You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures. James 4:3

Not getting an answer for wisdom helps me to ask for the right thing. I might ask God to remove a difficult situation affecting my children. I might ask God to fix a child whose personality is incomprehensible to me, but then I would be missing the reason God created that child in the first place. Instead, I have to look for God’s purpose. I don’t always see it, but as we learn in Proverbs, asking is a part of wisdom. It’s a good thing to realize how much I really need wisdom. I don’t always get that until I’m asking God in desperation for it. I think it’s all about the answers, and God wants to teach me something bigger.

Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.Psalm 37:4

For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. O LORD of hosts, blessed is the man that trusteth in thee. Psalm 84:11-12

Not getting an answer for wisdom helps me to avoid a helpless mentality. Often when I’m asking for wisdom, I really want God just to tell me what to do. God gave me a mind, and wisdom of necessity uses it. So when I ask for wisdom and don’t get an direct answer (“Dear Michelle, Your child will finally learn to keep her room clean when she is twelve. In the meantime, you must begin each day from now until then by helping her clean it. Here are three easy steps that will certainly help her….”) I realize that I must make a decision myself. Today I helped the girls with their room first thing in the morning. It was the right decision for today. Did God give me that wisdom, or did I figure it out myself? I am learning that it is both.

Him [Jesus] we preach, warning every man and teaching every man in all wisdom, that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus. ²⁹ To this end I also labor, striving according to His working which works in me mightily. Colossians 1:28-29 (Isn’t this a great parenting verse?)

When God doesn’t give wisdom, I learn patience. I discover that the things I thought were urgent weren’t. I learn that God has given provision in unexpected ways. When I look backwards, I see that God’s guidance came at the right time, sometimes years after I have been praying for wisdom in a certain situation. The trying of my faith does bring patience, and so I’m motivated to keep searching and asking. Often I’m praying for an ongoing situation and I have to remind myself that I know God: he loves my family more than I do. He will do what is best for them, and he will accomplish everything he desires in their lives. It is no accident that James talks about patience and wisdom in nearly the same breath.

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:3-5

God is faithful! He loves it when his children come to him in need of wisdom. He loves to give it! If we don’t see it, there’s a reason, and it is good.

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But God’s timetable is not ours. He always has a reason for not giving wisdom, and it is always loving. Today I’m thinking through some reasons I’ve experienced and observed.

First, I’ve discovered that God likes us to actually want what we’re asking for. He wants us to seek for wisdom like treasure, often. Think about how casually we can pray about things: “It would be really nice to have wisdom. I wouldn’t feel so lost all the time.” One evidence that we care too little for spiritual things is our forgetfulness. We pray for something and forget that we even asked for it. When God doesn’t give wisdom, I remember that I asked for it and I still need it! Another evidence that we care too little is our actions: I say I want wisdom, but I get discouraged too quickly looking for it, because it doesn’t come easy.

It helps me in these times to consider my own children and their requests. Have you ever been given your child a gift or experience that they really didn’t value? Awhile back some neighbor children had these scooters that wrote with chalk when you stepped close to the back. Lee and I laughed because our children wanted one. Sure enough, they stopped asking because it wasn’t as exciting as they once thought it was. Over the years, I’ve learned that waiting to see what requests are regularly recurring gives me a better sense of what to look for for Christmas or Birthday presents. An offhand request might be simply because they saw an advertisement for a toy or item, but if I keep hearing about the item, I get a better sense of what is really important to my children. When God doesn’t give wisdom, I feel it. I’m motivated to think about it more, to look for it more. I can’t forget it when I’m regularly at my wit’s end. I have to come again to the throne of grace and find the help I need. I read my Bible more faithfully, and when I read it, I’m looking for answers. I want wisdom more desperately. You promise, God! Where are the answers you promise?

And He said to them, “Which of you shall have a friend, and go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves; ⁶ for a friend of mine has come to me on his journey, and I have nothing to set before him’; ⁷ and he will answer from within and say, ‘Do not trouble me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give to you’? ⁸ I say to you, though he will not rise and give to him because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will rise and give him as many as he needs.

“So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. ¹⁰ For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. ¹¹ If a son asks for bread^[d] from any father among you, will he give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish? ¹² Or if he asks for an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? ¹³ If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!” Luke 11:5-13

When God doesn’t give wisdom, I’ve on occasion realized later that God did give wisdom and I didn’t recognize it. Perhaps I thought wisdom was like knowing the future, or at the least a definitive answer to my questions. How could wisdom be so tentative? Maybe I’m not alone in not always recognizing wisdom. I’m always amazed when women are discouraged about not having the wisdom they’ve been asking for, but I can see as we talk that God has indeed been answering. Maybe we need to be encouraging others in this way, more, and maybe we need to be praying that when he gives wisdom, we’ll know what it is! We learn wisdom inductively: this is wisdom, and so is this. Here is another part of wisdom. And so on, until we really do know what wisdom is. The next time you read Proverbs, put wisdom in that framework, and you may find wisdom making more sense.

Tomorrow, we’ll talk about a few more reasons.

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It’s a trick question, I think. We think of wisdom as a plateau that we reach, and our answer might reflect this perspective, but if wisdom is a learned skill, then we might answer the question differently.

Proverbs 1:7
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.

Psalm 111:10
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever.

Matthew 7:24
Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:

 

You can see that one must know something that God desires before he can do it. How many things must a mother know before she can obey?

Just one.

and then another.

and another.

What’s significant about the Matthew passage is that we often think if we believe the right things, we’re like the man building his house on the rock. But that’s not what Jesus says. In fact, you can know all the right Bible verses and still be like the man building a house on the sand. What Jesus says is that a wise person will hear the Word of God and obey it.

It doesn’t matter if you’re just learning about the Bible, or if you’ve grown up hearing it. It doesn’t matter if we understand most of the Bible, or find much of the Bible a mystery. No matter what our background, we are all able to obey what we know, and we all must obey God one spiritual step at a time. God works in all of our lives differently. The lessons He is teaching me, He may not be teaching you. What I’m struggling with might bring a smile because you’re learned through a similar struggle.

Often, we childishly pray for wisdom, yet in fact, we are not acting on knowledge that God has given already. I have found this true in my life. This morning I’m asking myself, Self, what do you need to obey today? And the laundry calls in a tiny voice, “Over here!” So off I go.Similar Posts:

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In Proverbs 3, 21-26, Solomon tells us that one of the results of wisdom is a measure of confidence and freedom from fear. I like that, since I am not always confident and free from fear as a mom.

My son, let them not vanish from your sight;
Keep sound wisdom and discretion,
So they will be life to your soul
And adornment to your neck.
Then you will walk in your way securely
And your foot will not stumble.
When you lie down, you will not be afraid;
When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
Do not be afraid of sudden fear
Nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes;
For the LORD will be your confidence
And will keep your foot from being caught.

Because of those occasions when I’ve not been confident, and in fact had some fear, I’ve been wondering to myself how exactly wisdom brings confidence. Is this confidence some mystical result of attaining the elusive quality of wisdom? How can I be confident and yet humble? Does wisdom mean I always know the right thing to do in every situation, with 100% certainty? Does wisdom mean I never make mistakes as a mom?  I think it makes sense when I look at the process in reverse. When I am confident, it is often because I know why I am doing what I am doing. As I think through my goals in taking certain steps, as I learn how Scripture applies to my situation, I gain confidence, even to disagree when someone else offers an alternative that doesn’t address the goals or biblical principles I want to teach.

I’ll give an example. Although many Christian parents send their children to preschool, we made a deliberate decision not to. I was vaguely confident that we didn’t need to, but it wasn’t until I started asking myself WHY, and thinking about biblical principles that fit our situation, that I grew more confident that this was the right decision for our family. In contrast, when I’m not as confident or even fearful, it’s often because I don’t know precisely why I’m doing what I’m doing.

So perhaps part of developing wisdom as a mother is starting to ask questions that pinpoint the application of scripture (or lack thereof), “Why am I doing this? What do I hope to accomplish? What am I hoping to avoid?” Instead of asking a mentor what action to take, or what principles I need, I can ask her to help me find biblical principles that bear on a situation. As I learn to find these principles in God’s Word, I can see how wisdom gives confidence. Having someone tell me what to do makes me less confident in the long run. Now I’m challenged to think about the areas in parenting where I’m fearful, and see if I’m lacking in this way.Similar Posts:

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There’s knowledge to be found in the Bible that will help me make those decisions. Rather than looking first to see what the pastor thinks, or what the latest parenting book thinks, I want to look at the Bible. When I’ve exhausted my own resources, then I’ll go to someone who knows the Bible well.

Does the Bible have anything that will help me decide what to ignore with my children? (If you want to, before you look at my list, make your own. Don’t worry about references– just jot down a few words from any passage you think about.)

• love covers…
• Paul– should I come with a rod? or love and meekness?
• warn the unruly/ comfort the feebleminded, etc.
• love is patient– long suffering—
• answer a fool– do not answer a fool
• because justice is not meted out speedily
• goodness of God leads us to repentance
• he remembers we are dust, he does not deal with us after our sins
• as a father has compassion (pity) on his children
• No temptation is more than we can bear– developmental, too

How about people?

• Gideon?
• Elijah?
• Zechariah/mary?
• job?
• john mark?

That’s what my brainstorming often looks like. I’ll add more, but the next step is to look up all the passages in biblegateway.com and do some more thinking. I’ll probably go through Proverbs and watch for verses that contrast dealing with a simple person and a fool and a wise person– the specific verses are eluding me, but I know that there are many.

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Here’s the question I’m asking myself: What are the particular strengths of the ages my children are right now?

• I’ve got an almost eight year old who is keenly watching my actions to see if I actually do what I’m telling him to do. Think about the potential! That’s an amazing quality, even if it does make me quaver a bit.
• I’ve got a six year old who is delighted with her ability to read. She’ll stay up late to read her Bible. It’s all new right now.
• My four year old wants nothing more than to spend time with me.

What happens when I ignore these qualities because I see all their faults? Will they withdraw into apathy? Find friends who are interested in their lives? Stop watching, stop asking?

I’m praying that God will help me to treasure and enjoy these children he has given me. That my love would draw them to me, just as his love draws me in to himself. I’m praying that for my friends, too.

The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. Jeremiah 31:3

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The Lord by wisdom hath founded the earth;
by understanding hath he established the heavens.
By his knowledge the depths are broken up,
and the clouds drop down the dew.

My son, let not them depart from thine eyes:
keep sound wisdom and discretion:
So shall they be life unto thy soul, and grace to thy neck.

Then shalt thou walk in thy way safely,
and thy foot shall not stumble.
When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid:
yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet.

Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh.
For the Lord shall be thy confidence,
and shall keep thy foot from being taken. Proverbs 3:19-26

There is a relationship between wisdom and the ability to sleep without fear. We know that worry is a sin, but sometimes we don’t really know how to get rid of fear and worry. Here is one way to start working on it:

We must see the value of wisdom and the resulting confidence in God’s promise to lead us. Sound like something you want? Me too! Let’s get studying, and actually pursue wisdom with the same passion that we say we have.

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From Friday’s Post:

Michelle finally stops waiting for wisdom and determines to  do the best she knows how.

Turns out her decision was fine, but Michelle is now confused. Did God neglect his promise to give wisdom? Is wisdom the same as knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt what to do in a certain situation?

I used to think that wisdom was something that God sent (somehow) that communicated exactly what to do in any situation, that wisdom= mistake proof parenting. So I was confused when I would pray for wisdom and felt like God left me to do whatever I thought was best, when what I really wanted was to know what he wanted me to do.

What the young mother Michelle didn’t realize was that God DID give her wisdom. She didn’t understand how important the process of asking was. It reinforced her dependence on God, but God didn’t answer in a way that took her responsibility to weigh the options, think about relevant scripture, and act. Young mother Michelle’s questions were a part of wisdom, as were her prayers, and so were her actions. Often we see how God has led this way when we look back.

• Far from being evidence of a problem, questions are evidence of a mind that is engaged. They remind us of our dependence on God. Questions keep us humble. They also can keep a young mother’s mind from stagnating when she hears toddler talk all day long, but that’s a side benefit. There’s a reason you see an emphasis on searching for wisdom [see Proverbs 2, for example]. Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5
• Only recently have I learned that some wisdom questions take years to resolve. I have several that have been simmering in my mind since David was a baby, six and seven years ago. I’m beginning to suspect that some questions I have may never be completely answered while my children are young, and I’ve started wondering whether my job isn’t to focus instead on the tools my children will need to answer those questions for themselves as adults. 
• Prayer is an essential part of wisdom. Humility is the beginning of wisdom, and God gives grace and mercy to the humble. When we think we know everything, when we have the confidence that we have all the answers (instead of the confidence that God’s way of leading is sufficient), we will find God opposing our efforts at parenting. Not knowing what to do is an excellent place to start the search for wisdom. Surely he scorneth the scorners: but he giveth grace unto the lowly. The wise shall inherit glory but shame shall be the promotion of fools. Proverbs 3:34-35
• Finally, action is an essential part of wisdom. As we put God first in the decision making process (honor the Lord with our first fruits, or seek ye first the kingdom of God), he promises to direct our paths. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:6 We can act humbly and yet confidently, knowing that as we seek God, he will correct our path. My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord; neither be weary of his correction: For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth. Proverbs 3:11-12 We may try one thing to address a problem, find it inadequate, and then try another. This is the process of wisdom, not failure. Keep sound wisdom and discretion: Then shalt thou walk in thy way safely, and thy foot shall not stumble. When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet. Proverbs 3:21, 23, 24

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Here’s what it might look like:

New mother Michelle wanders aimlessly through Proverbs during her Bible reading, at times being challenged, but not really sure what she’s supposed to be looking for. One morning, she has a problem with a child. Michelle has no idea what to do. AHA. Here is the moment for asking wisdom. Michelle asks God for wisdom, but the child is crying and she can’t hear a still, small voice when a child is crying. Waiting… Waiting…. Her child is still crying, and she still doesn’t know what to do. She finally stops waiting for wisdom and determines to  do the best she knows how.

Turns out her decision was fine, but Michelle is now confused. Did God neglect his promise to give wisdom? Is wisdom the same as knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt what to do in a certain situation?

And He said to them, “Which of you shall have a friend, and go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves; ⁶ for a friend of mine has come to me on his journey, and I have nothing to set before him’; ⁷ and he will answer from within and say, ‘Do not trouble me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give to you’? ⁸ I say to you, though he will not rise and give to him because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will rise and give him as many as he needs.

Keep Asking, Seeking, Knocking

⁹ “So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. ¹⁰ For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. ¹¹ If a son asks for bread^[d] from any father among you, will he give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish? ¹² Or if he asks for an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? ¹³ If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!” Luke 11:5:-13

 

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The scripture that has been driving me to action this week is I Corinthians 13, in particular– love seeketh not her own. This is why I got up early with Lee this morning even as I started thinking “Ugh, 5:00 feels just like 4:30. I don’t want to get up.” I had to finish by reminding myself that love does not seek her own comfort and interests. I got up because of God’s grace working in my heart. As Lee left, I told him, “I really like getting up with you in the morning.” I meant it! I’m a morning person, and I’m thrilled that I’ve got a load of laundry and dinner started already. Even knowing this, it’s been hard this last week to get up at 4:30 with Lee, and harder to use that time wisely. I didn’t always do that.

The other night I was drawing a bath for Laurel, and I added a little shampoo in the water to make bubbles. Laurel welled up with joy, “Oh mama, that was so loving of you. I love bubbles. Thank you!”

What struck me was that if you had asked Laurel at that moment, “How do you know your mama loves you?” she would likely have included this event. But it didn’t cost me anything– no sacrifice, no thought really. It got me to thinking how little things we do for our children say I love you. I need to do more of this, and I really need to do it more deliberately.

I realize that biblical love looks different from family to family, but the motivation is always the same.

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