16July2008

Casting My Cares

Posted by Michelle under: Wisdom.

God’s been reminding me each night this week to cast my cares on Him.

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. I Peter 5:7

I’m too busy right now during the day to worry, but each night I’ve gone to bed restless, mulling things over, and that’s not a good way to go to sleep. I have had to deliberately turn my thoughts to the Lord and His provision.

I’ve reminded myself that I don’t have to worry about the what-ifs tomorrow and beyond. I need to be seeking the Lord first, and God will take care of those things as they come. I can manipulate and scheme like Jacob, but then, I wouldn’t be trusting in God; I’d be leaning on my own understanding. If I want God to direct my paths, I need to be seeking Him more, acknowledging Him in every area of my life.

Each night I’ve gone to bed, God has helped me to sleep trusting in His mercy for me and those I love. God’s grace is sufficient. This is blessed sleep.

Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness!
You have relieved me in my distress;
Have mercy on me, and hear my prayer.

How long, O you sons of men,
Will you turn my glory to shame?
How long will you love worthlessness
And seek falsehood?  Selah
But know that the LORD has set apart for Himself him who is godly;
The LORD will hear when I call to Him.

Be angry, and do not sin.
Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still.  Selah
Offer the sacrifices of righteousness,
And put your trust in the LORD.

There are many who say,
“Who will show us any good?”
LORD, lift up the light of Your countenance upon us.
You have put gladness in my heart,
More than in the season that their grain and wine increased.
I will both lie down in peace, and sleep;
For You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

Psalm 4

How is God’s Word changing you this week?

Popularity: 11% [?]

Popularity: 11% [?]

25June2008

How is the Heart Made Glad?

Posted by Michelle under: Wisdom.

It’s not a change in actions this week, or even something new I had never thought of before. But God’s Word has been challenging how I think about the challenges I’ve been facing.

Consider the work of God:
who can make straight what he has made crooked?

In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him.

Ecclesiastes 7:13-14

Chapter seven leads up to these verses to warn us that the easy way isn’t always the best way. God uses hard things to make us more like him. Once again I am challenged in how I view the problems gifts God sends my way. From large difficulties down to a child who doesn’t sleep when I need her to, God is deliberately guiding me in such a way that I continue to seek Him rather than chafe at the hurt and inconvenience. As I think about this topic, I have been considering even more areas where I need to be acknowledging God’s presence and direction in my life. Solomon leaves nothing out, because even the good things I must acknowledge come from God. I can give thanks and rejoice in every situation. I can acknowledge him in all my ways.

I can do those things today, right now.

Is God using Scripture to change you this week?

Popularity: 39% [?]

Popularity: 39% [?]

18June2008

Choosing to Defer My Attention

Posted by Michelle under: Mom Time.

Iron sharpens iron,
and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. I Peter 4:8 (and other places)

One of the good things about receiving feedback is that I am challenged to continue thinking about a matter. That’s why I welcome comments that challenge something I have said, and even comments that I might ultimately continue to disagree with. It’s also why I’m thankful for my husband, who is one of the few who are bold enough to tell me I’m wrong, and are gracious when I finally admit they’re right.

Lee doesn’t like the word ignore. I harumphed a bit when he told me this, but when I looked it up, I realized he was right. The AHD says ignore means “To refuse to pay attention to; disregard.” Then I noticed that this is what Diane seems to be saying in her comments, too.

And another friend reminded me that Jesus paid an awful price for every single sin I have ever committed or will commit. In this sense, God does not “disregard” our sin. But there is a sense where God does not bring up every failing. Who could stand up to a laundry list of every single area of struggle, every thought, every action? It would be too overwhelming for a person who feared the Lord and was attempting to be obedient to His Word.

I still believe there is something to be learned about God, and parenting, in understanding what it means that God does not “mark every sin.” I think it’s safe to say that I need to understand how to wisely decide what to address immediately and thoroughly, and what to defer to another time and place.

The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.
He will not always chide: neither will he keep his anger for ever.
He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him.
As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.
Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him.
For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.
As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth.
For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone; and the place thereof shall know it no more.

But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him,
and his righteousness unto children’s children (Psalm 103:8-17).

What is God teaching you this week? How is Scripture changing you?

Popularity: 45% [?]

Popularity: 45% [?]

4June2008

How to Find an Answer

Posted by Michelle under: Wisdom.

As I was thinking through the process of responding to anger in infants (a challenge I’m working through right now), I was reminded of the passages that talk about learning how to respond rightly to the situations I face each day.

Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time. Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. Colossians 4:5

But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear: II Peter 3:15

The Peter passage in particular is talking within the context of responding to unsaved people, but it clearly can apply to our children. After all, we are teaching them about the hope that is within us, hopefully with a meek and sober attitude. What I’ve been thinking about is that I’ve always focused on the “be ready” part and not on the “sanctify” part. My pastor’s wife suggested this phrase reminds her of the need to renew her mind found in Ephesians 4 and Romans 12. Here is what trusty Matthew Henry says.

We sanctify the Lord God in our hearts when we with sincerity and fervency adore him, when our thoughts of him are awful and reverend, when we rely upon his power, trust to his faithfulness, submit to his wisdom, imitate his holiness, and give him the glory due to his most illustrious perfections.

I like that. I want to be careful that I’m not merely studying how to answer and respond to my children. I want to also be sanctifying God in my heart. That reminds me of Proverbs 3:6: In all thy ways acknowledge [God], and he shall direct thy paths. Yes, I can see how sanctifying God in my heart is like acknowledging God in all my ways. That’s a fun connection I’ve never made until now.

The only trouble is, now I feel sheepish about starting to think through the problem (my promised post) until after I’ve spent some time doing this. Part of me says “can’t you write first and sanctify later?” No, I guess not. I hope you all don’t mind if I tackle anger and infants tomorrow. I need to think about this some more, and maybe others do, too.

Popularity: 58% [?]

Popularity: 58% [?]

30May2008

Problem Solving when Parenting

Posted by Michelle under: Introspection; Uncategorized; Wisdom.

In the last chapter of Parenting with Wisdom, my mom outlines a process for thinking through problems, er, opportunities we face with our children.

She establishes that putting off behavior isn’t sufficient; we must replace bad behavior with good behavior. She also establishes that simply replacing behavior without a change of heart or mind is also not sufficient. When we teach our children to be well behaved without considering the heart, we are making good Pharisees.

That you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24

With a caveat that the very best behaved, unsaved preschool child is still a Pharisee until he accepts Christ as his Savior, this is a helpful model to consider as we brainstorm solutions to those proble– opportunities.

Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23

Furthermore, Mother reminds the reader that our actions flow from our desires and beliefs. This statement is biblical and common enough in Bible-based Christian parenting literature.

Now we must step out of theory and into real life. Knowing these things, what should we do next? In this last chapter, Mother outlines common problems and solutions, not so you know how to solve those problems, but so you know how to find solutions to your own problems. Make sense?

Here is her pattern:

• Look for possible underlying problems.
• Look for possible parental contributions.
• What should be put off? (with Scripture)
• What should be put on? (with Scripture)

I’ve found this pattern helpful. I learned it by watching her before I ever read about it in the book. It’s how she helped me think through problems I faced when I worked with children in high school, college, and beyond. The pattern reflects how she questioned me when I called her about problems I faced with my own children.

Care to try a few opportunities? On Monday, we’ll start with something easy, and then on Tuesday (and maybe the rest of the week) we’ll do one that is a little harder. In the meantime, try it yourself, and see if thinking your challenge through in this way doesn’t help you avoid leaning on your own understanding and instead helps you to acknowledge and follow His path.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Popularity: 80% [?]

Popularity: 80% [?]

28May2008

A Critical Spirit

Posted by Michelle under: Uncategorized; Wisdom.

The other day I was feeling ashamed because I had been critical in the course of a conversation. The Lord brought to mind several passages that I’ve been thinking about and trying to put into practice.

A lady I used to ride to church with had an admirable trait of knowing something good about everyone. My sisters-in-law have a similar way of naturally thinking of best of everyone. I’d love to be more like that. It’s not a show– saying something nice to rebuke those who aren’t being kind, or being charitable because it is the socially expected action to take. Instead, her speech is kind because she genuinely thinks kind thoughts.

He who is devoid of wisdom despises his neighbor,
But a man of understanding holds his peace (Proverbs 11:12).

If I am wise, I’m not going to despise and criticize my neighbor. As my husband reminded me, despising my neighbor often means I am comparing with myself. The apostle Paul reminds us that comparing among ourselves is not wise (II Corinthians 10:12). Aha! There’s a connection! Furthermore, James shows us that earthly wisdom is self serving.

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

James 3:13-18

I want the godly wisdom James describes here.

What Scripture are you attempting to put into practice this week?

Popularity: 61% [?]

Popularity: 61% [?]

22May2008

Parenting on a Cycle

Posted by Michelle under: Introspection; Uncategorized.

When I was a teenager, I heard many complaints from other teenagers about their monthly cycle. My mom gave a different perspective that has stayed with me, explaining that God created women’s hormones to fluctuate on purpose. For example, women tend to be more creative some weeks than others. The emotions that seem to surge can be used of God for his glory, if we are sensitive to the needs of others, and so on.

By showing the positive side of how I was created, my mom helped me to ignore other girls who complained about such things. She helped me understand that I was still responsible for doing right, even when it seemed more difficult. But knowing why I was struggling actually helped me respond better, for some reason.

Throughout the years, I’ve noticed a number of ways that my cycle affects my day-to-day life.

• Some weeks I have a harder time being patient, and I struggle with anger more than usual. Knowing that my hormones contribute to some of the mood changes doesn’t excuse my sinfulness, but it does help me to be aware and prepare for those times. Perhaps I should pay more attention to when I schedule dates with my husband.
• I’ve long noticed there’s a relationship between my struggle to keep house clean, and my cycle. If I can be extra diligent during the “organizational high,” I can usually keep my head above water during the “organizational low.” Understanding how I work in this way helps me plan better. Some weeks are not good weeks to plan a major cleaning project.
• I actually blog on a cycle, too. Some weeks, I have an intense drive to write. I help myself out if I write like mad during those times, so when I hit the next week and am chewing on more strawberry licorice than I need and looking at a blank screen, I can use a post I’ve already written and be a better steward of the time God has given me.

All these things I’ve known for awhile. What is new is the growing awareness that I parent on a cycle too, and that’s not always a bad thing.

I’ve observed that sometimes I get a good idea, get it going for awhile, and then somehow it fades until I don’t remember doing it much at all. Looking back, I wonder whether I stopped because it was a good time to stop, or whether I stopped because I was lazy and undisciplined. In some cases, stopping a good thing might be a problem, but often, I think it’s just a part of the cycle of parenting.

Some weeks, I’ll be more creative. I can think of many projects, goals, and ways to teach my children, but that time doesn’t last. When I’m not creative, it’s normal and I shouldn’t fret because I’m not creative all the time. For example, I regularly remind myself of the importance to teach my children good hymns. I might forget to teach my children a hymn three weeks out of the month, but if I work on one hymn a month, why fret about the missing weeks? Some weeks are good weeks to try something new and fun. Other weeks are better to stick with predictable activities when I don’t feel creative or adventurous. On the other hand, just as I can prepare ahead of time when I write, I could (even though I don’t) prepare ahead of time with finding things for my children to do.

Sometimes there are tasks that must be done, even though my motivation for doing them wanes at times. That’s when I have to refuse to be feeling-oriented and simply do what is right. It’s when walking in the spirit is most critical. Even as I have a monthly cycle, I also have a life cycle. I’m maturing and growing spiritually, too. Eventually, I’ll consistently make sure that all my children’s teeth are brushed, including my own. I’ll have my room just as clean as theirs. I will go a whole month without making macaroni and cheese from a box for dinner, or asking to go out to eat rather than cook.

It is God who created women in such a way that their hormones rise and fall like the tide. Being aware of and thankful for the ebb and flow of our natural rhythm brings God glory.

Popularity: 55% [?]

Popularity: 55% [?]

21May2008

Wisdom Project Followup

Posted by Michelle under: Communication and Meaning; Wisdom.

Biblical wisdom isn’t knowing how to make half a dozen young children stand in a straight line, and sit in their chairs quietly while you get your hair cut. Wisdom isn’t the same thing as good advice from a godly friend. Biblical wisdom comes from God’s Word. In fact, Jesus reminds us that a wise mother is one who hears His Word and obeys it (Matthew 7:24-27).

I’m hoping to teach my children to value wisdom. For a description of the wisdom project, click here first.

One of the surprises of the wisdom project I’ve been doing is how much my older children (ages five and three) actually interact with me, instead of just me talking the whole time. This has been exciting.

Here are the questions they’ve asked me:

• Is wisdom when you are nice to people? Here David is trying to figure out what wisdom actually is. I smiled, because I remember wrestling with defining wisdom as a child, too. I said yes, because God tells us to be kind to others, and Jesus said wisdom is when we hear God’s Word and obey it.
• Will wisdom help people understand? This was one of the first times I’ve heard David ask a spontaneous question specifically related to something I’ve read in the Bible. He heard the word understanding as I read.
  I suspect he was thinking about understanding wisdom, but maybe that’s just wistful thinking.
• Does wisdom make people go to church? This is an interesting question, because wise people want to learn (Proverbs 1:5), and they clearly understood and remembered this characteristic. My response was Some people go to church because they want to learn. They are wise. Some people go to church because they want other people to think they are wise, not because they want to learn.
• Is a fool someone who does not obey God? Again, David is trying to develop a definition. I told him that a fool is someone who does not even want to obey God.

One of the characteristics they caught on their own was that wisdom causes people not to be afraid (see Proverbs 3:24). Since children are often fearful at night, they easily recognized what a treasure wisdom is. Bethel observed that she is afraid of the dark when Daddy closes the door. I told her that wisdom will help her to trust that God will take care of her in the dark. Bethel isn’t grasping enough while I read to get the characteristics on her own, but when I plainly tell her, she understands and is eager to contribute. I wrote her comment down, too, even though it wasn’t a question.

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.

And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”

Matthew 7:24-27

Popularity: 79% [?]

Popularity: 79% [?]

20May2008

Wisdom Project

Posted by Michelle under: Communication and Meaning; Wisdom.

Sometimes in the mornings, I read the Bible to my children. Last week, I decided that I wanted to focus on wisdom, and I got a good idea.

I had some old posterboard that I pulled out and I drew three columns, labeling each column: wise, simple, foolish. Since King Solomon said that finding wisdom was like finding treasure and jewels, we put jewels on our chart. I let the children glue some foam beads I had all along the column edges. I told them the beads were like jewels (fake jewels from a hobby store would have been nice, but I didn’t want to put off the project to get supplies). I’m not a perfectionist; I’m sure some artsy types could make this look really great. I just wanted it to look great to my children.

Then I told the children that we were going to compile words from the Bible that tell us about these three kinds of people. I would read the chapter, and then when they heard something that fit on our chart, we’d write it down.

We’ve been doing it all week. I’ve adapted it some from my early intentions. They’re not old enough to catch the characteristics without some exaggeration, emphasis, and pointed questions when I read. I’ve also not been reading the whole chapters because I don’t want to discourage them. Basically I read the chapter until I see their eyes start to wander, and then I read a verse that they can grasp in this context. I also learned that it was a good idea to read the chapter ahead of time and have an idea of what verses I was going to emphasize.

Another change I made was that I started writing down their questions about wisdom on the chart. David started asking questions, and he asked if I was going to write them down. Writing down the questions motivates them to think of things to ask, and often it’s related to what I’m reading. I could let them draw pictures that match

They’re excited about the project, and that makes me excited. I’ll give some specific questions and conversations tomorrow.

Popularity: 90% [?]

Popularity: 90% [?]

19May2008

Forgetting the Sunday School Lesson

Posted by Michelle under: Attention; Using Questions.

Today I asked David what he learned in children’s church. Try as I could, I could not get an answer out of him. I asked him whether he was being a wise listener. He insisted he listened, but he could not remember a single detail about what happened.

It is possible that fatigue had something to do with it. Lee and I were out on a date Saturday night, and the dear babysitter was bamboozled into letting them all stay up until nearly ten o’clock. And David was up around six, which is a bit earlier than normal.

I’m not certain that he cannot remember anything. Because of David’s personality, he doesn’t like pointed questioning. I need wisdom to know how to keep him talking. I’d like to get to a point where we actually discuss the lessons.

Any ideas?

Popularity: 82% [?]

Popularity: 82% [?]