As4Me Thinking through the process of finding wisdom.

With Lee home for the last few weeks, he’s been having family devotions in the morning. The children so much enjoy the time he spends with them, and they remind him if he forgets. The other morning I watched as he read and talked with them.What I saw made me smile.

There exists a particular image of family devotions. Father in a sport coat and tie. Mother sitting demurely to the side. Children with clean faces and tidy hair, all crowded around father in a circle, intent on the open Bible in his lap.

Here is what I saw that made me smile:

Dad in the middle of the couch. Laurel on one side turning sumersaults. David and Bethel alternately gazing at dad, the Bible, the ceiling, the lizard, the crack of light between the almost open curtains, a crayon that was left on the floor.They are not crowded around dad because that would mean they would have to touch each other. Sometimes they answer Lee’s questions appropriately, and sometimes it’s clear they missed the last several minutes of conversation.

It’s not always like this. Sometimes they’re not listening.

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Continue reading Family Devotions Shouldn’t All Look Alike

We’ve been discussing for years what our family Bible version will be. Our children were small, so we had time to think it through. Should we stay with the King James Version that we both grew up with? Should we get our children a simplified paraphrase for their “first” Bible? Since we’re in the military, it’s impossible to predict what version the churches we go to will use. Can we predict the likelihood of version? We have discovered that there are advantages when church people agree to use a common version at church (corporate reading aloud, teaching, memorizing to some extent), although pew Bibles or overhead projections are often used well for this purpose.

David is six and able to read enough to warrant getting a”real” Bible. He has a little Gideon’s New Testament that’s well loved (but never read). We’ve avoided picture Bibles for several reasons. First, because the point of a Bible in church is to read God’s Word corporately, to confirm that the teacher or preacher is indeed using God’s Word appropriately. Having a picture Bible seems a little like window dressing. We struggle with this when our primary students come to children’s church and leave their Bibles with their parents (We do use our Bibles in children’s church!). Or when children are given stickers for bringing a  Bible that they never use.  Second, we wanted the event of getting a real Bible to be significant (not merely getting an upgrade).

I also have noticed that children recognize that a picture Bible is not a Bible. Even if it has words of the Bible in it (and we have several of these in our house), children don’t reverence it like a Bible. I see this with the cheap award Bibles parents often give children (reasoning that young people are hard on Bibles, so wait until they’re older to give them a real one). Children notice the difference, and so I am particularly sensitive that a Bible should feel like a “real” Bible, to the degree practical for parents. I do like some of the covers on Bibles (although a hardback glossy one looks like a picture book to me, even if it contains the whole Bible). I particularly like the bright solid colors, with durable materials. They’re distinctive enough to look like a Bible, but still appeal to a child.

We finally decided to have an official family version. That way when all the children are able to read the Bible together, we’ll be reading the same words. We’ll be memorizing from this version as a family. We do have other versions that we use, but the Bibles we purchase for our children will all be the same. We decided the New King James Version was best for our family.

If I were choosing a version only for readability, I’d go with the easiest version to understand; however, that’s not necessarily the most accurate translation. If I were choosing a version for academic value, I’d choose the King James Version (It is the language that the writers of the classics grew up with, and there are academic advantages to knowing its language well). But they can learn Elizabethan English in other ways. Academic achievements are incidental, but not a part of my decision making process. This is the Word of God, not a textbook! The New King James version is not prohibitively difficult for a new reader (particularly if he’s familiar with scriptures already, and its language), and the syntax (word order) is particularly more accessible for children than the authorized version.

It’s not that the old King James Version is too hard for children to learn. We grew up with it at home and at church, and we know it well. However, as adults, we’ve discovered that portions of the Old Testament in particular were not well understood, in spite of having reasonable intelligence and growing up with it in home and church. What I have found is that the vocabulary, which most parents discuss, is not the biggest hurdle to overcome. The most difficult element seems to be the word order and sentence length, even for older children who are good readers.

So we purchased a Bible for David. Tomorrow I’ll talk about one of the best days I’ve had as a mother.

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Continue reading Choosing Our Children’s Bible

I’ve been pondering the practice of having a family “quiet time,” all the kids reading the Bible individually in their own chairs for a set period of time. When the children cannot read, they are permitted to look at Bible picture books. (I’m not talking about “family worship” where a father or mother leads a family in Bible study as a family at home, although there are some similarities worth pondering.)

It sounds good in some ways. I like the idea of having a set aside time that is theoretically free from distraction. Maybe it would be easier for me to read my Bible in peace. It’s good for children to develop good spiritual habits that will carry them through their adult years. And it might make me look good, in case anyone is watching. It sounds like something a well organized, super spiritual mom of 12 would do, so it must be an admirable practice.

Requiring participation in spiritual activity isn’t unusual. We don’t ask our preschool children if they want to go to church. They go. Sometimes I ask my children if they want to hear something from the Bible, and they answer no. I often tell them anyway. Many times I don’t even ask. Lee and I have been talking about memorizing more scripture with our children; that would not be an optional activity for them. They don’t have the option to wear clothing we consider inappropriate. When Lee reads to them from the Bible or a Bible story book, that’s not an optional time. (Although when Bethel and Laurel were babies, we did let them wander until they could sit and listen to the story.)

Still, there are a great many spiritual activities that we are hesitant to require, primarily because we don’t want to manufacture spirituality in our children, but also because our children do not profess salvation and these activities are not characteristic of an unsaved person. Here are some examples of spiritual habits we don’t require:

• We don’t require that they close their eyes during mealtime prayers, but we do require them to hold hands and be quiet.
• We allow them to pray if they ask, but we don’t press them to if they express reluctance.
• We encourage singing in church, but it’s not something we require.
• We don’t ask them to “perform” for others– reciting or reading Scripture or other spiritual activities.
• We’ve not yet talked about tithing or giving a part of their money to God. (They do put money in the offering that we give them, but if they earn money we haven’t required that they give a portion to God).

It looks like the difference between what we require and what we don’t require is primarily whether the activity is a personal response to God, or a corporate practice. We require spiritual activity as a family: going to church, family worship led by Daddy. We do not seem to require anything that is primarily the response of a heart tender toward God.

I think the biblical motivation behind these ideas is to avoid making good Pharisees: cleaning up the outside when the inside is not clean. We recognize that the outside flows from the inside.

On the other hand, at some point I want to encourage my children to respond to God in these ways. I’d like to make it easy for them. That’s what we’ll think about tomorrow.

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Continue reading Forcing Devotions

This morning I read the Hebrews 12 passage to my children. I gave them some hot apple cider, so they weren’t in a hurry to finish breakfast like they often are. While they sipped their drinks, we had an encouraging talk.

I asked them first who God disciplines— people he loves, or people he hates. Bethel was sure that God didn’t discipline people he loves. David wasn’t sure. I asked them if they like it when Mom or Dad disciplines them. Of course, they both said No! Then I reread the part about despising God’s discipline. They understood it.

Then I asked them why they shouldn’t hate God’s discipline. I told them God’s Word gives us two reasons. First, because it shows us that we are a part of God’s family. Second, because it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness. Since we’ve talked before about repentance, I brought that up.

David responded, “That’s hard” when I reviewed the definition about repentance. Joy filled my heart, because I rarely hear volunteered information like this from him. Hurray! Yes, it’s more than hard. It is impossible to change our own hearts and do right. I explained that the Holy Spirit is a gift from God to those who have accepted God’s gift of salvation. It was a really good opportunity to talk about the Gospel.

They hadn’t even finished their cider!

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Continue reading Discipline Talks

The other day, my son had a problem with complaining. From the time he woke up, nothing pleased him. By the time we were in the car to run some errands, I realized the complaining wasn’t going to stop unless I said or did something.

I attempted to explain why complaining (about everything) was such a serious offense against God. When I paused and looked back in my rear view mirror, he was covering his ears.

Perhaps I was talking too much. Perhaps I should have been questioning, but I don’t think questioning would have been effective this time.

Perhaps it is time for another breakfast talk about complaining. I’ll probably ask them if they can remember any Bible stories or people about complaining and see what they say. I’ll ask them what the Bible says about God’s provision. They may not know the answers, but this will give me an opportunity to share them.

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Continue reading Stopping the Ears

This morning at breakfast, I had pretty much decided that I wasn’t going to bother having a Bible discussion. But Bethel asked if I would talk about the kings we talked about “last night” (it takes awhile to understand their lack of time sense). I was surprised and pleased. So I explained how Israel was divided into two countries long ago. We talked a little bit about Asa and Ahab, and I read several portions of Scripture that narrate the story.

David finished his cereal, and I told him he could be excused, but he stayed around, in his low-key manner. At one point, he said, “You’re reading a long time!” and I figured he’d probably get up to go play. I just said, “I am. I like this part, and Bethel and Laurel want to hear it. You can go wash your bowl if you like.” Still he stayed, and I thanked the Lord for the small indicator that He is drawing these children to Himself.

Eventually we all finished eating and reading and talking. It was a good morning.

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