18July2008

Motherhood=Drudgery?

Posted by Michelle under: Uncategorized.

Here is an encouraging quotation on motherhood by G.K.Chesterton (not a mother or even a woman).

This quote says nothing of the privilege of reflecting the relationship between Christ and the Church in our marriages, of teaching young children to love our God. It is indeed a high calling we should strive for. Yes, it takes discipline and hard work, work that is often tedious and unnoticed. It is God’s grace that allows us to create a home that is exemplified by the fruit of the spirit: love, joy, peace,

I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:14

Have a good weekend!

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Popularity: 3% [?]

8July2008

Back Home

Posted by Michelle under: Uncategorized.

We made it home tonight at a good hour.

On our travels, I met Shelley for the first time and had a lovely visit (although probably about two hours too short! I was sad to say goodbye when we were just getting started.)

We also stopped at Morning Star Baptist Church on our way out and got to see Joy, Bob, and his wife Jennie. I would love to get to know Jennie better. I’m sad we had to rush to get home.

It’s the result of a delightful combination of God’s Family and the Internet that we can fellowship in this way.

We emphasized serving one another during our vacation, and it was fun to see the children get excited about serving their grandparents. “I’m so happy you are serving others” isn’t an insult, but it feels odd to say in our American culture of “me first.” Shows how much more I need the cleansing power of God and His Word.

On the way home, I noticed that one of our children was having a very hard time obeying. I don’t know if I missed it while at Grandma’s house, or if it just happened in the car. When I mentioned this to Lee last night, he cheerfully said, The blessing is that parenting isn’t by days; it’s by weeks and months and years.

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Popularity: 31% [?]

4July2008

Reprint: Psalm 78

Posted by Michelle under: Uncategorized.

The final vacation post from the archives. See you next week!

I love this passage. The imagery of parents passing to their children a knowledge of God’s greatness and goodness is powerful.

The problem is, it assumes that I am right with God, that I have a knowledge of God, that I am remembering God’s goodness and greatness in my life.

For this reason, I believe one of the most precious gifts we can give to our children is making sure our own walk with God is vibrant and current. When I am not where I should be spiritually, those are my “bad mom” days. When I am making right choices (Even little ones, like sweeping the kitchen floor when I should, instead of putting it off), I find it’s much easier to be a “good mom.” And the wonderful thing is, when we have failed miserably, we know that we can come boldly to the throne of grace to find help in time of need. It is our own pride to think that our “good mom” days are what make our children turn out “right.” Then once again we can begin the cycle detailed in Psalm 78– relating God’s greatness and goodness to our children.

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Popularity: 33% [?]

2July2008

Reprint: Total Depravity of Toddlers

Posted by Michelle under: Uncategorized.

Since I’m on vacation, I’m taking a break from posting for the rest of the week. In the meantime, I’m going to repost a few articles from the archives. This post was first written several years ago when David was a toddler. I’d probably add to it now, but no time, no time today.

I’m somewhat fascinated at the lack of attention some give to the idea that there is no good thing in us, unless God puts it there. Now, theologians can talk for hours about this, particularly in how it relates to our salvation, but somehow this doctrine gets lost when we talk about pre-salvation children.

Here is what I mean. In theory, David has no power as an unsaved child to do right. He can “do the right things” but he is motivated for sinful reasons. I laughed when I thought about telling David if he pooped on the toilet without being told (like he does with pee), then I wouldn’t make him sit on the toilet after each meal (something he doesn’t like to do). Suppose he understood me and decided I was right. Now, instead of being motivated by a desire to control (I’m not going to do what mommy wants), he’s being motivated by… a desire to control! No heart change has happened. Take a very well-trained pre-salvation four year old. He’s nearly perfectly obedient, but is he spiritual? Not if we understand our theology right. We cannot please God as an unsaved person, right? All our righteousnesses are as filthy rags, the Bible says.

So as wonderful as it is to see David choose to obey and submit, I have to remind myself that that is not the goal. I think understand total depravity of a toddler helps me not to despair when I consider how little my training seems to change David’s heart. I am teaching him to comply, I’m teaching him that I always win, and I hope I’m teaching him good habits that will eventually become godly habits. All of these are important goals for the formative years. None of these things, however, change that he isn’t a “good boy”– he is a wicked sinner in need of a Savior.

p.s. David is remarkably well-behaved for a [nearly] three year old. I am thankful for his sweet disposition. But I am aware that good behavior does not equal godliness.

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Popularity: 35% [?]

20June2008

Unintentional Teaching

Posted by Michelle under: Uncategorized.

One of the things Jay Younts says in his book that has been a recurring thought is how much we teach when we’re not even talking to our children. When we talk to a friend on the phone about a problem, do we complain, judge motives, speak in anger, or do we react humbly, expressing a desire that God would be glorified? Anytime we’re interacting, our children are listening and learning about how a Christian lives.

That’s a good, non-controversial thought for today. Thanks, Jay.

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Popularity: 36% [?]

18June2008

I’m thinking

Posted by Michelle under: Uncategorized.

I’m thinking that maybe I should spend my time sharing cutsy stories of my children instead of trying to solve all the problems of the world.

And more time reading my Bible.

And more time doing laundry.

And less time being introspective. But that would mean that I should delete this post.

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Popularity: 42% [?]

17June2008

“Help Everything to Go Well”

Posted by Michelle under: Uncategorized.

David prayed this morning that “everything will go well for music class.” I was struck by this, because I know he’s imitating a pattern of prayer, and his prayer is reflecting the priorities he’s heard.

Really, is the most important thing to me that music class will “go well”? If by going well, we mean God will be glorified, regardless of what happens, if we are able to share God’s love with the unsaved women from the community, as well as Christian hospitality for my sisters in Christ, then so be it. But I don’t think that’s what we mean when we say, “help everything to go well.”

We’ll be having a conversation about this later in the afternoon, after I have some conversation about it with God.

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Popularity: 40% [?]

16June2008

Should I Ever Ignore Anger?

Posted by Michelle under: Emotions; Uncategorized.

These comments are in response to Diane’s comments here:

I don’t think we are ignoring it if we are displaying correct behavior on our part (which is your quest, from what I’ve read…mine too!) and teaching our kids to choose and model correct reactions (also on your 24/7 to-do list, I’ve seen). Those things are “gold” for those tiny ones. More is caught than taught when they are little bitty, I believe.

Diane, I think what you’re saying is that verbally correcting anger (as opposed to spanking for it) is an appropriate action. You seem to be making a distinction between various modes of responding to a problem, but maintaining a need to always respond. I like that.

First Thessalonians seems to give us insight that different actions fit different personalities and situations.

Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men. I Thessalonians 5:14

What we don’t see from this scripture is whether not responding at all might not be a right response.

I’ve experienced times where my baby (19 months) is so angry that she is completely irrational. I can tell her that her behavior is sinful, but she won’t hear me. I can spank her, but that doesn’t stop the screaming. At some point, it seems as though the best action is to put her in her bedroom with happy music and let her come out when she is happy again. I can relate. Since I have always turned into a pumpkin at ten o’clock, I have several memories of crying late at night and my father saying gently, “Go to sleep, dear. It will be better in the morning, and then we can talk.” Even as an adult, my husband has also found that line of use occasionally.

On the other hand, I’ve noticed my older children display the same anger more subtly. They’re not irrational or completely out of control like the baby can be, so I do correct this verbally in some way. I’m actually very consistent in responding.

I’m starting to see a little more clearly that my indecision is mostly related to “stopping screaming” (and as a related issue, “stopping crying”). I know of parents who spank to stop screaming and crying, and I’ve just not ever done it.

When Diane asks whether we as parents should ever ignore sin, there’s an underlying question that might help us come to a decision.

Maybe this is ignorant or overly-simple minded…but if anger is sinful behavior (regardless of the reason, except if it is “righteouse indignation”) then should it ever be ignored??

This question makes me wonder, Does God ever ignore our sin?

On the surface, we might say, absolutely not. Here are some verses that I’ve been thinking about along these lines.

If thou, LORD, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand? Psalm 103:3

Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins. Proverbs 10:12

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Popularity: 77% [?]

11June2008

What We’re Talking About

Posted by Michelle under: Uncategorized.

So after he had washed their feet, and had taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you?

Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you.

Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him. If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them.
(John 13:12-17)

David has a bow that his daddy made for him, and a suction cup arrow from a dollar store. I put up some targets on the glass window, and David has been practicing hitting the bullseyes. Yesterday, he made a bullseye. All morning, he told me that hitting the bullseye made him happy.

We talked about accomplishing hard things, about what God says makes us happy, about happiness because we obey lasting longer than happiness because of success. Last night we had a good illustration of the temporal nature of situational happiness. At Vacation Bible School last night, David (quite exhausted) was devastated because he dropped his licorice in the toilet as it was flushing. He was still tearful about it when we arrived home, nearly an hour later. That was not the time to talk about happiness, but later today, I’m going to bring up the two events.

Bethel asked if an elderly lady who comes to our house was a part of our family. That started a big discussion about what a church family is, and how God designed it to function.

Laurel is putting two words together. She sometimes says thank you without prompting, and she is learning to ask for things politely. It helps that she’s at a repeating stage and is happy to correct herself.

Speaking of correcting, I’ve been holding my tongue when my children imitate the bad grammar they hear in town. The time is not right (they don’t understand if I try to explain), but it’s hard to wait.

What have you been talking about this week?

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Popularity: 43% [?]

10June2008

Approach to Anger

Posted by Michelle under: Uncategorized.

My husband suggested that my last post was somewhat confusing. Since he already knows what’s percolating in my mind and should be able to fill in the gaps others might find, that’s not good! This has been a busy week, so keeping my thoughts in a linear organization has been especially challenging.

Maybe I was unclear because I’m evaluating my approach to anger and ending up with more questions. Particularly I’m wondering whether my approach to anger with my baby deals too much with the externals and not enough on the inward motivation.

I’ve been considering this passage on anger:

Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others. Ephesians 2:3

Anger is a part of our heritage as unregenerate sinners, before Christ saved us. Anger is predictable and even expected to some degree for a young child. For an unsaved person, including a child, responding to anger is anger management, not anger eradication. I can help my children manage the symptoms of anger, and I can teach them that they need Christ and salvation before they will see the fruit of the spirit in their lives instead of that anger.

I have found that taking the early manifestations of anger seriously, before they’re disturbing to others seems to limit the manifestation when our children are older. I’m certain personality makes a difference, but all children are born children of wrath, not just those with a fiery personality.

Should I be happy then, if Laurel no longer throws things when she’s anger? If she doesn’t yell hateful things to mother when she’s older? Am I forgetting about the inward man when I stop the outward manifestation  of anger?

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4

I’m also considering this verse. How I give commands is relevant and worthy of consideration. In our circles, we tend to emphasize obedience (and rightly so), but we sometimes do so at the expense of graciousness. It is not inappropriate to consider how I give commands, and how a change of wording might make a difference in my children’s responses.

Back the the put off and put on. It’s helpful if I consider my older children along with my baby. For some reason it’s easier when I see a more mature form of anger and rebellion!

• I want them to put off rebellion (”my” way, not your way), hatefulness, impatience, appealing disrespectfully (demanding)
• I want them to put on obedience (submission to authority), using a godly appeal if desired, love, patience, and all the other fruit of the spirit.

I’m not suggesting that we quash any attempts at independence. When my baby wants to do it herself, I don’t consider that rebellion in itself. It’s a God-given developmental milestone that I want to encourage. I do want her to ask nicely. (I say I do it please, using her language with a sweet voice and a please.)

By making sure that I win the challenges to my authority, I’m teaching about the heart without a word, I think. I’m practically defining authority, something I see is a prerequisite for the other characteristics I want my infant to put on eventually. Maybe I’m not as far off as I thought.

I see I’m still not being very linear. Perhaps in a week or two I’ll be better able to think straight!

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Popularity: 53% [?]