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Should Girls Climb Trees?

  • Posted on August 30, 2010 at 5:06 am

One of the challenges that mom has given me is to anticipate the lessons our children need and teach them before that time. She points out that in many ways its easier to teach a fourteen year old how to drive than a sixteen year old. If I don’t want my sixteen year old daughter comfortable in a bikini, then it’s wise to teach her why when she’s four. This is why my young daughters don’t wear bikinis: not because they are sensual on a preschooler, but because my daughters won’t always be preschoolers.

This is also why I feel strongly about teaching my children to choose good and wise friends, long before they have the ability to choose their own friends independently of parents. Skateboarding is inherently fine by me, but I’m not going to encourage my son to become a professional skateboarder. Why not? Because the skateboarding culture is godless, drug ridden, and at odds with Christ and His Word. In keeping with my mom’s encouragement to think ahead, I want to ask myself what I want my children to look like when they are adults. How do I want my daughters to behave around young men, and my son around young women?

This brings me to the question of femininity and masculinity.

Here’s an experiment: Make a list of ten activities or interests you would likely not want your ten-year-old son to pursue because they are too feminine, in some way. Now make a list of ten activities or interests you would likely not want your ten-year-old daughter to pursue, because they are too masculine. Did you do it? Did you have a harder time with one list or the other? I realize that this isn’t a challenging task for some parents, but it was for me.

That’s the trouble actually. I can think of a number of “feminine” activities that I’m not comfortable with my son doing, but I don’t tend to have the same reluctance when it comes to “masculine” activities and my girls.  That puzzles me.

Now, I don’t think that climbing trees is inappropriate for a lady of any age  but I’m particularly asking myself about neutral activities like this. If I encourage my daughters to pursue activities and habits that are in our culture understood as masculine, am I making it more difficult for her to transition to a feminine adult?

I’ll talk tomorrow more about femininity and masculinity.

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Tomboy=Biblical?

  • Posted on August 23, 2010 at 6:18 am

We’ve been listening to the Little House on the Prairie series in the car.

Since I enjoy children’s literature, I find the development of spirited heroines in the twentieth century to be greatly interesting. We like Laura, who speaks her mind and isn’t content to sit in a corner to sew demurely. Mary seems pale and uninteresting, and so she is, because the author saw her that way.

Here is my question, and I’ll spend a few days discussing what I’m thinking.

Is my perception of the development of femininity shaped more by the children’s literature I’ve read than Scripture and biblical principles?

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Fighting in the Car

  • Posted on July 16, 2010 at 7:18 am

I noticed a week or so ago a new pattern of behavior in the car.

David and Bethel sit together in the back. By and large, they get along well, and they tend to resolve their conflict when they are irritated with each other.

Lately, though, they’ve developed this entertainment that is basically poking each other until somebody is unhappy and yells stoppit. It’s not one child tormenting the other. Both children do their share of poking, and they both know how to push their sibling to the end of their tolerance levels. It is distracting and unpleasant behavior, and even though they claim the poking is fun, it really isn’t. Moreover, I really don’t want to develop wrestling habits between my son and daughter.

I’ve been trying to decide how to handle this. Should I separate these two? Start handing out consequences for wrestling and teasing? How do I prevent them from forming habits of behavior that may cause them grief later on? These are good questions, but I see now that they were focused on finding a solution, not motives and contributing factors.

Lee noticed first that the problem seemed to be boredom; so he suggested that I read to the children when we’re all in the car. As we suspected, the children are much better behaved when they are listening to a story. That works well when we’re all together.

I can’t read and drive at the same time, though. I’ve been trying to pay better attention to when they’re disruptive in the car, and how I can respond by giving their minds something to do.

I’ve noticed that when I take the time to engage in conversation with them, they are better behaved. I’ve been consciously getting them to sing with me. Playing common travel games works too, anything that makes them think. I want to help them understand why they are happier when they’re not bored. We’ll see how they do.

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Are We Rich?

  • Posted on March 25, 2010 at 9:21 am

Awhile ago, a mentor of my husband’s related a story in which his teenaged daughter told a friend “We can’t afford that.” This doctor was pleased that his daughter, not having an entitlement attitude common among wealthy young people, truly thought herself poor, even though the family was substantially well off.

I’ve been mulling that anecdote in my mind for a number of years. This friend deliberately and successfully withheld information about the family’s financial situation from his children. There’s a sense where I like this. The family clearly had a different lifestyle than others with similar wealth. At the same time, if the children thought that the only thing holding them back from certain purchases was a lack of funds, was the experiment truly successful? What if that daughter grew up and married a man who was also wealthy? Would she have learned the same fiscal restraint her father demonstrated? Would it have been better to be more transparent with his children in order to teach them to handle money?

I want to start a series on money and children. At breakfast, we’ve been talking for the last few weeks on Luke 12, an amazing chapter when teaching biblical principles of money to children. I have lots of questions I’ve been asking myself. The first question I want to talk about is, as a Christian, how transparent should I be with my children about financial matters?

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Teaching Purity to Little Boys

  • Posted on October 21, 2009 at 12:11 pm

Yesterday I opened up Proverbs 5 and read it for breakfast. [long pause] Yes, that’s the chapter about the immoral woman.

Last week when we were at the thrift store looking for books, David and Bethel were excited to find some birding magazines. One of them was a Smithsonian, and although I glanced at it when they brought a stack over, I didn’t think anything other than pleasure that the bird magazines appeared to have good articles, and thankfulness that they don’t have ads that must be removed. Later that afternoon, I realized that the Smithsonian magazine was not in the stack when David informed me that it had bad pictures in it and he had put it back.

I wanted to take the time to talk about the immoral woman in the context of David making a wise decision to put the magazine back and tell mom about it. Here is what we talked about.

  • First, I read the passage about needing discernment and making our lips security guards for knowledge (verse 2). I explained some things are wise not to talk about with some people. That’s why I can talk with Laurel about poop when I’m helping her in the bathroom, but not allow her to talk about it in the car among her siblings as a joke. I wanted them to understand that some knowledge is private.
  • Next, I read about the immoral woman appearing good when she really was extremely dangerous (verses 3-5). I explained that the magazine David found looked like a good magazine. It had a beautiful bird picture on the cover, but the inside had bad pictures in it (truthfully, I don’t know how bad they were, but that doesn’t matter for my teaching opportunity). I asked, “Does the immoral woman always look dangerous?” NO!  They got the answer right! I wanted them to understand that sin often appears attractive.
  • I then read the portion that tells us to get far away from the immoral woman (verse 8). David could have decided that he would look at the good parts of the magazine and not said anything about the bad parts. But he put it back and told mom. That’s exactly what Solomon tells us to do. (I do think asking mom to remove the offending pictures would be another acceptable action, but we haven’t talked about that yet.)  We are not to reason with the immoral woman, try to convert her or convince her that she’s in danger. We are not to be cavalier about sin, and I want them to understand that running away from sin is a wise response.
  • Finally, I read the portions about enjoying one’s own wife (verses 15-18). I explained that this is why I don’t let anyone else touch my private parts except my husband, and that he enjoys this very much, just like King Solomon says. I want them to know that God’s ways are the best ways.

This post is a Wisdom Wednesday because I was convicted that God’s Word makes it clear that parents should be teaching their children about the dangers of the immoral woman, and the great value of the beautiful woman called wisdom. God showed me that I had a good opportunity to bring it up in a positive way. Maybe I’ll follow up this discussion with reading the chapters on wisdom, and then reading the Proverbs 31 chapter, too.

My son, pay attention to my wisdom;
Lend your ear to my understanding,
2 That you may preserve discretion,
And your lips may keep knowledge. Proverbs 5:1

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Modesty at Graduation

  • Posted on June 22, 2009 at 12:30 am

I’m always interested in non-clothing examples of immodesty, and this might be a good one.

At a school in Maine this year, students who engaged in attention-getting behaviors were denied their diplomas. They were warned ahead of time, apparently, perhaps making this situation at its heart not about modesty, but about submission to authority (as so many examples of immodesty are).

I’m not really interested in whether they followed the rules or whether the rules were clear. Apart from the root issue of submitting to authority, I’m curious about the behavior. What if nobody had issued an edict against grandstanding? What then?

Perhaps this student interviewed really was intending to draw attention and give credit to his mother, as he states. In reality, he drew attention to himself. Since modesty deflects attention away from self, he might have been unintentionally immodest, but he was immodest all the same.

Now, it could be argued that if there were any time to applaud the individual, it is at graduation. It might be argued that the school should allow a little attention getting behavior, since, after all, these students have worked hard and achieved something. The problem with this argument is that the organization of graduation ceremonies tend to balance recognition of the individual with consideration for the group. A small graduation of 10 seniors wouldn’t be adversely affected by cheers after each name is called. A graduating class of 100 would be. Cheers for one student make it hard to hear the next student’s name being called.

There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with an informal graduation. Dispense with the cap and gown, if you like, give each senior a shout out, and let them all scramble up to a table to receive their diplomas.

But if the occasion is a ceremony, solemnly giving respect to the accomplishments of students, then the attention-getting cheers and behaviors actually show disrespect for the students and the audience. There is a time for serious reflection. Taking the time to be serious actually heightens the recognition and respect for the individual. The day is set apart. It is not thrown together in a jolly sort of impromptu scramble.

Just thinking.

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Mommy Dates

  • Posted on June 3, 2009 at 11:47 pm

Bethel stayed up with me until 9:30 tonight. She’s a night owl, and lately, she’s been begging for some mom time. OF course, I didn’t know that’s what she’s been wanting. I tend to be a little dense, sometimes. She’s been irritating and obnoxious, hitting the dog, and begging for a “just with me” tea party. That’s when I figured it out; I’m always glad for those subtle clues. So we had orange juice and sat together and read horse books. It was too short for her. I had to chuckle, since that’s exactly my reaction every time I say good bye to Lee.

Tonight at church, David discovered that he could read the Bible. I don’t think there is anything since he’s been born that has excited me, like hearing him read God’s Word, and seeing his delight. I pray that he will hunger and thirst for more.

I was all ready to write a potty training post, talking about how I finally figured it all out, and pass on my accumulated experience to my readership. Alas, my two year old who appeared to be on her way (by her own initiative) seems to have given up potty training as quite impractical and too inconvenient. So I’m back to feeling humble about potty training.

Come to think of it, they all seem to need one-on-one mommy time. Makes me tired!

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Strengthening Arms to Work

  • Posted on June 1, 2009 at 11:33 pm

Beginning of my day was good, ending was good, middle was not so good. So a short post for today.

Part of the problem with teaching my two daughters to work is that I’m still learning to work. Discomfort is not something that I like, and that can be a problem when there’s work to be done. One of the things I’ve been telling Bethel and Laurel is “You are strengthening your arms to work like the virtuous woman.” They like that. Yes, the boys show their muscles and we know that women are the “weaker vessel.” But that doesn’t mean we are weak. We have the responsibility to be strong.

I need the lecture, too!

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What Is God Doing in Your Life?

  • Posted on May 31, 2009 at 10:10 pm

As I drove to take the children on an outing, I realized I haven’t been talking about God throughout the day for awhile. That worried me a little, and then the introspective part of me took over. Why not, self? Are you dry spiritually? Is God not teaching you anything? Are you praying for nothing? Have you just been too self-absorbed lately?

After that line of questioning left me a little convicted (because God has been teaching me things, although I haven’t been “feeling” as good about spiritual things lately). Then I started a different direction of self-questioning. No matter why you have been silent, you should now use this opportunity to talk. Hmmm, what about? Well, the easiest thing is to talk about what God is doing in your own life.

I never got that far, because I asked instead “What has God done for us this week?” My faith that God is working in my children is small. I did not expect a substantive answer.

But David said “Well, we’ve been busy this week. God has helped us to work hard.”

I was nearly speechless. It was true. I pray about that at breakfast sometimes. What’s funny is that, while I was busy working, and not paying attention to spiritual things, David reminded me that God was working in my life, on my behalf. Moreover, God was at work in David’s heart to show him His work.

I got distracted. The conversation ended. Perhaps, though, I can follow up that talk with prayer and a discussion at the breakfast table in the morning.

Increase my faith, Lord.

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No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed

  • Posted on May 28, 2009 at 11:13 pm

I’m rethinking our tradition of allowing jumping on the beds in hotels.

Awhile back, I heard of someone doing that, and I thought it was a fun way of discouraging jumping on the bed at home (which to be honest, has never been a large problem). We don’t let them jump on the bed for two reasons. First, their bed slats are wood, and jumping can damage the beds. Second, jumping on the bed unsupervised can be dangerous (not just on a bunk bed, although two of three beds are up high). We’ve given both reasons when discussing why we don’t jump on beds. But on our infrequent trips, they always remember to jump on the hotel beds.

Here’s the problem. I want them to respect other people’s property. I don’t want them thinking that we must be good stewards of what God has given us personally (their toys, our furniture, our house, etc.), but that other people’s belongings don’t matter. When we borrow something, or use something that belongs to someone else, we are responsible for it. That’s why we should take special care of library books (I’m feeling convicted, since this very moment I’ve got thirty strewn hither and yon). That’s why we return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas. It’s why we replace something if we damage it. And even though hotel beds are made strong, that’s why they won’t be jumping on them in the future.

It will be a good discussion.

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