Don’t be all that surprised at me. I can be dense sometimes, although maybe I knew this and needed reminding. Call me forgetful as well as dense.

I keep wondering why the kids’ bedrooms (one in particular) gets messy so quickly and regularly. I finally stopped to watch the process (key wisdom thought– watch and listen when you have a problem), and I decided that it was needful to intervene intentionally and persistently. We have a problem.

Yesterday, I spent a lot of time upstairs. Basically every time our children left their bedrooms, I made a visit and called them back. Last night when the children got ready for bed, we took a trip upstairs. Again, we needed to stop them and help them be aware of their surroundings.

I know that part of the problem is that the children’s bedrooms are on the second floor. It’s easier not to go up six or seven times in a day to check on things. It’s easier to call up “How does the bedroom look?” and trust that when they say “fine” it means what I want it to mean.

It’s easy to be a lazy mom, but it’s not better.  If you come over for a visit, don’t be surprised if you get your latte upstairs.Similar Posts:

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It’s taken a long time, but I finally got the whole Bible (free from Faith Comes by Hearing) on David’s old iPod that Lee connected to an old stereo in his room.

We’ve told our children that they can stay up as late as they want (within reason) if they are reading their Bibles. So far only Bethel has done this, but since we added the iPod option, David has been faithfully listening in the evenings before bed, on his own initiative.

A Few lessons:

• I need to continue thinking how the differences in how my children learn make a difference in how I teach them God’s Word, and teach them how to study God’s Word for themselves.

• This has been a low priority for me. It’s mind boggling that I would know what to do, and just let it go like this (for at least two months!). How important is Scripture? I need to ask God to forgive me for sinning against my child in this way. I also need to be alert to other ways where I demonstrate an indifference to the Word of God.

• An important component of wisdom is acting on what I already know to be true. How often am I impatient that God hasn’t given me an answer to a question I’ve been praying about? And how often does he answer about something else, and I’m cavalier with the answers he does give? Humility, Michelle. I am grateful for God’s grace even when I am weak.

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The last few nights have been beyond frustrating trying to get them all asleep without arguing and hitting, without staying up until midnight playing, and without someone crying every five minutes for sundry needs.

Last night as I went to bed, I realized that part of my frustration is my desire to say “Go to bed” and not have to think about children again until morning. Indeed, in general, under normal circumstances, our children have historically gone to bed reasonably well (although we do experience challenging seasons from time to time).

Tonight I remembered that there is much out of sorts with my children. I put them to bed, read to them for about forty-five minutes, and prayed with them. I held Laurel’s hand and kissed everyone goodnight. I felt pleased with myself that I had compassion on my children, I overcame my anger, I planned ahead not to give a place for my flesh.

But they did not go to sleep.  And I was challenged again. Finally in desperation I asked my mom to hold Laurel so the other two could go to sleep. It’s ten thirty, and she’s still awake, but the other two are asleep. I’m afraid that I’m going to need to go to sleep when they do.

Then again, maybe that’s not such a bad idea, since I’d have a space of time to read my Bible for a good amount of time. It might also be good since my Dad should probably be in bed earlier and he stays up if we want to talk with him. Things to think about.

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I told her she needed one. End of discussion.

Not really. Actually, I explained that Bethel needs naps because sleep is a gift from God that will help her do right. I told her that as she was at that moment, she was whiny and complaining. Going to sleep would help her choose not to be whiny and complaining.

I could say this because God is helping me to see the importance of going to sleep when I am able and needing to.  When I do this, I’m not making provision for my flesh, and I’m using a God-given resource for fighting my sinful desires.

But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. Romans 13:14

Now I need more wisdom. Bethel asked if she could go without a nap. I told her if she could do right without a nap then she could go without one. I am not sure I want to do this experiment, since I already know the outcome.  I suppose we’ll wait and see.

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Bottom line, she regressed. She stopped going right to sleep at night, and actually started getting up early in the morning, much earlier than David and Bethel. And she started getting up at night, so we’ve been sitting outside her door until she goes to sleep. That was a challenge at first because she didn’t understand that mommy wasn’t playing a game with her, even after I repeatedly got up, told her to lie down, and told her that she must obey mommy. She’d just giggle and hop up the minute I had turned around. And when I gently tapped her bottom, she giggled all the more and started tapping her own bottom when I walked back in the room. That was more than a little humiliating, and I still didn’t know how to teach her what I wanted. Everything I tried failed.

I finally gave her one swat over her diaper, her first. It really did help her understand that staying in bed wasn’t a game, but she still kept popping up (obediently lying back down when she was told!). I’ve been vigilant, patient, and consistent, to no avail.

Last week, I realized that the very reason I had put her in the toddler bed was that I wanted her in bed longer, and that goal wasn’t being met. So, I had Lee set up the pack-and-play in her room beside her bed last night. She went right to sleep without any difficulty. I hate to admit that she wasn’t ready, but… her delighted response when I put her in the crib seems to demonstrate that she really isn’t ready developmentally for the bed. She needs the boundaries still.

Why is it that my pride keeps me from loving my children as I ought to? Putting a child in a toddler bed is of no spiritual consequence, but the thoughts and intents of my heart are crucial. My stubborn pride is what has kept me from simply concluding that my second attempt was too soon. No, I don’t see any devastating effects from my sinfulness, but the willingness to put my own needs above my child’s is sobering. I desperately need humility; I need God’s grace in my life. These verses have been in my mind recently as a result of the toddler bed saga.

Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom. Proverbs 13:10

The LORD will destroy the house of the proud: but he will establish the border of the widow. Proverbs 15:25

Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools. Ecclesiastes 7:8,9

But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. James 4:6

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One of the fascinating observations Lee and I have recently made is that our children undergo a transformation when they have their pajamas on. All of a sudden, they work much harder at resolving conflict on their own, and they play together better than at any other time of the day. We think it’s because they realize it’s hard for us to send them to bed when they are happily playing, but will send them to bed fairly quickly if they are fighting.

If you come over to visit, and the children have their pajamas on at, say, three o’clock, you’ll know why.

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But what is a sleep deprived mother to do? She needs sleep, desperately. But she also needs the restoration of the still waters of God’s Word.

Is the sleep deprivation merely an excuse? Could be. When I was in college, I thought I’d be spiritual and get up at 5:30 to spend time reading my Bible and in prayer. After a few mornings of sleeping in the student lounge with a Bible on my lap, I started to despair of ever finding the time I wanted to read the Bible and pray. A wise teacher addressed some of this tension by acknowledging that in some seasons of our life we have less time than others to study the Word of God. His challenge was to examine what we did when we had more time– on weekends or during Christmas break, for example. Then we could better assess our desires and motives. I failed that test.

Regardless of our motives, having limited time means that we have to prioritize what we read. When you don’t have much time to read, spending fifteen minutes in Leviticus isn’t likely to restore your soul and prepare you for the day. It may be helpful during those times to read specific passages repeatedly during those times of discouragement (like when I’m feeling desperate for sleep), instead of “reading through the Bible.” Once I read a single chapter repeatedly for an entire month. But that chapter, Isaiah 43, was the balm of Gilead for my need at that time.

Now, when I need a reset or feel discouraged about being a mom, I read Psalm 78. When I’m not desiring the Bible, I read Psalm 119. There are others, but these in particular help me think on God and his grace and power in my life. Sometimes I feel bad that I’m not doing extensive Bible studies (consulting Bible lexicons and commentaries), or spending hours in the Word of God, but then I remember that God has given me a season of life that makes this well nigh impossible. Now that baby is sleeping better, the next season just might be in view.

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Bedtime went better for the older two last night. Lee parked himself outside the door and stopped excessive talking or getting out of bed. It struck me that this is one way to ensure 100% consistency for awhile until the bad behavior stops. That’s a happy thought.

Music class went well today. I had to humble myself and call a friend for help getting things ready (i.e., house cleaned), and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do it because I’ve been sick (did a throat culture today), but all went well. I’m on my way to bed now.

Almost back to normal. Bethel is still crying “I want my daddy” when she’s unhappy for some reason. We’re still adjusting to Dad in charge instead of Mom. (I’ve said more times than I can count “That’s your daddy’s decision” or “Ask your daddy.” Just imagine the adjusting when dads are gone for several months or a year.)Similar Posts:

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I have always felt rather smug (a dangerous emotion) when considering all those children who obviously manipulated their parents into getting another drink, another kiss, another answer to a question. Our children have always gone to bed without fuss. Of late, however, Bethel, in particular, seems to have developed a difficulty going to sleep. I’ll never judge another’s child again. [if you believe that, then you clearly do not understand the depravity of a mother]

As is my custom, when I consider a problem, I look for developmental or environmental causes (or motivations) before considering a spiritual cause (or motivation). Of course, a problem may have all three components, but I try to take care of the first two before tackling the third.

In this case, I remember that the problem started when we took away the pacifiers. At that point, Bethel didn’t know how to put herself to sleep. Shortly thereafter, we put her in David’s room, because we thought David would be less distracting throughout the night than Laurel. Bethel seems to have discovered that wiggling (putting her feet on the wall, putting her feet through the slats on the foot of the bed, etc.) helps her to stay awake. I am not sure if she’s trying to stay up, or just doesn’t know how to go to sleep. She’s also learned to find my room in the middle of the night. Last night, she came in my room. I scared. I sleep with you. I tried letting her sleep beside me last night (I’m desperate for sleep lately), but she wiggled too much and I sent her to bed. Forty-five minutes later when I got up to check on a crying Laurel, I am startled by a chipper, Hi Mommy! I guess Laurel woke her up and she was coming to check on her. Now if they were in the same room… Bethel could put the pacifier in Laurel’s mouth. That’s a thought, but I don’t think Bethel can do that unless she climbs in the crib. Not a good idea.

David is a little better, but probably only because he’s too afraid to get up and walk to our room in the dark. He just wants to talk: What is this song about? I’m really thirsty. Do we have any wings so I can make an airplane in the morning? Bethel isn’t feeling good. Bethel is keeping me awake. Can I get a drink in the morning? You get the idea. If you ignore him, he’ll just keep calling “Mommmmmmm” over and over. I don’t want to completely ignore him because I do want to be available for a real problem (I consider a nightmare, for example, to be a legitimate reason for asking for mom at his age). So I don’t want to say, “I’m not going to answer you.” David responds very well to talking through a procedure, so I might try that. “Here is what you cannot call mom for. Here is what you can.” [I just tried this. I told him he could call for mom if he was hurt or had a scary dream. He told me his big toe hurt.] Now he’s crying. Sigh. Bethel is now up to tell me that David is crying…
Think merciful thoughts… as I head off to the bedroom… again.

… Mom… Can I make some wings for an airplane in the morning?

I hope this is not another very long night. I better get to bed.

Mommy, Bethel is stuck.

Get Bethel unstuck.

Yawn and sigh.

I need to stop proofreading. There’s Laurel, who for some reason isn’t sleeping well this week. If you see any typos, just chalk it up to the result of sleep deprivation.Similar Posts:

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I sat with her for awhile and practiced whispering. I told her that being as quiet as a mouse would help her fall asleep. Then I said she could whisper like a mouse (who has a very small voice because he is so tiny), but not talk out loud. She liked that idea. We’ll see how it works.

The other problem I’ve noticed is that David does a good job of letting me know when Bethel is not doing right, but I don’t want her to grow up hating her brother because he’s always telling on her. It’s handy to know, but I probably should simply sit by the door instead of doing my own work or sitting at the computer. Sometimes we don’t want to do the right thing.Similar Posts:

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