18March2008

Do You Like Criticism?

Posted by Michelle under: Mentoring.

Jay Younts has some good thoughts about receiving criticism at the Shepherd Press Blog, with some thought provoking questions at the end. Click here to read the article.

Popularity: 15% [?]

Popularity: 15% [?]

2November2007

Discipline All the Children for One’s Offense?

Posted by Michelle under: Mentoring; Obedience; Uncategorized.

A certain discipline example was brought up today by an observant woman. I’ve thought about it before and have not come to a conclusion, although I do have some thoughts and leanings.

The question is whether it is ever appropriate to discipline multiple children for one child’s offense (like going on an outing, for example). I would say not usually, particularly for older children, but then I consider that we do see corporate discipline in the Bible, so perhaps it might be appropriate in some situations.

Incidentally, this question illustrates my observation about biblical mentor relationships. I would suggest that the best teaching relationship would offer important Scriptures to consider while evaluating this situation, rather than simply saying, “You should never do thus-and-so” or “That’s just not biblical.”

So here’s the question. What biblical principles and/or passages are important to consider when deciding how to discipline, when more than the offending child might be affected. (Let’s say, we’re going on a planned family outing to Sea World some distance away, and one child’s room isn’t clean, as was instructed the night before. We must leave within five minutes to reach the dolphin feeding and show on time.)

Popularity: 16% [?]

Popularity: 16% [?]

22October2007

Can We Get Wisdom from Mentors?

Posted by Michelle under: Mentoring; Wisdom.

I’ve been thinking a lot about our dependence on others, so in the next few weeks, you’ll see some loosely related posts on dependence.

I’ve been reading Proverbs, looking for any evidence that wisdom can come from others. I’m actually surprised that, although there is much in Proverbs about receiving instruction and knowledge from teachers, or mentors, there seems to be no mention of receiving wisdom from teachers. I believe this is significant.

For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding. He layeth up sound wisdom for the righteous: he is a buckler to them that walk uprightly. (Proverbs 2:6-7)

Again, James gives the source of wisdom, too:

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. (James 1:5)

If we remember Jesus’ discussion about wisdom, wisdom is inextricably linked to God’s Word, and obedience. Without both, we cannot be wise. I think implied would be the necessity of the Holy Spirit (John 14:26), but I see wisdom as coming directly from God, not through a mediator.

In Proverbs, Solomon is constantly imploring his audience to value wisdom, to seek for it. Could this be because wisdom must be earned by each individual? It appears this way to me. Clearly, Solomon saw the need to compile his book of Proverbs, so he is not suggesting there is no need for a teacher. But the application (i.e., wisdom) seems to be in most cases left to the individual. As a teacher of my children (and anytime God gives me opportunity to teach younger women), I can teach them the value of wisdom, I can encourage them to look for it, I can help them learn principles of applying Scripture to their lives, and I can teach the principles. But I cannot give out wisdom.

Am I missing something? Is there pertinent Scripture that I haven’t considered? I’m eager to learn more about this topic, so will continue to study!

Popularity: 22% [?]

Popularity: 22% [?]

19October2007

Giving Specific Prayer Requests

Posted by Michelle under: Mentoring.

One of the ways we should be dependent on one another is by praying for each other.

Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. (James 5:16)

I’ve been excited at how God has been working in my life to help me deny myself on a day-to-day basis. Perhaps part of the difference has been the difficult task of asking for specific prayer in our ladies’ Sunday school class. The elderly ladies giggle sometimes when I ask for prayer, but I know they pray. Sometimes it is hard to explain what I need prayer for. When I ask prayer about getting my house clean, I’m not asking prayer for a miraculous wind to blow through my house and set everything in its place. I’m asking prayer that God would help me know how to prioritize my tasks, that God would help me deny my flesh when I’m tempted to indulge in too much computer time. My tendency is to give vague requests that don’t make me look bad. I have a busy week; pray that God gives me strength instead of I’ve been procrastinating getting my laundry done and I need to have the humility and love to finish it. I’m still learning, and my natural reaction is still to protect myself and my “image,” but I’m excited to find the grace I need when I humble myself in this way.

I need prayer from other believers. I’m starting to remember that others need prayer, too, and have been burdened to pray for those people in our local church. It’s one way that I can serve while I’m sitting in the bathroom waiting for a little girl to go potty, while I’ve kicked up my feet outside watching my preschoolers ride their bikes in the street, while I’m chopping up onions for dinner. I can be an active, essential part of my church when I choose to pray.

I’m also still learning to pray for others. I’m far too distractible with my own cares, and sometimes I come to Wednesday church realizing I haven’t thought at all about for those whom I determined to pray for on Sunday.

In both giving and receiving, I can easily complain because of the lack of mentoring going on, but at the same time refuse to be transparent in prayer.

I’d love to tie this post up neatly with a bow, but I have all three children awake extra early, needing attention. I cannot concentrate enough to write (as it should be, I suspect). Have a good day!

Popularity: 14% [?]

Popularity: 14% [?]

13October2007

Questions about Dependence

Posted by Michelle under: Mentoring.

I’ve been challenged once again to think about the relationship between our dependence on other believers and our dependence on God. Both are present in the Bible, and both are important for us mothers to cultivate.

I have many questions forming in my mind. Are we talking about the same kind of dependence? Do the areas of dependence overlap, or should they? How do we evaluate whether out dependence on other believers is supplanting dependence on God? How can mentors instill a biblical dependence (on God and others) in the lives of those they disciple? How do we guard against pridefully resisting accountability and dependence on other believers, while we emphasize the need for growing dependence on God? Where does a mother find the confidence to make wise decisions for her family? Should she be confident at all, unless she has first consulted a variety of mentors and counselors?

Guess we should open the Book of Books for the answers to our questions. Where should I start my treasure hunt this time? I think I’m going to begin in the book of Proverbs. Lee is gone, the children are sleeping, so I have some time to enjoy my reading. I know this isn’t very focussed (I’m not starting with a look into a topical Bible, or a concordance, or a commentary), but since I like Proverbs, I’ll enjoy myself this afternoon and I might find more direction as I read and think.

Popularity: 12% [?]

Popularity: 12% [?]

3October2007

Encourage One Another: Giving

Posted by Michelle under: Mentoring.

Yesterday I looked at receiving encouragement from others; today I’ll talk about giving it. Giving encouragement appears as though it would be easy, but I’ve found that it isn’t always. Why?

I sometimes don’t feel qualified to give encouragement. I suppose we all know people that we think don’t need encouragement, or who intimidate us. We can all point to someone else who is more socially competent, who knows the Bible better, who knows people better, who should be doing the encouraging. As the relatively new person in our church, I’m tempted to let the people who have been at our church longer to do the job. Some whom I know need encouraging are much older than I, so I’ll let the older members call them. But the Bible is clear that in the body of Christ, every member has a responsibility to fulfill. In first Corinthians 12 through 14, Paul compares a local church to a physical body. Just like all the parts of a body work together, so must all of us work together. Paul says this: Even so ye, forasmuch as ye are zealous of spiritual gifts, seek that ye may excel to the edifying of the church (14:12). I need to be giving.

I sometimes don’t know how to give encouragement, or I don’t know people well enough to give encouragement. Often this is a result of my own laziness and self-centeredness. At church, I’m not real great at talking to people. I sit down before church and tend to leave as soon as my dear husband is ready. I get “peopled out” easily, especially when I haven’t been getting much sleep. Plain and simple, this is wrong. It would be easy to ask a few people, “How can I pray for you this week?” I need to do that more.

What else should I be doing?

• Pray for others. I should also let people know that I am praying for them, if I am doing so. Asking them about prayer requests they’ve shared is especially good. I know that I have much more confidence in someone’s “I’ll be praying for you” when a week later, they ask about what I needed prayer for.
• Be willing to fumble. Sometimes I talk too soon; sometimes I say dumb things. Sometimes I give advice that isn’t of eternal value; sometimes I give Scripture when all that is needed is a hug. Just like all spiritual disciplines, encouraging one another takes practice. If I refuse to encourage others because I’m spiritually awkward, I’m revealing I’m not willing to obey Scripture and trust in God to sort out the results. I’m still putting all my trust in myself and my sufficiency.
• Use the phone, computer, or note cards. It’s not about how I communicate best; it’s how our fellow believers communicate best. Sigh. I think God must have a sense of humor because I’m starting to realize I must use the phone to be a part of the body of our church. Of all of my oddities, my aversion to using the phone is the most irrational and incapacitating. It can easily become a sin issue for me, and yet, I am finding it is an essential tool. I’m trying to keep note cards handy. I’ve been writing in a small notebook people who come to mind on Sundays at church, and then trying to follow up on those people during the week. This isn’t something I’m great at, but I’m learning. Romans 12 gives some more ways that we can edify, or build up others in our church.
• Incorporate some sort of plan to learn more about individuals in the local body of Christ. We’ve been in small,, but not tiny, churches for our last few moves. I’ve found writing prayer requests beside the names in a church directory gives me a good idea of who I know and who I don’t. It’s been a good starting place for me as I am learning of my responsibility to give to others. I know others who take pictures of people in their local church whom they pray for. Some have coffee nights where they invite others over. I’m a mom of three very young children. Many would exempt me from the task of encouraging, but God doesn’t give me that excuse. It doesn’t take long to encourage one or two people in my church throughout the week.

I’m praying that the Lord will help me to be a doer of His Word this week and not a forgetful hearer (James 2:22-25). I’m going to start working on my small checklist of how I’m going to give and receive encouragement the rest of this week. Pray for me. You’ll be an encouragement to me if you do.

P.S. I don’t often link to other blogs, but this article at Pyromaniacs discusses the same topic a little more in-depth from a guy’s point of view. It’s well done.

Popularity: 15% [?]

Popularity: 15% [?]

2October2007

Encourage One Another: Receiving

Posted by Michelle under: Mentoring.

Hebrews 3:13 tells us to “exhort one another daily,” 10:24 says “And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works.” If you do a search on Bible Gateway for “one another” you’ll end up with a list of verses that give us a good start for understanding our relationship to others in the body of Christ.

Some people have honed the art of giving, but have relegated the art of receiving into a rusty heap in the corner. Some people receive love gratefully, but are not sure how to give to others in the same measure. Perhaps it is time to examine why our edification tools are not working as they should. This is an area where it is easy for me to focus on “the other people,” but I know I should probably start by evaluating myself.

Because God has blessed me with an inherent love for teaching, and because God has blessed me beyond measure with a godly heritage, I find it easy to teach, but I find it much harder to learn. In the last year or so, God has been teaching me ways I contribute to the problem.

First, I don’t receive encouragement because I think I can live without it. Our society has imbibed the wine of Emerson and self-reliance, and we Christians often drink, unwittingly contrary to Scripture. It is pride to ignore Scripture that clearly indicates we are to function as a body. I think God delights in giving us circumstances we cannot handle alone, because it is in those times when we must turn to Him and His word. But God did not intend for us to function in our Christian lives without other believers. We’ve got an abundance of Scripture that places a high priority on giving and receiving spiritual encouragement. The apostle Paul told the believers under his authority how they encouraged him, which seems to suggest that even in leadership we have need of each other. In my case, God has used the military to keep me moving, keep me away from relying on any single person I know well. I’ve recognized struggles I just wasn’t getting a handle on by myself. How many times does it take to say “God is sufficient. I don’t need to share this struggle with anyone else” before I realize I do need others.

Second, I don’t receive encouragement because I communicate to others that I can live without it. This too, is pride. There are many reasons we do not share our struggles with others. I am coming to believe many of them are not biblical. Clearly, wisdom would dictate a place and audience for transparency, but if we are never transparent with anyone, we have a problem. How can those in my local church pray for me if I do not ask for prayer? How can they encourage me? Yes, we risk many unpleasant consequences by being honest with others, but I do not see how I can fulfill Scripture without it.

What can we do? For me, I’ve figured out that there are some things, I can deal with without other believers. If I am having a wretched day, and I find comfort and restoration in God’s Word, then I think God has given me the grace to deal with it on my own. Sometimes, though, I’ve realized I’m dealing with the same pattern of thinking over and over, without seeing any real change. Or I’ve gotten discouraged in some area. Or I’m not really sure after studying something what to do. In these cases, I believe, God’s Word is clear that I need the strength of other believers.

I’ve also been examining my motives for not sharing specific spiritual requests with other believers. When I see unbiblical motives for protecting myself, I’ve been convicted about sharing them. I haven’t arrived yet. I still am reluctant to be open with people who love me very much, but God is helping me to grow in this area.

Tomorrow I’ll talk about giving encouragement. Update: Here is the article.

Popularity: 12% [?]

Popularity: 12% [?]

21September2007

The Titus 2 List

Posted by Michelle under: Mentoring; Uncategorized.

Most Christian women know that in the body of Christ, the older women are to teach the younger women. Titus 2 gives us some idea of what Christian women are to be teaching and learning. Here is the list:

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands. Titus 2:4-5

What I’ve been pondering is our tendency to think of some of these in purely practical terms. The most common application I’ve seen of this verse is a mother who teachers her daughter to bake bread and sweep the floor because that is preparing her to be a “keeper at home.” We can imagine a series on how to love one’s husband discussing the best way to prepare his favorite meals, or the ways men and women are different in how they communicate. I’ve yet to see a ladies’ retreat on having self-control (discreet in the KJV), but a ladies’ retreat theme of making a happy home is common enough.

I know these practical matters are good and helpful, and I do think they will be a natural part of the learning process when women come together for learning, edification, and true Christian fellowship. I’m wondering, though, whether we are revealing by our emphasis our belief that these practical matters are actually what Paul was telling Titus to have those older women teach. I’m not sure that is the case.

The Bible tells us that whatever we do, we can and should do it for God’s glory (I Corinthians 10:31). Whatever we do should be a showcase of God and who He is. By this passage, and others, we understand that for a Christian, there is really no difference between the sacred and the secular. Every ground is holy ground, every bush is a burning bush. We are to do everything to the glory of God, whether it be eating, drinking, or changing our baby’s diapers.

Thus, we can readily affirm that there is a place in our ladies’ groups for discussing the practical. Still, there is a danger of putting too much of a place for the practical. Perhaps we err by focusing on the application rather than the principle. A young lady who understands the spiritual significance and value of managing a household will sweep and might even bake a loaf or two. But I can sweep and bake bread from scratch without understanding how to build a godly home. Loving my husband might involve making him granola from scratch, but if he hates granola, love might buy him cocoa puffs instead. Wouldn’t it be better to focus on the biblical principle of sacrificial love, and show ladies how to find the wisdom and discernment themselves that they need to love their husbands? I might share with another mother what I did to help my children go to sleep without a fuss, and it might be a tremendous blessing. But that’s not teaching her how to love her children, is it? Isn’t it better to start with wisdom rather than sleeping habits?

Jesus himself met the physical needs of those around him, but he also met the spiritual needs. We would rightly be concerned if a missionary taught English, but never spoke about Christ, or gave vaccinations without ever giving the gospel. We know to be concerned when there is no Scripture. But we ourselves might be obliviously guilty of these errors when we try to help the practical needs of a mother without showing them the source of wisdom and help.

I’m trying to find the balance even in this blog on what to write. I can write about how I resolved one of the many conflicts at our household. I can tell about the latest spiritual conversation in the car. But if the result is a reader who tries to solve her children’s conflicts just like Michelle or brings up a conversation with her children according to a script I provided, I’m not really helping. On the other hand, I know by experience how encouraging it can be to see how other people apply Scripture to their own lives, even though I may handle a similar situation differently. Is the difference merely the reader? Or is there anything we can do to share the practical without intimating it’s the only, truly spiritual, way. What do you think?

Popularity: 14% [?]

Popularity: 14% [?]