I’ve been attempting to be on top of getting work done before mealtime. Not only is eating a good motivator, but it is also a scriptural principle that we do not have the right to eat if we are unwilling to work. That’s been helpful at the work rebellion “I don’t like work! I don’t want to work! I hate making my bed!”  These outbursts have been far fewer since I started pointing out that in our house, and in God’s word, people who refuse to work don’t eat.

But I have another problem, and I’m a little sheepish at my epiphany this week. I have one child in particular who can, in five minutes, pull out every toy she owns. It’s been a challenge since she became mobile, but since I’m rather ditzy and distracted, I’ve not done a good job helping her develop better habits. She knows she should put away a toy when she’s done, before pulling out something new. In the past (here’s the sheepish part), I’ve been reluctant to interrupt her when she’s playing beautifully with her siblings. That’s because I’m so happy to see the cooperation and good will that I hate to disrupt it

I decided that I wasn’t organized enough to keep track of the best time to pick up something left out. I decided to enforce action whenever I noticed it. I’m hoping I notice it sooner rather than later, although most of the time it’s impossible to catch her exactly when she puts something down. It dawned on me today that she might figure out that it’s easier to put something away than to get interrupted for it. In other words, stopping her play to have her put something away is a good thing.

Now you can snicker mercilessly at me. I’ll try not to mind.

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As they get older, they’re doing better at eating without as much supervision. That’s progress, and it does mean I can get things clean while they eat, although I’m not sure that i want to give up my breakfast time just yet.  I also have found that I’m not eating as well.

Awhile back I mentioned my desire for happy talk (but not excessive silliness) at the table. I became aware today of a paradox. I want children to talk and be happy, but when they do I’m telling them to stop talking and start eating! What’s a mother to do?

I think I’m going to have to mentally allow some inefficiency as they eat.

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I’m at a loss to explain why this happens at mealtime. What is is about milk gurgling in the mouth that makes “poofiecookiecarpet” hilarious? I’m also at a loss in responding to my four and five year olds (and to a lesser extent my imitative two year old) because of some internal conflict: I want mealtimes to be happy times, but I also want them to use good manners and actually eat.

And, as it happens, the most effective humor (for this age) seems to be when some forbidden word is “accidentally” created. We’ve already said that potty talk is out of bounds, and yesterday I had to explain to David that he could make up silly words, but that God’s name wasn’t something he could be silly about. Even now, it’s like we’re defining the biblical limits of humor– appropriateness in what we say, when we say it, how it affects others.

That’s another lesson. Last night on the way to church, David and Bethel were making up names to call their friends at church. It was silly and not at all malicious, but I suspect some friends wouldn’t appreciate being called Suzymagillicuddy.  I didn’t say anything. I just thought about it. It may need to be addressed in the future.

Now I want to think about it more clearly and biblically. I’ve offered guidance, but I want to think it through and see if I’m responding correctly. In particular, I want to think about the silliness at the table and how I can best respond to it.

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My husband has caught on. I want him to tell me what he thinks of the sauce: was it too thick, or too bland? Did he like it better with tarragon or without? He enjoys giving feedback, and I enjoy receiving it. Especially with day-to-day cooking, figuring out what he likes helps me the next time I make the meal (or motivates me to omit it from any future menus).

There’s only one trouble. Children.

Our pleasant dinner conversation of the merits and demerits of the meal is being imitated by our children, and I’m realizing that what gives me pleasure might not be welcomed in other houses. Last night, my son told me that the sauce was too bland and asked for some pepper.

That got me thinking. This poor child is going to grow up thinking that his wife is going to like his evaluation of a meal, and chances are, she’s not going to welcome the kind of feedback his daddy gives to mommy. And I surely hope that he doesn’t critique the meal when he is a guest at someone’s house!

What should I do?

• This could be a good discussion about how a husband loves his wife, according to knowledge. It might be a good time to break the news to the children that their mommy is a little weird.
• Or I could simply say that mommy likes to hear critique, but others probably don’t.
• We could talk about the difference between a child critiquing and a husband critiquing.
• I could ask Lee about the meal after the kids are in bed.

For the time being, Lee’s been more careful to praise what I make, and he’s been telling the children that they may not critique. We’ll see what dinner conversation ensues…Similar Posts:

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Since it’s a losing battle to force a child to swallow food he doesn’t want to, we take a different approach.

We generally require two bites of anything I make, but that’s all. If they don’t eat much for dinner, they’ll eat a big breakfast and be fine.

However, if our children want fruit or dessert at mealtime, they have to eat more. We determine how much they have to eat in a very unscientific formula of how distasteful the food is, how able they are to understand the concept of if/then, and what their “breaking point” is.

For example, the other night we had lentil soup. David and Laurel didn’t like it. We told David (almost five) he had to eat all of his soup if he wanted dessert (which is a rare occasion when we don’t have company; usually the incentive is fruit). He wanted the dessert, so he ate the soup (a half cup), even though he was really having a hard time swallowing the food without gagging (I do have some compassion; I’ll wait awhile before making this soup again.)

Laurel (18 months), on the other hand, doesn’t understand the words “if you eat all your soup, you can have your chocolate mousse.” She hears “have your chocolate mousse” and becomes angry when it doesn’t come right away. She also doesn’t have the attention span to eat the whole bowl before she gets dessert. To keep from overly frustrating her beyond the breaking point, I simply told her she could have a bite of mousse when she ate a bite of soup. She didn’t understand that, so I got a spoonful of mousse and put it on her tray. Then I tried to give her a spoonful of soup. She finally understood, but she didn’t like it.

No problem. I have defined the winnable battle: first soup; then mousse. She cried for a few minutes (it was hard, but I ignored her), but she really wanted that chocolate on her tray, so she finally picked up the spoon full of mousse. I then gave her a tiny spoonful of soup, which she reluctantly ate. Then she ate her mousse. She wanted more, so I got another spoonful of mousse, put it on the tray, and offered a bite of soup. Again, she ate the offered soup. In this way, she ate the entire bowl of soup.

Later, I’ll require two bites, and then a bite of dessert. When she can handle that, I’ll keep increasing the goal until she eats the whole portion like her older brother and sister.

There are other ways of handling mealtime challenges. Want to share?Similar Posts:

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One of the challenges we face is her standing up at the piano and in her high chair. Consistent enforcement of the rules (she can’t play the piano if she stands up, and she has to come out of the bath if she stands) and a high chair seatbelt have helped her learn to stay sitting, most of the time. However, yesterday morning Laurel stood up, and I took a few seconds to consider her motives before I did anything. I realized she was trying to see inside her daddy’s cereal bowl, and then I realized she might be able to spoon her own cereal. Now… she’s not shown much interest with the spoon, and she’s only mildly interested in the cereal.

However, when I put the bowl in front of her, she was giddy with excitement. I remember from the other two that cheerios floating in milk are quite easy to scoop up with a spoon. She began to eat with gusto, checking every so often at what the rest of her family were doing, beaming at our approval for her new skill.

Yes, I had to help her, guiding her spoon (but not taking it away), reminding her to use her spoon rather than her hand, and to make sure she had enough cereal (after awhile it gets harder to spoon up the stray cheerios). Yes, she spilled a lot of cheerios and milk (this morning I used Bethel’s kangaroo bib). I figure, though, which would I rather do: tell her to stop standing up, throwing down her food, challenging the trustworthiness of the sippee cup? or helping her to learn a new skill?

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• I found that having the children get dressed and clean their rooms before breakfast was good for me. Maybe it’s the routine, maybe it’s just pacing the first part of the morning so I don’t rush and skip important things, perhaps getting a good start helps me continue to make right choices. In any case, I feel better with the change.
• Doing chores before breakfast results in a greater likelihood that the chores will actually get done. Getting the teeth brushed before breakfast is better than not brushing them at all (which is what had been happening).
• Checklists work with my four year old, but aren’t exciting to my two year old, probably because she still isn’t as independent as she would like to be. I suspect successful potty training will make a difference. Maybe I just need to be walking her through the checklist. I’ll try that this week.
• The change is easier (better and I think more effective) for my older one. He can do all his chores independently, most of the time, but Bethel still needs help getting dressed, making her bed, and brushing her teeth. Maybe I should have said, the change is easier for my older one than for me.
• Obstacles sometimes interfere with priorities. Sometimes when the baby needs attention, I’ve had to tell the kids to play before we have breakfast. For David that means he’s all ready; for Bethel that means she plays in her pajamas until I can help her. If I’m behind in laundry, the children can’t get dressed (David likes to match, Bethel just likes to have clothes on. We have had both problems. )

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I’ve noticed during these fairly high stress times that my own kids can mirror my own tension. I need to remember that sometimes instead of pushing them off while I try to get work done isn’t nearly as helpful for me or them as taking a few minutes of undivided attention for them. We’ll see how I do.

We have some swallows building a nest on our roof, and David is keen to identify and draw birds right now. I think we’ll talk about Matthew 10:29-31 at breakfast this morning, instead of me dashing around like a chicken with its head cut off. (I’ll dash around after breakfast!)Similar Posts:

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