17July2008

A Wise Friend, A Loving Friend

Posted by Michelle under: Getting Along; Humility.

Often after we get together with friends, I ask my children about their time spent. Since we’ve been discussing wisdom, I often ask, “Is so-and-so a wise friend?” That’s because we are told in Scripture that a wise person looks for wise friends. Since we’ve been talking about wisdom, they know what that looks like.

Twice I’ve been disturbed to hear a child respond, “So-and-so is a good friend because he does whatever I want.” With images of my own children being manipulative and selfish, twice I stifled my lecture and decided to wait.

This morning, we started talking about friends again. As I started talking, I realized that “doing whatever I want” very well could be an unselfish child choosing to love a selfish one, so I decided to focus a bit on what makes THEM a good friend to others.

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Philippians 2:3

The way I usually ask it is “Are you thinking of what you want more than what your friend/sister/brother wants?” I used to say “Are you thinking of your sister or are you thinking of yourself?” but they would always insist they were thinking of the other person. I finally realized that they WERE thinking of the other person, but not in the right way.

Today I asked them for examples of times when a friend might esteem others better than themselves. As usual, I give them many more examples than they come up with. Several times I gave the beginning of an example and then had them finish it. This was a good discussion. I’ve been focused so much on the wise friend (the one who helps his friend obey) that I’ve not considered the loving friend or humble friend in our talks.

Perhaps next time we get together with friends, my children will be the ones thinking of the other person. I think tomorrow we’re going to read the whole Philippians 2 passage.

Popularity: 6% [?]

Popularity: 6% [?]

29May2008

Teaching Humility

Posted by Michelle under: Humility.

One of the topics that I’ve been interested in has been the challenge of teaching humility. This is a trait I feel unqualified to teach, although I smile since I’m probably just as unqualified to teach humility as any fruit of the spirit. How does a fellow sinner teach humility? I’m still learning.

One of the responses that my son frequently makes is “I know” when he has been given instruction. It’s not an expression that reliably indicates that he really did know, since many times he is in the middle of doing what he ostensibly knew wasn’t the right thing to do.

We’re still working on our wisdom chart, and yesterday we wrote down Proverbs 12:15

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,
but a wise man listens to advice.

This has been a help. Several times I’ve referenced this Proverb.

• Does saying “I know” mean you are a happy learner, or a foolish person who thinks he knows everything?
• Who will ask for help when he needs it, a fool or a wise person?
• Who will say I don’t know if he doesn’t know? What will a fool say or do?
• Who will pray and ask God for help to do right?

Later I realized that we were talking about humility. Next time I’ll make the connection.

Popularity: 45% [?]

Popularity: 45% [?]

23May2008

Pretending to Be a Serving Princess

Posted by Michelle under: Humility.

I have a friend who has a young daughter who loves to dress up like a princess. The other day she related her concern that her daughter’s attitude while pretending tended to be self focussed, like a princess.

My friend explained that a godly princess is someone who serves others. When her daughter wanted to dress up, she gave permission, as long as she spent her time serving others. What a wonderful insight into the mind of a little girl! God gave this mother wisdom as she helped her daughter joyfully serve little sisters, mother, and father.

“Mommy, how can I serve you?” became her question, rather than “Will you look at how beautiful I am?”

And he came to Capernaum: and being in the house he asked them, What was it that ye disputed among yourselves by the way?

But they held their peace: for by the way they had disputed among themselves, who should be the greatest.

And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all.

Mark 9:33-35

May I seek to be a servant of all this holiday weekend.

Popularity: 53% [?]

Popularity: 53% [?]

12March2008

Me-First at the Grocery Store

Posted by Michelle under: Humility; Wisdom.

The Story:
Several times today there have been tears because one person wanted to go down the playroom stairs when the other person wanted to go up. Somebody wanted the last raspberry yogurt. One child wanted all the cousins to leave the playroom so he could get dressed there (and not have to come downstairs to change in a bedroom or bathroom). When they understandably resisted, he because angry and distraught.

That’s not the beginning of today’s story, though. Today’s story begins last night, while Martha was watching all the cousins and I was leisurely shopping, taking the time to examine all the exotic groceries I never see in Alamogordo. They had fresh lemon grass! Mushrooms of all types! They even had some frozen orange chicken that was surprisingly tasty. Throughly enjoying myself, I started to pass an aisle when I saw the front of a cart appear. I had a split-second opportunity to make a choice: allow the shopper to pass me, or rush by, forcing her to wait until I had passed her. Technically I had just as much right to go first as she did; we arrived at the juncture at the same time. I made my decision, but immediately felt guilty.

As I told David this morning, God has been convicting me of doing the same thing I’ve been talking to them about. I had to tell him that I was selfish, too, when I decided my own interests were more important than the other lady at the grocery store. I wasn’t considering others better than myself last night, and as I think about it, perhaps more than I would care to admit I’ve been guilty of modeling a “me-first” attitude.

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:

Philippians 2:3-5

Has God’s Word changed me? Humph. Not like I’d like it to. God is definitely helping me to be aware of when I have been selfish in this way. That’s change, but I still have a ways to go.
How about you? How is God’s Word changing how you think or act this week?

Popularity: 28% [?]

Popularity: 28% [?]

8November2007

Talking about Thankfulness

Posted by Michelle under: Discipleship; Humility.

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. I Thessalonians 5:18

I’ve been thinking about thankfulness this week. A few days ago, David told me that he was tired of coughing and having a runny nose. I asked him if he could tell God thank you for his cold, or if that would be hard. We agreed that it is hard to say thank you for bad things that happen to us, simply because we don’t know how good God really is to us. I shared that it’s sometimes hard for me to be thankful to change lots of diapers. In fact, it’s pretty unnatural to say thank you for really bad events, but that seems to be what God is saying. Of course, it’s possible to that the verse means “Give thanks for something when you’re having a crisis.”

Really, though, I can look at David’s cold, which seems so devastating to him right now, and think how blessed he is that a cold is the worst thing that could happen to him. I think that because I understand a little bit more of the big picture of life, I find the challenge to be thankful for a cold a simple one. And yet, when I have a crisis, my understanding is every bit as limited as a child’s, and God is saying, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end” (Jeremiah 29:11) Do I trust his omniscience and goodness, or do I think and act as though I know the whole picture? Seek the Lord. Know Him.

Some of you will be interested to know that Bethel and I told God thank you for helping her go potty twice yesterday (the first success in a long series of disappointing days. I’m praying that God will continue to give me insight into teaching her thankfulness.

Lee and I talked last night that we would start helping the children memorize Psalm 100. It’s one of King David’s best poems, and one of my favorite Psalms. I simply must put the whole thing here, and it can best be appreciated in the KJV.

Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all ye lands.Serve the LORD with gladness:
come before his presence with singing.

Know ye that the LORD he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves;
we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise:
be thankful unto him, and bless his name.

For the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting;
and his truth endureth to all generations.

Popularity: 17% [?]

Popularity: 17% [?]

17October2007

Giving Up My Rights

Posted by Michelle under: Getting Along; Humility; In the Car and on the Go.

Thinking about rights and bullies has started me inspecting my own life, and how often I help my children learn humility in this area. I think perhaps they do better than I do. In some areas, I think I’ve got this under control; in other areas, I think I could use more work. I’m most concerned how my example communicates to my children, but I’ve also been thinking about how they are able to give up their rights on their own. And I’m interested in understanding biblical reasons for using one’s rights, or even refusing to give them up at times. Lee suggested two passages:

Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. (Philipians 2:2-8)

This passage gives me good guidance on giving up my rights, but it doesn’t tell me when, if ever, I should insist on my rights. Lee’s suggestion was to consider the concept of stewardship, whether of my time, money, or testimony. His example was that some doctors have the attitude, “I’m the doctor; I shouldn’t have to take the time to swaddle a newborn baby.” That’s selfishly grasping at his rights. But sometimes, when the doctor is busy doing the things only a doctor can do, then it is appropriate to hand the baby to a nurse and ask her to swaddle him. In the second case, he’s using his rights in stewardship of his time. The parable of the talents in Matthew 25 might be a good passage for meditation. I need to look up some more passages on stewardship before my thinking is done on this topic.

Stewardship would help explain why it might be appropriate to graciously point out a pricing error at the supermarket, but inappropriate to stiff a waitress who spilled a drink on our table. This might also explain why it would be appropriate to use my authority as mother to ask my children to serve the adults when we have company, but perhaps not so I can sit on my couch and eat bon bons while I read an exciting novel. When we grasp at our rights because of who we are, we are acting out of pride (contrary to Jesus’ example illustrated in Philipians 2). However, there are times when using our rights will help us obey God’s Word in some way.

Practically and specifically, what are some good ways and reasons to give up one’s rights?

• When guests come.
• When playing with unsaved children who do not know how to behave.
• When playing with younger children.

Good times NOT to give up one’s rights might include:

• When giving up one’s rights perpetuates sinful behavior in another person.
• When the other person is doing something wrong or sinful

Any more to add?

Popularity: 34% [?]

Popularity: 34% [?]

16October2007

Somebody Is Bullying My Child: Part 2

Posted by Michelle under: Getting Along; Humility; In the Car and on the Go.

Yesterday I mentioned I wasn’t happy with how I responded to a child who was bothering my daughter during storytime. Here is what I did: I quickly walked over to them, pulled his hand off my daughter, and said, “She asked you to stop poking her. Stop poking.” He got the message.

Afterwards, I finally figured out who his mother was, and judging by the way she avoided making eye contact, I suspect she noticed my actions. I wished I could have gotten her attention and told her I wasn’t angry with her or her son. I hope she wasn’t angry with me, especially because I don’t want to be a bad testimony when these moms know Lee, and they know he is a Christian who claims to want to rear his own children by following the Bible.

On the way home, I started thinking about my motives, and I started wondering what other approaches I could have taken. It was this line of thinking that stopped me. I could have asked Bethel to come sit with me if she wanted to, since I was within the line of sight of the storybook, although I was at the back and the book would have been harder to see. My first reaction to this idea was indignation. Certainly she has the right to listen to the story without being bothered, and she shouldn’t have to be forced to the back of the room because somebody was being obnoxious. Do you see what started bothering me about these thoughts? I was focussed primarily on her rights, her comfort, her right to sit close.

As I thought on my actions, I realized that I’ve acted this way more than once. I am quick to step in when I see another child being unkind. If a child tries to cut in line in front of my child, I’ll prevent him from doing so. If my child has a playground toy taken away, I make sure he gets it back. I’ve actually always thought of my quick intervention as a virtue, a point of pride. What I am starting to understand is that I have been teaching them how to respond in these situations. I had better make sure my response is biblical.

Several passages of Scripture came to mind.

• First, I remember that Paul appealed to his rights as a Roman citizen (Acts 16:37, 25:11). I think there is an appropriate and biblical time to exercise one’s rights.
• Second, I do believe that parents have to responsibility to protect their children, particularly in danger. I think it is helpful to make a distinction between a relatively minor inconvenience and more serious offenses.
• Finally, In Matthew 5:38 and following, we find Jesus’ words about our attitude towards personal offenses. I do not completely understand the depth of what Jesus is teaching here; however, at the very least, I can, for the sake of peace and testimony, withstand inconvenient violations of my personal rights. I can think of a few such situations we might face as adults: getting cut off while driving; having a parking place “stolen” by another driver; a guest overstaying his welcome, or coming at an inconvenient time; someone with 25 items in front of us at the grocery store when the sign clearly states: Fifteen items or fewer; children who wake up at 6:30am, taking away my right to a good night’s sleep.

I am also considering the implications of these passages when I help my children understand how to respond in these situations, and how I will respond as well. In the library storytime situation, I wonder whether the better response would have been to have Bethel come sit on my lap for the end of the story, and later explain why.

Popularity: 32% [?]

Popularity: 32% [?]

15October2007

Somebody Is Bullying My Child: Part 1

Posted by Michelle under: Getting Along; Humility; In the Car and on the Go.

This morning we went to storytime at the library on our air force base. Both David and Bethel were listening well, but just as the story was starting to wind down, several of the children became fidgety, and one little boy started to poke Bethel. She told him to stop (quietly [shock], probably too quietly for his mother to hear). He did not stop, and I motioned to David to help Bethel move her carpet square back a little so she wasn’t too close to him. Perhaps he felt his personal space was being invaded. David helped, but still, the little boy continued to poke.

Before I tell you what I did, I want to tell you what I was thinking. First, I was concerned that Bethel would hit the child, or scream at him (that happens at home when David won’t stop teasing; of course we are working on those responses). If I were at a playground, I would have said something loudly to Bethel, like, “Did you ask him to stop poking you?” in hopes that the mother would step in and intervene. I didn’t want to be loud, because that would have disturbed the storytime.

Fact: I did not know the child, or know who his mother was.

Fact: We’re on a small base in a small town. Most of the children see Lee as their pediatrician, and many, if not all, the mothers know I’m Lee’s wife.

What would you have done? I was not happy with how I handled it, in light of some specific, relevant Scripture that came to mind on the way home. Ultimately, I have to answer the question, Am I going to live like the world, or like a Christian?

Popularity: 27% [?]

Popularity: 27% [?]

7August2007

Foiled Again

Posted by Michelle under: Getting Along; Humility; Mercy.

Awhile back, I was so pleased because I found a way to help my children play together better. When one wanted an item the other had, I suggested they ask to play with it when the other child was done, instead of asking for it directly. Can I play with that when you are done? Of course, the answer was [almost] always yes, so it kept the peace and usually resulted in the toy being shared sooner rather than later.

Lately, though, when I’ve made that suggestion, the response has been, No, I want it NOW. I need a new approach, or a way of refurbishing the one I’ve been using.

Guess that’s my problem too. I want a clean house NOW (without saying no to my flesh). I want obedient children NOW (without the monotony of repetitive instruction). I want my husband to be a master leader NOW (instead of allowing him to grow, as all men must do). What verses will help me and my children?

One verse my husband has been talking about. It reminds me not to be discouraged because God is the one who is doing the work, and he has promised to finish me.

Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;

Another passage that came to me after a few minutes of thinking (I also looked up lowliness in a concordance because I was drawing a blank):

Ephesians 4:1,2 I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, 3 endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

I think this passage in particular would be better talked about outside of the crisis moment, at the breakfast table, or when I see them glorifying God by their kindness toward one another. I am reminding myself now that it’s important not to give Scripture just when I’m correcting them, but also when I see them doing it right, or when we see examples in others around us. I think I need to work on that, too.

Popularity: 24% [?]

Popularity: 24% [?]

3August2007

Me-First Syndrome

Posted by Michelle under: Getting Along; Humility.

This morning, David and Bethel were at odds. As I was trying to sort out the problem, the situation, shall we say degenerated. I realized that part of the problem in this context (and now that I think of it, fairly often) was a desire to be first. One child was using the stool to get some water, and the other child wanted the stool to get water from the table. The fastest child got the stool, even though the other child was actually in the process of getting the stool to the counter. As I was talking with the instigator I asked, “Could the problem be that you were trying to be first, even though your sister was already using the stool?”

I have never asked the question that way, but it was clear and he understood it. I didn’t say anything about God or the Bible, though. Maybe we should talk about some of those one another verses. I’ll work on those next week. Now, back to work, before I fall prey to the me-first syndrome in my own life.

Popularity: 17% [?]

Popularity: 17% [?]