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Why Do I Have to Take a Nap?

  • Posted on March 18, 2009 at 12:38 pm

Yesterday, Bethel wanted to know why she had to take a nap.

I told her she needed one. End of discussion. :)

Not really. Actually, I explained that Bethel needs naps because sleep is a gift from God that will help her do right. I told her that as she was at that moment, she was whiny and complaining. Going to sleep would help her choose not to be whiny and complaining.

I could say this because God is helping me to see the importance of going to sleep when I am able and needing to.  When I do this, I’m not making provision for my flesh, and I’m using a God-given resource for fighting my sinful desires.

But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. Romans 13:14

Now I need more wisdom. Bethel asked if she could go without a nap. I told her if she could do right without a nap then she could go without one. I am not sure I want to do this experiment, since I already know the outcome.  I suppose we’ll wait and see.

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Breakfast Conversations

  • Posted on February 3, 2009 at 8:54 am

I’ve been thinking about the last few months and realized that I’ve not had many serious breakfast conversations with my children. Some of the lack is that Lee was home a good bit during the holidays, and some is just that I’ve not remembered to talk then. I realized recently that one reason I’ve not been talking as much is that I’ve not been eating breakfast with the children as much.

As they get older, they’re doing better at eating without as much supervision. That’s progress, and it does mean I can get things clean while they eat, although I’m not sure that i want to give up my breakfast time just yet.  I also have found that I’m not eating as well.

Awhile back I mentioned my desire for happy talk (but not excessive silliness) at the table. I became aware today of a paradox. I want children to talk and be happy, but when they do I’m telling them to stop talking and start eating! What’s a mother to do?

I think I’m going to have to mentally allow some inefficiency as they eat.

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Chores: Biblical Instruction

  • Posted on January 30, 2009 at 5:00 am

As I think about chores, I’m realizing that regardless of my actions, I need to make some changes in my attitude. The wrath of man does not work God’s righteousness. So this week and next, I’ll be working on some areas in my own life that need attention.

As for my children, I could launch right into establishing consequences for inadequate obedience, but the thought has occurred to me that I probably should do some teaching first. So, in the next few days, I’m going to talk deliberately about work (not just when I’m irritated that they’re not doing what I expect, as I’ve been doing).

Where shall I start? I’ve alluded to

For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat. II Thessalonians 3:10

I think we’ll talk about this first. As part of connecting work and eating, I need to be more consistent getting things cleaned up before mealtimes rather than after or worse, when the inspiration hits. I think that routine will be helpful for us all.

The ant passage is another good one. Perhaps it would be a good thing to purchase an ant farm, too. I remember last fall I made ant headbands for the children and they worked diligently for awhile. Maybe I should get those back out when we reread the ant passage. I suppose our children are like us adults; we need repetition occasionally.

Go to the ant, you sluggard!
Consider her ways and be wise,
7 Which, having no captain,
Overseer or ruler,
8 Provides her supplies in the summer,
And gathers her food in the harvest.
9 How long will you slumber, O sluggard?
When will you rise from your sleep?
10 A little sleep, a little slumber,
A little folding of the hands to sleep—
11 So shall your poverty come on you like a prowler,
And your need like an armed man. Proverbs 6:6-11

That’s all for now.

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Chores and Challenge: Assessment

  • Posted on January 29, 2009 at 5:00 am

Although I have successes and failures when chores are concerned, and some weeks I seem to see progress in cleanup attitudes, I have found myself frustrated a number of times lately. My responses don’t seem to be making a difference in the lives of my children, and I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong or how to fix the problem. I guess that means it’s time to think through things more systematically.

In short, all the children have been consistently having a problem doing chores cheerfully and moderately efficiently. David does adequately most of the time, but I’ve been frustrated (i.e., angry) more than once when he’s taken inordinate amounts of time to accomplish a simple task, or gets distracted with an unpleasant task. Bethel still is having a hard time doing chores, period. She doesn’t like doing them, she’s easily overwhelmed and tearful, and even with help is extremely distractable and  slow. I try to limit Laurel to single commands (nothing like “clean up your room” or even “pick up all the books”) but she’s not the greatest at obeying in this context.

When I work on a problem that needs to be solved, I first consider the normal development of my kids. Yes, the child who is struggling the worst is at an age (4) where life is overwhelming quickly. And her personality is intense. I also remember that my five year old went through a time where he was quickly overwhelmed, too, giving me hope that at least some of the difficulty with my younger child will probably go away on its own, assuming I respond correctly in other ways. Baby is still in that time of learning to obey, so I know that persistence is important with her.

Some practical changes may help:

  • Establish routine. Yes, once again I’m learning that for children, routine is my friend. For the tasks that happen predictably and exactly the same time and way, they all do seem to do better.
  • Limit mess. Yes, I’m learning that not letting things get out of hand is helpful for Bethel, especially. The problem is that anything she plays with involves numerous props and pieces. I can limit what she gets out, but often, it’s all a part of the game she’s playing. David can usually can keep his bedroom clean if I stay consistent with regular cleanup times. This is not an issue for Laurel since I have her do only one task at a time, and she is not usually the one who makes the biggest mess.
  • Eliminate toys. Many parents eliminate toys as a strategy. I’m all for that, but lately the problem isn’t all the toys, it’s a stack of books taken to bed, plus clothes dumped out of the drawers to find a special shirt for naptime, and the pillows, blankets, stuffed animals, and so on that are a part of the “zoo game” or the “frog game.” None of these things are really possibilities for elimination. More storage doesn’t seem to be the problem, either. We have sufficient bins and shelves for all their belongings.
  • Make cleaning a happy time. I struggle with this. I am not a game person, and when I’ve tried to make cleanup a happy time, it doesn’t seem to make a difference. I could start some chore charts. Putting on happy music does make a positive difference, and my children often will put it on themselves when cleaning. As well, I’ve been working on showing my kids how thinking negatively affects their willingness to clean. I think that’s helping, but then some days I’m not so sure.
  • Examine how I may contribute to the problem. Here’s where I start to think about spiritual problems and solutions. Inconsistency may be a culprit, particularly with following through with commands. I know I can do better, particularly with Laurel. I do need more of the fruit of the spirit, and I do know that when I’m doing right, I’m far more patient, loving,  and self-controlled with my children. Am I expecting too much? My attitude needs some work. I’m worried about my own tendency toward laziness infecting my own children. I’m worried and angry because cleanup seems to take up a huge part of our day. And lest you’re worried, I’m not a type A personality who is complaining about dust on the baseboards. I’m not expecting too much of the children, at least in the quantity of work to be done. I need to pray that God will help me to know where my expectations are inappropriate; otherwise, I’m going to frustrate my children with my discipline approach. On the good side, perhaps I’m more frustrated because I’ve been more diligent to make cleaning a higher priority and I’m feeling the current suddenly.

At the end of the day, making some environmental changes can help when the problem is simply developmental or non-sin related. But those changes don’t change a sinful heart bent on getting its own way. So how can I address this challenge (again) biblically?

That’s what we’ll talk about on Friday.

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Work: Blessing or Curse

  • Posted on January 21, 2009 at 11:05 am

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Bethel has been struggling with work lately. Certainly some of it is her age (four) and some of it is her personality. Since she was a baby, she’s responded to difficult tasks with screams. Although she doesn’t scream as much when she is frustrated, she retains her intensity.

Now, more than simply complaining (although that’s there and we’ve been dealing with it), she is genuinely wondering why she should work when work seems so unpleasant to her.

I’ve been trying to do my part by not letting things get overwhelming, and that does seem to help. The routine is beneficial, and not having an hour of cleanup is another obvious benefit. I’ve been struggling a little with this, since I’d like to do school first thing in the morning, but that’s also the best time for chores.

One of the things I’ve noticed is that Bethel’s thoughts about work are entirely negative, and I know from personal experience that thinking negatively really does affect my attitude toward work. So we’ve been talking about the blessings of work. These are things true, pure, and lovely.

Here’s a typical conversation:

B: “I don’t like cleaning my room.”

(normally, I’d emphasize the need to work even when it’s not fun by saying ‘That’s okay. I don’t always like to work either, but we still need to do right even when it is not fun.” Since I want to emphasize her thought process, I’m taking a diferent approach.)

M: “Bethel, you’re thinking about how you don’t like to clean your room. Let’s think about what you do like. Do you like having a clean room? (yes) Do you like not stepping on toys? (yes) Do you like getting work done fast so you can play? (yes)”

Now I want to explain work from a biblical perspective. A good number of people think that work is a part of the curse, but God gave Adam his job before the curse. So we have been talking a lot about how God made us so that we are happy when we work hard, and unhappy when we don’t.

On the personal side, Bet’s comments on procrastination have been a blessing to me. I’ve been working on simply taking the first step, and I’ve found it true that the first step is sometimes the hardest. I also have been thinking again about Ecclesiastes 5:12: The sleep of a labouring man is sweet, whether he eat little or much: but the abundance of the rich will not suffer him to sleep. I want to go to sleep each night satisfied with the work accomplished for the day.

The way of the slothful man is as an hedge of thorns: but the way of the righteous is made plain. Proverbs 15:19

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you. Philippians 4:

Has God’s Word been changing you this week?

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Five-year-old Humor

  • Posted on January 15, 2009 at 10:12 am

Have you ever heard a large group of  kindergarteners eating? Seems that this age is just getting to where they’re enjoying words, so they start making up their own. Each child trys to top the previous made-up word in silliness, and pretty soon, the whole table is laughing and talking nonsense.

I’m at a loss to explain why this happens at mealtime. What is is about milk gurgling in the mouth that makes “poofiecookiecarpet” hilarious? I’m also at a loss in responding to my four and five year olds (and to a lesser extent my imitative two year old) because of some internal conflict: I want mealtimes to be happy times, but I also want them to use good manners and actually eat.

And, as it happens, the most effective humor (for this age) seems to be when some forbidden word is “accidentally” created. We’ve already said that potty talk is out of bounds, and yesterday I had to explain to David that he could make up silly words, but that God’s name wasn’t something he could be silly about. Even now, it’s like we’re defining the biblical limits of humor– appropriateness in what we say, when we say it, how it affects others.

That’s another lesson. Last night on the way to church, David and Bethel were making up names to call their friends at church. It was silly and not at all malicious, but I suspect some friends wouldn’t appreciate being called Suzymagillicuddy.  I didn’t say anything. I just thought about it. It may need to be addressed in the future.

Now I want to think about it more clearly and biblically. I’ve offered guidance, but I want to think it through and see if I’m responding correctly. In particular, I want to think about the silliness at the table and how I can best respond to it.

No answers today. Just questions.

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Executive Gender Decision

  • Posted on December 9, 2008 at 5:00 am

I announced to the children that they would henceforth be disallowed from changing gender when they pretend to be animals.

I hesitated about this for awhile. I don’t want to draw attention to something that right now is of minor importance. And yet, I do want them in the habit of being thankful for the gender that God created them to be.

The decision was received without much ado.

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Critiquing the Cook

  • Posted on September 16, 2008 at 5:07 am

I grew up with feedback on my cooking. Some might be startled to hear a father gravely tell his eleven year old that her chocolate cake was too dry and the frosting excellent, but that’s exactly the kind of feedback I got from my dad. His evaluation was trustworthy. When he said my banana cake was better than grandma’s, I knew he wasn’t just saying that because he was a proud dad. I grew up treasuring this kind of honest feedback, even though I’m sometimes disappointed that something doesn’t turn out as I’d hoped.

My husband has caught on. I want him to tell me what he thinks of the sauce: was it too thick, or too bland? Did he like it better with tarragon or without? He enjoys giving feedback, and I enjoy receiving it. Especially with day-to-day cooking, figuring out what he likes helps me the next time I make the meal (or motivates me to omit it from any future menus).

There’s only one trouble. Children.

Our pleasant dinner conversation of the merits and demerits of the meal is being imitated by our children, and I’m realizing that what gives me pleasure might not be welcomed in other houses. Last night, my son told me that the sauce was too bland and asked for some pepper.

That got me thinking. This poor child is going to grow up thinking that his wife is going to like his evaluation of a meal, and chances are, she’s not going to welcome the kind of feedback his daddy gives to mommy. And I surely hope that he doesn’t critique the meal when he is a guest at someone’s house!

What should I do?

  • This could be a good discussion about how a husband loves his wife, according to knowledge. It might be a good time to break the news to the children that their mommy is a little weird.
  • Or I could simply say that mommy likes to hear critique, but others probably don’t.
  • We could talk about the difference between a child critiquing and a husband critiquing.
  • I could ask Lee about the meal after the kids are in bed.

For the time being, Lee’s been more careful to praise what I make, and he’s been telling the children that they may not critique. We’ll see what dinner conversation ensues…

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Masculinity and Integrity

  • Posted on September 4, 2008 at 8:40 am

I have a five year old son, and I want him to grow up to be a man of God. For a long time, now, I’ve been thinking about characteristics of godly masculinity, and I’ve recently been thankful to watch godly masculinity in action.

  • A man who fears God more than he fears man.
  • A man who stoops to right a wrong, regardless of the consequences. One who defends the defenseless, and is willing to inconvenience himself to help someone in need.
  • A man who takes the time to teach what is right, rather than simply affirm or enforce what is right.
  • A man who is passionate about truth, even at great personal cost. Someone who doesn’t just not tell lies, but who is a faithful truth teller.
  • Someone who has the humility to admit when he is wrong, and who isn’t afraid to change when change is the right action.

Recently, I’ve been thankful for my brother, who isn’t perfect, but who has recently had opportunity to demonstrate the integrity I want to see my son emulate. Thanks, Tom, for the encouragement. Truth has not completely fallen in the streets.

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The Strange Woman and a Preschooler

  • Posted on August 6, 2008 at 7:28 am

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Yesterday was August 5, so at breakfast I opened up to Proverbs 5. I must not have read this chapter out loud with my children before, because I was struck with wondering about the appropriateness of discussing the immoral woman with my young children.

My son, pay attention to my wisdom;
Lend your ear to my understanding,
That you may preserve discretion,
And your lips may keep knowledge.

For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey,
And her mouth is smoother than oil;
But in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
Sharp as a two-edged sword.

Her feet go down to death,
Her steps lay hold of hell.
Lest you ponder her path of life—
Her ways are unstable;
You do not know them.

Proverbs 5:1-6

Actually, I started talking about these verses because verse two talks about honey, and Grandma Brock just gave us a honey pot from when Daddy was a boy. As a result, right now they love honey.

I opted to read the whole chapter, even the part of a wife being like the playful doe and hart (among other things). I omitted nothing. *

I tried to explain flattery and honey. I told them that the immoral woman looks like a nice person, but is not. She tells people how wonderful they are so they will think she’s a nice person, but then she causes them to sin.

I asked them if they thought a person should tell the immoral woman that she was wrong, or get away from her quickly. They thought running away was bad. I showed them that the Bible tells us to run away from the immoral woman.

About verses 18-20 (including how good it is to be intoxicated with a wife’s body and love), I read out loud. I told them that King Solomon reminds us that being married is a wonderful part of God’s plan for us. That’s why mommy and daddy like to spend time together, and that’s why mommy and daddy like to be close to each other and sleep close together. I want to emphasize that God’s way is better, and I decided that this is a good beginning to teaching them about physical intimacy God’s way.

That foolish man (at the beginning of the chapter) thought that he would be happy being close to someone who was not his wife. But King Solomon says that the foolish man is choosing the way of death.

I decided that Proverbs 5 was a very good chapter to read with a preschooler.

* Note: By the way, I hope to hereby preempt the comment that Hebrew youngsters were not allowed to read Song of Solomon until they were adults. I’ve yet to see documentation of this assertion, but I would welcome it if you have it.

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What is God teaching you from His Word?

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