5May2008

Military Deployment

Posted by Michelle under: Military Life.

Fellow blogger and new mother Chiao Chyi, is facing the first days without her husband, who left for Singaporean military training for four months. Those of my readers who are spouses of a US military member can understand a bit how she’s feeling about now. Feel free to go post some encouragement on her blog.

Popularity: 24% [?]

Popularity: 24% [?]

16April2008

Planning, Contentment, and Delight

Posted by Michelle under: Military Life; Wisdom.

Today’s Wisdom Wednesday post is a guest post by Carrie Boyer, a friend of mine here in New Mexico. When she started sharing with me some of the things that God has been teaching her, I thought it might be a blessing for you to hear from her.

Lately I’ve been struggling with making some important decisions regarding our family’s future. My husband’s military commitment will be up in 1 year and we are trying to determine where to live after that. I’m very indecisive and just don’t feel a sense of peace about either option we have been discussing for quite some time. I feel frustrated because I really don’t feel like I’m getting much direction from God and am more confused the more my husband and I talk about it. It makes me wonder how much I truly trust God and if I should just let the future happen instead of trying to plan it all out. Proverbs 3:5 states, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.” I need to remind myself that God is in control and has a plan for our lives. Psalm 47:10 states “Be still, and know that I am God.” That’s very hard for me because I’m a type-A personality and I want to know and plan out all the details. I think planning ahead for your future is responsible and beneficial, however I’ve started worrying and obsessing over it. This is wasted time and shows my lack of trust in God. Matthew 6:34 teaches I need not worry about the future. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

I wonder if part of the reason I’m so anxious is because I’m just not content with my current circumstances and want to ensure that wherever we live next, I will be happy. I’ve been working on my attitude for quite some time now, but still seem to focus on the past and wish for things that are long gone. At church this past weekend the pastor talked about Psalm 37:4. “Delight yourself in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” I asked myself if I truly delight in the Lord. Honestly, my answer has been no lately. My prayer is that God please help me to change my heart and to be content wherever I live. Also, I pray not to get caught up in the world’s desires for it leaves me feeling empty and unhappy.

Popularity: 41% [?]

Popularity: 41% [?]

24January2008

Bad Books on a Military Base

Posted by Michelle under: Book Reviews; Military Life.

We have two libraries in our town. One is in Alamogordo (our city), about ten minutes from our house. The other library is on Holloman Air Force Base, our base where my husband is stationed. They have story time on the same day, at the same time. I’ve always gone to story time on base, primarily because afterwards I can go grocery shopping and we can eat lunch with daddy.

I noticed the library had a new acquisition in the children’s room: Why War Is Never a Good Idea by Alice Walker.

Here is what Publisher’s Weekly had to say about the book.

In a startlingly graphic exploration of the horrors of war, Vitale (When the Wind Stops) first paints folk-like landscapes in his signature style, showing graceful, brown-skinned mothers cuddling their children, and birds soaring through the jungle. Then he crushes them, covers them with gray paint, or smears horrid, waxy substances over them, and collages the results—which, like the fruits of war, are the stuff of nightmares. Walker’s (There Is a Flower at the Tip of My Nose, Smelling Me) text is equally frightening. Of a “blissful” mother and child, she writes, “They do not smell War… Marching slowly/ toward them.” She shifts into second person: “War tastes terrible/ & smells/ Bad… You could die/ While/ Choking/ &/ Holding/ Your/ Nose.” Accompanying the latter passage, Vitale shows a creature made of some unspeakable, dripping, brown and green muck, in whose depths plastic soldiers are buried and whose face has the shape of a skull. The final spread offers a view from inside a deep well. Its walls are encrusted with some brackish substance, and 11 dark faces—mothers, children, a man in a suit—peer down into it. “Now, suppose,” Walker concludes, “You/ Become War/ It happens/ To some of/ The nicest/ People/ On earth:/ & one day/ You have/ To drink/ The/ Water/ In this place.” Leaving kids feeling more aware than ever of their helplessness in the face of real and terrifying issues beyond their control, this book may be even more disturbing than a fact-based presentation. Ages 4-8.

Take a look at the book. Is it true that war is always a bad idea? As a part of the US military force, I recognize the horror of war. I believe war is a terrible thing, but sometimes the horror of war is necessary. If my husband and I did not believe this, we would not be a part of our military.

Is there never honor in war? Does all war kill indiscriminately? Does war ever care about the civilians going about their daily lives? This book shows the violence and evil and none of the good. It is not a good book on war for any child, let alone for those whose parents are a part of the US military.

Would you give this book to a child whose father or mother is deployed? Training for a mission? How do you pray for your pilot daddy, when you’re given a book telling you that war never cares for people, old buildings, and the environment?

I’ve found a number of children’s books on war, and never felt so angry as this. There are far better ways to teach children than this. This book has no place in a US military library.

Next week, we’ll be at the library in town. We’ll eat lunch with Daddy another day.

p.s. In all of the air force libraries, it appears to be only two places: here at Holloman, and Ellsworth Library in South Dakota.

Popularity: 28% [?]

Popularity: 28% [?]

17December2007

The Blessings of Deployment

Posted by Michelle under: Military Life.

Some of my readers may have missed the fact that my husband is in the military. We’re often asked whether he deploys (gets sent overseas for a period of time). The answer to that is no. At least, not yet. Right now the air force does not deploy its pediatricians except for short humanitarian missions a few weeks at a time; however, Lee’s considering some career options that will make him more deployable. So I’ve been thinking about deployment a little more closely lately.

My mother-in-law was a new bride when her husband was sent to Vietnam. She lived with her brother-in-law and his wife, with their two small children. Recently, she mentioned that she learned a great deal from them about parenting, and their godly example was instrumental when my father-in-law came home and their own children were born several years later. I am excited when I consider that God took a very scary, difficult time, but used it to mold and shape the mother of my husband. I am thankful for what God did.

Although I’ve not seen my husband gone for long periods of time, I’m encouraged when my friends share how God is teaching them lessons they would not have the opportunity to learn any other way. One friend has been working on repairing a relationship with her mother who lives out of state. Another friend has found more opportunities to talk to her husband about spiritual things on the telephone. I’ve seen the trials of deployment motivate many wives and mothers to turn to God for their ultimate security and strength.

In fact, it’s also true that God can use a deployment to draw a woman (and her husband, far away) close to himself in salvation. Deployment can be an opportunity for the local church to serve as God intended, building up the family and encouraging them in the Lord.

Many times I’ve had a difficult trial, and instead of looking to see what God would have me to learn, I’ve started to complain about why I wish the trial were gone. How sad that must be to God. No matter how God leads our family, I can rest, knowing that He is working for my best good.

Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.

Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not? hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness.

Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:

Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:1-2, 6-9

Pray for the wives whose husbands are gone. Pray that they seek the Lord. Pray for strength and wisdom. Pray for spiritual growth in their husbands. When you see the uniform, pray!

Popularity: 20% [?]

Popularity: 20% [?]

13August2007

Missing My Mom

Posted by Michelle under: Military Life.

One of the challenges of being in the military is that family isn’t always close by. I sometimes struggle with discontent when hearing of moms who have the luxury of handing of the kids to grandma on occasion, or who have the privilege (as do a number of families in our church) of attending church with parents and grandparents and siblings and their families.

God could have sent us to a base near family, but He chose not to. Perhaps if I were close to family, I wouldn’t appreciate the body of Christ as much. Maybe I wouldn’t seek godly friends if sisters-in-law were within driving distance. I really don’t know why God does what he does, but I do know that God delights in my dependence on him. He is pleased when the body of Christ functions as a family.

I have been delighted to know that he has placed friends and other believers here for me; they are an encouragement to me. I’m so thankful for all the people I’ve been able to meet as a result of being transplanted in the dusty Chihuahuan desert.

Popularity: 16% [?]

Popularity: 16% [?]

16June2007

Adjustment

Posted by Michelle under: Fear; Military Life.

Laurel has had the hardest time adjusting to Lee being home. She’s just entering a stranger anxiety phase, so although she was happy to see Lee, she was also insecure around him. Good thing he understands babies and was nonplussed by her distress. She’ll be back to normal soon. The other kids seemed to take this trip in stride; maybe if Lee had been gone a little longer you would have seen more difficulty. They were thrilled to have him home. And they both went to bed without any trouble.

Having come home, I have some good intentions. I want to finish the Heartfelt Parenting review. While I was in California, I did some testing of a teen with some cognitive delay. I spent a lot of time talking about the implications of intelligence on spiritual instruction. I finally decided I needed to write on that.

That’s all the good intentions I will share, otherwise I might have to follow through. And I need to review all the good intentions I had before I left for California. Maybe I can get back on track.

Popularity: 22% [?]

Popularity: 22% [?]

15June2007

Home at Last

Posted by Michelle under: Fear; Military Life; Mom Time.

A dear friend from church met me at the airport today, dropped off Lee’s car for him, and drove us home in our van. Her action of love was a true encouragement. Instead of merely telling me I should depend on God rather than myself (a true statement) or reminding me that other mothers have it worse (another true statement), she unselfishly gave her time to meet a genuine physical need.

Sometimes we dole out advice when we should be doling out help. (Advice isn’t always bad, but when it substitutes for needed help, it can be quite discouraging.)

My older children are in tears, so I told them both they could lie down with me for awhile. Bethel fell asleep in short order, and I carried her to bed. David was afraid of the smoke alarm, so I took some time to explain how it worked. Then we talked about what King David did when he was afraid (I make sure that my kids know that bravery doesn’t mean you’re not afraid; bravery is doing right even when we are afraid). We prayed, and I reminded David that our God is a very big God. He can take care of us, even when our Daddy is gone.

Popularity: 24% [?]

Popularity: 24% [?]

15June2007

Heading Home

Posted by Michelle under: Attention; In the Car and on the Go; Military Life.

Lee comes home tomorrow, so we’re on our way home today. I’m leaving some things I brought so I’ll only have one suitcase (plus the children’s small suitcases). I have yet to close the lid, so that should be a challenge.
The children have done great, but I think they all are looking forward to seeing Daddy. I have enjoyed being with my parents, but really, I think staying home wouldn’t have been bad. Last time Lee was gone I stayed home, and although it had different challenges, it was easier in some ways. Still, going home is good because you get a chance to see your family from your family’s eyes, since they’re the few people who will tell you what they think of your childrearing habits if you really want to know.

The kids never did go to bed well, not a one.  Laurel is about to learn the meaning of no since she’s just about ready to crawl. Bethel is really doing much better about obeying these days. She still has her moments, but I’ve noticed a difference.

I didn’t get any help from my parents on dealing with Bethel’s preoccupied and carefree personality. They claim I wasn’t like that, but I think they’ve just forgotten. Meanwhile, she continues to need verbal feedback to help her follow through with obeying, she still carries her dinner plate in the wrong direction, and is often generally not paying attention to the world around her. She’s got something exciting going on in her head I’m sure, so it’s something I’ll be watching. For now, I’m just giving verbal reminders: look where you’re going, your glasses are on your head, what did mommy tell you to do? This seems to help.

I must return to my packing.

Popularity: 32% [?]

Popularity: 32% [?]

6June2007

The Lord Is My Shepherd

Posted by Michelle under: In the Car and on the Go; Military Life; Uncategorized.

Discipline your children right, we are told, and when they go out in public they will behave properly. I hope this was the product of someone who had forgotten about infants, toddlers, and preschoolers. Maybe it’s because their dad is gone, maybe it’s because their sleep schedule has been somewhat erratic, but the kids have been hyper, messy, and pushing every boundary. That’s a challenge because I am more aware than usual that people who aren’t used to young children find them annoying when they are hyper, messy, and pushing boundaries. Yesterday, some of David’s cousins came over to play, and David and Bethel were much better behaved. Guess they needed to work off a bunch of energy outside. I was thankful to see some improvement; I was starting to worry.

In Isaiah 40, we read “He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.”

Those are comforting words. When my husband is around, it’s easy to depend on his ability to help me. It’s comforting to know when he’s coming home from work to know I’ll have an extra mind and two hands. When he’s gone, it’s a good reminder that my comfort and security are ultimately in God. And my God is the Shepherd who is compassionate and understanding of the mommies with babies. He knows the limitations that come from having three little ones in tow. Remembering that God is with me… well, my whole attitude changes! I can survive and be joyful.

Popularity: 17% [?]

Popularity: 17% [?]

23March2007

Much Better, Thank You

Posted by Michelle under: Bedtime; Military Life.

Amazing how spiritual you can feel after a decent night’s sleep… It wasn’t great, but it was better than previous days this week, plus Lee didn’t go to PT (physical training) at 6:30 so I got an extra hour of sleep.

Bedtime went better for the older two last night. Lee parked himself outside the door and stopped excessive talking or getting out of bed. It struck me that this is one way to ensure 100% consistency for awhile until the bad behavior stops. That’s a happy thought.

Music class went well today. I had to humble myself and call a friend for help getting things ready (i.e., house cleaned), and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do it because I’ve been sick (did a throat culture today), but all went well. I’m on my way to bed now.

Almost back to normal. Bethel is still crying “I want my daddy” when she’s unhappy for some reason. We’re still adjusting to Dad in charge instead of Mom. (I’ve said more times than I can count “That’s your daddy’s decision” or “Ask your daddy.” Just imagine the adjusting when dads are gone for several months or a year.)

Popularity: 26% [?]

Popularity: 26% [?]