24June2008

Fear of Man and Following the Crowd

Posted by Michelle under: Fear.

Yesterday morning I was reading about Rehoboam and Jereboam, Solomon’s sons. I figured it would be a good topic of discussion at breakfast this morning.

I asked David and Bethel if they thought King Solomon’s children would be wise, since they had such a wise daddy. I told them that I was going to read from the Bible a part that would tell them whether they were wise or foolish.

So I read First Kings 12:6-14.

Then King Rehoboam consulted the elders who stood before his father Solomon while he still lived, and he said, “How do you advise me to answer these people?” And they spoke to him, saying, “If you will be a servant to these people today, and serve them, and answer them, and speak good words to them, then they will be your servants forever.” But he rejected the advice which the elders had given him, and consulted the young men who had grown up with him, who stood before him. And he said to them, “What advice do you give? How should we answer this people who have spoken to me, saying, ‘Lighten the yoke which your father put on us’?” Then the young men who had grown up with him spoke to him, saying, “Thus you should speak to this people who have spoken to you, saying, ‘Your father made our yoke heavy, but you make it lighter on us’—thus you shall say to them: ‘My little finger shall be thicker than my father’s waist! And now, whereas my father put a heavy yoke on you, I will add to your yoke; my father chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scourges!’” So Jeroboam and all the people came to Rehoboam the third day, as the king had directed, saying, “Come back to me the third day.” Then the king answered the people roughly, and rejected the advice which the elders had given him; and he spoke to them according to the advice of the young men, saying, “My father made your yoke heavy, but I will add to your yoke; my father chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scourges!”

I asked a lot of questions in this conversation, mostly because they needed the help understanding what we were talking about! I wanted them to understand that advice that sounds pleasant isn’t always the best advice. I also wanted to point out the difference between asking advice of wise elderly people, and unwise young people, although I don’t think that is the biggest problem here with Rehoboam. (Just because a person is an adult, doesn’t mean that he is wise) All this is with the long-term goal of protecting them from being overly influenced by the crowd. Since we don’t naturally stand in the face of opposition, and we naturally have the fear of man, I want to teach them what it looks like.

Today at breakfast, I’ll read about David and Goliath for contrast. I’ll point out that David was different because he feared God more than man.

Popularity: 45% [?]

Popularity: 45% [?]

3April2008

Diagnosing Fear: Bible Deficiency

Posted by Michelle under: Fear.

Do you ever worry about whether you’re doing things right? Worry about the next assignment or deployment? Worry about family, worry about finances?

I found myself worrying last night, and this is what I read.

And, behold, there arose a great tempest in the sea, insomuch that the ship was covered with the waves: but he was asleep. And his disciples came to him, and awoke him, saying, Lord, save us: we perish.

And he saith unto them, Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith? Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm. But the men marvelled, saying, What manner of man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey him! Matthew 8:24-27

So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. Romans 10:17

See, Jesus identified the source of the disciples’ fear in that storm. They needed more faith. The Romans passage tells us where faith comes from. There’s not a mystical supply somewhere. I don’t see faith coming simply by praying long prayers to God. God tells us faith comes from the Word of God, the Bible.

When I find myself worrying too much, I know one problem is that I’m not reading or thinking about God’s Word. Maybe I’m reading it, but forgetting it throughout the day. Maybe I’m not reading it enough. Maybe I’m stuck on Deuteronomy and need to read something else for awhile. Regardless, I have indeed found that taking my medicine means I need to spend more time reading and thinking about God and His Word.

Popularity: 23% [?]

Popularity: 23% [?]

28March2008

Still Thinking about Courage

Posted by Michelle under: Communication and Meaning; Emotions; Fear.

The American Heritage Dictionary defines courage as: “The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery.”

You can probably see a resemblance to the Latin cor, for heart.

Notice that courage could come from self-reliance or pride rather than from remembering our God.  It might be a helpful distinction when discussing secular appearances of courage. In one case, courage could be idolatry, although courage might be also be a result of confidence in one’s armor, or one’s commander, or one’s platoon. I’m thinking as a military wife now, but I cannot write these words without also thinking of the biblical analogies of war.

Notice also that courage is defined in relationship to fear, but not the absence of it. I suspect the confusion comes when courage is so strong that it appears fearless. My dad is facing a terminal illness, short of an organ transplant. When you talk to my mom and dad, they don’t sound afraid. It’s not that they lack feeling; they simply have developed a strong sense of trusting God and His providence in their lives. That might be a good illustration to tell David.

Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest. Joshua 1:9

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

As Pastor Younts said yesterday,

We are weak by nature. This weakness naturally leads to fear and worry. However, the Scripture tells us that God’s power is made perfect in our weakness. II Cor. 12:9 It takes courage to recognize that we are weak but that we can trust God to give us the strength we need to follow him. With this mindset we don’t have to be defensive about weakness. This is a powerful lesson for children to learn. Perhaps even some adults could learn from this truth as well.

Yes, these are Scriptures for me, too! I’ll be thinking on them today.

Popularity: 38% [?]

Popularity: 38% [?]

27March2008

Bravery and Fear

Posted by Michelle under: Communication and Meaning; Emotions; Fear.

On the way home from church last night, one of my fascinating children talked about being afraid a year ago watching fireworks on July 4. I’m still interested in knowing how they understand fear, and I was particularly fascinated to wonder why this memory was brought up at that time. (We were merely looking at and talking about all the ball field lights across the city as we drove home.)

I agreed that fireworks could be scary (I don’t ever want them to feel silly talking about their fears to me).

I told them about being afraid of fireworks when I was a little girl. (empathy)

Then I asked if King David was ever afraid. Do you know how they answered?

No! [in a "silly mommy" tone of voice] Their answer tells me that they still don’t understand what bravery is.

Once again I reminded them that King David is the one who wrote: “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee” (Psalm 56:3).

I’m starting to wonder though, whether I’m making it too simple. Sometimes fear can be a problem. God says he “has not given us the spirit of fear,” for example. We are also told not to worry, which is a form of fear. We are told several times directly to “fear not.” And I’m curious because I asked myself what the Bible word for brave is. Is it trust? I looked up these words in Bible Gateway and didn’t find much help. Any thoughts?

Popularity: 55% [?]

Popularity: 55% [?]

17March2008

Bravery and Bad Guys

Posted by Michelle under: Fear.

On the long drive home on Saturday, we were listening to the book Redwall. David doesn’t understand any of the conversation or the plot; he understands only what I’ve told him, occasionally picking out a word here or there. He knows the story is about good guys and bad guys, so every once in awhile he’d ask if the good guys were talking or the bad guys were talking. Once, during an exciting part, I tried to explain what was going on, so they could understand more. The bad rat was stealing the tapestry, and Matthias [the good mouse] trying to stop them.

David asked, Is he brave because he is killing all the bad guys? 

No, he is brave because he does what is right, even though he is afraid.

He listened, and then kept trying to find out what the good mouse was doing. He still thinks bravery is the absence of fear. Often, my tendency is to break out in an extended discussion, but this time I kept the answer short. In the past I’ve reminded him that King David was a brave warrior, and he says many times in the Psalms that he was afraid. I suspect the cumulative effect is fine. (Especially when I consider how often I shift into my teaching voice and manner, and am reminded, Mom, I really do not want to hear any more.)

It is great to be home.

Popularity: 16% [?]

Popularity: 16% [?]

5March2008

What Should I Do First?

Posted by Michelle under: Fear; Wisdom.

Happy Wisdom Wednesday!

Last night baby woke me up briefly, and then I couldn’t get to sleep. Too many things to think about were swirling inside my brain, causing my stomach to tighten and my brain to keep churning.

I finally asked myself, what am I doing wrong here? It took a few minutes to think “What Scripture can I think about that will help me?” Actually, there are many, but I latched onto Matthew 6:33 and context. But I still kept thinking, that is, worrying. Finally I realize it would help my stomach if it had something to do, so I got up and drank some water. And I kept thinking about seeking God first and letting him take care of my cares.

He does a better job than I do. The nice thing was, when I woke up this morning, one of the first thoughts was, I need to read my Bible right away, before I get on the road.

Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?

26Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

27Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?

28And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:

29And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

30Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?

31Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

32(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

33But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

34Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Matthew 6:25-33

Popularity: 28% [?]

Popularity: 28% [?]

18August2007

Don’t Leave Me!

Posted by Michelle under: Fear.

Bethel (2 and a half) has developed an inexplicable fear of being left. Any time we go somewhere, she starts to cry whenever a member of the family leaves her sight. Don’t leave me! Don’t leave Mommy! Don’t leave—

We’ve reassured her that we would not leave her or any other member of the family. Lee stopped his occasional tease about leaving without someone. But she still is fearful of being left or leaving someone, every time we leave the house.

My first thought is maybe it’s simply developmental. That’s likely at least a part of the problem. This is the age where imagination and reality can get confused, when nightmares emerge, and fears can become larger than life. If it’s developmental, then just riding the wave until its over is probably a good approach.

But even developmental issues can be addressed spiritually. It doesn’t matter if a fear is irrational or not (and many of our adult fears are irrational, in light of God’s care and Providence), we can still find comfort in Scripture, right? The question is, can a two year old?

I do tell her, Mommy and Daddy will NEVER leave you. I’m somewhat uncomfortable with this promise, since I cannot guarantee we will never leave her; death comes to mind as a fairly certain future possibility. But, her two year old mind doesn’t exactly grasp, Lord willing, we will never leave you or some similar substitute. I’m open to thoughts on this (as anything I write, actually).

I’ve already talked briefly about God’s faithfulness. God promises that He will never leave us or forsake us. I tried to explain God’s omnipresence (being everywhere) to her. God is right here with us. We cannot see Him, but he is here. She didn’t get it, yet. I suppose I’ll keep repeating these things to her each time she expresses her fear of being left. Maybe I’ll look up some related verses to share with her, or maybe I’ll suggest to Lee that we work on memorizing this passage (although David memorized it last year, I’m sure a review wouldn’t hurt him). We can also work on the child’s song, “God Is Always Near Me” by Philip Bliss. I’ve sung it some with them, but not enough so they could sing it by themselves.

Any other ideas or Scripture?

Popularity: 16% [?]

Popularity: 16% [?]

16June2007

Adjustment

Posted by Michelle under: Fear; Military Life.

Laurel has had the hardest time adjusting to Lee being home. She’s just entering a stranger anxiety phase, so although she was happy to see Lee, she was also insecure around him. Good thing he understands babies and was nonplussed by her distress. She’ll be back to normal soon. The other kids seemed to take this trip in stride; maybe if Lee had been gone a little longer you would have seen more difficulty. They were thrilled to have him home. And they both went to bed without any trouble.

Having come home, I have some good intentions. I want to finish the Heartfelt Parenting review. While I was in California, I did some testing of a teen with some cognitive delay. I spent a lot of time talking about the implications of intelligence on spiritual instruction. I finally decided I needed to write on that.

That’s all the good intentions I will share, otherwise I might have to follow through. And I need to review all the good intentions I had before I left for California. Maybe I can get back on track.

Popularity: 22% [?]

Popularity: 22% [?]

15June2007

Home at Last

Posted by Michelle under: Fear; Military Life; Mom Time.

A dear friend from church met me at the airport today, dropped off Lee’s car for him, and drove us home in our van. Her action of love was a true encouragement. Instead of merely telling me I should depend on God rather than myself (a true statement) or reminding me that other mothers have it worse (another true statement), she unselfishly gave her time to meet a genuine physical need.

Sometimes we dole out advice when we should be doling out help. (Advice isn’t always bad, but when it substitutes for needed help, it can be quite discouraging.)

My older children are in tears, so I told them both they could lie down with me for awhile. Bethel fell asleep in short order, and I carried her to bed. David was afraid of the smoke alarm, so I took some time to explain how it worked. Then we talked about what King David did when he was afraid (I make sure that my kids know that bravery doesn’t mean you’re not afraid; bravery is doing right even when we are afraid). We prayed, and I reminded David that our God is a very big God. He can take care of us, even when our Daddy is gone.

Popularity: 24% [?]

Popularity: 24% [?]

17May2007

God Is Bigger Than the Storm

Posted by Michelle under: Fear.

The other night, David kept calling for me. I felt the surge of impatience (I want to spend time with my husband), and swell of smug indifference (It’s not good for him to be demanding to see me). Reluctantly, I went to comfort him (and tell him to be quiet), and I realized he was actually afraid of the thunder and lightning outside, though he had not said so. I fell back on the old fear standby– Psalm 56:3. Guess it didn’t help, because David shortly called out again.

I asked Lee to go say something spiritual to him. He came back and David was quiet. I was curious what Lee had said, so I asked.  I just told him, God made the storm, so God is bigger than the storm and He can take care of you. What was fascinating was that I was focusing on the relationship (God is with me) and Lee was focusing on the power (God is mighty). Insight into the male mind, perhaps?

Popularity: 14% [?]

Popularity: 14% [?]