We talked a little bit about teamwork, something that helps me to be more patient. When I can change my attitude into one of helping– kindness!– I am loving my children, and it’s probably not a surprise that I’m more patient in the process.

I need to remember more that LOVE is patient. That helps me understand an important motive for patience, as well as a goal to reach for. If I look at all of I Corinthians 13, I can easily see ways that I can love my children and naturally be more patient. Love is kind? Love is not selfish? Love sees things in the best light? I think about how often I assume the worst and snap at my children, only to find out after the fact that I was falsely accusing them. I’ve been increasingly aware of my tendency to determine motives: You were being prideful, You wanted Laurel to feel bad, You didn’t care about such and such, and so on. I’ve been trying to rephrase these accusations as questions: It looks like you were being prideful. Could it be that you wanted your sister to feel bad? What I’ve discovered is that when I attempt to be more loving by asking these questions, I’m more patient, too.

One of the verses that we talk about with our children is James 1:19 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;

Today I was realizing that these three commands were given together for a reason. If I am slow to speak (asking more questions) and quick to hear (paying attention to what they say), I will be slow to anger (more patient).

I’ve been helping my children not to be quick to anger. Typically, it has taken awhile for me to realize that I need the lesson too. I tell my children, Asking questions and listening to the answer is a good way to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath all at once.

Good questions must be learned just like patience. Slowly, with a lot of practice and failures! But we progress nonetheless. Praise God for this!

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The emotions!

Lee had a long talk on Saturday with Laurel about replacing her tears with thankfulness. I liked how every time he gave her a task (even when she wasn’t crying or complaining), he made her think of a few thankful things to think about as she went on her way.

And today, the dear child was unhappy because Laurel was wearing the sandals she wanted to wear. I NEVER get to wear those sandals she wailed. [She wore them yesterday!]

We talked about our good God, who does not withhold anything good from us. My sweet girl informed me that she wants to trust God. BUT ITS SO HARD! More tears. I read her Psalm 84:11, and she started to understand.

It’s a good reminder for me, too.

For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
The LORD will give grace and glory;
No good thing will He withhold
From those who walk uprightly.

O LORD of hosts,
Blessed is the man who trusts in You!

Psalm 84:11-12

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Since I’ve been talking with my four year old about anger and not getting her way, I’ve been prompted to look a little more closely into God’s Words and Ways. This is a project for the next few weeks, I think.

Today I brought it up. What I told her was, “You can be sad about not getting to do what you wanted to do [wear a Sunday dress for play], but when you hold on to your anger it’s called bitterness. Bitter people are always miserable.”

How do you help a four year old let go of her anger? I dunno. Put off, renew, put on, perhaps. I told her she needed to say “Oh, well. I guess I’ll go look for something else to wear.” She dutifully repeated my words. She really does understand that she’s unhappy when she’s angry, and she really does want to figure out how to get rid of the anger. Then she dragged her feet upstairs. Changing one’s mind is hard. I know it doesn’t happen immediately when I have to do it.

When she was upstairs, I heard a little voice saying again “Oh well. I guess I’ll go look for something else to wear.” It warmed the cockles of my heart.Similar Posts:

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I’m coming to the realization of how I can be a blessing to mothers who are in that crazy time of life when they’re not getting enough sleep, feeling a little overwhelmed with dealing with an infant and toddler at the same time, and can’t remember eating without the distraction of a little one next to her.

I can hold the baby. I can work in the nursery. I can babysit at times. I can keep baby toys long after my children have finished them, so new babies can have something to do at my house. I can wash dishes, while I reassure a mother that I understand it’s impossible to keep track of a busy toddler while focusing on cleanup and adult conversations. I can pray for the mommies with babies that I know.

When I see mommies with infants, I realize anew how different my life is becoming without tinies around. I’m reminded of my mother telling me, “This too shall pass!” and I’m reminded that once again, she was right.Similar Posts:

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Today, I want to talk about the importance in giving words to emotions.

Am I afraid? Angry? Have a stomach ache? Some people can understand and separate the fine minutiae even when all three are present at the same time. Others simply guess. All young children seem to benefit when we mothers help give them words to what they cannot express, but I am considering my role in giving words to older children as well.

Today I was trying to have a discussion about poetry with one of my children. I asked about favorite poetry. “I don’t like poetry, mom.” You can see how the conversation was going to end up. Although we later found examples of poetry that we all agreed were enjoyable, part of the initial reaction was rooted in a discomfort with using words to communicate.

I brought up poetry in the Bible, and here is where my epiphany began. I told my children that one reason people write poems is that they like giving words to what others perceive but don’t know how to express. If you’ve ever read something and felt a leap in your heart as you say, “YES. This is what I think, too!” then you can understand what I was trying to communicate. That’s when I began to see one reason we love to read Psalms when deep emotions swell inside us. King David puts our emotions into words that we cannot express as well on our own. Good Christian music follows this same pattern, saying something true in a beautiful way, improving our own ability to express what is going on inside and around us.

If these thoughts are true, then wouldn’t it be appropriate to use the Psalms as an emotional textbook– not only teaching my children about how to respond to emotions inside them, but also helping them understand the emotions themselves and giving them ways to express them? I’m thinking about deliberately teaching through Psalms in this way. Maybe we can categorize Psalms based on the emotions in them, similarly to the way we once categorized the Proverbs by types of people they described.

I’ll keep you posted.Similar Posts:

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In our Sunday school class, we’ve been discussing repentance. And I decided that if we adults sometimes need help defining it biblically (and we do), then it would be worthwhile to share the love and teach these things to our children. Yesterday I read them Psalm 32.

I told them that King David sinned. [what did he do, mom? I told them.]

I explained that David starts the poem talking about how happy he was. I asked them to listen to the first two verses and see if they could tell me what made him happy.

Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
Whose sin is covered!
² Blessed is the man to whom the LORD does not impute iniquity,
And in whose spirit there is no deceit!

I explained that David wanted us first to know how happy he was so we could understand how horrible it was when he was hiding his sin. (Notice that the last word of the happy part is the same idea as the first clause of the sad part: deceit=when I kept silent.)

³ When I kept silent,
my bones grew old
Through my groaning all the day long.
⁴ For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;
My vitality was turned into the drought of summer.
Selah

I asked them how King David hid his sin. “When I kept silent.” Sometimes just keeping silent is the same as hiding sin. I told them that King Solomon learned this lesson too.

He that covereth his sins shall not prosper:
but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.
Proverbs 2:13

Did David stop hiding his sin? I asked. They were quite certain that he did, and I told them how he did it. First, he told God about his sin. He asked God to forgive him.

⁵ I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I have not hidden.
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,”
And You forgave the iniquity of my sin.  Selah

⁶ For this cause everyone who is godly shall pray to You
In a time when You may be found;
Surely in a flood of great waters
They shall not come near him.

I explained that these verse tell us one reason King David wrote his poem, so that we would know how to confess and forsake our sin. The next part tells us about what we should start doing after we tell God our sin and ask him to forgive us.

⁷ You are my hiding place;
You shall preserve me from trouble;
You shall surround me with songs of deliverance.  Selah

⁸ I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will guide you with My eye.
⁹ Do not be like the horse or like the mule,
Which have no understanding,
Which must be harnessed with bit and bridle,
Else they will not come near you.

I asked them, Did King David have to be forced to do right? When we repent, will we be like a horse who has to be forced to obey with a bit and bridle? Or a horse who listens eagerly to figure out what his master wants him to do? Bethel liked that part. She likes horses, and she wanted to see if the Bible really had something to say about horses.

¹⁰ Many sorrows shall be to the wicked;
But he who trusts in the LORD, mercy shall surround him.
¹¹ Be glad in the LORD and rejoice, you righteous;
And shout for joy, all you upright in heart!

Sorrows come when we hide our sin. David wanted to jump and shout for joy when he was forgiven.

Which is better?

Truly, which is better? I love that King David tells us what to DO, but also explains how what we do affects how we FEEL. Good preaching to mommy, wasn’t it?

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One of our little ones told us she was quite sad about their leaving, and she cried a little as she clung to mommy and daddy long after the car disappeared from view. My mommy heart aches for my children, but when I wanted to encourage her, I realized that I couldn’t just tell her to “replace sad thoughts with happy thoughts.”

Why not? Because as humans, we are capable of more than one emotion at a time. Sad and Happy. Fearful and Excited. Angry and Loving. Pretending that sadness is a horrible thing that must be avoided at all costs isn’t right. Jesus showed us that sadness and crying wasn’t sinful; it’s part of being human.

Lee gently told her that sadness is a part of loving sometimes. We asked her if she would hurt and be sad if her grandparents had not come. She recognized that she wouldn’t be sad, had she not spent time with them. Then we asked what she would choose: seeing grandma and grandpa, and hurting; or not seeing grandma and grandpa, and not hurting. She thought a bit, and then agreed seeing grandparents was worth the sadness of saying goodbye. We prayed together, thanking God for the good visit, and asking God to comfort our little ones who were sad. Christ is the great physician for little ones, too. His balm is sweet and gentle.

It’s a sobering lesson. But a good one. When we love as Christ loved, we open ourselves up to sadness. That kind of love is inexplicable, but very worth it.Similar Posts:

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This week I have made good on my intention to help walk my children through applying Scripture. Today I’m writing about one of those times.

For background, my three year old is still excessively emotional, easily angered, and cries and whines when she doesn’t get her way. The hard part isn’t stopping her. She can generally stop on cue (and does, most of the time). Replacing the anger has been more challenging, so this week I’ve been walking through Philipians 4:6-7 with her.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; ⁷ and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

I’ve explained that worry and anger crowd out peace and thankfulness. And thankfulness crowds out worry and anger. So I’ve been stopping the whining, and pointing out the good things she’s forgotten about. And I’ve been having her come up with her own things to be thankful for in the specific situation.

For example, yesterday I finished my shower to find Laurel sobbing in a heap by my door. She was upset because Bethel didn’t pour her enough cereal. Now, Bethel actually asked David for help, and they both explained to Laurel (and later to me) that they told her she could have more cereal after she finished what she had. As far as I could tell, it wasn’t mean spirited, it is consistent with how I would have handled the situation, and it was a reasonable action from the older siblings. Laurel’s response was wrong.

But, I explained to Laurel, You got your favorite cereal. You have a purple bowl (the coveted bowls and sometimes a source of more tears). Bethel let you pour your own milk. Because you were angry, you forgot about all those wonderful things. Now your turn. What else can you be thankful for?

Laurel came up with a few, came back to the table, and with a few snuffles finished her cereal (and she didn’t want more when she was finished, either).

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I’m not talking about cleaning their rooms, either. (I won’t complain if they suddenly develop a love for a clean room.)

• I want them to love the right kind of friends.
• I want them to love the Bible.
• I want them to love serving others.

No answers today. Just prayers! I need to read God’s Word and obey what God has given me to do today. I can’t expect Him to guide me tomorrow if I’m not willing to obey him today.Similar Posts:

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I’m pretty sure we’re acting wisely and consistently when we respond to our three year old. Although she can obediently change her request/demand on cue, she still regularly starts off with a whine or scream.

I don’t know if I’m quite able to keep track of amount of whining, but I think I’m going to try. That way I’ll be able to tell objectively if there’s improvement.

We’ll see. (Other factors: all kids are still a little more emotional from the move, all the kids seemed to have a spike in whining at this age)

And… it is true that I have debated about whether to make our children correct how they ask for something, and then give it to them, or not allow them to have what they’ve asked for, period. I think age makes a difference, as does the amount of teaching that a child has. I do know that I’ve done more of the second approach lately, in an effort to get the right action the first try.

Perhaps I need to remind myself not to be weary in well doing.

And let us not grow weary while doing good,
for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Gal 6:9

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