14May2008

Hiding Sin

Posted by Michelle under: Lying; Salvation; Uncategorized.

This morning I was reading Psalm 32, and I decided it would be a good passage to talk about, since we’ve been dealing with some truth issues. Here’s how the conversation went:

Did you know that one time King David was hiding his sin? Do you think he was happy or sad when he was hiding his sin?

Bethel: He was sad.

Did you know he wrote about it? Here is what he said. [mommy reads verses] He’s saying that he was miserable. Have you ever really wanted water and not been able to have any? What do you think about when you are really really thirsty? David was miserable, and although he tried to be happy, he wasn’t, because he was hiding his sin.

Bethel: I was hiding my sin yesterday.

Oh? [shock, because I don't remember anything out of the ordinary yesterday]. When were you hiding your sin?

Bethel: I was hiding my sin when I was coloring.

[Still not understanding or remembering] What sin were you hiding?

Bethel: I didn’t want to clean, so I was hiding and coloring.

Oh. [Now I remember] King David was happy when he made it right, when he asked God to forgive him.

Bethel: I’m not hiding my sin right now.

How thankful I am that God prompted me to read my Bible this morning. How thankful I am that He prompted me to talk about what I was reading. Although David didn’t comment much, he was paying close attention. I’m thankful for what God showed me that He is working in their lives. I should be willing to parent on faith, but it’s a tremendous encouragement when I see what’s going on under the surface occasionally.

How has God’s Word changed you this week? How are you pursuing wisdom in God’s Word?

Popularity: 54% [?]

Popularity: 54% [?]

7April2008

Lying and the Conscience

Posted by Michelle under: Lying.

Lee grew up with garden tomatoes and has been encouraging a summer garden adventure, so for the last few weeks, we’ve been cultivating some tomato seedlings inside. The other day I came into the kitchen to inspect the plants, and discovered them all missing.

Upon questioning, none of my children have admitted any responsibility. We are pretty sure it wasn’t baby, since the soil is undisturbed and no evidence of plants anywhere. She doesn’t have the subtlety to hide evidence yet.

We’re pretty sure we know the culprit, but the culprit
maintains innocence. The culprit has expressed suspicion of the baby, but not the other sibling, who was “not near the plants when it happened.”

What to do? When we’re not absolutely certain, we’re quite reluctant to say “You’re lying.” The harmful effects of a false accusation seem to be greater than allowing a guilty conscience to fester for a time. At the same time, lying is very serious, a sin that God hates (Proverbs 6:16-17). We want to take it seriously, too.

We’ve had some serious discussions with the apparently guilty child, but no success finding the truth.

Maybe we should talk about Achan in Joshua 7. Maybe we should memorize some verses about truth telling and lying.

A conscience is something that develops physically and spiritually, on a timetable and path that is different for each child. We’ve not seen much evidence of a guilty conscience yet with our children. Yes, they hide their behavior when they are being naughty, so it’s often clear when they know their behavior is sinful. But there’s little overall sense of what it means to be a sinner separated from God. Meanwhile, Lee and I have been praying that God will not let our children deceive and remain uncaught. We are praying that God will use this situation to draw our children to himself.

Popularity: 18% [?]

Popularity: 18% [?]

28January2008

Dealing with Deceitfulness

Posted by Michelle under: Lying.

Last week, I caught David sneaking a candy snack. I hadn’t said he couldn’t have it, but he was obviously aware that I would not be pleased with what he had in his hands.

Do you know what his response was to my question about what he was doing? What are you doing here, mom?

You see, there was no real reason for me to find him. I had been taking care of Laurel and wouldn’t have seen him, except for providential direction. That’s what I told him. God sent me here. I told him that even if mommy doesn’t see him, God always sees him. About this time his eyes glazed over, and I removed the candy from his hand and sent him back outside to play. I wasn’t totally satisfied with my response, but that’s what I did.

Since I’ve noticed a little more sneaky behavior (not lying, but deceitful) lately, I’m interested in contemplating a good approach. I think he’s able developmentally to recognize truth (I’m not so certain with three year old sister), and I think he’s capable of understanding that deceit is just as wrong as lying (he’s precisely truthful most of the time). We’ve talked about this a little, but not to my satisfaction, so I know I need some more teaching on the topic. I also believe that lying is a sin that is serious, in that it should be dealt with before it becomes a habit.
I’ll need to brainstorm my Scripture knowledge to reexamine how God talks about lying. For example, I know right off that Paul reminds us that the solution to lying is not merely to stop lying, but to become a truth teller (Ephesians 4:24). That’s extremely helpful for me. I’ll also try to think of people in the Bible who lied. I’ll probably do a search on truth and deceit on biblegateway.com. I’ll look up lying in some of my childrearing books that have topical lists in them. That will surely keep me busy for awhile.

Popularity: 21% [?]

Popularity: 21% [?]

12December2007

Truth Telling

Posted by Michelle under: Lying; Wisdom.

Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight. Proverbs 12:22

Today we talked about lying again. When I asked about a damaged container, David’s response was I don’t know. I asked both children several times what happened, with the same response. Since Bethel at age three still doesn’t see the need to deceive in these situations, I figured that David knew more than he was telling and persisted in asking him what happened. Finally, he admitted that he jumped on the container and broke it. I asked if he knew what God thinks about lying, and David’s response was again, I don’t know. So we looked up this passage. We defined abomination, and I asked him again what God thinks of lying. He got the answer right, this time! I asked him if he lied because he didn’t want to get in trouble for breaking the toy bucket, and he answered yes. I want to help him understand the desire to cover up sin, and the motives he might have for lying. That’s why I asked the question. (We’ve talked before about covering sin.) I didn’t want to stop there, though, because the second part of the passage talks about what God loves. So I asked David what God thinks when we tell the truth. Then we talked about how much God loves truth-telling, even if it means it is hard to tell the truth.

I’m almost ready to give consequences for lying. I still feel like he believes “I don’t know” isn’t really lying because he’s not saying one way or the other what happened.  In retrospect, I think that’s why I need to emphasize that God loves truth telling, because truth telling is the opposite of deceit as well as lying. But the issue has come up more frequently, so I think God is giving more teaching opportunities in this area. I am praying I’ll be sensitive to teaching opportunities, as well that God will help me use this time to share more of the gospel with him.

As for me, I’ve got a thick skull, because the last month or so of Wisdom Wednesdays are recurring themes in my life. Passages on dependence on God, transparency, laziness, anger: these keep going through my mind, and I suspect I need to do more thinking on these same topics, instead of moving from simple thought to simple thought. I keep thinking, how is God’s Word changing me today? Every time, this is a convicting thought.

So… how is God’s Word changing you lately? Here is the page where I explain Wisdom Wednesday  and provide code for the WW header and buttons if you decide to comment on your own blog. Or just share in the comments.

Popularity: 20% [?]

Popularity: 20% [?]

12April2007

Politeness or Dishonesty?

Posted by Michelle under: Communication and Meaning; Lying.

The other day a visiting child cut David a paper square. She was very pleased with it, and tried giving it to David. David did not want it, so he was kind of running away from her. I started to tell David what to say, and I realized mid lecture that I was blurring the lines between tact and dishonesty. I stopped and told him he needed to answer the girl. He said, “I don’t want it.”

Yesterday at storytime another preschooler asked David if he wanted to hear him sing a song. David didn’t know what to say. I told him, “Answer him. Say yes or no.” David said no.

I could have told him to say “Sure.” Sometime later I’ll teach him how to be tactful. Before I teach that, I need to teach him to respond instead of ignoring the person when he doesn’t know what to say. Teaching to be tactful, now I can see that is going to be interesting. He’s a literal minded kid, and I suspect he’s not going to see the gray area between tact and honesty. Now that I think of it, maybe that’s why he’s not responding in these difficult situations.

Any thoughts?

Popularity: 19% [?]

Popularity: 19% [?]

20July2006

positive or negative?

Posted by Michelle under: Lying; Scripture Memory.

If you were going to teach your young child what truth is, and what God thinks of it, would you teach the first part of Proverbs 12:22 or the second?

Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight.

The second half of this verse David and I talked about yesterday. My desire is first to teach that God loves truth tellers as I am still teaching what truth is (I’m not confident David understands the concept yet). Then, when he knows what truth is, and how delightful it is to God, then I’ll teach that God hates lying.

It seems to fit best the positive pattern of Psalm 78 that is wrapped around my heart. But perhaps I’m avoiding the “negative” side of God. I’m trying to keep things simple by not giving all the verse yet, but perhaps I should be giving the whole thing. But even still, I still will emphasize one part or the other. The construction of the proverb places the emphasis on the second half I think. Just thinking out loud…

Popularity: 28% [?]

Popularity: 28% [?]

2April2006

Learning About Lying

Posted by Michelle under: Communication and Meaning; Lying.

This morning at breakfast, David asked to be excused. I was not sitting at the table at that time, so I asked him if his cereal was all gone (not, “Are you done?”). He said yes, but when he brought the bowl by me to put it on the counter, I saw there were quite a few Cheerios left.

Now, I do not believe David quite understands what lying is. If I were to try to get him to explain what “telling the truth” or “telling a lie” were, he wouldn’t be able to do it. He doesn’t display any guilt when he doesn’t tell the truth.

So, with this in mind, I want to help him know what telling the truth is. Just like we taught him about anger months ago by simply identifying his behavior as anger, I simply said, “David. You still have Cheerios in your bowl. You said they were all gone. They are not all gone. You did not tell Mommy the truth.” I didn’t discipline him, other than sending him back to the table to finish. I will probably repeat this conversation in other contexts a number of times before I am confident he knows that lying is a sin, and knows what lying is. Right now, I haven’t even established what truth is. This job will soon include sharing what God says about telling the truth. At the point I am confident of his understanding, I will discipline him for lying. But for now, I am simply defining it for him, as God defines it. The process has just begun.

Popularity: 17% [?]

Popularity: 17% [?]