As4Me » Mom Time

Followup to Wisdom Party

Michelle — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 13:29:25 +0000

Well, our children haven’t had another wisdom party (i.e., unlimited candy every time they practice saying their honey verse). But I do let them say their verse and get a piece of candy one or two times each day. They have learned Proverbs 24:13-14 well that way! Usually, we followup their saying a verse to asking a question about wisdom (what is it? where does it come from? how do you get it?).

My son, eat honey because it is good,
And the honeycomb which is sweet to your taste;
¹⁴ So shall the knowledge of wisdom be to your soul; Proverbs 24:13-14

I’ve been wanting to find a new verse for them to memorize, but I’ve not found one I like. Then I found this one:

Pleasant words are like a honeycomb,
Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. Proverbs 16:24

That’s the one we’ve been saying the last few days. I’ve been pointing out when I hear pleasant words. I’ve given them examples at breakfast when we talk. I’m getting to where I love the analogy of good things and honey/candy. I want them to know the eternal things that are truly delightful and satisfying. The next passage with honey is in Psalm 19– God’s Word is sweeter than honey.

Today we had candy and pleasant words. We’ve also had whining and complaining. I’m thinking (since this is Wednesday) that I need to have pleasant words too. Sometimes I correct more than I praise. I want them to know how much joy I have when they choose to do right.

I cuddled Bethel this morning and told her, My daughter, when your heart is wise, my heart also shall rejoice.

Here is the question I’m asking myself: Are my actions showing a joy in knowledge and wisdom this week?Similar Posts:

Questions for Mentors

Michelle — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 12:13:05 +0000

In every classroom, there’s a kid who raises his hand for every question a teacher asks. Often, other children stop asking and answering questions, because of this dynamic between the teacher and student. Hopefully, the teacher learns how to draw in every student gracefully, and the kid who likes to answer questions learns to discern when be quiet and why.

One of my burdens at our new church is that I be teachable and humble. I have been praying that I would be teachable. And I’ve been working at keeping my mouth closed during discussion times at the Ladies Bible Study (and trying to articulate criteria for speaking up when it’s appropriate). Having something to say isn’t always a good reason for saying it, I’m learning.

Part of the problem is that I have more of a difficulty doing what I already know to be right, instead of simply knowing what to do. I’ve always seen mentorship as primarily for those who need the latter, not the former. Another part of the problem is that I’m not a good question maker. When I’m with someone that I know is a godly older woman, I don’t know what to ask.

Today I had some ideas. I think maybe God is answering my prayer for wisdom in this area and teaching me some things about humility.

I need to express a desire to know the older women better and learn from them. “I’d like to get to know you and learn from you.”
I need to ask for prayer for the things I need. I don’t have all my ducks in a row, and there are areas of my life where I need much wisdom. I may not need another woman telling me what to do each step of the way, but I do need prayer. I’ve been thankful in the past for older women who have prayed for me. I just need to ask for it again.
I need to specifically indicate that I am willing to be corrected or questioned in what I’m doing. I’ve noticed that older women don’t often poke and prod (and I know it’s not because I’m doing everything right). What I suspect is that older women realize that unless a person is willing to change, then change doesn’t happen well. Expressing a willingness to be corrected might be a good thing.

I’ve been thinking through questions I’ve learned aren’t particularly helpful for mentors.

What did you do that all your children turned out so well? I’ve never gotten a good answer from this question. I think because it puts the emphasis on “supermom,” something a humble woman is uncomfortable with. She’s not likely to tell you a single secret that you don’t already know.
How do I get my baby to sleep through the night? Actually, you can ask this one, but there’s a difference between practical advice and spiritual wisdom [i.e., applying God's Word to life]. It’s great to be able to ask someone practical helpful questions (that might in fact, save our sanity at times!), but that’s not necessarily wisdom.
Tell me what to do in this situation? Trouble is, if she’s wise, she may not answer your question, unless it’s pretty obvious in Scripture. A wise response isn’t something someone can “give” you, because God doesn’t give us grace for other people’s problems. Better to ask what Scriptures might apply in a particular situation, or what Scripture she found helpful in similar situations. Then you make the decision.

Have you found any questions I should ask, or shouldn’t ask, a godly older woman?Similar Posts:

Teaching with Questions

Michelle — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 02:26:05 +0000

Sometimes we communicate a great deal by the questions we ask. Here are some that I’ve been asking lately, and thinking about:

After eating, “Are you satisfied?” [as opposed to, "Are you full?" I want our children to know that being satisfied is better than being full. I am wondering whether filling them up is somewhat akin to encouraging gluttony. I dunno.]
After church, “What did you learn?” [as opposed to, "Did you have fun in church?" Again, I'm wondering whether I'm communicating my primary expectation that Sunday school was a success if children had fun. I don't think that's the most important thing, so I want my questions to reflect my priorities.]
After spending time with friends, “Are they godly friends?” [followups: Are they kind to the little children? Do they obey the teacher? Do they obey their mom? Are they wise? Truthfully, my children don’t know the answers to these questions, but I want them in the habit of remembering criteria for choosing good friends. There will come a day when they can answer those questions.
After a sports practice: “Were you teachable? Were you humble?” David always answers yes. But again, I want to teach him my priority in athletics. We spent quite a bit of time talking today about competition, and how an athlete can try to be the best, and still be humble.
Lately, after something really exciting or fun that has happened, “Would Solomon say that wisdom is better than X?” We’re talking a lot about how knowing God, and finding wisdom is better than anything else we could desire. The children all know the right answer by now…. Praying that they’ll believe it.

What questions are you asking your children, and why?Similar Posts:

Wisdom Party Followup

Michelle — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 10:00:26 +0000

On Friday morning, I told the children that we were going to do something fun. I gathered them on the couch and told them that I read something in my Bible that delighted me. I read them Proverbs 24:13-14, and told them I thought King Solomon must have given his children something sweet when he was teaching them this lesson about wisdom.

My son, eat honey because it is good,
And the honeycomb which is sweet to your taste;
So shall the knowledge of wisdom be to your soul; Proverbs 24:13-14a

I explained that Solomon wasn’t just telling us how good candy was. He was teaching us something about how delightful wisdom is. Then I announced that we were going to plan a wisdom party.

At this announcement, they perked up. They wanted to know what a wisdom party was like. (So did I– I was making it up as I went.) I decided that when we went to the grocery store, we’d get a bunch of candy. I told them that I wanted to learn this verse and what it meant. Every time I wanted a piece of candy, I’d practice my verses before I got a piece. I asked them if they’d like to have a wisdom party and practice the verses with me.

All of them wanted to play along. So off to the store we went, coming home with (far too much) candy. Lee came home, so he got to play, too. I printed off the verse in big letters on a sheet of paper. We put all the candy on the coffee table. Then we just practiced the verse. Each time everyone practiced the verse, we all got a piece of candy. We did it about ten times before leaving to run some errands. When we came back, they wanted another wisdom party. So we practiced again, and they ate more candy.

I put the verse on the refrigerator, and when they want a piece of candy, they have to say the verse. I’ll probably keep asking them questions about what the verse means. What was Solomon talking about? How is wisdom like honey, or candy? Do we look forward to reading God’s Word the same way we look forward to having a piece of candy? Is finding wisdom something fun, or something boring?

Now, I think I’ll go practice my verses. All this talk about candy makes me want some!Similar Posts:

Wisdom Is Like Candy

Michelle — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 13:05:48 +0000

Love this passage from Proverbs:

My son, eat honey, for it is good.
Yes, the honey from the comb is sweet to your taste;
Know that wisdom is thus for your soul. (Pr. 24:13-14)

It’s another object lesson, and one I’ve never tried before. We’ve used other objects for teaching about wisdom, but never compared it to candy. I think today when we go to the grocery store, we’re going to prepare for a wisdom party. Want to have a wisdom party, too? I’ll tell you how ours goes.

[If you've never read The Bee Tree by Patricia Pollaco, you might want to check it out from the library. It's about a Grandfather who teaches a similar lesson in the same way to his granddaughter.]Similar Posts:

Search for Alone Time

Michelle — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 10:18:59 +0000

Today I was thankful for the shady bench by the park.

I couldn’t have any quiet. The children weren’t ill mannered, but they did seem to be high maintenance. After Laurel woke up, we went to the park. I took my Bible.

I needed it. I was wrestling with being anxious. My what-ifs were starting to take on the appearance of a novel, with a complex plot and well-developed characters. I could feel myself impatient with my children– not walking in the spirit as we talked about earlier.

And I read… I meandered through Psalm 119. I reread Galatians 5 and 6. Read a few chapters in Proverbs. Read some Psalms– 32 and 34, 78. I read Psalm 23 carefully. I’m thankful that God leads me by still waters. I’m thankful that he leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. I needed the reassurance that he is leading, and he is in charge.

Finally, I could see clearly to be thankful: for spices in my van that I had forgotten I brought! for the park! for the mockingbirds and grackles! for a laundry basket to carry to the laundry instead of the suitcase.

**************

It’s now after dinner. I can still feel the tension in my chest, and a sharp hunger for alone time. Perhaps its a hormonal change. Perhaps the close quarters of the small apartment are harder on me than I thought. But I am pleased. When I left to do a few loads of laundry in blessed silence, and Bethel leaped up and asked to come, God gave me the grace to say yes.Similar Posts:

When God’s Answer Is Delayed

Michelle — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 12:21:06 +0000

We’ve been spending much time at the playground these days. It’s a great place. It’s completely covered (to protect from sun), has sand instead of bark or rocks or spongy recycled tire mats, the equipment is decent, and there is plenty of space to run around. David just learned how to do the monkey bars here (he learned by watching a child do it several times, not from our attempts to talk him through the process). The park planners also put a number of comfortable seating along the sides of the park, several of which are completely shaded in the afternoon. It’s been a good place to read and write while the children play.

Yesterday, Laurel started calling to get my attention because she wanted my help going down the fireman pole. It’s possible that I was simply unwilling to get up, and go help. However, I had earlier pushed Laurel on the swing. [I wasn't being selfishly neglectful]. And I had watched her do it herself with her dad standing nearby a few nights ago [i.e., she's demonstrated an ability to do it].

It hit me that if I helped her, I’d be taking away from the joy of accomplishment. So I told her that she’d be far happier if she did it herself, but I’d help her if she got stuck. Of course, she did it fine. Then she got stuck and I helped her. Then she got herself stuck and unstuck and had a grand time several more times sliding down on her own.

I wondered then whether God ever looks at me asking for help as a mother and says, “You’ll be much happier if you figure it out yourself. I’ll help you if you get stuck.” Sure he does!

It is the glory of God to conceal a matter,
But the glory of kings is to search out a matter.

Proverbs 25:2

Maybe I shouldn’t get so impatient when I ask for help and don’t immediately see the answer in my email inbox. Maybe the search for an answer in Scripture can take months or years, not minutes or hours. I think I’m going to remember this afternoon at the park.Similar Posts:

Busy Mothers, Time for God: Part 2

Michelle — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 14:19:32 +0000

Today I read a busy mother’s poem from the Bible.

Look how Solomon describes wisdom:

Wisdom cries aloud in the street,
in the markets she raises her voice;
at the head of the noisy streets she cries out;
at the entrance of the city gates she speaks:

Where does wisdom cry out? In the center of real life: noisy streets, by the city gate. Does that sound like your life? Noisy? Chaos? Being pulled in multiple directions? Hard to hear or be heard except by shouting a bit? I bet when wisdom calls like that, everyone stops, right? No, not at all. Wisdom has to plead.

How long, O simple ones, will you love being simple?
How long will scoffers delight in their scoffing
and fools hate knowledge?
If you turn at my reproof,
behold, I will pour out my spirit to you;
I will make my words known to you.

Remember when Joshua Bell played in the subway? One of the most talented musicians in the world played the most beautiful music ever written, and people simply passed by without a glance.

Isn’t that like wisdom? Among the most precious treasures of the world, and we mothers rush by our days without so much as a passing glance of its value or our need for it. Wisdom isn’t held in some secret place where only the super-spiritual or super-intelligent can find it. The problem is, getting wisdom does have some strings attached. We have to work for it. We have to turn from our own ways. It’s not complicated, but it is hard work. If we don’t make wisdom a priority, there will come a day when it is too late.

The sad part is that the rest of the chapter talks about people who realize too late the value of wisdom.

Stop.

If you’re a mom, you are indeed busy, but you must still take time for wisdom. Take a deep breath. Find passages that cause you to rest in Christ. It doesn’t have to be first thing in the morning. It doesn’t even have to be when everyone is sleeping.

When you have small babies, it can be a challenge to find that time. You might have been able at one time to spend large blocks of time with God, and might be holding out for that same corner of your day. You might have to readjust your expectations. I think the first years of my children’s lives, I spent months just reading Psalms and Proverbs and parts of Isaiah. I felt guilty that I wasn’t studying new things– I was reading those passages that I already knew and loved and helped me think right. Sometimes I had to admit that I was wasting time on the computer and complaining about not having time to read my Bible. For me, naptime was better than early morning (and I, a morning person!), and breakfast worked well. Sometimes I read the Bible while the children were taking their baths! I learned that listening to the Bible being read was helpful in maintaining a train of thought (and sometimes it wasn’t). Sometimes I ended up frustrated because I couldn’t seem to ever read two sentences without some distraction (and I am very distractible). Was the time wasted? I don’t think so, even though I often thought it was. Wisdom says to incline our ears, and that’s what I was doing.

What’s important is not merely what you read or when; the first step is that you stop and listen.

The day will come when you have more quiet time to read. You’ll know then if you were really too busy for wisdom, or just not caring to take the time for it.That’s a convicting thought for me. My children are more independent now. I can actually read my Bible in the mornings, and not be too distracted. (then again, maybe I’ve learned to read while they’re playing) Today I’m praying for my sisters who have little ones, that they will find rest today.Similar Posts:

Note to Self: Stop Complaining

Michelle — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 10:00:58 +0000

I’ve been working on applying two Scriptures this week.

First, I’ve been working on being a good steward of the time God has given me. We’ve been talking about money, and how important it is to be a good steward of it. But I’ve also been given a great deal of time. Am I being a good steward of what God has given me? That thought has been driving my decisions this week, and it’s been helpful.

Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed: And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine.His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed: Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury. Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents. Matthew 25:24-28Nevertheless the solid foundation of God stands, having this seal: “The Lord knows those who are His,” and, “Let everyone who names the name of Christ^[a] depart from iniquity.”
²⁰ But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. ²¹ Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work. II Timothy 2:19-21

I’ve also been working on complaining. Today I started singing with Laurel the Steve Green Scripture song: “Do everything without complaining” and I realized how important it was that I don’t complain about my children in particular. It seems for a stay at home mom that the difficulties of motherhood are great, and the only happiness we have is when they’re quiet or sleeping. But I’ve listened to mothers who don’t stay at home and don’t intend to, and part of the problem is that the message they hear from many stay at home moms is how wonderful life would be if only our children didn’t bother us.

I think we don’t intend to communicate this attitude, but it bears thinking about the blessing of staying home with children. Having my children at home is a privilege that not every woman is able to enjoy.

I make my own schedule.
I have time to make dinners that I like to eat (and I’m not always shooing children out to get it done fast).
I get to comfort my children when they trip over things and skin their knees.
We talk in the car about how glad mommy is when she prays with daddy. That leads to a long conversation about their own future spouses. I’ve learned that those kinds of conversations don’t happen on demand. (“Tell me what you’ve been thinking about today” doesn’t always work for some of my children.)
I’m free to stop at the park on a whim. I have time to make cookies for potlucks.
I have time to attend a ladies’ Bible study without taking away from the time I have with my husband.
As I think through the challenges I have to solve my children’s spiritual problems, I learn about myself. Many are the times God has used something I want to teach my children, to remind me that I am deficient in the same way.
And God uses my children to teach me about my husband and how I can love and follow him better. As I run my household, I realize that I have a sphere of authority that is God-given. I learn to appreciate the challenges my husband has as a leader, and I am humbled when I realize how often I fall short of being a good follower.

Yes, I have challenges.

Scheduling my own day means that I have to work at not wasting time.
Being in the house all day means I have to work more at keeping it clean.
I have to work at keeping my mind busy and challenged.
At times, the whining and crying can be annoying
Fatigue is sometimes constant enough to feel like I’m slightly losing my sanity.
Changing diapers gets old.
So does solving arguments about whose turn it is to play with some toy. The same toy. The same children. The same argument. Over. and Over.
My children sometimes cause me to cry out to God because I’m helpless and don’t know what to do. Wait. That’s not a liability, is it? Sometimes I forget.

These are all small things when placed next to all the good stuff. How thankful I am for the ability to stay home. Let me never forget that all jobs have tedium, but not all jobs have the same advantages.

God’s Word is good. How are you applying God’s Word to your life this week? How is it changing you as a mother, wife, or Christian?Similar Posts:

Cold Coffee and Short Fellowship

Michelle — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 14:02:49 +0000

Well, we survived and enjoyed a trip to San Diego (Lee had a pediatric conference, and we went with him), and then we all took a three day off-roading trip along the Mojave Trail with my family. It was a valuable time for the cousins to all spend time with my dad especially, and I’m thankful we were able to do it. Now we’re back, and I’m realizing that we have a lot to do before we move in a few months!

What are we working on?

Obedience right away (not on the child’s own time scale). I found Psalm 119:60 this morning, so we’ll be talking about it at breakfast!
Whining–
Waiting for mommy to answer instead of interrupting (I’m realizing I have a long way to go on this one, but I’ve been working on it).
We went out to dinner with a group of pediatricians, and although the children were well behaved and delightful, they displayed an obvious lack of awareness that the visit didn’t revolve around their ability to carry on a conversation. Something more to work on….
Slow to Anger (Laurel can quote: Quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath!)

On the positive front, it was thrilling to see Laurel and her cousin Stephen playing together. They are about a year apart. A year or so ago, it was extremely painful when they were together: they needed intervention literally every few minutes or so. I’m sure it was a combination of personality and development, but it was discouraging how little visiting Martha and I could get in because of the constant bickering. Thankfully, as they’ve gotten older, and as we have all worked on helping our children understand they are not the center of the universe, they actually became best friends! They pretended and played cooperatively for hours together, even in the car on our road trip. Happy, happy, happy, to see this.

I was reminded on this trip how thankful I am to have my children home with me. I know that preschool is a good thing for many families, but I’m amazed at people who really do believe that preschool is better than home in EVERY case. (We spent time with a number of pediatricians who are also mommies, and they by necessity must hold this position.) I must respectfully disagree, and yet I need to renew my commitment to provide a good, nurturing, and spiritual environment for my children. It’s not always an easy road, but for me it is the right one, even if it is less traveled by.

Finally, I’m reminded how important it is to pray for the children our children come in contact with. If you’re a relative, or if you go to my church and have children my own children play with, or if our children play with another occasionally or frequently, you get prayed for! I deeply appreciate the kindness and good examples set by those “older” children in my own children’s lives. It is precious to me, and so I’m deeply interested to see that spiritual growth continue. (Of course, no child is perfect and not all of our children are redeemed, so I’m thankful for friends who are also committed to working through conflict alongside me as my children and others sometimes learn by a more rocky path. It’s good, even if our coffee grows cold and the fellowship is short.)Similar Posts: