“Did you know that God gave you a love for words on purpose? He wants you to be a good steward of those words! When you whine and cry, you are not using the words that God has given you.”

I told her that we were going to learn a verse. We repeated it several times.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold
In settings of silver.  (Proverbs 25:11)

This morning at breakfast we talked about what “a word fitly spoken” actually is. I defined it as the right word, at the right time, in the right way. Then I gave them some examples and had them guess where the breakdown was– saying yes, ma’am in a snotty voice, asking for a drink of water after bedtime, asking five times for the thing that mom said no about, calling someone stupid– they started giving suggestions after awhile.

This was a good, encouraging conversation. I have the feeling that I’ll be discussing these things again.Similar Posts:

• Lecturing Too Long
• Followup to Wisdom Party
• Whining and Three Words
• Stopping the Whining
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An excellent  missions blog I read on occasion has a link to a website that I found fascinating, not merely for its implications in missions, but also for its implications on teaching non-standard learners.

Our American churches emphasize the written word heavily, and well they should. God’s Word was written down, and this is but one reason that we should read it carefully. What, though, for children who are not, and never will be, good readers? What about the teenager with Down’s Syndrome who cannot read? Or the child that simply doesn’t remember what he reads, even though he can recite every episode of his favorite television show from start to finish? What about adults who are embarrassed to try to read aloud in church, or can’t read the songs in the hymnal (or overhead)? Are these people destined to be immature believers simply because they cannot read well?

I’m giving extreme examples, but I’ve long been intrigued with nonstandard ways of teaching God’s Word. Especially for children with disabilities, we are often insensitive to their difficulty with abstract topics, truths that can be learned if taught correctly. Take salvation. Most kids figure out quickly that when we “ask Jesus in our heart” we’re not going to get a physical person invading our organ. An average child will have some confusion. But some children will continue to wrestle with an unintentionally confusing approach to salvation.

Now, back that that website. They’re focussing on orality– characteristics of culture that doesn’t have a written language. Such cultures often respond well to certain approaches to teaching God’s Word.

Here are the strategies they develop:

• Chronological Bible Storying
• Bible Stories on Topics (What’s a Bible story that will teach me how to share?)
• Film and Story
• Bible on Film
• Deaf (Bible in Sign Language)
• Visual Arts
• Proverbs
• Radio

Here is a list of the stories on fear that they broadcast on radio. The list inspires me to continue thinking this way. What do my children need spiritually right now? My children have thoroughly enjoyed our “silly putty discussions” which are simply questions about what verses might fit certain situations. They’ve discovered that there’s a concordance of sorts in the back of their Bibles. I’ve been interested to see their interest. Or maybe they just like playing with silly putty.

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[P]hysical maturity is related to spiritual maturity. All measurement instruments related to mental capacity show an incredible development between the ages of 6 and 20 in the ability to grasp abstract concepts (such as holiness, surrender, or discipleship). Elementary age students’ abilities to discern are often pathetic, and they are easily deceived into agreeing with the last well-structured argument heard in a debate. Parents need to protect and lovingly educate their children.

Usually absent from the discussion of the doctrine of progressive sanctification is any acknowledgement of the physical and mental limitations related to the rate of spiritual growth in children. This article suggests that a 5-year-old convert who is now 10 should not be expected to have the same spiritual level of maturity that we expect from a 30-year-old who has been saved for 5 years. Immaturity is only a sin when oneought to be mature (Hebrews 5:12).

You can read the whole article here.Similar Posts:

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We talked a little bit about teamwork, something that helps me to be more patient. When I can change my attitude into one of helping– kindness!– I am loving my children, and it’s probably not a surprise that I’m more patient in the process.

I need to remember more that LOVE is patient. That helps me understand an important motive for patience, as well as a goal to reach for. If I look at all of I Corinthians 13, I can easily see ways that I can love my children and naturally be more patient. Love is kind? Love is not selfish? Love sees things in the best light? I think about how often I assume the worst and snap at my children, only to find out after the fact that I was falsely accusing them. I’ve been increasingly aware of my tendency to determine motives: You were being prideful, You wanted Laurel to feel bad, You didn’t care about such and such, and so on. I’ve been trying to rephrase these accusations as questions: It looks like you were being prideful. Could it be that you wanted your sister to feel bad? What I’ve discovered is that when I attempt to be more loving by asking these questions, I’m more patient, too.

One of the verses that we talk about with our children is James 1:19 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;

Today I was realizing that these three commands were given together for a reason. If I am slow to speak (asking more questions) and quick to hear (paying attention to what they say), I will be slow to anger (more patient).

I’ve been helping my children not to be quick to anger. Typically, it has taken awhile for me to realize that I need the lesson too. I tell my children, Asking questions and listening to the answer is a good way to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath all at once.

Good questions must be learned just like patience. Slowly, with a lot of practice and failures! But we progress nonetheless. Praise God for this!

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This is the best I can do for explanations that will make sense to a child. We like dress up and candy. That’s why we’ve invited friends over to play games and eat  the Halloween candy that we’re giving out. I did explain that I don’t believe other Christians are acting wisely when they celebrate Halloween as the world celebrates it. Doesn’t it make sense to do what we think is best and wisest? And doesn’t it make sense, in that case, to teach why, and to hope that others also learn to think wisely about halloween? I don’t apologize for our approach, but we did spend time talking about how we all have blind spots, how we can learn from others, and how different Christian families can respond to halloween as Christians differently. That’s a hard one, because I know my children wish we were like the Christians who go trick or treating! When I see them, I’m a little afraid– maybe I’m not taking the right approach….

Here is the note we gave to our neighbors last year. We’re in a new place, and I’ve been thinking about giving this note out again. I am uncomfortable with leaving tracts in children’s bags– I know the children are coming to our door, but I know if I were an unsaved parent, I wouldn’t like it. If I found the right tract, maybe I wouldn’t be uncomfortable. But who are the parents who walk right up to the door with their children? It’s the fearful ones. I might give tracts to them, and candy to the children. We’ll see.

Nevertheless, the note I wrote is convicting to me. Perfect Love DOES cast out fear. So why I am I ever afraid? It makes little sense to hold out an offer that God’s love answers our fears, if I’m not genuinely responding to fear in a conquering, biblical way. So I’m taking a moment to think of the things that send chills in my life, and I’m reminding myself that God has it all under control. Be not afraid, ye of little faith!

Last night, as we were eating dinner, I got out our Bible. Here is the passage I read to them:

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light ⁹ (for the fruit of the Spirit^[b]isin all goodness, righteousness, and truth), ¹⁰ finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. ¹¹ And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. ¹² For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret. ¹³ But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light. ¹⁴ Therefore He says:

“ Awake, you who sleep,
Arise from the dead,
And Christ will give you light.” (Ephesians 5:8-14)

BTW, this isn’t a hill I would die on. If my husband loved trick or treating, if the cousins all had a tradition of trick or treating together, I’d make a distinction between light and darkness in a different way.Similar Posts:

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I mentioned that the Bible talks about a number of people who were reluctant to be saved or repent, and that we can see several reasons for not doing so. We chatted about a few.

• The pharisees were more concerned about what people thought of them: they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.
• The woman who came to Jesus by secretly touching his robe was afraid.
• Herod wanted to keep sinning.
• There might be other reasons, too.

Since one limitation I’ve found with my children is that not all of them are quick with words, I want to be able to give words in a non-threatening or pressured way. I don’t want to say, “This is what your motivation is…” or even “I think this is what your motivation is…” Instead, I want to give some options and see what they identify. One thing I am learning is the art of staying neutral in conversation (I’m not good at it, but I am getting better!) Since I had an interested child, I asked if any of the reasons that we talked about were ones that applied in that child’s life.

fear, mostly.

really? Okay. I poked a bit, but that was the end of the conversation. Guess that what God has given me to work with, and I should act based on what I know (not worry about what I don’t know)

Okay. It occurs to me that Nicodemus was afraid, too, but he came to Jesus. Perfect love acts out fear (we did read Treasures in the Snow because of the excellent spiritual discussions along those lines) Maybe I can think of more. And that might make a good breakfast conversation.Similar Posts:

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Recently, I’ve been dealing with how her attention is manifest in how she obeys when I tell her to put away sometimes that she has left out. This happens frequently. I’ve been watching her, and I think I figured out that when I ask her to put something away, she gives only enough attention to pick something up. Because she’s not really paying attention, a second or two later, she has no idea where she’s going or why she’s holding the object. So she puts it down and goes on her merry way.

I am certain that her sin nature is cooperating with her natural lack of attention. It’s true that she doesn’t like to put things away, but I’ve watched her lose attention when it’s her OWN object that she’s picked up for some purpose. When this sort of thing happens, I have a very important clue that more is at work besides simple disobedience.

So, we talked about attention. I told her that I noticed that sometimes she pays attention to pick something up when she is obeying mommy, but she doesn’t pay attention long enough to figure out what to do with something. I told her that one way she could pay attention longer was to ask herself a question whenever she picks something up. “Self, where does this go?” Then she needs to answer herself. I’m on her team, and I know she doesn’t like forgetting what she’s doing. (Actually, that was an assumption, but I like verbalizing good intentions when I’m giving strategies for doing right. Keeps kids off the defensive.)

So, she’s been doing it. It’s cute to hear her say, “Self, where does this go?” Yes, sometimes she forgets to answer, and I know that unless I prompt her, she may never get to her destination. But it has helped her, and I’m surprised that she took it seriously.

So goes another day in the quest for teaching attention.Similar Posts:

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I wrote a bit about answering the question “How did they behave?” I’d like to follow up with a few more thoughts about the thinking behind and around the question itself.

The occasion of the post was a genuinely profitable and enjoyable spiritual conversation at the playground with a child who struggles with being good. I wanted to share my joy with the parents because I was reminded how encouraging it has been in my life when someone has seen past the faults of my children to see their God-given strengths that will be profitable in God’s kingdom in years to come. I would like to be an encourager like that.

I wrote because as I pick up my own children from church, I hear parents around me asking the teacher about their child’s behavior, and I hear the responses of the workers. Maybe I’ve heard only the negative workers, but I’m surprised how often the answer is a detailed account of the misbehavior of the child in question. I see the discouraged looks on the young parents. These are parents who are working on matters of obedience, attention, and respect.  They desire to please the Lord by asking for a report. And the well-meaning workers believe they are helping the parents by giving a detailed and unmitigated report of this sort.

I realize this goes back to the question of when to ignore behavior, so I’m probably getting ahead of myself. There are indeed times where it is appropriate to share occasions of misbehavior. I ask about my child’s behavior, and I do address problems when they are shared (sometimes I don’t, I admit). But sometimes it might be good not to ask. Not to volunteer anything but the good. To encourage the parents. Pray for them and their children. And love them enough to see something the parents might need to see as well.

Try it yourself. Practice on some naughty toddler whose parents look a little tired. You get bonus points if you find a parent with two children under three. Think of the God-given personality traits that may be a blessing some day, and share them with that child’s parents.

For your own children, and for those you regularly spend time with, think about what you want to accomplish when you ask for (or give) a report on behavior. Consider how the knowledge will help accomplish those goals, and then ask God for the grace to love your children by seeing how those personality traits that can be troublesome have been designed by God in the first place.Similar Posts:

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If you grew up without the foundation of the gospel, without understanding that the gospel influences every part of our life (not merely our salvation), then you might feel a special kinship with those who make the connection repeatedly, and often. In recent years,  gospel-centered teaching has grown in popularity and prominence. I have appreciated the emphasis, and the reminders. At our church in San Antonio, we have communion every Sunday evening, and I have enjoyed the frequency of meditating on the gospel in this way. It has also been good for me to consider the relationship between the gospel and parenting.

Yet, I feel uneasy with the apparent assumption that all biblical teaching must make the connection between the gospel and biblical truth. I’ve not been able to articulate why I feel uneasy with the emphasis on all things gospel centered, and it seems spiritually stupid to object to the popular gospel-centered vocabulary. Nevertheless, I see some common hasty assumptions that are problematic, and it seems equally spiritually stupid to ignore them.

If a book or speaker or lesson does not refer to the gospel in a particular discussion, we should not conclude on this basis alone that the book, speaker, or lesson is not gospel-centered. (It might indeed be man centered, but not necessarily.) Not everyone uses the same vocabulary. In fact, I can be gospel centered without ever using the term. We also must keep in mind that the gospel is a foundational truth that may not always be visible in a discussion (even though a biblical conversation will always be undergirded with the gospel).  I think it’s because we all operate on certain presuppositions. I believe that God exists. It is a part of the very fabric of my own life. Likewise, I grew up with a gospel-centered home and gospel-centered parents. So when I sit down to consider the gospel in my life, I can see the connection throughout, but I also see that the gospel is so much a part of me that I don’t always articulate the connection.

Today I was encouraged to read Paul talk about leaving the discussion of the gospel to discuss something else. In doing so, he was not denigrating the gospel. Of course the gospel is the foundation of more theology, and ultimately the practical, but it is cumbersome to keep reminding my audience that everything relates back to the gospel. Suffice it to say, the gospel permeates everything. Enjoy making those connections. Meditate on it. Talk about it. But don’t be afraid of moving on to the next lesson. And don’t be critical when you don’t hear the familiar vocabulary that makes you feel at ease.

Therefore let us leave the elementary doctrine of Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again a foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God,   Hebrews 6:1

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It’s taken a long time, but I finally got the whole Bible (free from Faith Comes by Hearing) on David’s old iPod that Lee connected to an old stereo in his room.

We’ve told our children that they can stay up as late as they want (within reason) if they are reading their Bibles. So far only Bethel has done this, but since we added the iPod option, David has been faithfully listening in the evenings before bed, on his own initiative.

A Few lessons:

• I need to continue thinking how the differences in how my children learn make a difference in how I teach them God’s Word, and teach them how to study God’s Word for themselves.

• This has been a low priority for me. It’s mind boggling that I would know what to do, and just let it go like this (for at least two months!). How important is Scripture? I need to ask God to forgive me for sinning against my child in this way. I also need to be alert to other ways where I demonstrate an indifference to the Word of God.

• An important component of wisdom is acting on what I already know to be true. How often am I impatient that God hasn’t given me an answer to a question I’ve been praying about? And how often does he answer about something else, and I’m cavalier with the answers he does give? Humility, Michelle. I am grateful for God’s grace even when I am weak.

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