“Did you know that God gave you a love for words on purpose? He wants you to be a good steward of those words! When you whine and cry, you are not using the words that God has given you.”

I told her that we were going to learn a verse. We repeated it several times.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold
In settings of silver.  (Proverbs 25:11)

This morning at breakfast we talked about what “a word fitly spoken” actually is. I defined it as the right word, at the right time, in the right way. Then I gave them some examples and had them guess where the breakdown was– saying yes, ma’am in a snotty voice, asking for a drink of water after bedtime, asking five times for the thing that mom said no about, calling someone stupid– they started giving suggestions after awhile.

This was a good, encouraging conversation. I have the feeling that I’ll be discussing these things again.Similar Posts:

• Lecturing Too Long
• Followup to Wisdom Party
• Whining and Three Words
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An excellent  missions blog I read on occasion has a link to a website that I found fascinating, not merely for its implications in missions, but also for its implications on teaching non-standard learners.

Our American churches emphasize the written word heavily, and well they should. God’s Word was written down, and this is but one reason that we should read it carefully. What, though, for children who are not, and never will be, good readers? What about the teenager with Down’s Syndrome who cannot read? Or the child that simply doesn’t remember what he reads, even though he can recite every episode of his favorite television show from start to finish? What about adults who are embarrassed to try to read aloud in church, or can’t read the songs in the hymnal (or overhead)? Are these people destined to be immature believers simply because they cannot read well?

I’m giving extreme examples, but I’ve long been intrigued with nonstandard ways of teaching God’s Word. Especially for children with disabilities, we are often insensitive to their difficulty with abstract topics, truths that can be learned if taught correctly. Take salvation. Most kids figure out quickly that when we “ask Jesus in our heart” we’re not going to get a physical person invading our organ. An average child will have some confusion. But some children will continue to wrestle with an unintentionally confusing approach to salvation.

Now, back that that website. They’re focussing on orality– characteristics of culture that doesn’t have a written language. Such cultures often respond well to certain approaches to teaching God’s Word.

Here are the strategies they develop:

• Chronological Bible Storying
• Bible Stories on Topics (What’s a Bible story that will teach me how to share?)
• Film and Story
• Bible on Film
• Deaf (Bible in Sign Language)
• Visual Arts
• Proverbs
• Radio

Here is a list of the stories on fear that they broadcast on radio. The list inspires me to continue thinking this way. What do my children need spiritually right now? My children have thoroughly enjoyed our “silly putty discussions” which are simply questions about what verses might fit certain situations. They’ve discovered that there’s a concordance of sorts in the back of their Bibles. I’ve been interested to see their interest. Or maybe they just like playing with silly putty.

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I mentioned that the Bible talks about a number of people who were reluctant to be saved or repent, and that we can see several reasons for not doing so. We chatted about a few.

• The pharisees were more concerned about what people thought of them: they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.
• The woman who came to Jesus by secretly touching his robe was afraid.
• Herod wanted to keep sinning.
• There might be other reasons, too.

Since one limitation I’ve found with my children is that not all of them are quick with words, I want to be able to give words in a non-threatening or pressured way. I don’t want to say, “This is what your motivation is…” or even “I think this is what your motivation is…” Instead, I want to give some options and see what they identify. One thing I am learning is the art of staying neutral in conversation (I’m not good at it, but I am getting better!) Since I had an interested child, I asked if any of the reasons that we talked about were ones that applied in that child’s life.

fear, mostly.

really? Okay. I poked a bit, but that was the end of the conversation. Guess that what God has given me to work with, and I should act based on what I know (not worry about what I don’t know)

Okay. It occurs to me that Nicodemus was afraid, too, but he came to Jesus. Perfect love acts out fear (we did read Treasures in the Snow because of the excellent spiritual discussions along those lines) Maybe I can think of more. And that might make a good breakfast conversation.Similar Posts:

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I wrote a bit about answering the question “How did they behave?” I’d like to follow up with a few more thoughts about the thinking behind and around the question itself.

The occasion of the post was a genuinely profitable and enjoyable spiritual conversation at the playground with a child who struggles with being good. I wanted to share my joy with the parents because I was reminded how encouraging it has been in my life when someone has seen past the faults of my children to see their God-given strengths that will be profitable in God’s kingdom in years to come. I would like to be an encourager like that.

I wrote because as I pick up my own children from church, I hear parents around me asking the teacher about their child’s behavior, and I hear the responses of the workers. Maybe I’ve heard only the negative workers, but I’m surprised how often the answer is a detailed account of the misbehavior of the child in question. I see the discouraged looks on the young parents. These are parents who are working on matters of obedience, attention, and respect.  They desire to please the Lord by asking for a report. And the well-meaning workers believe they are helping the parents by giving a detailed and unmitigated report of this sort.

I realize this goes back to the question of when to ignore behavior, so I’m probably getting ahead of myself. There are indeed times where it is appropriate to share occasions of misbehavior. I ask about my child’s behavior, and I do address problems when they are shared (sometimes I don’t, I admit). But sometimes it might be good not to ask. Not to volunteer anything but the good. To encourage the parents. Pray for them and their children. And love them enough to see something the parents might need to see as well.

Try it yourself. Practice on some naughty toddler whose parents look a little tired. You get bonus points if you find a parent with two children under three. Think of the God-given personality traits that may be a blessing some day, and share them with that child’s parents.

For your own children, and for those you regularly spend time with, think about what you want to accomplish when you ask for (or give) a report on behavior. Consider how the knowledge will help accomplish those goals, and then ask God for the grace to love your children by seeing how those personality traits that can be troublesome have been designed by God in the first place.Similar Posts:

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If you grew up without the foundation of the gospel, without understanding that the gospel influences every part of our life (not merely our salvation), then you might feel a special kinship with those who make the connection repeatedly, and often. In recent years,  gospel-centered teaching has grown in popularity and prominence. I have appreciated the emphasis, and the reminders. At our church in San Antonio, we have communion every Sunday evening, and I have enjoyed the frequency of meditating on the gospel in this way. It has also been good for me to consider the relationship between the gospel and parenting.

Yet, I feel uneasy with the apparent assumption that all biblical teaching must make the connection between the gospel and biblical truth. I’ve not been able to articulate why I feel uneasy with the emphasis on all things gospel centered, and it seems spiritually stupid to object to the popular gospel-centered vocabulary. Nevertheless, I see some common hasty assumptions that are problematic, and it seems equally spiritually stupid to ignore them.

If a book or speaker or lesson does not refer to the gospel in a particular discussion, we should not conclude on this basis alone that the book, speaker, or lesson is not gospel-centered. (It might indeed be man centered, but not necessarily.) Not everyone uses the same vocabulary. In fact, I can be gospel centered without ever using the term. We also must keep in mind that the gospel is a foundational truth that may not always be visible in a discussion (even though a biblical conversation will always be undergirded with the gospel).  I think it’s because we all operate on certain presuppositions. I believe that God exists. It is a part of the very fabric of my own life. Likewise, I grew up with a gospel-centered home and gospel-centered parents. So when I sit down to consider the gospel in my life, I can see the connection throughout, but I also see that the gospel is so much a part of me that I don’t always articulate the connection.

Today I was encouraged to read Paul talk about leaving the discussion of the gospel to discuss something else. In doing so, he was not denigrating the gospel. Of course the gospel is the foundation of more theology, and ultimately the practical, but it is cumbersome to keep reminding my audience that everything relates back to the gospel. Suffice it to say, the gospel permeates everything. Enjoy making those connections. Meditate on it. Talk about it. But don’t be afraid of moving on to the next lesson. And don’t be critical when you don’t hear the familiar vocabulary that makes you feel at ease.

Therefore let us leave the elementary doctrine of Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again a foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God,   Hebrews 6:1

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Corporate Reading

David and Bethel can read well enough to take turns reading verses, but when they’re not reading, it’s obvious that they’re woolgathering. When their turn comes around, there’s a good chance they’re looking under the tablecloth, trying to balance a spoon on a glass, or sucking on their shirt collar, not thinking about what we’re reading. It’s possible I’m stretching their attention span too much, and I’ve been brainstorming different ways to read together. I want our discussion times to be happy times, something they look forward to; however, I have discovered that deliberately teaching them how to read corporately has been of value.

What should you be doing when Bethel is reading a verse? I ask David. He doesn’t give an answer, so I tell him. (Maybe I should have asked a few questions instead of jumping to lecture mode. sigh) Reading together means that when someone else is reading, I’m reading too. We’re reading and thinking together. They’re still learning this. I’m certain it will take awhile, but at least I’m defining a goal for them.

Corporate Prayer

When we started reading Psalm 119, I asked my children a similar question and then answered myself. What should we do when King David is praying? He gives us the words to pray, and we pray with him. What should we do when Mommy prays King David’s words? Same thing.

When I pray with my children “Help us to be obedient” at the lunch table, I’m not just speaking to myself. I’m wanting my children to pray these things too. This is the whole point of what we call “corporate prayer.” A person leads in prayer, and we internally repeat his (or her) prayer. In this way, ideally, the person helps me to frame my prayers better, more biblically, or more clearly. In general, the leader’s outline and topics for prayer should become my own. Instead, what often happens to me is that I treat a corporate prayer like I’m following a conversation: listening, but not really participating. I’m starting to realize that when I actively pray after the leader, I can pay attention better. That doesn’t surprise you, does it?

So once or twice I’ve gone through a few verses in Psalm 119 that we’ve read, and I asked the children what we could be praying or thinking when those verse are read. Then I turned the verses into prayers and encouraged them to pray with me. I don’t really know if they understand what I’m trying to show them, but as a result of these conversations, I’ve been learning a few things. They are things I want to talk about with my children.

• Sometimes we add details to the leader’s prayer. For example, the leader may make an appropriately vague request, and I may add a specific request because I know the situation. Leader: We ask for wisdom for sister Bertha….  Michelle: Help sister Bertha to know whether she should move back closer to her family….) When I read some of King David’s requests in Psalm 119, I make them my own. I’m not just listening to David’s request to desire God’s Word. I’m telling God that I want to desire his Word, too.
• Sometimes we might give additional prayers. I can add to any prayer request for improved health that God gives wisdom to doctors, or that God will use the hardship to make a person more like Christ. We might add a caveat: for healing, if it is God’s will. for a husband for a single friend,  but if it’s better for her to be single, help her to be content.
• Sometimes we change the leader’s prayer. For example, the leader might ask for God to take away the suffering of sister Bertha, but I can see that sister Bertha’s suffering is actually helping her to seek God, something she wasn’t doing before. So as the leader reminds me of sister Bertha’s suffering, I can thank God that he is using a hard situation for good, that he will continue to do so, and that he will have mercy on her. Every once in awhile, a leader might make an unbiblical prayer request. It’s a good thing to change it, if we know how, into something better.

Tomorrow we’ll talk about another part of corporate worship: music.

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I think I know what people are saying when they talk about being “child centered” versus being “God centered” or “parent centered.” We do our brains a disservice if we stop thinking after we agree being “child centered” is bad. I’m pretty certain when we talk about being child centered, we’re often creating a false dichotomy and fuzzy thinking.

We might want to consider instead how the Bible defines love, which seems at the heart of the problem we can identify but can’t quite define. Actually, there are several reasons a person might have a problem, and the good news is that we can define the problem biblically. The bad news is that all of us are in danger of thinking wrongly about what love means and how we implement it in our lives.

• Being Child-Centered might mean that a parent is making her children  a greater priority than her husband. We see this idea indirectly in that children leave the home when they grow up (for this reason shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife). It is a deceptively simple criterion. Certain seasons of life demand that the priority be temporarily reversed, but often getting priorities wrong is a habitual problem. For example, if my child throws up just as I’m going out on a date with my husband, my child needs attention more than husband at that moment. Taking care of the sick child takes a higher priority than going out with my husband. On the other hand, At some point, if I will not go on a weekend trip with my husband because I cannot bear to be without my children for a few days, I may be placing my relationship with my children above that of my husband. Yet again, we need wisdom.
• Child-Centered might mean I am confusing “loving my child” with wanting my child to be happy with me and understand why I do what I do. Instead, I need to remember that biblical chastening (however you define it) is by nature unpleasant, according to Hebrews 12. Furthermore, we need to remember that sometimes it is loving to let my child cry, instead of taking away the source of tears (spare not for his crying)
• Child centered might mean a parent is using her children as an excuse to not love the local church. In this case, the problem isn’t merely that she loves her children too much, but that she loves the church too little. It’s quite possible to love both at the same time!
• Child centered might mean a parent is immature in wanting to avoid all pain, inconvenience, or flexibility
• Finally, child centered might really be differences in personality, differences within the freedom God gives. Some children might have legitimate needs that I don’t understand. Some mothers parent far more precisely than I might, leading to differences that aren’t necessarily sin differences.
• There may be more. Have I missed some?

Two cautions:

First, that in our zeal not to be child-centered, we must not quash the God-given emotional bond with our children and the natural desire to sacrifice for their good. It is enough to be aware of the emotional tug and use it for God’s glory, without being at the mercy of our emotions.

Second, that in our zeal not to be child-centered, we must avoid being critical or impatient with younger mothers and families who are still wrestling with schedules and such. Remember that we are commanded to take care of the needs of our family. Not to do so, God’s Word says, makes me worse than an infidel. Harsh language. Furthermore, remember that Paul acknowledges the reality (and rightness) that family responsibilities sometimes come before “church” responsibilities. Again, we have to be wise. It’s easy to get this out of balance, but we do have evidence from God’s Word that taking care of one’s family can be a righteous reason for putting aside some spiritual activities that we might otherwise do.

Still I’m working through this.Similar Posts:

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For example, Laurel was devastated when I told her she could not use some particular markers at a particular time. Since I was working on a Ladies Bible Study lesson where the theme verse was Psalm 55:22—Cast your burden upon the Lord, I sang her a song I learned long ago for that verse. I told her that I had to cast my burdens on the Lord, too.

Then I asked—How can you cast your burden on the Lord? She said, “I don’t know.” We talked about what each word meant, cast, burden, sustain. We prayed together, and I helped her cast her burden on the Lord. It was a good conversation.

I’ve also asked my older children—

• How do you overcome evil with good?
• How does a soft answer turn away wrath?
• How do we delight in the law of the Lord?
• How can we seek the kingdom of God? What shall we do today?

Partly in response to this last question, I’m considering setting apart some morning time to collectively and individually read our Bibles. I’m very hesitant to force spiritual expression, but I’d like to be walking them through the process of seeking first the kingdom of God.Similar Posts:

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When they were two, I found anything longer than two or three word sentences were almost always too much.

When they were three, I found I could get two or three sentences in.

I’m still finding that I need to stop sooner rather than later. I want to get everything in, and I really don’t have to teach everything in one lecture. Yes, I need to ask questions more, but I can even ask questions too persistently.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.Similar Posts:

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Today is Wisdom Wednesday, and I remembered today that I wanted to write about an observation I made last week. I was rereading my original post on Wisdom Wednesday, and I noticed that I’ve been fudging a bit on my original intention.

In particular, I’ve been lecturing my children on how they can apply Scripture, and calling that wisdom. I need to do better at helping them actually think about Scripture that will help them make a decision, and then help them follow through. Ephesians 6:1 has gotten a little overused at our house lately. I have seen growth, though.

In school I’ve been calling them to attention by asking them to be a “wise listener.” Bethel wants to read fluently. She’s expressed a desire to be wise, so I’ve told her that the biggest thing she can do to be wise is learn to read the Bible. She’s taking that seriously and working diligently.

I’ve been using the vocabulary of Proverbs when I talk about our decisions. Yesterday, David was telling me about a decision that he was making and added “I think that is a wise decision, don’t you think so?” It made me smile, because his decision was between two playtime activities. He doesn’t yet understand the connection between wise behavior and Scripture. But he’s learning to frame the question of wisdom  when faced with a decision, and that pleases me.

Lee and I have been talking about the difference between true submission and mere compliance (accompanied by expressions of displeasure). We might be phrasing the difference with wisdom vocabulary too. I need to be reading Proverbs with this thought in mind.

With that, I must be wise and take care of my household.Similar Posts:

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