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Bravery and Fear

  • Posted on March 27, 2008 at 8:12 am

On the way home from church last night, one of my fascinating children talked about being afraid a year ago watching fireworks on July 4. I’m still interested in knowing how they understand fear, and I was particularly fascinated to wonder why this memory was brought up at that time. (We were merely looking at and talking about all the ball field lights across the city as we drove home.)

I agreed that fireworks could be scary (I don’t ever want them to feel silly talking about their fears to me).

I told them about being afraid of fireworks when I was a little girl. (empathy)

Then I asked if King David was ever afraid. Do you know how they answered?

No! [in a "silly mommy" tone of voice] Their answer tells me that they still don’t understand what bravery is.

Once again I reminded them that King David is the one who wrote: “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee” (Psalm 56:3).

I’m starting to wonder though, whether I’m making it too simple. Sometimes fear can be a problem. God says he “has not given us the spirit of fear,” for example. We are also told not to worry, which is a form of fear. We are told several times directly to “fear not.” And I’m curious because I asked myself what the Bible word for brave is. Is it trust? I looked up these words in Bible Gateway and didn’t find much help. Any thoughts?

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Bravery and Bad Guys

  • Posted on March 17, 2008 at 8:38 am

On the long drive home on Saturday, we were listening to the book Redwall. David doesn’t understand any of the conversation or the plot; he understands only what I’ve told him, occasionally picking out a word here or there. He knows the story is about good guys and bad guys, so every once in awhile he’d ask if the good guys were talking or the bad guys were talking. Once, during an exciting part, I tried to explain what was going on, so they could understand more. The bad rat was stealing the tapestry, and Matthias [the good mouse] trying to stop them.

David asked, Is he brave because he is killing all the bad guys? 

No, he is brave because he does what is right, even though he is afraid.

He listened, and then kept trying to find out what the good mouse was doing. He still thinks bravery is the absence of fear. Often, my tendency is to break out in an extended discussion, but this time I kept the answer short. In the past I’ve reminded him that King David was a brave warrior, and he says many times in the Psalms that he was afraid. I suspect the cumulative effect is fine. (Especially when I consider how often I shift into my teaching voice and manner, and am reminded, Mom, I really do not want to hear any more.)

It is great to be home.

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What Should I Do First?

  • Posted on March 5, 2008 at 8:27 am

Happy Wisdom Wednesday!

Last night baby woke me up briefly, and then I couldn’t get to sleep. Too many things to think about were swirling inside my brain, causing my stomach to tighten and my brain to keep churning.

I finally asked myself, what am I doing wrong here? It took a few minutes to think “What Scripture can I think about that will help me?” Actually, there are many, but I latched onto Matthew 6:33 and context. But I still kept thinking, that is, worrying. Finally I realize it would help my stomach if it had something to do, so I got up and drank some water. And I kept thinking about seeking God first and letting him take care of my cares.

He does a better job than I do. The nice thing was, when I woke up this morning, one of the first thoughts was, I need to read my Bible right away, before I get on the road.

Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?

26Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

27Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?

28And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:

29And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

30Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?

31Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

32(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

33But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

34Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Matthew 6:25-33

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Don’t Leave Me!

  • Posted on August 18, 2007 at 6:00 am

Bethel (2 and a half) has developed an inexplicable fear of being left. Any time we go somewhere, she starts to cry whenever a member of the family leaves her sight. Don’t leave me! Don’t leave Mommy! Don’t leave—

We’ve reassured her that we would not leave her or any other member of the family. Lee stopped his occasional tease about leaving without someone. But she still is fearful of being left or leaving someone, every time we leave the house.

My first thought is maybe it’s simply developmental. That’s likely at least a part of the problem. This is the age where imagination and reality can get confused, when nightmares emerge, and fears can become larger than life. If it’s developmental, then just riding the wave until its over is probably a good approach.

But even developmental issues can be addressed spiritually. It doesn’t matter if a fear is irrational or not (and many of our adult fears are irrational, in light of God’s care and Providence), we can still find comfort in Scripture, right? The question is, can a two year old?

I do tell her, Mommy and Daddy will NEVER leave you. I’m somewhat uncomfortable with this promise, since I cannot guarantee we will never leave her; death comes to mind as a fairly certain future possibility. But, her two year old mind doesn’t exactly grasp, Lord willing, we will never leave you or some similar substitute. I’m open to thoughts on this (as anything I write, actually).

I’ve already talked briefly about God’s faithfulness. God promises that He will never leave us or forsake us. I tried to explain God’s omnipresence (being everywhere) to her. God is right here with us. We cannot see Him, but he is here. She didn’t get it, yet. I suppose I’ll keep repeating these things to her each time she expresses her fear of being left. Maybe I’ll look up some related verses to share with her, or maybe I’ll suggest to Lee that we work on memorizing this passage (although David memorized it last year, I’m sure a review wouldn’t hurt him). We can also work on the child’s song, “God Is Always Near Me” by Philip Bliss. I’ve sung it some with them, but not enough so they could sing it by themselves.

Any other ideas or Scripture?

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Adjustment

  • Posted on June 16, 2007 at 8:35 pm

Laurel has had the hardest time adjusting to Lee being home. She’s just entering a stranger anxiety phase, so although she was happy to see Lee, she was also insecure around him. :( Good thing he understands babies and was nonplussed by her distress. She’ll be back to normal soon. The other kids seemed to take this trip in stride; maybe if Lee had been gone a little longer you would have seen more difficulty. They were thrilled to have him home. And they both went to bed without any trouble.

Having come home, I have some good intentions. :) I want to finish the Heartfelt Parenting review. While I was in California, I did some testing of a teen with some cognitive delay. I spent a lot of time talking about the implications of intelligence on spiritual instruction. I finally decided I needed to write on that.

That’s all the good intentions I will share, otherwise I might have to follow through. And I need to review all the good intentions I had before I left for California. Maybe I can get back on track.

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Home at Last

  • Posted on June 15, 2007 at 8:10 pm

A dear friend from church met me at the airport today, dropped off Lee’s car for him, and drove us home in our van. Her action of love was a true encouragement. Instead of merely telling me I should depend on God rather than myself (a true statement) or reminding me that other mothers have it worse (another true statement), she unselfishly gave her time to meet a genuine physical need.

Sometimes we dole out advice when we should be doling out help. (Advice isn’t always bad, but when it substitutes for needed help, it can be quite discouraging.)

My older children are in tears, so I told them both they could lie down with me for awhile. Bethel fell asleep in short order, and I carried her to bed. David was afraid of the smoke alarm, so I took some time to explain how it worked. Then we talked about what King David did when he was afraid (I make sure that my kids know that bravery doesn’t mean you’re not afraid; bravery is doing right even when we are afraid). We prayed, and I reminded David that our God is a very big God. He can take care of us, even when our Daddy is gone.

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God Is Bigger Than the Storm

  • Posted on May 17, 2007 at 10:07 am

The other night, David kept calling for me. I felt the surge of impatience (I want to spend time with my husband), and swell of smug indifference (It’s not good for him to be demanding to see me). Reluctantly, I went to comfort him (and tell him to be quiet), and I realized he was actually afraid of the thunder and lightning outside, though he had not said so. I fell back on the old fear standby– Psalm 56:3. Guess it didn’t help, because David shortly called out again.

I asked Lee to go say something spiritual to him. :) He came back and David was quiet. I was curious what Lee had said, so I asked.  I just told him, God made the storm, so God is bigger than the storm and He can take care of you. What was fascinating was that I was focusing on the relationship (God is with me) and Lee was focusing on the power (God is mighty). Insight into the male mind, perhaps?

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Are You Safe?

  • Posted on April 17, 2007 at 8:13 am

Going to the playground? Watch out for strangers. A sleepover? Check for older siblings and cousins. Exploring the woods next to the house isn’t an option any more. The kids can ride their bikes only in front of the house.

In today’s world, we moms do have a responsibility to consider our children’s safety, and take precautions. Probably we go in one of two extremes: we either take too few precautions (which I believe to be foolhardy), or we cloister our children and live in constant anxiety because of the very real dangers.

We’re going to disagree on the particulars because we have different lives and different fears. That’s okay. But even when we take precautions, we can never completely eliminate the risk. For every precaution we take, some mother has taken it and still found her child or children victims of crime. What’s a mother to do?

It’s no surprise. We need wisdom. :) We need wisdom to understand how and when to educate our children. We need wisdom to discern what activities we will allow and what we will not allow.

But when all is said and done, we also need trust. God is sovereign, whether our children are harmed or not. He works all things for our good. We can rest in him. The horse is prepared against the day of battle: but safety is of the LORD. (Proverbs 21:33)

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emotionalism

  • Posted on June 26, 2006 at 5:20 pm

We’re right in the middle of moving. The house is in disarray, with piles of pictures in one corner, stacks of linens on the guest bed, and all the curtains taken down. We just got back from a 10-day trip to New Mexico to look for a house, during which we stayed in four different locations. Naptimes and mealtimes have been inconsistent (and sometimes nonexistent). Even for my flexible children, the changes have been stressful.

Both children are more clingy. They cry more easily, and fight more often. They disobey a little more and are often irrational. The tendency is (in the midst of our own stress) to be a little harsh. Stop being a baby! We don’t allow whining in this house, young man! Why are you so fussy?

Sometimes all they need is to be gathered up in mommy or daddy’s arms and held and rocked for a minute or two. This is when listening and looking for the reason behind behavior can be so helpful. They are surprisingly responsive to a little extra care.

It’s also a good time to talk about fear. The fear David feels when being dropped off at the nursery (uncharacteristic) is real. It gives us an opportunity to talk about his memory verses on fear, and to discuss what to do when we are afraid. We can pray with him and ask God to help him to be brave. We can tell him that God will never leave us nor forsake us. And we can remind him that even brave King David was afraid sometimes. When King David was afraid, he remembered that God will always take care of him.

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