler.”

I disagree. I believe the key is adapting the spiritual truth to the understanding and attention level of the younger child. I find out about their attention by watching their response. I find out their understanding by asking questions. Sometimes I find my instruction too complex or lengthy, and I find the need to restate what I am saying. And sometimes I teach by asking questions. In every case, I need wisdom to understand how to apply Scripture to the particular needs of each child.

And now I must examine myself. Have I even mentioned the Bible to my children in the last few days? Is my Bible really in the same spot it was the other day? I know what to do first.

Popularity: 19% [?]

Popularity: 19% [?]

25February2007

A Whisper

Posted by Michelle under: Attention; In the Car and on the Go.

The Problem: Bethel has been quite noisy in church. At our new church, children are involved in the first part of the service (singing, Scripture reading, prayer, and offering), and Bethel has been giving a constant running commentary: “All done singing” “That’s Pastor Tyson” “Praying now?” and so on. I wouldn’t mind her talking if she could do it quietly (because she’s following the service and “on topic”), but all my efforts at trying to get a whisper have been utterly ineffective.

Solution: Before I discipline for loudness/ talking, I want to make sure that she knows how to whisper. So although I am not a fan of “playing church” at home to practice being quiet, I do want to play some whisper games (completely unrelated to church) to cultivate the skill of quiet speech. Once she knows how, and I know she knows how, then I need to think through the consequences. Simply taking her out of the service and letting her play in the nursery is not unpleasant for her, and unlikely to be an effective consequence. We’ll see.

For the last several weeks, I’ve been bothered by the Sunday performance, but quickly forgot about doing anything about it. Perhaps writing down my intentions will help. I’ve got a nasty cold, so vocal games aren’t real practical right now. Solution will have to wait.

Popularity: 16% [?]

Popularity: 16% [?]

25May2006

Attention Span

Posted by Michelle under: Attention.

Since David is my firstborn, and I’ve never had the chance to monitor the progression of attention span development in other children, I’ve been learning a lot about my expectations and reality in this area.

I was starting to get worried about David. He has the ability to do a fairly large puzzle for his age, but his attention span is too short to do the puzzle. Silly me, I’m worried he’s going to be an undisciplined wreck as an adult. The startling discovery is… get ready now: Attention span develops as a child gets older! Now, of course we can help or hurt attention spans. There is some evidence that excessive TV watching and computer use at early ages in particular hurts a child’s ability to focus. Helping children persist when a task is difficult (teamwork is the motivator of choice here) is a good thing for attention, I think.

But when all is said and done, a two year old doesn’t necessarily have the attention span to sit down with a puzzle for thirty minutes while I clean the house. I suppose part of me is surprised when they want or seem to need my interaction. I know that I am not a one-woman entertainer for my children. But I am coming to the awareness that my interaction is necessary in teaching valuable skills (like attention and persistence). And if I don’t expect my two year old to act like a four year old, maybe I can relax a little.

We choose our battles, don’t we? And sometimes we really do choose the wrong ones.

Popularity: 17% [?]

Popularity: 17% [?]