8December2007

Potty Training Update

Posted by Michelle under: Potty Training.

I haven’t posted any commentary on the potty training saga, mostly because I think I learned the lessons I needed to learn, and Bethel just needed time. But it’s time for an update.

About a month ago, I came to the conclusion that we’d be done with diapers, and I’d just try to anticipate the potty need best as I could. The trouble was, Bethel (who turns three this month) didn’t know how not to hold it, so she went only when her bladder was about to explode. That point was hard to predict. I never had the sense that she was resisting rebelliously, but it was clear she was discouraged, and I was trying to address that by praying with her and talking about how God helps us to do right.

One day she figured it out, and from that point she would go if I put her on the potty, but she still had no understanding of knowing what having to go felt like. If I forgot to remind her, we’d have an accident. And there was no success for bowel movements whatsoever.

Our girls got a nasty GI virus that gave them diarrhea– while we were driving to Las Vegas. So although I could have put Bethel in a Pull-up, we decided not to. As it happened, we were in a restaurant when the urge hit, and I was able to rush Bethel to the potty in time for success, and even though we had some traumatic accidents, we had more successes stemming from that single success.

She’s still absent minded and must be reminded, but she’s beginning to understand herself a little bit and is getting better. She’s not totally successful every day, but I’d say she’s pretty close. It’s time for a potty training party.

And let us not be weary in well doing, for in due season we shall reap if we faint not. Galatians 6:9

I told that verse to Bethel, but it was really for me. This time around (and it might not be this way the next time), I was learning about denying myself, being faithful, and not being weary. And now… desire accomplished is sweet to the soul.

Popularity: 21% [?]

Popularity: 21% [?]

9October2007

Can You Turn into a Butterfly?

Posted by Michelle under: Potty Training; Practical Parenting.

Today I had a rare serious conversation with my dear two year old. She was sitting on the potty, and I wanted her to try to go. She kept saying “I can’t” and I kept saying “Yes, you can.” At some point, my dull brain realized I had a problem. She really doesn’t believe she can learn to go potty. How could I address her belief with Scripture?

I decided I didn’t have to wait for her brother to be around to teach her a verse. (Where that idea came from, I don’t know, but for some reason I thought it.) So I started having her repeat: I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

I asked her if she could become a butterfly. Surprisingly, she answered no. (She so frequently answers flippantly, it’s become habit to simply supply the correct answer and go on.) I asked her to give me the next part of the verse “I can do all things through……” and she actually answered “Christ.” A real conversation: what fun! Then I told her that strengthens means that somebody helps her do right (I was pretty sure she didn’t know what it meant), and I asked her who helps her do right. She didn’t know, so we said the verse together, and I gave her the right answer.

I think we may just make saying that verse a part of our potty routine.

Popularity: 15% [?]

Popularity: 15% [?]

6October2007

Discouragement and Potty Training

Posted by Michelle under: Communication and Meaning; Potty Training.

I’ve learned a lot about teaching a child to use the potty.

1. I need to have the right motives (not because I’m embarrassed or want to look good): Proverbs 29:25
2. I need to be patient and not angry (when it appears that my child doesn’t care) Galatians 5:22-23, I Corinthians 13
3. My last lesson has been understanding the need to be faithful: making doing right a priority (which prevents forgetfulness on my part. Trust me, I know this is the case for me.) Now I have a new lesson.

One of Bethel’s friends is learning to go potty too. And her mother related that this dear one asked her mommy to pray that she wouldn’t get discouraged. Now, Bethel isn’t resistant like her brother was. She just isn’t aware and has far more important details to think of than bother about potty. I also think she’s gotten discouraged, so yesterday I told her that Ella Grace was discouraged about going potty, but she prayed with her mommy and God helped her not to be discouraged. Then I asked her if she wanted to pray. No, she said.

We prayed anyway, and I prayed for myself as well. Be not weary in doing right, for you will reap eventually. This morning I wondered if Bethel understood what discouraged meant. I told her that discourage means we want to give up and stop trying. I think she understood this. And we prayed again. Do not be weary.

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore will not we fear,though the earth be removed, and
though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
though the waters thereof roar and be troubled
though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof.

Selah. Psalm 46:1-3

Popularity: 22% [?]

Popularity: 22% [?]

22September2007

An Extra Hand, and Teaching Vocabulary

Posted by Michelle under: Communication and Meaning; Potty Training.

This next week Lee is off every day except Wednesday. The base commander declared it a holiday week for all military members. We’re still talking about what we will do, although the second half of the week Lee’s grandpa and aunt are coming for a visit.

I’m enlisting Lee’s help in several child-rearing goals. I’m scatterbrained enough that I often forget to take Bethel potty (I’m sure a timer would be helpful). I think our lack of success is as much my fault as hers. I’ve been successfully taking her once after breakfast, but that’s not been a high yield time for her. Having Lee around will help enormously, particularly because he can entertain baby while I’m trying to focus on Bethel, but also because he can help me remember.

We’ve also noticed that Bethel has been needing several reminders to obey lately. It’s been hard to determine whether she really isn’t hearing/ paying attention, or whether she is ignoring our voice. We’ve recently observed that she nearly always seems to know what she’s supposed to do when prompted; this was not the case in the past. (She’d have no idea what was said to her when you asked What did mommy tell you to do?) I think we’ll probably be working on that. Having both of us at home is going to be useful.

As well, we’ve been working on teaching them Psalm 51:10 in the morning and at night. I’m always amazed at what they do not know. When I asked what a right spirit was, or a clean heart, neither one of the older children knew. It was a good reminder to me not to assume they are picking up accurate definitions and understanding of Scripture. They must be taught. Brilliant, huh?

Popularity: 19% [?]

Popularity: 19% [?]

30August2007

Potty Training Verses

Posted by Michelle under: Potty Training.

Today as I was changing Bethel, I told her that this weekend we’d work on potty training. She responded, I don’t like going potty. Well, aside from a brief few days where she was highly motivated, I’ve noticed that lately she has seemed pretty discouraged about the process. She tries, but nothing happens. Repeated failure in any task is a sure exercise for discouragement. So, because my daughter needed it*, I decided to read what the Bible says about discouragement.

Galatians 6:9 Be not weary in well doing, for in due season you shall reap if you faint not.

Isaiah 41:10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

We talked a little bit about these verses. I don’t know how much she understands, but I know I needed those words today. God’s amazing grace: that he would give me words to preach that ministered to my own heart.

* Irony: I’ve been discouraged enough not to work on potty training for awhile now.

Popularity: 18% [?]

Popularity: 18% [?]

4August2007

Another Potty Training Update

Posted by Michelle under: Potty Training.

I’ve come to the conclusion that potty training isn’t about my child’s spirituality, but about mine. No other challenge can fill me with such weariness, despair, and sometimes anger, than potty training. I come to a conclusion that it’s not that big of a deal, and then the next day I’m worried about the cost of diapers. I know full well that it’s not going to harm my child not to be potty trained right now, but when I’m tired of changing multiple diapers from two children, I wonder why can’t it be right now. After all, Sue potty trained her son six months ago, and so did Mary with her twins. Isobel’s child potty trained herself. I’m not sure exactly what that means, but I like the idea and wish it would happen with me. And I’ve read a bunch of authors that say there is no reason that a two year old cannot be potty trained. Even the American Association of Pediatrics says that kids can be potty trained early (just takes them longer to learn, as a rule). And then my heart is in turmoil. What’s a tired mom to do?

Once again, of course, I must turn it over to the Lord. If I’m too tired to work on it, then I’m too tired. There’s no potty-training deadline. Don’t be weary in well-doing (like changing diapers), because you will reap in due season if you faint not (I’d like to think that’s a potty trained child). Seek God’s kingdom first, delight myself also in the Lord, and God will give me my desires and needs (or change them, of course). Understand that my lack of patience and contentment is sin that must be confessed. My tiredness, or having a child in diapers is not a sin. And don’t be alarmed when next week comes and I need the same pep talk I needed yesterday.

In light of all this, I’ve seen some changes in my daughter that indicate she’s taken a few steps in the potty training arena. She’s wanting to wear underwear. I put her on the potty and she went right away. And yesterday, she said she had to go potty, and ended up going all over the bathroom floor. This is the first time she’s noticed she had to go potty before the fact. So I can rejoice in those things. I can rejoice that unlike my first child, this one seems to want to learn to go potty, although she gets weary in well doing too. It’s an overwhelming task for a little one. Maybe I’ll share Galatians 6:9 with her next time we’re in the bathroom together. It will come. And when it does, don’t come to me for potty training advice. I really don’t know.

Popularity: 18% [?]

Popularity: 18% [?]

20June2007

Whether Therefore Ye Eat or Drink, or Whatsover Ye Do…

Posted by Michelle under: Potty Training.

I’ve been resisting the desire to write about potty training, because it’s such a non-spiritual issue. Or is it?

Today, Bethel didn’t want to sit on the potty. I’m certain that the problem is a lack of success, and the perceived difficulty of the task. If I can get her to actually stay on the potty, she’ll go, but it takes a long time. I’m trying to decide how much to push her (and truly, that really depends on how tired I am feeling, or how much clutter is around the house). So I started to think about how this struggle of hers could be addressed biblically.

Guess it depends on the motives, but avoiding difficult tasks seems like a spiritual issue. Be not weary in well doing. Ummm…. trying to think of other biblical principles that apply. How does not giving up glorify God?

So what verses/ principles do I think of when I’m facing a difficult task? Maybe I can talk about that.

Popularity: 15% [?]

Popularity: 15% [?]

15May2007

Potty Update

Posted by Michelle under: Potty Training.

By the way…

Saturday morning I worked on potty training– every 15 minutes we sat on the potty. She had accidents three times on that schedule for the morning, so I put a pullup on her, fed her lunch, sent her to bed (it was naptime), and licked my wounds. I was very discouraged. When she woke up, I immediately put her on the potty, and there we sat for about forty five minutes until she finally went. I let her play for about 30 minutes, and then again put her on the potty for about a half hour until she finally went. Then we went to bed.

Yesterday at naptime, she started crying that she wanted to go potty. We just figured it was a delay tactic, but we’re not opposed to taking advantage of natural motivations, so Lee put her on the potty. In the meantime, he called his mom and grandmas… and came back to a little girl who had gone poop… all over her dress (she had been sitting on it). We cleaned her up in a jiffy, but tt was a bittersweet moment, even for Bethel. I do think she knew she had to go, so that was progress.

There’s never a good time to potty train. Yesterday I spent the day getting ready for some overnight company, and baby’s been sick with a high fever. Hopefully we’ll work on it again later this week (although this weekend Lee has taken two personal days off, so we’ll probably be going camping– not a great time to be potty training). [update: Lee's nurse practitioner is in the hospital, so our weekend is hanging in the balance.] I did decide that until she knows how to actually go in the toilet, I’ll keep her in Pull-up when I’m potty training. I think before she learns how to stop (by putting her in underwear and letting her figure it out when she is suddenly wet), she has to learn to start. Until then, putting her in underwear is likely to be an exercise in futility. I think that makes sense.

Maybe I’m just lacking in some godly perseverance.

Popularity: 19% [?]

Popularity: 19% [?]

9May2007

Potty Philosophy

Posted by Michelle under: Potty Training.

After three accidents in quick succession on Monday, I decided to wait until today to start again. And… to be honest, I haven’t started yet (that means Bethel is still in her jammies midmorning).

Earlier, I decided to do potty training in the morning, and pullups in the afternoon. That’s because it’s all I can handle, not because I think it’s the best way to deal with the challenge. But now I think I’ll do it Friday and Saturday. That way Lee can help take care of David and Laurel. Better yet, maybe he can do the potty training while I watch the other two. I think the experience might be helpful for his practice.

When you read about potty training, there’s a subtle but unmistakable fear of pushing the child. If you do, “they” say, you’ll make it a control issue, and you don’t want that. It goes along with the self discovery, self guided learning, they’ll learn when they want to philosophy. However, I have come to the conclusion that potty training isn’t intrinsically fun. And if the child doesn’t fall for the stickers and candy, you’re left with a child who has to get through the uncomfortable process of learning something.

At some point, you have to say, “I know you don’t like it, but you have to do it. And when you learn, you’ll be glad you did.” I guess we could apply this to instrument practice, multiplication tables, and any number of intrinsically boring tasks. I’m all for making learning fun, but not all learning is fun. So as I work on this challenge with Bethel, I think it will be helpful to be prepared mentally when she says “I don’t want to wear big girl underwear.” That’s okay, kid. That’s a part of growing up.

I am certain this post was biblical, but I haven’t thought of how. sigh…

Popularity: 18% [?]

Popularity: 18% [?]

24May2006

A Motivation Challenge

Posted by Michelle under: Potty Training.

I’ve been thinking through a recent motivation challenge with our three year old.

David has been given a number of really cool t-shirts. Sometimes when we’re putting away laundry, he sees a shirt he would rather wear than the shirt he chose for that morning. I’ve never allowed him to change, telling him instead he can wear that outfit the next day.

However, he has discovered that if his shirt gets dirty, he gets it changed. And he knows how to get the shirt dirty enough to change. He either plays in water (allowed) enough to soak his entire shirt, or he is “careless” when he goes potty and gets on his shirt. Both of these situations nearly automatically guarantee he gets to wear the shirt of his [new] choice.

Lately, he’s been accomplishing this by not even going to the potty (he has some pants that he likes, too). What should I do?

My first thought was some sort of discipline or negative consequence for the action. But regardless of what I do, he still gets to change the shirt. I’m pretty confident that reward cancels out anything punitive in this situation. I could not let him wear the shirt he wants to wear, but again, he gets the shirt changed, so even if it’s not the shark shirt, it might be the airplane shirt. He still gets rewarded, even if he wears a boring navy blue shirt. I suppose I could foil his reward by making him wear pajamas until I can wash his original shirt and pants.

The motivation solution was eluding me.

The best solution I’ve thought of so far (and it came in a flash after pondering all of these unsatisfactory responses), is to remove the necessity of the reward. I can be quite flexible, so why does it matter if David wants to remove one clean shirt to put on another? As long as the first clean shirt is put neatly away, does it really matter if he changes? I don’t think so. So if he knows that he can ask me, and I’ll allow him to change, then the motivation to soil his shirt or pants is eliminated. I think this is what I’ll do, unless there are any better ideas around…

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Popularity: 15% [?]