30January2008

Toddler Bed Attempt #2

Posted by Michelle under: Bedtime; Introspection; Wisdom.

I didn’t intend my last post to end so dramatically. I feel somewhat sheepish because the change really isn’t that big of a deal, although dealing with my attitude is why this post fits the Wisdom Wednesday theme.
Have you ever considered that pride causes us to act in the best interest of ourselves, not our children?Awhile back we had a problem with David and Bethel getting up before Laurel. The biggest problem was that David and Bethel could very well entertain themselves while I slept longer or got ready for my day, but then Laurel would wake up and cry until I went to take her out of the crib. And once she saw me, she wanted to be held, breakfasted, a change in clothes, and my day was always starting before I had a chance to wake up completely. It’s not the only way to address the problem, but we put Laurel in a toddler bed, which worked okay for nighttime but not for naps. After a few months back in the crib, we tried the toddler bed again. She’s now at the same age we successfully introduced the toddler bed for David and Bethel, so she should be ready, right?

Bottom line, she regressed. She stopped going right to sleep at night, and actually started getting up early in the morning, much earlier than David and Bethel. And she started getting up at night, so we’ve been sitting outside her door until she goes to sleep. That was a challenge at first because she didn’t understand that mommy wasn’t playing a game with her, even after I repeatedly got up, told her to lie down, and told her that she must obey mommy. She’d just giggle and hop up the minute I had turned around. And when I gently tapped her bottom, she giggled all the more and started tapping her own bottom when I walked back in the room. That was more than a little humiliating, and I still didn’t know how to teach her what I wanted. Everything I tried failed.

I finally gave her one swat over her diaper, her first. It really did help her understand that staying in bed wasn’t a game, but she still kept popping up (obediently lying back down when she was told!). I’ve been vigilant, patient, and consistent, to no avail.

Last week, I realized that the very reason I had put her in the toddler bed was that I wanted her in bed longer, and that goal wasn’t being met. So, I had Lee set up the pack-and-play in her room beside her bed last night. She went right to sleep without any difficulty. I hate to admit that she wasn’t ready, but… her delighted response when I put her in the crib seems to demonstrate that she really isn’t ready developmentally for the bed. She needs the boundaries still.

Why is it that my pride keeps me from loving my children as I ought to? Putting a child in a toddler bed is of no spiritual consequence, but the thoughts and intents of my heart are crucial. My stubborn pride is what has kept me from simply concluding that my second attempt was too soon. No, I don’t see any devastating effects from my sinfulness, but the willingness to put my own needs above my child’s is sobering. I desperately need humility; I need God’s grace in my life. These verses have been in my mind recently as a result of the toddler bed saga.

Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom. Proverbs 13:10

The LORD will destroy the house of the proud: but he will establish the border of the widow. Proverbs 15:25

Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools. Ecclesiastes 7:8,9

But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. James 4:6

Popularity: 42% [?]

Popularity: 42% [?]

26September2007

The Secret of Well-Mannered Children

Posted by Michelle under: Bedtime; Getting Along.

One of the fascinating observations Lee and I have recently made is that our children undergo a transformation when they have their pajamas on. All of a sudden, they work much harder at resolving conflict on their own, and they play together better than at any other time of the day. We think it’s because they realize it’s hard for us to send them to bed when they are happily playing, but will send them to bed fairly quickly if they are fighting.

If you come over to visit, and the children have their pajamas on at, say, three o’clock, you’ll know why.

Popularity: 20% [?]

Popularity: 20% [?]

10May2007

Survival Mode and Bible Reading

Posted by Michelle under: Bedtime; Mom Time.

Laurel is sleeping better since we’ve been home, thankfully. For some reason, being in her own room and on her own sheepskin with her own fuzzy blanket and pacifier made a difference. I’m thankful to be getting more sleep. This morning, I was awake enough as Lee got ready for work to actually lie in bed and plan my day. What luxury!

But what is a sleep deprived mother to do? She needs sleep, desperately. But she also needs the restoration of the still waters of God’s Word.

Is the sleep deprivation merely an excuse? Could be. When I was in college, I thought I’d be spiritual and get up at 5:30 to spend time reading my Bible and in prayer. After a few mornings of sleeping in the student lounge with a Bible on my lap, I started to despair of ever finding the time I wanted to read the Bible and pray. A wise teacher addressed some of this tension by acknowledging that in some seasons of our life we have less time than others to study the Word of God. His challenge was to examine what we did when we had more time– on weekends or during Christmas break, for example. Then we could better assess our desires and motives. I failed that test.

Regardless of our motives, having limited time means that we have to prioritize what we read. When you don’t have much time to read, spending fifteen minutes in Leviticus isn’t likely to restore your soul and prepare you for the day. It may be helpful during those times to read specific passages repeatedly during those times of discouragement (like when I’m feeling desperate for sleep), instead of “reading through the Bible.” Once I read a single chapter repeatedly for an entire month. But that chapter, Isaiah 43, was the balm of Gilead for my need at that time.

Now, when I need a reset or feel discouraged about being a mom, I read Psalm 78. When I’m not desiring the Bible, I read Psalm 119. There are others, but these in particular help me think on God and his grace and power in my life. Sometimes I feel bad that I’m not doing extensive Bible studies (consulting Bible lexicons and commentaries), or spending hours in the Word of God, but then I remember that God has given me a season of life that makes this well nigh impossible. Now that baby is sleeping better, the next season just might be in view.

What passages are restorative for you?

Popularity: 19% [?]

Popularity: 19% [?]

23March2007

Much Better, Thank You

Posted by Michelle under: Bedtime; Military Life.

Amazing how spiritual you can feel after a decent night’s sleep… It wasn’t great, but it was better than previous days this week, plus Lee didn’t go to PT (physical training) at 6:30 so I got an extra hour of sleep.

Bedtime went better for the older two last night. Lee parked himself outside the door and stopped excessive talking or getting out of bed. It struck me that this is one way to ensure 100% consistency for awhile until the bad behavior stops. That’s a happy thought.

Music class went well today. I had to humble myself and call a friend for help getting things ready (i.e., house cleaned), and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do it because I’ve been sick (did a throat culture today), but all went well. I’m on my way to bed now.

Almost back to normal. Bethel is still crying “I want my daddy” when she’s unhappy for some reason. We’re still adjusting to Dad in charge instead of Mom. (I’ve said more times than I can count “That’s your daddy’s decision” or “Ask your daddy.” Just imagine the adjusting when dads are gone for several months or a year.)

Popularity: 26% [?]

Popularity: 26% [?]

21March2007

Realtime Bedtime Analysis

Posted by Michelle under: Bedtime.

At this moment our children are tucked in bed and talking quietly. I’ll come in the room in a bit to tell them to go to sleep.

I have always felt rather smug (a dangerous emotion) when considering all those children who obviously manipulated their parents into getting another drink, another kiss, another answer to a question. Our children have always gone to bed without fuss. Of late, however, Bethel, in particular, seems to have developed a difficulty going to sleep. I’ll never judge another’s child again. [if you believe that, then you clearly do not understand the depravity of a mother]

As is my custom, when I consider a problem, I look for developmental or environmental causes (or motivations) before considering a spiritual cause (or motivation). Of course, a problem may have all three components, but I try to take care of the first two before tackling the third.

In this case, I remember that the problem started when we took away the pacifiers. At that point, Bethel didn’t know how to put herself to sleep. Shortly thereafter, we put her in David’s room, because we thought David would be less distracting throughout the night than Laurel. Bethel seems to have discovered that wiggling (putting her feet on the wall, putting her feet through the slats on the foot of the bed, etc.) helps her to stay awake. I am not sure if she’s trying to stay up, or just doesn’t know how to go to sleep. She’s also learned to find my room in the middle of the night. Last night, she came in my room. I scared. I sleep with you. I tried letting her sleep beside me last night (I’m desperate for sleep lately), but she wiggled too much and I sent her to bed. Forty-five minutes later when I got up to check on a crying Laurel, I am startled by a chipper, Hi Mommy! I guess Laurel woke her up and she was coming to check on her. Now if they were in the same room… Bethel could put the pacifier in Laurel’s mouth. That’s a thought, but I don’t think Bethel can do that unless she climbs in the crib. Not a good idea.

David is a little better, but probably only because he’s too afraid to get up and walk to our room in the dark. He just wants to talk: What is this song about? I’m really thirsty. Do we have any wings so I can make an airplane in the morning? Bethel isn’t feeling good. Bethel is keeping me awake. Can I get a drink in the morning? You get the idea. If you ignore him, he’ll just keep calling “Mommmmmmm” over and over. I don’t want to completely ignore him because I do want to be available for a real problem (I consider a nightmare, for example, to be a legitimate reason for asking for mom at his age). So I don’t want to say, “I’m not going to answer you.” David responds very well to talking through a procedure, so I might try that. “Here is what you cannot call mom for. Here is what you can.” [I just tried this. I told him he could call for mom if he was hurt or had a scary dream. He told me his big toe hurt.] Now he’s crying. Sigh. Bethel is now up to tell me that David is crying…
Think merciful thoughts… as I head off to the bedroom… again.

… Mom… Can I make some wings for an airplane in the morning?

I hope this is not another very long night. I better get to bed.

Mommy, Bethel is stuck.

Get Bethel unstuck.

Yawn and sigh.

I need to stop proofreading. There’s Laurel, who for some reason isn’t sleeping well this week. If you see any typos, just chalk it up to the result of sleep deprivation.

Popularity: 18% [?]

Popularity: 18% [?]

17March2007

Bedtime Wiggles

Posted by Michelle under: Bedtime.

After driving all day yesterday, we arrived home. Lee left this morning for five days (medical training).
Tonight Bethel is having a hard time going to sleep. She’s wiggling and being noisy, both actions that are quite effective in keeping herself awake. I disciplined her for disobeying (getting out of bed when I told her not to), but spanking her for every action that keeps her awake isn’t an option.

I sat with her for awhile and practiced whispering. I told her that being as quiet as a mouse would help her fall asleep. Then I said she could whisper like a mouse (who has a very small voice because he is so tiny), but not talk out loud. She liked that idea. We’ll see how it works.

The other problem I’ve noticed is that David does a good job of letting me know when Bethel is not doing right, but I don’t want her to grow up hating her brother because he’s always telling on her. It’s handy to know, but I probably should simply sit by the door instead of doing my own work or sitting at the computer. Sometimes we don’t want to do the right thing.

Popularity: 15% [?]

Popularity: 15% [?]

18February2007

Midnight Musing

Posted by Michelle under: Bedtime.

There’s a tension between my mommy instinct which can hardly bear to hear my baby cry at night, and my thirst for sleep. Without the mommy instinct, I’d not care if my baby truly needed me. Without the thirst for sleep, I’d never push her out of the nest. I suppose I need both.
Maybe I’m just not rational in the middle of the night. I need a bit more  sleep. It’s a recurring obsession these days.

Popularity: 13% [?]

Popularity: 13% [?]

25January2007

Evening Routine with Laurel (3 months)

Posted by Michelle under: Bedtime; Mealtime.

Evening Routine with Laurel (3 months)

Fed Laurel at 5:45ish.
She fell asleep around 6:45ish.
Woke up around 7:15ish.
Got fussy and fed around 8:15ish.
Changed messy diaper and put to bed around 8:45.

During most of the day, I feed Laurel when she’s hungry (usually around three hours, give or take 30 minutes). At the end of the day (between 6 and 9), I try to keep her awake a little longer than usual (or wake her up after a few minutes if she falls asleep) and feed her when she’s ready for sleep. I pay more attention to sleep cues than hunger cues. Sleepy cues: if I cuddle her, she’ll start drifting to sleep. She’s also less interested in stimulation: the kids trying to get her to smile and play with her are irritating to her. She cries if I try to give her toys to hold, or help her stand. Hunger cues: if I cuddle her, she wiggles and cries. Crying around 3 hours after feeding.

Popularity: 20% [?]

Popularity: 20% [?]

18January2007

Prayer for the Sleep Deprived Mom

Posted by Michelle under: Bedtime.

Several of my friends have been struggling with getting enough sleep. Here is a prayer for them:

Lord,

• Use the lack of sleep to remind them to call upon you, to wait on you through your Word. Renew their strength.
• Give them the sleep they need, as you have promised to supply their needs.
• Help them to be diligent to take opportunity in the day to lay aside other responsibilities when possible to rest.
• Give them a love for their children in light of eternity, and a patience for the cares of motherhood.
• Give them the humility to ask for help, if they need it. Remind them that they are not alone in their struggle, and that others are praying for them.

Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Popularity: 15% [?]

Popularity: 15% [?]

4December2006

Pacifier Update

Posted by Michelle under: Bedtime.

Several weeks ago, Lee decided the children were ready to give up their pacifiers. It was one of those “I think you’re wrong, but I’ll submit anyway” moments. To both of our surprise, they adjusted quite well, and quickly. Bethel has had trouble getting to sleep, although she isn’t asking for the pacifier. I just pulled Baby Tad out of the rotating toybox, and she’s been sleeping with that. Maybe she just found a new comfort item. Lee was kind enough not to say “I told you so” and I did admit that he made the right decision. (and I’m thankful I listened to him)

The only problem now is that Laurel decided she likes a different kind of pacifier, and I have about 10 of the old kind. Oh well!

Popularity: 17% [?]

Popularity: 17% [?]