As4Me » Discipleship

I’m Going to Have Different Rules

Michelle — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 12:30:12 +0000

My dear daughter has told me a few times lately, “When I grow up, I’m going to have different rules than you do.”

That’s partly because of discussions we have had about things we do that are family rules, and things we do that are God’s rules. When they have their own household, they’ll develop their own family culture. Cultural rules are flexible among families, and sometimes good families disagree. Like… children at our house can play in the rain. Other children aren’t allowed to do that. Children at our house must eat vegetables before fruit. Our children might choose to eat fruit first when they have children of their own.

Not all the rules she’s talking about are harmless like the timing of dessert. Sometimes they’re things we do that have complicated reasons. And sometimes I just have not taken the time to explain the reasons well. What I don’t want is her to grow up 1)afraid to talk about those differences of opinion 2) not knowing why we do what we do, especially when good reasons exist, and 3) unconvinced when biblical principles are clear in view (Yes, I am aware of my fallibility.)

I’ve been thinking on this. I need to be thinking about it through the lens of Scripture, so that means I need to think about what Scriptures might apply here. Maybe later I’ll write about it.Similar Posts:

Singing I Go…

Michelle — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 10:00:55 +0000

One of the things I’ve been working on especially with my younger two is getting on top of the complaining and whining. I have been thinking about when this happens.

On Saturday night after bathtime, I realized that the thirty seconds between getting out of the bath and getting pajamas on is often marked by whining. In a fit of inspiration, I wondered whether getting the girls singing before they got out would keep their minds happy during that period. I gave it a try.

Worked well. Tried it during another transition and failed miserably. Maybe I started the singing too close to the transition. There’s something to this, so I’m not giving up just yet. I remember that my mom started us singing in the car when we were young– she told me later it made good sense, because singing children don’t fight. (Well, sometimes we did, but still.) I’ll keep you posted.

This strategy is part of the realization that bringing every thought into captivity takes deliberate steps and hard work. I want to teach the skill to my children. If you hear me singing like a lunatic as I look for the best price on peanut butter at the grocery store, you’ll know why.

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. ⁴ For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, ⁵ casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, ⁶ and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled. II Corinthians 10:3

Similar Posts:

How Do I Change My Thinking?

Michelle — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 10:00:59 +0000

While I was at the stove getting dinner started yesterday, Bethel came up to me and said “I have a problem.”

When I asked her what her problem was, she said “Well, all I can think about is Playmobil”

I smiled. Bethel has and enjoys very much a horse stable and animal clinic that is made by Playmobil. We picked up a catalog at a store and Bethel has since studied every page. She’s already planning birthday and Christmas presents for the next three years.

Her comment floored me. A lot of grown ups don’t recognize that their thinking is causing a problem. Bethel wasn’t really sure what the problem was, but it bothered her that she couldn’t think about anything else. I stopped chopping and sat down with her (dinner can wait). Talking about thinking is important!

I asked her if part of the problem was that she was not content with what she had, and was coveting what she didn’t have. I explained that it’s not wrong to desire what we don’t have, until that desire causes us to be unhappy with what God has already given us. [we're defining terms here-- primarily contentment] She said she thought it was a problem.

So I tried to explain how replacing bad thoughts with good thoughts works. It didn’t go as well as I wanted, because I normally illustrate the put off/ put on principle by giving someone a strong mental image (usually a purple elephant with a spotted monkey riding on its back, or some variation) and challenge them to stop thinking about it, all the while repeating what they are not supposed to think about.

But Bethel couldn’t figure what I was trying to do. She got confused. So I finally explained that God wants us to think about good things instead of things that cause us to sin. We sang a little bit of Philippians 4:8. I told her that mommy changes her thinking by preaching to herself: “Self, think about something else.” I told her that this is one reason I like to cook– it takes a great deal of concentration. I needed to get back to dinner before it burnt, so I asked her to come help me. I put her to work stirring a roux, and showed her how to keep it from burning, and then how to keep it from lumping once the milk is put in. I asked here if she was having a hard time thinking about Playmobil still, while she was thinking about cooking. She wasn’t sure.

So I suggested that she go and make a stable for the stable animals that she already owns. That way she could think about being happy with what God has given her (and the creative task takes up a good deal of mental energy for Bethel). She did, and soon every few minutes I’d hear her say, “Self, stop thinking about Playmobil. You can think about Playmobil tomorrow.” It tickled me to no end hearing her recognize how often her thoughts were getting out of control. After awhile, she commented that it was hard work thinking right.

That’s true. In retrospect… I didn’t talk about her thoughts as sinful.Were they? Or was it simply the discontent and out of control desires [i.e., lusts]? We didn’t talk about the gospel– that in our own power, thinking right is impossible to sustain for long periods of time. Our tendency is to worry, fret, and want what we haven’t been given. There is also much we could have talked about– how God gave us music to help us think right. I’m sure this conversation will continue on to another day.

This opportunity to teach was a gift from God, and I’m praying for more opportunities to see into the workings of how my children think.

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. ⁹ The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:8-9

Similar Posts:

Three Most Important Money Goals

Michelle — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 14:36:55 +0000

One of the problems I sense with parents wanting to teach children about money is that we want to cram years worth of lessons into a few weeks. We’re not really good at understanding that children don’t work that way.

Today I want to consider how much information is enough for my children to know about financial situations in the home, but I realize I need to articulate something else first. It might be unsatisfying to remind myself and others that this is obviously a wisdom issue. The family situation and personality and development of children do make a big difference in how a child responds to information.

So, I want to consider some goals (based on scriptural principles) that can help me know when and how to make this call.

Regardless of our financial situation, I want my children to use good stewardship: taking care of the resources (time, money, possessions, skills) what God has already given.
Regardless of our financial situation, I want my children to become givers.
Regardless of our financial situation, I want my children to know the riches they have in Christ, and to be thankful for them. These include, but are not limited to, physical blessings.

Each goal can be broken up into many short-term goals. Teaching a child to use good stewardship includes teaching him not to step on toys, to put away his books, to work hard, to understand the relationship between work and money, to use money he has earned wisely, and so on and on. As we try to teach these goals, I realize that out of necessity, I need to give our children the information they need when they need it.

On Thursday, we’ll talk about this transparency.Similar Posts:

Saying Goodbye

Michelle — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 14:31:07 +0000

The other day, we had a tearful moment when David realized we’ll be in Texas for his friend Elia’s birthday. When we told him that we probably would be unable to drive him nine hours to New Mexico for the event, he was grief stricken.

The last move wasn’t too difficult. David and Bethel were still little more than toddlers, and they hadn’t developed relationships with other children. Here, though, God has blessed them (and us) with other children they love and spend time with. Humanly speaking, deep relationships are not too conducive for military uprooting every four years, but God is good. My solution for goodbyes last time wasn’t Christlike. So the next morning, I asked myself, does God say anything to encourage my children about those painful goodbyes?

Yes, he does! For the last few weeks, I’ve been rereading Philippians every other day or so, in an attempt to learn it better. And as I sat at the breakfast table, Laurel said “Read Philippians to us.” So I began reading Philippians. Look!

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, ⁴ always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, ⁵ for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, ⁶ being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; ⁷ just as it is right for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart, inasmuch as both in my chains and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers with me of grace. ⁸ For God is my witness, how greatly I long for you all with the affection of Jesus Christ.

See here? I told my children with delight. Paul longed for his friends in Philippi. I was encouraged to be able to explain to them that longing for our friends is not unexpected or ungodly. Saying goodbye is a part of life. I asked them what Paul did when he remembered his friends. They weren’t sure, so I read these verses again. Of course! When Paul remembered the Philippians, he THANKED GOD and PRAYED for them! He even told us what he prayed, and we can pray that, too.

And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, ¹⁰ that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, ¹¹ being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

So we took time for each of them to say thank you for our friends. Then mommy prayed verses 9-11 for our friends. Saying goodbye is hard, and we will all miss deeply our brothers and sisters in New Mexico. However, it is a satisfying and happy thought that when like Paul, we long for friends, we can direct our thoughts outward and upward in thankfulness and prayer. I suspect our friends are going to get a lot of prayer here!Similar Posts:

Disobedience and the Fear of God

Michelle — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 15:20:46 +0000

Our conversation yesterday at breakfast was helpful for me as a mother. As a result, I became more aware that one reason that my children are not always obedient is that they don’t fear God. They don’t believe he is a good God who will give them everything they need. They don’t think about displeasing him when they disobey.

So, I had a number of opportunities to bring these thoughts up throughout the day. We’ll probably be talking about it further. If we truly fear God, then we will stop sinning. We will avoid sinning. I told them That’s how I know that when you disobeyed mommy you were not fearing God. Even Laurel understood by the end of the day that disobedience means not fearing God. I wouldn’t have thought to make this connection had God not used it in my own life, and prompted me to talk about the fear of God yesterday.

Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good;
Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!
⁹ Oh, fear the LORD, you His saints!
There is no want to those who fear Him.
¹⁰ The young lions lack and suffer hunger;
But those who seek the LORD shall not lack any good thing. Psalm 34:8-10

Similar Posts:

Teach the Fear of God

Michelle — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 15:33:13 +0000

Come, you children, and listen to me, I will teach you the fear of the Lord. (Psalm 34:11)

I’ve read this verse before, but I forget not only that the fear of God is something that can be taught, but also that I should be deliberately teaching it.

Truthfully, I’ve rather avoided those thoughts because I’m avoiding the work of compiling Fear of God verses. How is that for lazy? Yikes! But the thought occurred to me that King David doesn’t just write the verse above in isolation; he actually develops his invitation in the whole chapter. So, although I know I probably need to develop the fear of the Lord discussion beyond this chapter, I figure it’s a good place to start. I’m not sure I’ve taught the fear of God from this chapter.

At breakfast, of course! Not long ago, breakfast talks were ultra short, complete monologues, my children would ask when I would be finished talking, and I was pretty certain that I was talking for my own benefit only. Now they actually interact, and they stick around longer, even after their cereal bowls are empty. (Nevertheless I do admit that it’s jarring when they decide to leave!) This is a short conversation– my brain is like a sieve for numbers, so I can’t tell you how long, but few of my breakfast conversations are long.

I first asked them what the fear of God was. Bethel said it was knowing that God sees everything. That was not a bad start.
Then I asked them if the fear of God was good or bad. Laurel thought it was bad. David and Bethel have heard this talk before, I’m realizing, and it’s encouraging that they remember.
King David seems to start his fear the Lord discussion by reminding us that God is good. It makes sense that knowing God’s goodness tempers the scary fear that results from knowing God sees everything. So we spent some time talking about God’s goodness.
King David tells us that when we fear God, our actions will change. It’s part of realizing that God sees us doing right– Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit. Seek peace and pursue it, and so on.
We talked about how God’s promises are for those who are believers (“the righteous”– not a state of perfection here, but our status as children of God). That gave us a mini talk on salvation.
We see repentance, too in verse 17 and 18. We talked about repentance and the fear of God. Briefly.

Bowls empty, fruit gone, and children ready to get the day moving. Guess that means mom, too.

I didn’t read it to them, but the discussion was related to what I read this morning. Micah 6:3— O my people, what have I done to you? How have I wearied you? Answer me! For I brought you up from the land of Egypt and redeemed you from the house of slavery, and I sent before you Moses, Aaron, and Miriam.”

The imagery is powerful– it reminds me that God desires fellowship with me, and that when I refuse to take the time with him, I’m acting like a child bored with a new toy, or a lover bored with her spouse. I don’t always think about God’s emotional cry to bring me back to reality. Remembering who God is and what he has done for me is a part of the fear of God, too. He has done much for me, and blessed me beyond measure. That’s what I’ll be thinking about today.Similar Posts:

Find a New Church

Michelle — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 16:14:06 +0000

We’re moving this summer, so we’ve been talking a lot about our move. The children want to know if we will leave our toys in our old house. They want to know if they’ll move next week. They are wondering what kinds of birds live in our new town. They’re wondering if they’ll see their friends again. And, since church is a large part of our life, they are wondering if we’ll find a new church.

One of the blessings of being in the military is we can deliberately teach our children about finding a new church, so we’ve been talking about that, too. Here’s what we’ve been talking about.

First, we’ve been praying about it. In fact, it’s the first thing we’ve been praying about when we found out where we were being sent. Now, normally, it makes good sense to find a church before deciding to move, but being in the military we don’t have that option. So, we’ve been praying that God would help us to find a good church. This conversation teaches them that finding a church is extremely important, and it reminds them that God is where we turn for help in this matter.
Second, we’ve reminded our children how God has led us in the past. This conversation reminds them of God’s faithfulness in the past, something that gives us (and them) confidence to trust God for the future.
We talk about the things that we appreciate about our church: a godly and humble pastor who loves the Bible and teaches it correctly, adults who challenge mommy and daddy to do right, and their own friends that God has given them. Telling them what we appreciate about our current church helps them understand what is important in a church. Music, programs, a nice building: all these things are good, but they’re not what’s most important. All churches have strengths and weaknesses. We surely have preferences, but mommy and daddy are learning that doctrine is more important than some of the things that make us “comfortable.”
This weekend we went to our new town, and we visited a church. It’s really hard when you pick up a child not to ask “Did you have fun?” I’ve asked this question more than once, and wondered why I ask it, since in doing so I’m emphasizing the entertainment value of the Sunday school. Now I am happy when my children enjoy their Sunday school class, but I’m most concerned in what they are learning. My children don’t always know what the lesson was about (and I don’t always ask), but I believe asking the question is more important than the answer I receive. Remember I’m simply trying to teach them what’s important in a church.

(P.S. We did like the church we visited. We’ll see how God leads.)Similar Posts:

Tell a Child He’s Saved

Michelle — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 15:23:37 +0000

Questions:

Is telling a person he is saved unbiblical?
Is there more to assurance than saying “Yes, you’re saved because…”
When a child states that he is saved already, at what point should a parent “let” him be saved?
Should a parent ever bring up salvation with a child? At what point developmentally?

A quick survey of the New Testament epistles demonstrate that Paul speaks to the recipients of his letters as believers. In essence, he’s saying that they are in fact, saved. Of course, he is speaking to a group, but even in the case of his personal letter to Philemon, he calls him a brother.

On what basis does Paul make assumptions of Philemon’s salvation? Evidently on his profession and testimony: I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints…. Philemon 4

In fact, we make assumptions about people’s salvation all the time. Otherwise, every time we talk about the Lord, we’d be prefacing our comments with absurd qualifications “assuming you’re saved, don’t be weary in well doing…” or “if you’ve trusted in Christ as your Savior through faith alone, then you can be asssured he will not test you beyond your ability to bear it.”

When we have reason to doubt someone’s salvation (either because of a lack of testimony or lack of evidence of a regenerate life), we sometimes include these conditions. At some point, though, these are insulting and cynical. At some point, we simply trust God with the details. God’s Word never returns void, whether a person is saved or unsaved.

So, a friend of mine was recently saved. At one point, when Lee and I asked her if she was saved, she wasn’t sure. As we talked with her, it became clear that she was indeed trusting Christ for her salvation, that she was not depending on her own efforts to reform herself. Hurray! When we were discussing salvation later, we talked through a number of passages focusing on salvation.

Is this what you’ve done? I asked.
Yes, exactly.
So…. what does God’s Word say about a person who does these things?
She’s saved.

Fun conversation. What’s interesting to me is the process of finding assurance. Just like in my situation, my mom didn’t tell me I was saved because I trusted in Christ. She gave me Scripture and said, “Here’s why you might not be sure you’re saved. Now you determine whether you’re saved or not.” In other words, she put her trust in the Holy Spirit’s ability to convince me of my salvation (or lack thereof) through God’s Word. Likewise, for my friend, I didn’t know for sure whether she had trusted God. So it made sense to let God’s Word make that call.

But now, I’m thinking about my children. For some inexplicable reason, my children are rather private about spiritual things, and I’m wondering whether letting Scripture manage their salvation is a good idea. That takes a good deal of pressure off me, because I don’t feel the pressure to correctly identify the point of salvation for my children. (I’m talking about my two older children who are 6 and 5; since I’m not convinced my 3 year old understands the basic components of salvation, I’m not including her in this conversation yet.)

I’m still thinking on this. Perhaps next I’ll consider some objections to this approach.Similar Posts:

Assurance and Children

Michelle — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 15:17:23 +0000

I’m going to begin a series on helping children come to an assurance of salvation. This topic has been percolating for awhile, and Lee and I have been discussing it at length together. We’ll see how it all comes together.

When I was a teenager, I started having doubts of my salvation. The trouble was, I couldn’t really remember exactly what happened when I was saved. I remember sitting with a Sunday school teacher, and her opening the Bible on a step. That’s it. I was four years old. When I was six, I wanted to be baptized, and I remember much more clearly the questions of the pastor. Does baptism save you? I remember being horrified by the question! Absolutely not. I knew then that I was trusting in Jesus Christ for my salvation.

But as I got older, I started to worry. What if I hadn’t prayed right? What if my memory was a fabrication of my imagination? What if… I tried a number of means to reassure myself, but finally one night I woke up my mom and told her my problem.

She didn’t tell me I was saved. She didn’t tell me I wasn’t saved. She did open her Bible and explain that people doubt their salvation for a number of reasons.

First, some people doubt their salvation because they are not saved. That one is pretty obvious, and the solution is to get saved.
Second some people doubt their salvation because they do not understand who God is and the nature of their salvation. First John, and First Peter, directly address some of those fears. The solution is to learn. The more we learn about God and salvation, the more confidence I have in what He has done.
Third, some people doubt their salvation because they have sin in their lives or are not growing spiritually. The guilty feeling is a gift from God to tell us that something is wrong. We’re told to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. We’re told to examine ourselves, to see if we are in the faith. Peter tells us that people who are not growing forget about their salvation! The solution, for this problem, of course, is to repent and/or grow! Peter commands us to give diligence to adding spiritual disciplines to our lives.

But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, ⁶ to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, ⁷ to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. ⁸ For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁹ For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins.
¹⁰ Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble; ¹¹ for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. II Peter 1:5-10

This discussion with my mom was extremely helpful for me, although it didn’t completely answer whether I was saved or not. I still wasn’t entirely sure what category I was in! That came several years later, in college. A pastor in my church mentioned that what we think about to reassure ourselves that we are saved can indicate what we’re trusting in for our salvation: baptism, church membership, the word of a parent, the words of a prayer we said. For a saved person, assurance comes from what Christ has done and said. At that point, I understood completely that as long as I looked to my memory and what I did, I’d continue to have doubts. But if I looked at God’s Word, I would find assurance (assuming I had obeyed His Word in the matter of salvation).

I Timothy 1:12 says For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.

God used this passage to give me assurance. I knew I believed, and was trusting in Jesus Christ for my salvation. Thus, I could rest assured that God is able to keep me saved. Several times after this sermon I had doubts, but I found immediate relief when I turned to Scripture. Then the doubts stopped completely.Similar Posts: