As4Me » Mealtime

Breakfast Conversation Hiatus

Michelle — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 10:30:49 +0000

Since I’ve talked a lot about breakfast conversations, it might interest one or two people to know that… a typical morning lately doesn’t include a mommy sitting down with all three kids at once, having a chipper conversation about spiritual things. Nope.

Typically, Lee gets up early. Michelle thinks about getting up early and making breakfast and coffee for Lee. Looks for clean socks instead.

Checks Facebook and email, then goes back to sleep after Lee leaves, until children start knocking at her door.

(That would be one child. The one who wants to get the morning going and who actually went to sleep within five minutes of kissing mom and dad good night. Not the two who stayed up another hour talking.)

Child number one (and occasionally number three) want to eat breakfast right away in order to get a head start on school. (It’s really because they want to play computer games, and I say it’s okay after they’re done with school.) So this child has been eating breakfast all alone, while I try to put a few coherent thoughts together and decide whether I’m awake enough to make coffee.

Child three is now able to pour milk by herself, if the milk isn’t too full. She’s not yet good at determining if the milk is too full, but we’re making progress. She magically appears at the table about the time the first child is finishing.

Child two will quietly appear about the time I realize that nobody has gotten dressed. Or made their beds. Sometimes I remember about the beds, and I’ve been doing much better at asking them to go pick up their clothes from off the floor. (It’s pointless right now to ask them if they are on the floor. They are.) Meanwhile I’m learning that I clean the kitchen better in the morning than evening, so I’m usually wiping counters and on occasion sweeping the floor. This morning I actually started a load of laundry. Child three has started to make breakfast, only she doesn’t like cereal right now. She doesn’t like toast. She wants to make an egg. (eggs are quick, but they do require more dishwashing. we’re working on this, still.)

Child number one will start school, and child three is begging to do school. Child three has quietly finished breakfast and started to draw. (You will discover this if you come in the house and see paper in a huge fan across the living room floor, every crayon dumped out, and an assortment of cutting scraps next to scissors. It’s a good day if no clothing has been cut.) Since all the children are occupied, I pretend not to notice any of them so I can read my Bible. Somehow they have figured out that if they avoid me during this time, I won’t think to remind them about any chores that need to be done.

This is why we haven’t been having too many spiritual breakfast conversations lately. Just in case you were wondering.Similar Posts:

Becoming Self-Governed

Michelle — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 11:01:30 +0000

One of the long-term goals we have in teaching our children is helping them to govern their own behavior. Taking initiative is not something we associate with very small children; it is a quality cultivated over time.

A child who does not have control over his spirit is like a city whose protective walls of defense have been broken down. Self control is extremely important, but we don’t always know how to develop it.

My sister-in-law Martha has assigned chores for her children, but she also has a “pick a chore” assignment. That means after the normal chores are done, the child is to look around for something that needs to be done around the house, and do it. I love this idea. Children don’t always choose difficult or time intensive jobs, but the very process of looking for something that needs attention is what is most valuable in this exercise.

A week or so ago, I bought some candy corn and put it in the candy jar near where I was sitting. Of course, one of the children came by and asked, “Can I have some?” I told her yes. When she asked how many she could have, I told her that she could have as many as she wanted, as long as she wasn’t being greedy. Word quickly spread to the other two children. This was a novel idea, and it was fun for me to see them walk by and talk about how they had determined that they had taken enough. They consumed the candy faster than they would have had I given them a stated limit, but again, I was more interested in the process of evaluating, “What does it mean to be greedy or sinfully indulgent?”

What have you done to help your children develop the ability to govern their own behavior?Similar Posts:

Unsaved Children Praying at Meals

Michelle — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 10:00:06 +0000

For awhile I’ve wondered whether it is makes sense to allow my children to pray at mealtimes. We do ask them to pray, and sometimes they volunteer. I’m certain that I’ve avoided having them pray when they’ve been naughty (although I wonder if that’s more recognizing the priority of my own need to pray). But if they are not saved, if they know they’re not saved, is it wise to allow them to act as though they are right with God? On the other hand, is it necessary to hover over every spiritual action and remind them of their status as a non-Christian?

These are all questions I’ve had, and never come to any satisfying conclusions. When we started as a family considering James 4 (especially the ideas that 1)God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble and 2) If we draw near to God, he will draw near to us), I realized that I may be closer to resolving some of the questions I have.

This morning, I considered that giving thanks for God is an act of drawing near to God. Look at the opposite of this action:

because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. ²² Professing to be wise, they became fools, (Romans 1:21-22)

The whole passage focuses on a process. I’ve always been fascinated at the connection between a lack of thankfulness and the rejection of God. When I read this passage this morning, I realized that thanking God is a good part of the process of seeking God and should not be prevented.

What does that mean for our children praying at mealtimes? Well, I’m not going to feel uneasy if my unsaved children want to pray. I think I will be more willing to ask them to pray.

That’s one way God’s Word is changing me. How about you? Is Scripture changing you this week?Similar Posts:

Putting Toys Away

Michelle — Tue, 26 May 2009 04:27:44 +0000

Work is a good thing. My son did a hard job repotting a large plant for me today, and he came in happy that he had accomplished the job on his own. I pointed out that God made us to work, and to be happy when we are working hard. I need to remember this when I get behind on the dishes.

I’ve been attempting to be on top of getting work done before mealtime. Not only is eating a good motivator, but it is also a scriptural principle that we do not have the right to eat if we are unwilling to work. That’s been helpful at the work rebellion “I don’t like work! I don’t want to work! I hate making my bed!” These outbursts have been far fewer since I started pointing out that in our house, and in God’s word, people who refuse to work don’t eat.

But I have another problem, and I’m a little sheepish at my epiphany this week. I have one child in particular who can, in five minutes, pull out every toy she owns. It’s been a challenge since she became mobile, but since I’m rather ditzy and distracted, I’ve not done a good job helping her develop better habits. She knows she should put away a toy when she’s done, before pulling out something new. In the past (here’s the sheepish part), I’ve been reluctant to interrupt her when she’s playing beautifully with her siblings. That’s because I’m so happy to see the cooperation and good will that I hate to disrupt it

I decided that I wasn’t organized enough to keep track of the best time to pick up something left out. I decided to enforce action whenever I noticed it. I’m hoping I notice it sooner rather than later, although most of the time it’s impossible to catch her exactly when she puts something down. It dawned on me today that she might figure out that it’s easier to put something away than to get interrupted for it. In other words, stopping her play to have her put something away is a good thing.

Now you can snicker mercilessly at me. I’ll try not to mind.

Similar Posts:

Breakfast Conversations

Michelle — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 13:54:22 +0000

I’ve been thinking about the last few months and realized that I’ve not had many serious breakfast conversations with my children. Some of the lack is that Lee was home a good bit during the holidays, and some is just that I’ve not remembered to talk then. I realized recently that one reason I’ve not been talking as much is that I’ve not been eating breakfast with the children as much.

As they get older, they’re doing better at eating without as much supervision. That’s progress, and it does mean I can get things clean while they eat, although I’m not sure that i want to give up my breakfast time just yet. I also have found that I’m not eating as well.

Awhile back I mentioned my desire for happy talk (but not excessive silliness) at the table. I became aware today of a paradox. I want children to talk and be happy, but when they do I’m telling them to stop talking and start eating! What’s a mother to do?

I think I’m going to have to mentally allow some inefficiency as they eat.

Similar Posts:

Five-year-old Humor

Michelle — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 15:12:49 +0000

Have you ever heard a large group of kindergarteners eating? Seems that this age is just getting to where they’re enjoying words, so they start making up their own. Each child trys to top the previous made-up word in silliness, and pretty soon, the whole table is laughing and talking nonsense.

I’m at a loss to explain why this happens at mealtime. What is is about milk gurgling in the mouth that makes “poofiecookiecarpet” hilarious? I’m also at a loss in responding to my four and five year olds (and to a lesser extent my imitative two year old) because of some internal conflict: I want mealtimes to be happy times, but I also want them to use good manners and actually eat.

And, as it happens, the most effective humor (for this age) seems to be when some forbidden word is “accidentally” created. We’ve already said that potty talk is out of bounds, and yesterday I had to explain to David that he could make up silly words, but that God’s name wasn’t something he could be silly about. Even now, it’s like we’re defining the biblical limits of humor– appropriateness in what we say, when we say it, how it affects others.

That’s another lesson. Last night on the way to church, David and Bethel were making up names to call their friends at church. It was silly and not at all malicious, but I suspect some friends wouldn’t appreciate being called Suzymagillicuddy. I didn’t say anything. I just thought about it. It may need to be addressed in the future.

Now I want to think about it more clearly and biblically. I’ve offered guidance, but I want to think it through and see if I’m responding correctly. In particular, I want to think about the silliness at the table and how I can best respond to it.

No answers today. Just questions.Similar Posts:

Critiquing the Cook

Michelle — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 10:07:35 +0000

I grew up with feedback on my cooking. Some might be startled to hear a father gravely tell his eleven year old that her chocolate cake was too dry and the frosting excellent, but that’s exactly the kind of feedback I got from my dad. His evaluation was trustworthy. When he said my banana cake was better than grandma’s, I knew he wasn’t just saying that because he was a proud dad. I grew up treasuring this kind of honest feedback, even though I’m sometimes disappointed that something doesn’t turn out as I’d hoped.

My husband has caught on. I want him to tell me what he thinks of the sauce: was it too thick, or too bland? Did he like it better with tarragon or without? He enjoys giving feedback, and I enjoy receiving it. Especially with day-to-day cooking, figuring out what he likes helps me the next time I make the meal (or motivates me to omit it from any future menus).

There’s only one trouble. Children.

Our pleasant dinner conversation of the merits and demerits of the meal is being imitated by our children, and I’m realizing that what gives me pleasure might not be welcomed in other houses. Last night, my son told me that the sauce was too bland and asked for some pepper.

That got me thinking. This poor child is going to grow up thinking that his wife is going to like his evaluation of a meal, and chances are, she’s not going to welcome the kind of feedback his daddy gives to mommy. And I surely hope that he doesn’t critique the meal when he is a guest at someone’s house!

What should I do?

This could be a good discussion about how a husband loves his wife, according to knowledge. It might be a good time to break the news to the children that their mommy is a little weird.
Or I could simply say that mommy likes to hear critique, but others probably don’t.
We could talk about the difference between a child critiquing and a husband critiquing.
I could ask Lee about the meal after the kids are in bed.

For the time being, Lee’s been more careful to praise what I make, and he’s been telling the children that they may not critique. We’ll see what dinner conversation ensues…Similar Posts:

Winning the Food War

Michelle — Wed, 07 May 2008 10:00:58 +0000

I’ve been thinking about how simple routines with babies establish authority and lay a foundation for teaching obedience later on. What’s fun is that there’s a lot of freedom in how we teach authority and obedience. Mealtime is one situation where we generally manipulate the environment to avoid battles, but we still manage to stay in control. It’s just one way of many that parents choose to order their mealtime.

Since it’s a losing battle to force a child to swallow food he doesn’t want to, we take a different approach.

We generally require two bites of anything I make, but that’s all. If they don’t eat much for dinner, they’ll eat a big breakfast and be fine.

However, if our children want fruit or dessert at mealtime, they have to eat more. We determine how much they have to eat in a very unscientific formula of how distasteful the food is, how able they are to understand the concept of if/then, and what their “breaking point” is.

For example, the other night we had lentil soup. David and Laurel didn’t like it. We told David (almost five) he had to eat all of his soup if he wanted dessert (which is a rare occasion when we don’t have company; usually the incentive is fruit). He wanted the dessert, so he ate the soup (a half cup), even though he was really having a hard time swallowing the food without gagging (I do have some compassion; I’ll wait awhile before making this soup again.)

Laurel (18 months), on the other hand, doesn’t understand the words “if you eat all your soup, you can have your chocolate mousse.” She hears “have your chocolate mousse” and becomes angry when it doesn’t come right away. She also doesn’t have the attention span to eat the whole bowl before she gets dessert. To keep from overly frustrating her beyond the breaking point, I simply told her she could have a bite of mousse when she ate a bite of soup. She didn’t understand that, so I got a spoonful of mousse and put it on her tray. Then I tried to give her a spoonful of soup. She finally understood, but she didn’t like it.

No problem. I have defined the winnable battle: first soup; then mousse. She cried for a few minutes (it was hard, but I ignored her), but she really wanted that chocolate on her tray, so she finally picked up the spoon full of mousse. I then gave her a tiny spoonful of soup, which she reluctantly ate. Then she ate her mousse. She wanted more, so I got another spoonful of mousse, put it on the tray, and offered a bite of soup. Again, she ate the offered soup. In this way, she ate the entire bowl of soup.

Later, I’ll require two bites, and then a bite of dessert. When she can handle that, I’ll keep increasing the goal until she eats the whole portion like her older brother and sister.

There are other ways of handling mealtime challenges. Want to share?Similar Posts:

Teaching an Infant to Behave

Michelle — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 20:45:44 +0000

I keep forgetting how often what I think is misbehavior in Laurel (13 months) is really trying to do what her older siblings are doing. Sometimes she truly cannot do what they are doing (like cut and paste paper nighthawks). Other times she is stretching herself to do something well within her ability to learn (even if I don’t realize it).

One of the challenges we face is her standing up at the piano and in her high chair. Consistent enforcement of the rules (she can’t play the piano if she stands up, and she has to come out of the bath if she stands) and a high chair seatbelt have helped her learn to stay sitting, most of the time. However, yesterday morning Laurel stood up, and I took a few seconds to consider her motives before I did anything. I realized she was trying to see inside her daddy’s cereal bowl, and then I realized she might be able to spoon her own cereal. Now… she’s not shown much interest with the spoon, and she’s only mildly interested in the cereal.

However, when I put the bowl in front of her, she was giddy with excitement. I remember from the other two that cheerios floating in milk are quite easy to scoop up with a spoon. She began to eat with gusto, checking every so often at what the rest of her family were doing, beaming at our approval for her new skill.

Yes, I had to help her, guiding her spoon (but not taking it away), reminding her to use her spoon rather than her hand, and to make sure she had enough cereal (after awhile it gets harder to spoon up the stray cheerios). Yes, she spilled a lot of cheerios and milk (this morning I used Bethel’s kangaroo bib). I figure, though, which would I rather do: tell her to stop standing up, throwing down her food, challenging the trustworthiness of the sippee cup? or helping her to learn a new skill?

Let me think on this awhile.Similar Posts:

Wisdom and Demand Feeding

Michelle — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 12:11:27 +0000

How you choose to feed your baby is not a spiritual issue, but because a number of folks try to make it so, a good reminder is helpful now and then. Nancy Wilson gives a great response on her blog. Wisdom is the principal thing. Get wisdom!Similar Posts: