2June2008

Problem Solving: Picking Up Toys

Posted by Michelle under: Chores.

A baby just learning to walk is old enough to dump out all the toys in the toy box, but getting him to pick them up might be another story. What is a mother to do?

If you didn’t read the first problem solving post, you’ll find it helpful to read it first.

First, let’s brainstorm the possible underlying contributions.

• With an infant, I always ask whether he understands what I am asking him to do.
• Is he overwhelmed?
• Is he sinfully refusing to obey? (Clues I look for: has he already demonstrated an ability to do what I am asking? does he run away when I try to help him obey? does he cry when I help him obey? If I hand him a toy, does he drop it and turn away)
• It is possible that the underlying motivations are a combination of sinful and developmental/ personality ?

What parental contributions might be contributing to the difficulty?

• I might have too big of a toy bucket.
• I might be waiting until all the toys are gone?
• I might be preoccupied with my own tasks: cleaning house or checking email, and am unwilling to teach or help him learn to clean up.
• I might be tentative, not really knowing what to do when he doesn’t pick anything up.
• I might find it easier and faster to pick everything up when he goes to sleep.

What should he put off?

• If he’s disobeying, then I want him to put away disobedience.
• If it’s not all deliberate disobedience (which is likely with a baby or young toddler) I want to put off a lack of understanding, and replace it with understanding. I expect to see childish behavior with a child that is not a sin issue; he merely needs to be taught and encouraged.
  

  When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. I Corinthians 13:11

• I want to replace discouragement with encouragement. Sometimes even after my children know to obey, they are easily overwhelmed. I’ve misinterpreted their lack of action as rebellious behavior.
  

What should he put on?

• obedience
• putting some toys away
• I’ve noticed that it doesn’t seem to matter how many toys he puts away. I’ve also noticed how my actions can make a large difference in his discouragement and apparent overwhelmed feelings.

The following passage is an interesting one to consider. We understand that discouragement is often a result of a lack of hope in God. Our tendency when we see a discouraged person is to encourage him by rebuking him, but God dealt with such a man differently than, say, David who had sinned with Bathsheba. Look and see:

But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers. And as he lay and slept under a juniper tree, behold, then an angel touched him, and said unto him, Arise and eat. And he looked, and, behold, there was a cake baken on the coals, and a cruse of water at his head. And he did eat and drink, and laid him down again.

And the angel of the LORD came again the second time, and touched him, and said, Arise and eat; because the journey is too great for thee. And he arose, and did eat and drink, and went in the strength of that meat forty days and forty nights unto Horeb the mount of God. I Kings 19:4

Notice also this New Testament passage that describes different ways of responding to different kinds of people.

Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men. I Thessalonians 5:14

That’s all for today. Tomorrow, we’ll look at something a bit more complex.

Popularity: 48% [?]

Popularity: 48% [?]

21November2007

Fighting Laziness

Posted by Michelle under: Chores; Wisdom.

Today’s Wisdom Wednesday isn’t about a single verse or passage, and it’s not very deep. I think God must be working on this specific area in my life, because the last few times I’ve been reading Proverbs, all the slothfulness verses keep leaping out at me.

The slothful man roasteth not that which he took in hunting: but the substance of a diligent man is precious. Proverbs 12:27

One area that’s easy for me to be slothful is with food. I might not put away dinner right away, and then I’m afraid to eat it because I don’t want to make my family sick. Or I put perfectly tasty leftovers in the refrigerator and forget about it instead of using it up. I’ll have to think about how this verse might affect how I interact with my children.

The way of the slothful man is as an hedge of thorns: but the way of the righteous is made plain. Proverbs 15:19

I know this one affects how I interact with my children. My own laziness limits what I do, more times than I’d like to admit.

Slothfulness casteth into a deep sleep; and an idle soul shall suffer hunger. Proverbs 19:15

I know better (wonder how many times I say that). But how often I indulge my flesh when I’m feeling lethargic, as though being lazy is going to cure me of lethargy. In fact, it works the other way around. This verse I need to think on more. It’s simply a matter of telling myself the truth instead of deceiving myself. How dumb can I be? Don’t answer that.
Has reading these verses actually changed what I do? Well, yes, it has. I’ve still got a long way to go, but a number of times I’ve remembered these verses and made the choice to please God and do right, instead of making the choice to please myself. God is working in my life, and that’s an exciting thought.

Are you pursuing wisdom? Tell us about it.

Popularity: 23% [?]

Popularity: 23% [?]

4November2007

Creating a Work Ethic

Posted by Michelle under: Chores.

Yesterday we spent our Saturday (and one of Lee’s few non-call weekends) working most of the day. I have traditionally felt bad about spending weekends working, because Lee has limited time at home and I’d like the children to actually have fun and enjoy their dad when he’s home. I know all the Type A mothers have an instant response all ready to type into the keyboard, but my learning path is perhaps a bit different. Have patience with me as I’m figuring life out, okay?

One of the things I admire most about my husband’s family is their work ethic. When a job needs to be done, it gets done right away. If someone needs to be called on the phone, that phone call is made right away, before it is forgotten (do you see why this is challenging to me?). I’d love for our children to learn this work ethic, but there’s a problem.

The biggest problem is that I do not always demonstrate a biblical attitude about work. Contrary to what some believe, work is not a curse or part of the curse. God gave Adam work long before he sinned in the Garden of Eden. Solomon tells us that work, its results, and the enjoyment of that work, is a gift from God. God created us to find satisfaction in working hard.

Behold that which I have seen: it is good and comely for one to eat and to drink, and to enjoy the good of all his labour that he taketh under the sun all the days of his life, which God giveth him: for it is his portion. Every man also to whom God hath given riches and wealth, and hath given him power to eat thereof, and to take his portion, and to rejoice in his labour; this is the gift of God. Ecclesiastes 5:18-19

I usually think of work as something to be endured, not something to actually enjoy. However, I do recognize that there is great satisfaction in completing a difficult or overwhelming task. I’d like to do better remembering this attitude, rather than avoiding work until it’s necessary. And as I think through work biblically, isn’t that a good thing to do as a family on the weekends? Isn’t it good for our children to enjoy the satisfaction of a job well done, to enjoy the fellowship as we work together, to enjoy the rest when we’re done? I think so. Don’t worry, we’ll still go hiking together, we’ll still work on model airplanes and play catch. Lee will still have time to relax. But I want to make sure that I do not forget how satisfying hard work can be.

Popularity: 17% [?]

Popularity: 17% [?]

4September2007

Creating Opportunities to Talk about Scripture

Posted by Michelle under: Chores; Discipleship.

One of the really great things about the God is that He used concrete ways to show us about Himself and the reality of the world around us. Because very young children are concrete thinkers, anyway, I’ve been thinking that one way we can talk about God’s Word is to show what the Bible says about those concrete things they’re interested in.

Sometimes that means actually creating experiences, or teaching them about the physical world, or nurturing an interest about something we find in the Bible. I’ve been working on this, and brainstorming what Scripture I can find that fits their interests.

For example, we’ve been feeding ants. Feeding ants sounds silly, I know, but last night I was able to say, “Did you know that God talks about ants in the Bible?” Then I briefly told them King Solomon tells us that nobody tells the ants what to do; they just do what they’re supposed to do. That’s why mommy is so happy when you show initiative and do right. End brief lecture. (Btw, initiative is a word I explain and use each time I see it happen.)

I need to look up bird verses, since David is interested in birds. What’s Bethel interested in? I hope I’m not ignoring her, but I can’t think of anything besides dollies and her tricycle. I suspect she’ll like the bird verses. I also started doing dirt experiments as part of “school time,” since many of his friends either attend school or preschool and we live in one of the best states for studying geology and rocks. Maybe at naptime we’ll read the parable of the soils.

Popularity: 14% [?]

Popularity: 14% [?]

3September2007

Priorities for Morning Chores

Posted by Michelle under: Chores; Mealtime.

A few months ago I was debating my priorities  for my morning schedule. I have come to the conclusion that getting ready for the day should happen before breakfast. (All the Type A readers hold your applause; it embarrasses me.) Here is what I discovered:

• I found that having the children get dressed and clean their rooms before breakfast was good for me. Maybe it’s the routine, maybe it’s just pacing the first part of the morning so I don’t rush and skip important things, perhaps getting a good start helps me continue to make right choices. In any case, I feel better with the change.
• Doing chores before breakfast results in a greater likelihood that the chores will actually get done. Getting the teeth brushed before breakfast is better than not brushing them at all (which is what had been happening).
• Checklists work with my four year old, but aren’t exciting to my two year old, probably because she still isn’t as independent as she would like to be. I suspect successful potty training will make a difference. Maybe I just need to be walking her through the checklist. I’ll try that this week.
• The change is easier (better and I think more effective) for my older one. He can do all his chores independently, most of the time, but Bethel still needs help getting dressed, making her bed, and brushing her teeth. Maybe I should have said, the change is easier for my older one than for me.
• Obstacles sometimes interfere with priorities. Sometimes when the baby needs attention, I’ve had to tell the kids to play before we have breakfast. For David that means he’s all ready; for Bethel that means she plays in her pajamas until I can help her. If I’m behind in laundry, the children can’t get dressed (David likes to match, Bethel just likes to have clothes on. We have had both problems. )

Popularity: 22% [?]

Popularity: 22% [?]

13April2007

Progress Cleaning Up

Posted by Michelle under: Child Development; Chores.

I have noticed recently that the difficulty I had with the kids getting overwhelmed at a big job seems to be getting better. Yesterday I let them dump out the toys in the toy bucket and when it was time to clean them up, they got right on it. Maybe Bethel’s developmental progress motivated David. Oh, they got distracted. And David told me, “I want you to clean, too.” Ouch. He was right (I had been on the computer). But overall, I have come to the conclusion that the lethargy in picking up was probably developmental mostly. I’m glad I didn’t make it a big discipline issue. And in the future, I’ll probably be more confident to help them clean up toy by toy if needed. They won’t need me to do that forever.

Incidentally, I had removed these toys to my bedroom for the last month. I did it so the kids that came to MusicPlay wouldn’t get distracted, but I found that my kids hardly missed them and my living room has been cleaner as a bonus. There was more room for rocket projects, dolly parties, kindergarten block towers, and chase games.

When I looked at the toys they dumped out, I realized that most of the toys were really below their developmental level, but above Laurel’s. So I may box them up for awhile anyway.

Popularity: 16% [?]

Popularity: 16% [?]

27February2007

Cleaning Up

Posted by Michelle under: Chores.

This morning we worked on cleaning up the living room. When it’s overwhelming, I usually assign the children a job one item at a time (Put away this; throw away that, etc.). I’ve tried to do games, but they don’t get it. I’ve tried to do races, and it doesn’t affect their speed in the slightest. What helps the most is giving them something to do afterward.

Today that wasn’t even working! So, with happy music blaring, I had David and Bethel putting things away, in tears (they were putting things away). It was really quite pathetic. Laurel was in the exersaucer, enjoying the scene. I will say that cleaning with them (instead of working in another room, or folding clothes on the couch, or, gulp, playing on the computer) really does help. Bethel needed me to follow-through with her, making sure she completed each task. When the living room was mostly clean, we left to run errands. I figure they’ll do better coming home to a clean[er] house, and I needed a break. I think that worked.

Questions I have: Is it okay to ignore the crying, as long as they are working? How about screams of rage? I have been allowing the former, but not the latter. Are my kids soft? Am I expecting too little, and then when I need them to work they’re falling apart?

All is now quiet, and I need to spend some time in my Bible. God has promised to give me wisdom when I ask and seek for it. Now is a good time.

Popularity: 16% [?]

Popularity: 16% [?]

15February2007

Getting Perspective

Posted by Michelle under: Chores; Emotions.

I learned something new today. Since I’ve been running around like crazy for the last few days, the house has suffered. And consequently, I noticed both children responding to the mess, too. Normally, I have big plans: after the whole house is completely clean, we’ll go do something fun. I am hesitant to go do something fun first, for a number of reasons. “I don’t want to clean up,” David said this morning. I already had implemented an “after” activity: After we get the bedrooms clean (short goal), we’ll read our library books together. But I could sense that the minute I started to push on the cleaning, I’d see tears and resistance from both kids. So I sat with David and explained that we felt yucky because our house was yucky, and if we avoided cleaning, then we would still feel bad. Then I prayed (outloud) for wisdom. Then I decided a walk to the mailbox to mail a letter (about 1/4 mile roundtrip) would give the children a fresh perspective. The walk was short enough that they wouldn’t be tired out, but long enough to reset their emotions.

It worked! As I write this, I realize that, after all, I did ask God for wisdom. We started with their bedrooms, worked our way to the living room, and then stopped for story time. Then they went to sleep. They really were tired (and Bethel has a cold, so I know she’s not feeling great), and it was understandable that they would be weepy about cleaning up, but with the three of us working together we got a lot done in a small amount of time.

Now about the kitchen…

Popularity: 16% [?]

Popularity: 16% [?]

22August2006

Learning to Put Things Away

Posted by Michelle under: Chores.

Bethel is at an age where she can be like a tornado: pull a few toys out, play with one for less than a minute, and go on to the next toy. Give her five or ten minutes alone, and she’s capable of mass destruction (so discouraging when mommy has been diligent in keeping things clean).

It’s one of the reasons playing with her is so good (as opposed to reading a book or doing computer beside her while she plays. When she starts to go to another toy, I simply make sure she puts her previous toy away. I’m not concerned with the short attention span.

So, this morning, we played with puzzles. Now, Bethel is just learning how to put puzzles together. She’s not great at them (gets frustrated easily), but she sure does like to dump all the pieces out! Now, I don’t mind putting the pieces in for her (quickly!), so she can dump them out, but I do have her wait until one puzzle is put back together before we pull the next one out. I think that over time, the repetition will be profitable.

That is, if I don’t undo everything by not living what I teach… It all comes back to me, and since I can’t be the perfect mom, it all goes back to God and His mercy and grace. That’s where I need to be.

Michelle

Popularity: 14% [?]

Popularity: 14% [?]

31July2006

depression

Posted by Michelle under: Chores; Emotions.

Had a fascinating experience on Saturday. We had company on Friday (everybody in my husband’s clinic, plus spouses and children). I tried very hard not to be too stressed but getting things done ahead of time. I’ve already noticed how my children reflect my stress, but this time I thought we all were handling it quite well. We had about 12 adults and six children. The kids had a blast, and played hard. They went to bed a little later than they normally do, but not much.

Then Saturday morning hit. I know what they say about cleaning up before you go to bed after a party, but this expectant mama wasn’t going to do it. Lee and I spent some time in the morning on the computer (avoiding the kitchen). What was fascinating was David. Now, he’s gotten rather pokey getting ready in the morning, and since I’m forever hurrying him up, I have decided to let him get ready in the morning at his pace (that usually means playing with his toys in his bedroom as he’s getting dressed).

The problem was, when I went in to check on him (he was taking a very long time), he was lying down on his bed. He said he was very tired. Then later, he had fallen asleep. I think he was asleep most of the morning, and into the afternoon. I finally went in around 2:00 and woke him up for lunch. In the middle of lunch, he excused himself to go to the bathroom, but instead he went to lie down.

Lee and I considered what was going on in his little head. It is true that he played very hard the night before. He did go to bed somewhat late (although no later than a midweek service night). Still, it seemed a little extreme even for these factors. Then we realized that his room was a mess– all his puzzles were out (and overturned), his cars were scattered, and he had clothes on his floor. We wondered whether his lethargy was because of his environment, so instead of starting with the kitchen, we started with his room. Sure enough, he perked up immediately and was fine the rest of the day.

We think this was the problem. Wow! But it shouldn’t surprise me, because I react the same way many times.

Popularity: 16% [?]

Popularity: 16% [?]