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Crying over the Cereal Bowl

  • Posted on September 1, 2010 at 7:13 am

It’s Wisdom Wednesday

This week I have made good on my intention to help walk my children through applying Scripture. Today I’m writing about one of those times.

For background, my three year old is still excessively emotional, easily angered, and cries and whines when she doesn’t get her way. The hard part isn’t stopping her. She can generally stop on cue (and does, most of the time). Replacing the anger has been more challenging, so this week I’ve been walking through Philipians 4:6-7 with her.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

I’ve explained that worry and anger crowd out peace and thankfulness. And thankfulness crowds out worry and anger. So I’ve been stopping the whining, and pointing out the good things she’s forgotten about. And I’ve been having her come up with her own things to be thankful for in the specific situation.

For example, yesterday I finished my shower to find Laurel sobbing in a heap by my door. She was upset because Bethel didn’t pour her enough cereal. Now, Bethel actually asked David for help, and they both explained to Laurel (and later to me) that they told her she could have more cereal after she finished what she had. As far as I could tell, it wasn’t mean spirited, it is consistent with how I would have handled the situation, and it was a reasonable action from the older siblings. Laurel’s response was wrong.

But, I explained to Laurel, You got your favorite cereal. You have a purple bowl (the coveted bowls and sometimes a source of more tears). Bethel let you pour your own milk. Because you were angry, you forgot about all those wonderful things. Now your turn. What else can you be thankful for?

Laurel came up with a few, came back to the table, and with a few snuffles finished her cereal (and she didn’t want more when she was finished, either).

How is Scripture changing your actions this week?

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Learning to Be Wise

  • Posted on August 25, 2010 at 7:03 am

On occasion, I’ll reread something I’ve written and been completely unable to decipher what I intended to say. That’s how I felt last night, so I actually deleted my post (it was that unintelligible to me) and will repost something like it on Friday. Hopefully it will make sense.

Today is Wisdom Wednesday, and I remembered today that I wanted to write about an observation I made last week. I was rereading my original post on Wisdom Wednesday, and I noticed that I’ve been fudging a bit on my original intention.

In particular, I’ve been lecturing my children on how they can apply Scripture, and calling that wisdom. I need to do better at helping them actually think about Scripture that will help them make a decision, and then help them follow through. Ephesians 6:1 has gotten a little overused at our house lately. :) I have seen growth, though.

In school I’ve been calling them to attention by asking them to be a “wise listener.” Bethel wants to read fluently. She’s expressed a desire to be wise, so I’ve told her that the biggest thing she can do to be wise is learn to read the Bible. She’s taking that seriously and working diligently.

I’ve been using the vocabulary of Proverbs when I talk about our decisions. Yesterday, David was telling me about a decision that he was making and added “I think that is a wise decision, don’t you think so?” It made me smile, because his decision was between two playtime activities. He doesn’t yet understand the connection between wise behavior and Scripture. But he’s learning to frame the question of wisdom  when faced with a decision, and that pleases me.

Lee and I have been talking about the difference between true submission and mere compliance (accompanied by expressions of displeasure). We might be phrasing the difference with wisdom vocabulary too. I need to be reading Proverbs with this thought in mind.

With that, I must be wise and take care of my household.

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Battling a Slump

  • Posted on August 17, 2010 at 7:55 am

This morning, I drank my coffee and did not feel one bit more spiritual. I knew from my lack of energy last night that I was likely going to be battling a hormonal shift, and I could already feel myself accepting in resignation that today was “not going to be a good or profitable day.”

Not a good start

But in God’s grace, I had enough forethought to ask myself what Scripture would be most helpful in my frame of mind. Where would you turn? I turned to Proverbs to find all my laziness verses. :) And I settled on this one:

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. Proverbs 14:1

I reminded myself that if I was going to have a good day, I would have to be deliberate, in order to overcome the natural tendency before me. After a brief moment of discontent for my personality, I then asked what I could do in order to build a wise house today. Here are a few things:

  • Put on music.
  • Get a good momentum going. If I can get all accomplished by 2:00, I can coast a bit. I still need to consider what I’ll do during the evening time (Lee is on call tonight and will not be here). Perhaps I’ll
  • Stop thinking negatively. Instead of assuming I’m at the mercy of my own mood, I can see that God has provided a way to finish my day loving my husband and children.
  • Take a shower and take the time to look nice. Sounds silly, but I know I feel better when my makeup is on and my hair is done (teeth brushed is good, too), even if I’m not going anywhere. It’s extra important to do that when I’m feeling that slump.
  • Turn off the computer. Now to do that and get back to work, so I don’t lose my margin.
  • Pray that God will help me as I build my house wisely. I’ll let you know how my day went later…

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Babysitter or Mother?

  • Posted on August 9, 2010 at 5:16 am

I am not merely a babysitter.

I’m merely reminding myself of definitions here. We know how important definitions are, don’t we? My mother gently reminded me of the distinction when I was talking about the overwhelming task of shaping desires and occupying minds. “You’re not a babysitter. Being a mother is a lot more work!”

On our street, we have several families who employ babysitters all day for the school age children while the parents work. It’s been interesting to me to ask myself as I watch these sitters interact with the children, “Am I seeing my job as a glorified day care worker? Am I merely watching my children to make sure they don’t hurt themselves, each other, or the house?” These are good babysitters, but I am not a babysitter.

I am different. I have a vision for the future. A mandate. A responsibility to make choices that are best for my children, not merely what make me feel important or successful (by the world or other “Bible” moms).

It’s not smothering children to show them ways they can occupy themselves while they play. It takes time to set up a new game, prepare for a messy craft, or work out the details of a play (complete with costumes and props). I’m not merely filling the moment; I’m preparing them for when I won’t be there. I’m deliberately working my way out of a job.

That’s all for now.

I am not merely a babysitter.

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Followup to Wisdom Party

  • Posted on July 21, 2010 at 8:29 am

Well, our children haven’t had another wisdom party (i.e., unlimited candy every time they practice saying their honey verse). But I do let them say their verse and get a piece of candy one or two times each day. They have learned Proverbs 24:13-14 well that way! Usually, we followup their saying a verse to asking a question about wisdom (what is it? where does it come from? how do you get it?).

My son, eat honey because it is good,
And the honeycomb which is sweet to your taste;
14 So shall the knowledge of wisdom be to your soul; Proverbs 24:13-14

I’ve been wanting to find a new verse for them to memorize, but I’ve not found one I like. Then I found this one:

Pleasant words are like a honeycomb,
Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. Proverbs 16:24

That’s the one we’ve been saying the last few days. I’ve been pointing out when I hear pleasant words. I’ve given them examples at breakfast when we talk. I’m getting to where I love the analogy of good things and honey/candy. I want them to know the eternal things that are truly delightful and satisfying. The next passage with honey is in Psalm 19– God’s Word is sweeter than honey.

Today we had candy and pleasant words. We’ve also had whining and complaining. I’m thinking (since this is Wednesday) that I need to have pleasant words too. Sometimes I correct more than I praise. I want them to know how much joy I have when they choose to do right.

I cuddled Bethel this morning and told her, My daughter, when your heart is wise, my heart also shall rejoice.

Here is the question I’m asking myself: Are my actions showing a joy in knowledge and wisdom this week?

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Questions for Mentors

  • Posted on July 19, 2010 at 7:13 am

In every classroom, there’s a kid who raises his hand for every question a teacher asks. Often, other children stop asking and answering questions, because of this dynamic between the teacher and student. Hopefully, the teacher learns how to draw in every student gracefully, and the kid who likes to answer questions learns to discern when be quiet and why.

One of my burdens at our new church is that I be teachable and humble. I have been praying that I would be teachable. And I’ve been working at keeping my mouth closed during discussion times at the Ladies Bible Study (and trying to articulate criteria for speaking up when it’s appropriate). Having something to say isn’t always a good reason for saying it, I’m learning.

Part of the problem is that I have more of a difficulty doing what I already know to be right, instead of simply knowing what to do. I’ve always seen mentorship as primarily for those who need the latter, not the former. Another part of the problem is that I’m not a good question maker. When I’m with someone that I know is a godly older woman, I don’t know what to ask.

Today I had some ideas. I think maybe God is answering my prayer for wisdom in this area and teaching me some things about humility.

  • I need to express a desire to know the older women better and learn from them. “I’d like to get to know you and learn from you.”
  • I need to ask for prayer for the things I need. I don’t have all my ducks in a row, and there are areas of my life where I need much wisdom. I may not need another woman telling me what to do each step of the way, but I do need prayer. I’ve been thankful in the past for older women who have prayed for me. I just need to ask for it again.
  • I need to specifically indicate that I am willing to be corrected or questioned in what I’m doing. I’ve noticed that older women don’t often poke and prod (and I know it’s not because I’m doing everything right). What I suspect is that older women realize that unless a person is willing to change, then change doesn’t happen well. Expressing a willingness to be corrected might be a good thing.

I’ve been thinking through questions I’ve learned aren’t particularly helpful for mentors.

  • What did you do that all your children turned out so well? I’ve never gotten a good answer from this question. I think because it puts the emphasis on “supermom,” something a humble woman is uncomfortable with. She’s not likely to tell you a single secret that you don’t already know.
  • How do I get my baby to sleep through the night? Actually, you can ask this one, but there’s a difference between practical advice and spiritual wisdom [i.e., applying God's Word to life].  It’s great to be able to ask someone practical helpful questions (that might in fact, save our sanity at times!), but that’s not necessarily wisdom.
  • Tell me what to do in this situation? Trouble is, if she’s wise, she may not answer your question, unless it’s pretty obvious in Scripture. A wise response isn’t something someone can “give” you, because God doesn’t give us grace for other people’s problems. Better to ask what Scriptures might apply in a particular situation, or what Scripture she found helpful in similar situations. Then you make the decision.

Have you found any questions I should ask, or shouldn’t ask, a godly older woman?

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Teaching with Questions

  • Posted on July 13, 2010 at 9:26 pm

Sometimes we communicate a great deal by the questions we ask. Here are some that I’ve been asking lately, and thinking about:

  • After eating, “Are you satisfied?”  [as opposed to, "Are you full?" I want our children to know that being satisfied is better than being full. I am wondering whether filling them up is somewhat akin to encouraging gluttony. I dunno.]
  • After church, “What did you learn?” [as opposed to, "Did you have fun in church?" Again, I'm wondering whether I'm communicating my primary expectation that Sunday school was a success if children had fun. I don't think that's the most important thing, so I want my questions to reflect my priorities.]
  • After spending time with friends, “Are they godly friends?” [followups: Are they kind to the little children? Do they obey the teacher? Do they obey their mom? Are they wise? Truthfully, my children don’t know the answers to these questions, but I want them in the habit of remembering criteria for choosing good friends. There will come a day when they can answer those questions.
  • After a sports practice: “Were you teachable? Were you humble?” David always answers yes. :) But again, I want to teach him my priority in athletics. We spent quite a bit of time talking today about competition, and how an athlete can try to be the best, and still be humble.
  • Lately, after something really exciting or fun that has happened, “Would Solomon say that wisdom is better than X?” We’re talking a lot about how knowing God, and finding wisdom is better than anything else we could desire. The children all know the right answer by now…. Praying that they’ll believe it.

What questions are you asking your children, and why?

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Wisdom Party Followup

  • Posted on June 28, 2010 at 5:00 am

On Friday morning, I told the children that we were going to do something fun. I gathered them on the couch and told them that I read something in my Bible that delighted me. I read them Proverbs 24:13-14, and told them I thought King Solomon must have given his children something sweet when he was teaching them this lesson about wisdom.

My son, eat honey because it is good,
And the honeycomb which is sweet to your taste;
So shall the knowledge of wisdom be to your soul; Proverbs 24:13-14a

I explained that Solomon wasn’t just telling us how good candy was. He was teaching us something about how delightful wisdom is. Then I announced that we were going to plan a wisdom party.

At this announcement, they perked up. They wanted to know what a wisdom party was like. (So did I– I was making it up as I went.) I decided that when we went to the grocery store, we’d get a bunch of candy. I told them that I wanted to learn this verse and what it meant. Every time I wanted a piece of candy, I’d practice my verses before I got a piece. I asked them if they’d like to have a wisdom party and practice the verses with me.

All of them wanted to play along. So off to the store we went, coming home with (far too much) candy. Lee came home, so he got to play, too. I printed off the verse in big letters on a sheet of paper. We put all the candy on the coffee table. Then we just practiced the verse. Each time everyone practiced the verse, we all got a piece of candy. We did it about ten times before leaving to run some errands. When we came back, they wanted another wisdom party. So we practiced again, and they ate more candy.

I put the verse on the refrigerator, and when they want a piece of candy, they have to say the verse. I’ll probably keep asking them questions about what the verse means. What was Solomon talking about? How is wisdom like honey, or candy? Do we look forward to reading God’s Word the same way we look forward to having a piece of candy? Is finding wisdom something fun, or something boring?

Now, I think I’ll go practice my verses. All this talk about candy makes me want some!

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Wisdom Is Like Candy

  • Posted on June 25, 2010 at 8:05 am

Love this passage from Proverbs:

My son, eat honey, for it is good.
Yes, the honey from the comb is sweet to your taste;
Know that wisdom is thus for your soul. (Pr. 24:13-14)

It’s another object lesson, and one I’ve never tried before. We’ve used other objects for teaching about wisdom, but never compared it to candy. I think today when we go to the grocery store, we’re going to prepare for a wisdom party. Want to have a wisdom party, too? I’ll tell you how ours goes.

[If you've never read The Bee Tree by Patricia Pollaco, you might want to check it out from the library. It's about a Grandfather who teaches a similar lesson in the same way to his granddaughter.]

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Search for Alone Time

  • Posted on June 15, 2010 at 5:18 am

Today I was thankful for the shady bench by the park.

I couldn’t have any quiet. The children weren’t ill mannered, but they did seem to be high maintenance. After Laurel woke up, we went to the park. I took my Bible.

I needed it. I was wrestling with being anxious. My what-ifs were starting to take on the appearance of a novel, with a complex plot and well-developed characters. I could feel myself impatient with my children– not walking in the spirit as we talked about earlier.

And I read… I meandered through Psalm 119. I reread Galatians 5 and 6. Read a few chapters in Proverbs. Read some Psalms– 32 and 34, 78. I read Psalm 23 carefully. I’m thankful that God leads me by still waters. I’m thankful that he leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. I needed the reassurance that he is leading, and he is in charge.

Finally, I could see clearly to be thankful: for spices in my van that I had forgotten I brought! for the park! for the mockingbirds and grackles! for a laundry basket to carry to the laundry instead of the suitcase.

**************

It’s now after dinner. I can still feel the tension in my chest, and a sharp hunger for alone time. Perhaps its a hormonal change. Perhaps the close quarters of the small apartment are harder on me than I thought. But I am pleased. When I left to do a few loads of laundry in blessed silence, and Bethel leaped up and asked to come, God gave me the grace to say yes.

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