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Saying Goodbye

  • Posted on March 22, 2010 at 9:31 am

The other day, we had a tearful moment when David realized we’ll be in Texas for his friend Elia’s birthday. When we told him that we probably would be unable to drive him nine hours to New Mexico for the event, he was grief stricken.

The last move wasn’t too difficult. David and Bethel were still little more than toddlers, and they hadn’t developed relationships with other children. Here, though, God has blessed them (and us) with other children they love and spend time with. Humanly speaking, deep relationships are not too conducive for military uprooting every four years, but God is good. My solution for goodbyes last time wasn’t Christlike. So the next morning, I asked myself, does God say anything to encourage my children about those painful goodbyes?

Yes, he does! For the last few weeks, I’ve been rereading Philippians every other day or so, in an attempt to learn it better. And as I sat at the breakfast table, Laurel said “Read Philippians to us.” So I began reading Philippians. Look!

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, 4 always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, 5 for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, 6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; 7 just as it is right for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart, inasmuch as both in my chains and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers with me of grace. 8 For God is my witness, how greatly I long for you all with the affection of Jesus Christ.

See here? I told my children with delight. Paul longed for his friends in Philippi. I was encouraged to be able to explain to them that longing for our friends is not unexpected or ungodly. Saying goodbye is a part of life. I asked them what Paul did when he remembered his friends. They weren’t sure, so I read these verses again. Of course! When Paul remembered the Philippians, he THANKED GOD and PRAYED for them! He even told us what he prayed, and we can pray that, too.

And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, 10 that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, 11 being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

So we took time for each of them to say thank you for our friends. Then mommy prayed verses 9-11 for our friends. Saying goodbye is hard, and we will all miss deeply our brothers and sisters in New Mexico. However, it is a satisfying and happy thought that when like Paul, we long for friends, we can direct our thoughts outward and upward in thankfulness and prayer. I suspect our friends are going to get a lot of prayer here!

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Looking for His Appearing

  • Posted on July 19, 2009 at 11:06 pm

Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep. Psalm 127:1-2

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. Proverbs 14:1

Reminding myself that while I have responsibilities, the results are up to God. I’m getting butterflies in my tummy with Lee coming home. I’m reminding myself that my marriage is in God’s hands, and that’s a good place for it.

I am looking forward to Lee coming home. I’m reminded of how we should look forward to Jesus’ return. I’ve been getting the house ready, thinking and talking about Lee coming home, getting excited. It’s a good lesson for me to have the same attitude (more so, of course) towards Christ.

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Dealing with Disappointment

  • Posted on July 9, 2009 at 8:27 am

Last week, Lee told me that he would probably be coming home a week or two after his expected arrival time. That means my counter is off by a little more than a week, but I don’t know how to fix it. I stopped removing chains from the paper chain we made until I know a little more (I should know a little more in the next few days).

I’ve found that my children don’t express their feelings or disappointment much. If I ask whether they’re missing dad, the answer is always, “Yes.” I’ve had a few comments like “Is Daddy EVER coming home?” and such, but none of them have said anything about being disappointed or indicated that they’re having a harder time with the uncertainty. It is easy to ignore the need to teach them about disappointment simply because they can’t or don’t articulate it. I can easily assume that their outside reactions accurately represent their feelings, when it doesn’t. I’m learning that I should bring up conversations “just in case” in response to what might be going in inside. Sometimes my perception is wrong, but I think it’s wise to risk it. No harm done if my children look at me like a raving lunatic, right?

So at breakfast (or lunch, or dinner) we’ll probably talk about trusting God in diappointments. Now I have to think about what I will say!

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Lessons from Deployment

  • Posted on June 22, 2009 at 10:16 pm

I’m just a few weeks away from seeing the blessed end of my husband’s deployment. Now it feels close (2 months ago, it felt as much as when he first left). But it also seems like the hardest part.

Be not weary in well doing, for we shall reap in due season if we faint not.

I’ve been rather goal oriented, and have accomplished some good things, while Lee has been gone. Last week, as I was evaluating my goals, I had a blissful thought that when Lee came home, I could go back to being… less goal oriented. I had to chuckle at myself for this thought. Actually, it’s been good for me to keep my eye on a goal– Lee is coming home soon. I’ve been more productive this way.

Funny thing, this, because it’s when I have my eye on the goal of Jesus Christ, I become more productive for Him, too. When I get my eye on myself, or when I forget that this world is not all there is, I get lazy spiritually.

God has been good to give me an example of the longing that I should have to see Him.

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds. Hebrews 12:1-3

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Phil 3:12-14

Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works. Titus 2:12-14

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Silver Linings

  • Posted on January 6, 2009 at 5:00 am

Would you believe that God put in our church a Christian Iraqi man? What are the odds of that, in our little town in the middle of nowhere?

How good is God?  Providing a family whose Christian heritage in Iraq goes back many generations? God always seems to provide gentle reminders of his lovingkindness when we need it most.

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Thoughts on Deployment

  • Posted on January 5, 2009 at 9:46 am

Lee leaves tomorrow for his six month deployment. I have a few more thoughts.

First, our church body isn’t a military church, so they don’t have much experience with deployments. But they are believers, and they take seriously God’s commands to lift each other up practically and spiritually. I plan to visit my parents, but I also don’t want to take away the blessing of the church functioning as a body. Once again, God is showing me how important it is to be a part of a local body, not just attend services somewhere. This is important to me, but also to my children. There is no substitute.

Second, it’s great for people to minister to the kids and me, but I also need to find ways of ministering to others, too. I can sense that it will be easy to become too self-focused, when instead I should be thinking of how I can serve. With my evenings free, I can babysit for families in our church. There are single women I can spend some more time with. I’ll show my children how these things keep my eyes off myself and on the Lord. That’s the place of perfect peace, as a friend thoughtfully pointed out recently.

Third, many people have expressed great concern for our children. We appreciate the prayers immensely! But we are trying to remember that God is our refuge and strength. It is an opportunity to show them that because mommy and daddy know God, we are comforted and strengthened. It is an opportunity to share the gospel with them: they do not have the same kind of help. We are praying that God will use this deployment to draw our children to Himself in salvation. God’s grace is sufficient for our children as well as ourselves.

How can you pray for us? Pray that we will continue to seek the Lord in His word passionately, consistently. Pray that we do not become complacent and waste the time God has given us apart by spending it on idle and worthless amusements. Pray that God will use this time to strengthen our marriage and family. Does it seem strange that God can do this?  He can. Pray that we will use the situation God has given us as a tool of testimony. Many unsaved military members do not understand the resources available to believers. We have an opportunity if we do not squander it.

When I look at how I’d like to be prayed for. I realize that these are things I can pray for you. Every person has a unique situation that God is using specifically for his or her sanctification. Deployment is hard, but so are the many struggles that each person carries. Everyone is facing something difficult, not just me. Nobody has it all together. We all need prayer and encouragement.

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Missing Out on God’s Provision

  • Posted on November 5, 2008 at 10:38 am

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I recently reread Psalm 78 and realized that I haven’t talked with my children about what God has done in our family’s lives. We talk about Bible stories, but God is the God of Today, not just Yesterday.

We will not hide them from their children,
but tell to the coming generation
the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might,
and the wonders that he has done.

He established a testimony in Jacob
and appointed a law in Israel,
which he commanded our fathers
to teach to their children,
that the next generation might know them,
the children yet unborn,
and arise and tell them to their children,
so that they should set their hope in God
and not forget the works of God,
but keep his commandments;
and that they should not be like their fathers,
a stubborn and rebellious generation,
a generation whose heart was not steadfast,
whose spirit was not faithful to God. Psalm 78:3-8

So at breakfast (which is still my favorite time to talk about God at our house) this week several times, we’ve gone over our family history. We’ve talked about how God brought mommy and daddy together. We’ve talked about how God led us to California, where we were close to the Pryde cousins. We talked about how God led us to New Mexico, even though we had no idea why or what He had in mind. We talked about daddy’s deployment.

What has been interesting to me is how the military has been a major part of seeing God’s provision in our familiy. Realisticly, some miraculous provisions haven’t been a large part of our family’s story, like financial miracles. Lee has a good job from God, and good health from God, and good character to work from God (that should be a part of our narrative, I know). I’m interested to notice that in every family, there is something part of God’s care to talk about. I’ve felt a little cheated that my kids may not ever know the blessing of seeing God provide physical needs miraculously (like George Muller, et al). We’ve not seen miraculous physical healing in our family. Most of our family are believers and no miraculous conversions appear to be around the corner. But God is bigger than all that. There is plenty to show my children and point out God’s power and strength and mighty works in their lives.

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What is God doing in your life?

Three cheers for Chiao Chyi, who already has her Wisdom Wednesday post up. Who’s next?

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What Is God Doing?

  • Posted on November 4, 2008 at 9:52 am

Amazing how a clean house makes you feel more spiritual! I have to remember that. Today (after a long period of not doing so) I read Psalms to my children at breakfast.

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,

as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory.
Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.

So I will bless you as long as I live;
in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
when I remember you upon my bed,
and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
for you have been my help,
and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.
My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me. (Psalm 63)

I wanted to tell them that even in sad things, God is working. I wanted to show them the upcoming blessings of Daddy being gone. That mommy and daddy will both have more time to seek the Lord like King David talks about (they understand being thirsty in the desert!). That God is helping mommy to trust Him. I explained that this is a good time to visit their grandpa, who has a terminal illness (they still think doctors can solve everything). I told them that we’ll be able to see the Pryde cousins.

Bethel said, “I won’t be sad because we’re going to play in Grandma’s playroom.” Part of me cringes, because I know that even Grandma’s playroom won’t make the deployment a completely happy time. They’re going to miss their dad more than they now realize. But then I realized that on a kid level, God is helping them to see how He is blessing and working even in a sad time. They’ll understand the spiritual blessings as they mature (and I’m explaining some of those even before they understand them).

I think it’s helpful to tell them ahead of time that looking for God’s blessings doesn’t mean that we’re not sad, or that we won’t cry when Daddy leaves. That way they don’t get the idea that being a Christian is all sweetness and light. But there is tremendous joy in seeing God work, in seeing how He providentially works situations out for His glory in our lives (not just others’ lives).

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Deployments and Trusting God

  • Posted on October 15, 2008 at 9:38 am

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Lee received word last week that he is likely to go overseas for six months in January. God is in charge, and He loves me, so I know this is a good thing. This week, I’ve been thinking about this passage and it is giving me rest.

And when Jesus was entered into Capernaum, there came unto him a centurion, beseeching him,

And saying, Lord, my servant lieth at home sick of the palsy, grievously tormented.

7And Jesus saith unto him, I will come and heal him.

8The centurion answered and said, Lord, I am not worthy that thou shouldest come under my roof: but speak the word only, and my servant shall be healed.

9For I am a man under authority, having soldiers under me: and I say to this man, Go, and he goeth; and to another, Come, and he cometh; and to my servant, Do this, and he doeth it.

10When Jesus heard it, he marvelled, and said to them that followed, Verily I say unto you, I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel. Matthew 8:5-10

This passage is about authority and its scope. Normally, I should entrust my husband to God anyway, but how do you know if you have that kind of faith? Really, not until he’s farther away and the illusion of control is cast aside.

Just like the centurion acknowledged, God’s authority is not bound by physical proximity. And God is all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-present.  My husband may appear more vulnerable in Iraq than here in New Mexico, but he will be just as much in God’s care regardless of his physical location. I can trust God.

Now, it is true, that being physically separated from church and family offers unique dangers. But God is no less in control, and I’m certain that he will continue to use this experience to make my husband and myself more like Christ. That’s a good thing. When I think of these things, I have rest.

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How is God’s Word changing you this week?

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The Christian Military Spouse

  • Posted on July 21, 2008 at 7:44 am

This will be the first in a loosely related, occasional series.

I am the military spouse of a US Air Force officer. I sometimes hesitate to write on military matters, because as a pediatrician, my husband has overseas assignments that are typically semi-voluntary, humanitarian (not in war zones), and short (less than six weeks). Because of my lack of experience in long deployments, and because I strive to avoid didactic posts on this blog, I’ve found it difficult to write about. We’ll see how it goes.

Of great importance is that I’m not talking about military spouses in general. There are key differences in my perspective as a follower of Jesus Christ, God in the flesh, who saved me through no effort of my own. A Christian milspouse (military spouse) will face life differently than one who does not have the help of the Holy Spirit changing her. If you do not know the peace that comes from knowing Jesus Christ as God and Savior, click here first. I’d love to hear what you think.

Later I’ll talk about some of the ways I’ve noticed Christians happily thriving in this community. This time, I’m going to talk about two major challenges that the military culture can present for a Christian.

First, military people tend to keep many of their relationships shallow. At our first duty station, we decided to live on base, and our next-door neighbors were due to move away a month after we moved in. I remember thinking, “I just won’t make friends with them, then.” A natural reaction, perhaps, but not according to Scripture. What does God say?

Eph 4:32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

In other words, our motivation for showing kindness is God’s love and forgiveness for me, not how it benefits me or even others. Now look at Paul’s example.

II Corinthians 12:14,19 And I will very gladly spend and be spent for you; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved. Again, think ye that we excuse ourselves unto you? we speak before God in Christ: but we do all things, dearly beloved, for your edifying.

Paul spent his life serving others. His motivation was not personal satisfaction. It was not so he might be praised and loved. In fact, Paul made the choice to love, knowing as he did so that he would be loved less in response. That’s a powerful example for us to follow, whether it be as parents or brothers and sisters in Christ.

Military families do have friends, and there’s a special camaraderie in the military. When I know of a new person, I’m motivated to reach out sometimes because I know what it’s like to be new. Many in the military culture are good at reaching out: organizing support groups, bringing meals, planning play dates. However, this is not the same thing as spending and being spent for the good of somebody else because of the Gospel. True, some military family members really do exemplify the self-sacrificial giving exemplified in Scripture. But many do not.

One reason we keep our relationships fairly shallow is that saying goodbye often hurts. But our motivation in Christ is not our own pleasure, but the good of others. I’ve learned this by failure, too. The first time we left a base, I hibernated for a week or so and didn’t say goodbye to anyone. It was easier than taking the time to say goodbye as I ought to have, and I chose the easier way, but not the godly way. Rather, we must give, without expecting something in return, knowing we may indeed hurt the greater for loving more biblically. Being in the military culture does not give us the option of disobeying God’s commands to love and edify one another.

Another reason we keep our relationships fairly shallow is that being transparent often hurts. This difficulty isn’t unique to the military community, but moving frequently can compound the challenge. It takes time to get to know someone, and we are reluctant to be transparent before we know and trust others. How is a Christian to respond? It’s helpful to remind myself that being a part of the military doesn’t exempt me from following the commands of transparency and accountability found throughout God’s word. Some personalities may have to be transparent more quickly than they are comfortable with. Other personalities may need patience when others do not reciprocate quickly in response to transparency. I must remember that I am responsible for my own obedience to God, and I cannot base my obedience on whether others around me are also being obedient. Moreover, I am called to obey even when it is difficult or “out of my comfort zone.”

In any situation, we have to examine our motives for showing love. Am I more inclined to invite someone over who is most like me? who I am most comfortable with? It is possible my motives are on the basis of how reaching out makes me feel, not simply out of obedience to Christ. Sometimes military members associate only with other military members, but that doesn’t reflect the community of believers we see in God’s Word. When I take the time to see what Scripture commands, my responsibility is more clear.

Tomorrow we’ll talk about how these challenges spill over into the realm of parenting.

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