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Babysitter or Mother?

  • Posted on August 9, 2010 at 5:16 am

I am not merely a babysitter.

I’m merely reminding myself of definitions here. We know how important definitions are, don’t we? My mother gently reminded me of the distinction when I was talking about the overwhelming task of shaping desires and occupying minds. “You’re not a babysitter. Being a mother is a lot more work!”

On our street, we have several families who employ babysitters all day for the school age children while the parents work. It’s been interesting to me to ask myself as I watch these sitters interact with the children, “Am I seeing my job as a glorified day care worker? Am I merely watching my children to make sure they don’t hurt themselves, each other, or the house?” These are good babysitters, but I am not a babysitter.

I am different. I have a vision for the future. A mandate. A responsibility to make choices that are best for my children, not merely what make me feel important or successful (by the world or other “Bible” moms).

It’s not smothering children to show them ways they can occupy themselves while they play. It takes time to set up a new game, prepare for a messy craft, or work out the details of a play (complete with costumes and props). I’m not merely filling the moment; I’m preparing them for when I won’t be there. I’m deliberately working my way out of a job.

That’s all for now.

I am not merely a babysitter.

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Note to Self: Stop Complaining

  • Posted on March 31, 2010 at 5:00 am

I’ve been working on applying two Scriptures this week.

First, I’ve been working on being a good steward of the time God has given me. We’ve been talking about money, and how important it is to be a good steward of it. But I’ve also been given a great deal of time. Am I being a good steward of what God has given me? That thought has been driving my decisions this week, and it’s been helpful.

Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed: And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine. His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed: Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury. Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents. Matthew 25:24-28Nevertheless the solid foundation of God stands, having this seal: “The Lord knows those who are His,” and, “Let everyone who names the name of Christ[a] depart from iniquity.”
20 But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. 21 Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work. II Timothy 2:19-21

I’ve also been working on complaining. Today I started singing with Laurel the Steve Green Scripture song: “Do everything without complaining” and I realized how important it was that I don’t complain about my children in particular. It seems for a stay at home mom that the difficulties of motherhood are great, and the only happiness we have is when they’re quiet or sleeping. But I’ve listened to mothers who don’t stay at home and don’t intend to, and part of the problem is that the message they hear from many stay at home moms is how wonderful life would be if only our children didn’t bother us.

I think we don’t intend to communicate this attitude, but it bears thinking about the blessing of staying home with children. Having my children at home is a privilege that not every woman is able to enjoy.

  • I make my own schedule.
  • I have time to make dinners that I like to eat (and I’m not always shooing children out to get it done fast).
  • I get to comfort my children when they trip over things and skin their knees.
  • We talk in the car about how glad mommy is when she prays with daddy. That leads to a long conversation about their own future spouses. I’ve learned that those kinds of conversations don’t happen on demand. (“Tell me what you’ve been thinking about today” doesn’t always work for some of my children.)
  • I’m free to stop at the park on a whim. I have time to make cookies for potlucks.
  • I have time to attend a ladies’ Bible study without taking away from the time I have with my husband.
  • As I think through the challenges I have to solve my children’s spiritual problems, I learn about myself. Many are the times God has used something I want to teach my children, to remind me that I am deficient in the same way.
  • And God uses my children to teach me about my husband and how I can love and follow him better. As I run my household, I realize that I have a sphere of authority that is God-given. I learn to appreciate the challenges my husband has as a leader, and I am humbled when I realize how often I fall short of being a good follower.

Yes, I have challenges.

  • Scheduling my own day means that I have to work at not wasting time.
  • Being in the house all day means I have to work more at keeping it clean.
  • I have to work at keeping my mind busy and challenged.
  • At times, the whining and crying can be annoying
  • Fatigue is sometimes constant enough to feel like I’m slightly losing my sanity.
  • Changing diapers gets old.
  • So does solving arguments about whose turn it is to play with some toy. The same toy. The same children. The same argument. Over. and Over.
  • My children sometimes cause me to cry out to God because I’m helpless and don’t know what to do. Wait. That’s not a liability, is it? Sometimes I forget.

These are all small things when placed next to all the good stuff. How thankful I am for the ability to stay home. Let me never forget that all jobs have tedium, but not all jobs have the same advantages.

God’s Word is good. How are you applying God’s Word to your life this week? How is it changing you as a mother, wife, or Christian?

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When Pumpkins Are Melons

  • Posted on November 10, 2009 at 10:03 am

I am not a gardener. I do however, think gardens are a fantastic idea for a variety of reasons; so this year we planted a small plot. We planted tomatoes and Big Jim chiles (for Lee), marigolds (for me), sunflowers (for the girls), carrots and romaine (for David) and pumpkins (for us all). I had purchased all the seeds except the pumpkins. Those I had saved from the year previous and put in a pretty little jelly jar.

Summer is over, and nearly all that was left of the garden were our pumpkins, which stayed small and hadn’t turned orange yet. Pesky pumpkins! Yesterday I gave up and brought them all in. I caught a fruity whiff, and was disgusted that they had started to rot and never did turn orange. Maybe I had watered them too much. Maybe I planted them too late. They sat on the counter all afternoon.

Last night on a whim, I sliced one open and discovered that instead of pumpkins, they were melons.

Nothing spiritual here, but I’m sure if we think hard enough we can think of some parallels and principles.

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Insufferable Introspection

  • Posted on September 3, 2009 at 9:22 am

I’ve occasionally felt guilty for a particular way of thinking.

It usually happens when I have a good idea or thought, and then I try to think of a Bible verse to go with that idea. Maybe it’s a way to solve a parenting problem, or a solution to an interpersonal challenge. Sometimes I find a Bible verse, and sometimes I don’t. If I write about something I’ve learned this way, it feels backwards to me, like I am fitting God’s Word to my ideas, instead of letting God’s Word work first. Somehow, this seems like a “lesser” way to think. Today I wondered whether the idea first, God’s Word second,  isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Of course, I should be saturating my mind with Scripture, since God is clear that meditation in His Word is a priority; I expect Scripture to bear on my actions and confirm or convict. Why, though, would I think that in essence measuring my thoughts by the standard in the Bible is unwise, particularly if I’m committed to submitting to God’s leading?

Today I was thinking again about eating right, exercising, and getting enough sleep. Part of what I’m thinking about is when my lack of eating right (like today when I had three or four cookies for breakfast and a coke for lunch before coming home and eating a carrot) or exercising truly affects how I interact with my children. Eating right is a good thing to do, obviously, but I started wondering– is this biblical and wise, or just good?

I confess that I never did think about Scriptures for eating right, because I got started thinking about the process of thinking through something biblically. Nevertheless, I did eat better yesterday and today. :)

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Good Mom = Godly Mom?

  • Posted on June 28, 2009 at 11:40 pm

We all want to be good moms. You know what good moms are like, don’t you? Good moms make all their perfectly balanced meals from scratch, plan exciting activities for their children, have an organized chore schedule in place that works well, and never raise their voices. You get the idea, right? But a good mom isn’t the same thing as a godly mom.

I can be a good mom without being a godly mom. I can expend all my energy trying to be a good mom and miss the most important part of all.

I think if I’m a godly mom, I’ll be a good mom. (although I think I might still struggle with an unrealistic ideal that’s impossible to achieve). Maybe I can say it like this: If I’m growing to be more Christlike as a mom, I’ll also be growing to be a better mom in general.

Just thinking. This is a warmup for a bigger post tomorrow.

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Walking in the Spirit

  • Posted on June 16, 2009 at 12:55 am

For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.

For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.

This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.Galatians 5:13-16

In college, I used to wrestle with the Christian terminology “I was doing it in the flesh.” I used to sit at the piano, needing to practice, with my hands outstretched, thinking to myself, “How can I NOT play the piano in the flesh?” At some point, I had to physically move my hands.

The idea of walking in the spirit is a followup to my ponderings. Last week I struggled with both my desire to right, and the realization that I was doing all the right things, but obviously not manifesting the fruit of the spirit at the same time. I think it’s safe to conclude that I was not walking with the spirit, and I was accomplishing things “in the flesh.”

Where am I going wrong? I’m only just beginning the process of thinking it through, and it’s late so I know I’m not thinking totally straight (that’s part of the problem!)

In the mornings, I’m reading my Bible, I think genuinely renewing my mind and putting on the mind of Christ. Somehow, though, I’ve been forgetting everything I’ve read and pondered shortly after I close my Bible and track down a child with a smelly diaper.

Daniel had a habit of praying three times a day. Perhaps I need to deliberately incorporate specific times of renewing my mind. I don’t think it has to be long. I read about a mother who leaves her daily planner open throughout the day so she doesn’t lose track of what she has to accomplish. I like that idea, but I wonder if having the Bible open all day might serve the same function.

This is what I’ve been working on this week– putting Scripture deliberately and physically in my path throughout the day. Maybe I also need to be more deliberate in using mealtime prayers to renew my mind with the gospel.

Enough. Sleep is also spiritual.

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What if the Outcome is Bad?

  • Posted on June 14, 2009 at 10:19 pm

Lee and I had a long discussion a few days ago.

A little while ago, he had a young patient die. After he gave the orders to stop medical intervention, he prayed beside the bed of this child.  One of the things he said was “Thank you for allowing us to serve you in life. Thank you for allowing us to serve you through death.” This portion was puzzling for some people present, who asked him about this.

You see, doctors (and other people in helping professions) often choose their occupation because they like helping people. They work for the good feelings that happen when someone is helped. Sometimes the outcome is bad, though. A patient dies. A counselee rejects wise counsel and suffers loss. A child fails a class. These bad outcomes leave us feeling cold inside and it’s easy to be discouraged and lose heart when we face them. When Lee thanked God for the opportunity to serve Him in a bad outcome, he was giving a more important reason for being a doctor than simply a desire to help people. If our whole motivation for action, any action, is to feel good, then we’re going to spend a good deal of our lives miserable and defeated. When Jesus told the parable of the talents (Matthew 25), the servants were rewarded for their faithfulness, not merely their results. In Lee’s prayer, he was demonstrating a belief that faithfulness as a doctor can glorify God, regardless of the outcome.

Lee and I then discussed how parenting seems to work the same way. We Christian parents who desire earnestly God’s wisdom in rearing our children often make our choices and live our lives for the good outcome that we desire: children who grow up to love God and walk in His ways. When our children make wrong choices, whether small or great, we feel defeated. I know I’ve felt discouraged and fearful anticipating choices that haven’t even been made yet! I am reminding myself tonight that I can rest in God’s care, acknowledging Him in all my ways, and then trusting that He will indeed direct my paths. I must be diligent to be faithful, but when I do what is right, God is glorified, whether my children do right or not.

I Corinthians 10:31  So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Perfect love does cast out fear. The fear and worry I have leaves me when I keep my eyes on the right goal. Parenting isn’t as hard when I live my life this way. Here is one passage that Lee shared with me:

The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.  Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.  As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen. I Peter 4:7-11

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Can I Be Mary and Martha?

  • Posted on June 3, 2009 at 1:30 am

Wisdom Wednesday Header

Can I be both Mary and Martha at the same time?

I’ve been diligent this week. My closet is clean, the yard is looking great, I’ve been getting rid of clutter. I’ve even had time to get out my cookbooks (if you know me, that’s a good sign that ducks are getting in a row).

But as I asked myself how Scripture has been changing me, I draw a blank. I’ve been reading the Bible, enjoying it. I’ve marveled at God’s greatness and majesty. I’ve praised God for his work in my life.  But I’ve not been considering how what I’m reading should change what I’m doing TODAY. Sadly, it’s not because I haven’t had any challenges.

I’ve been irritable all week. Why couldn’t I have sat down and considered God’s Word on the matter? How long would it take to remind myself about anger? the fruit of the Spirit? repentance?

Here’s the important question: Does that mean that all the work I’ve been doing has been “in my own strength” (i.e., not walking in the spirit)? After all, if I’m walking in the spirit and cleaning, then I probably will be patient and longsuffering too, right? I’ll be humble and loving? That is a convicting thought. I want to be disciplined AND walking in the spirit, and I think I’ve not been doing that.

This is why I try to discipline myself on Wednesdays to talk about how I am attempting to obey Scripture in specific occasions during that week. Without the constant scrutiny, I don’t do as well. Tomorrow I’m going to spend some time thinking about these things. I’ll tell you what I learn and remember.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-25

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Longing for Jesus

  • Posted on May 5, 2009 at 1:49 am

Ive been studying contentment the last few weeks. Last week I had the opportunity to read my Bible in my mom’s rose garden. I’m ashamed that I haven’t done it up til now, because the roses (250 of them) are gorgeous and sitting out there really is conducive to thinking spiritual thoughts. But I read Isaiah and I was reminded that knowing God is the solution for discontent.

When I’m discontent, I’m demonstrating my belief that something besides God satisfies me.  That’s a lie, of course, since Jesus clearly taught us that he is the only water that satisfies. This is why Paul tells us that the solution for being discontent is to be satisfied with God’s presence.

Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

I need this too. This month, I’ve had my expectations confronted. I’ve been faced with the need to change my attitude. I’ve struggled with covetousness, too.

Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.

2Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not? hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness. Isaiah 55:1-2

I’m praying this week that I will live as though I believe that Jesus is the living water that truly satisfies my longing.

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Comparing Epiphany

  • Posted on March 9, 2009 at 5:04 am

I’ve had a delightful visit with Lee’s brother’s family this week (with the exception of Laurel’s ear infection). My sister-in-law is a pastor’s wife who manages much of the music at her church, keeps her house clean, homeschools her oldest and keeps her children looking great even when they’re playing in dirt. There is much to admire. One of the challenges I have when I visit is not comparing– their three and our three are exactly the same age.  We have different personalities but compatible values; even still, when their children are well behaved I worry that our children are not. When our children are better behaved (more than normal sometimes!) I feel happy that our children reflect well on our parenting.  I asked several friends to pray for me on this topic, and I know they have been faithful to do so.

The other night I had an epiphany. I have been trying to stop comparing without any awareness of what I want to start doing.

For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. II Corinthians 10:12

that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, 23 and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, 24 and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24

So I started brainstorming. When I’m comparing, I’m focussing on myself. True, I’m thinking about my children, but only insomuch as they’re reflecting on me. So if I want to put off the self-focussed thinking, I need to replace it with… others-focussed thinking.

I think God was preparing me for that thought, because all week I’ve been telling the children, “It’s not about you; it’s about others.” “Are you preferring yourself or preferring others?” and so on. So with some chagrin I realized that I needed the same message.

So I’m praying that God will help me to focus on others: how I can pray for them, how exciting it is to see God working in their lives, how they are happy and obedient, and so on. It’s early to say, but in between thinking about sick children I think maybe I’ve not been comparing as much. Maybe God’s working in my life, too.

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