As I watched her process this information (atypically without tears) I thought, What if I saw my role with my daughter as simply a definer of these types of situations– interpreting for her when she cannot have her own way, and when she’s actually been treated unfairly. What if  a child needs a patient interpreter of life to repeatedly help her understand she is not the center of the universe?

Usually, I’m thinking more like an antagonist: My child is whining and complaining. Whining and complaining are sins, and thus I must do or say what is necessary to stop such behavior in my child.

Maybe these aren’t mutually exclusive ideas. Just thinking.Similar Posts:

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But I have been pondering for the last few weeks that Jesus is a better point of comparison than someone facing the same challenges I am.

For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. (Hebrews 4:15)

Jesus is better because not only does he know exactly how I’m feeling, what I’m worried about, but he also knows how to navigate the way out of my trials and temptations. That’s knowledge my human companions don’t always have, even if they’re transparent about their struggles.

Moreover, he WANTS me to find help from him!

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

As an addendum, notice one purpose/ outcome of our suffering:

Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered.

I’ve been pondering this, too. Jesus was perfect, and yet he learned obedience (by the outcome of that obedience). Interesting.Similar Posts:

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It annoyed my son. He asked her politely to stop, and she did for about ten seconds.

He then asked me for help (without whining), just as I’ve counseled the children to do when they are unable to solve the problem on their own.

I am trying to wean them off of my intervention, but this doesn’t happen just by saying “solve your own problems, kid.” I realize this goal will take many years to accomplish, but I’m working toward this end, nonetheless. What I’ve been doing  has been to make sure they’ve done everything they can to solve the problem on their own. Did you ask them politely to stop? Did you try ignoring the behavior? Have you tried walking away? Most of the time, unless it’s my four year old who wants her own way all the times, we can solve the problem just by walking through it verbally. However, since he could’ t leave the behavior, none of my standard responses seemed to fit.

This is not the first time I have seen this scenario in the car.

What would love do? What should love do when someone is behaving obnoxiously? Maybe because I’ve been thinking overtime (out of necessity) how love behaves in difficult situations, or maybe it was simply God’s grace at that moment in time, but I realized that there are other strategies that could help my son that I’ve not thought about before.

How about talking with her? Would she rather talk with her big brother about her night than make obnoxious noises? Since I’ve been working on “love doesn’t become a hermit” with my children, this wasn’t a new idea, even though it was a new application. I’m realizing that actively becoming interested in a sibling and making conversation might be a good strategy to develop.

I also suggested that they find some songs to sing together. Now, I’ve often put on music in the car when they’ve gotten irritable with each other, but giving them the opportunity to solve the problem on their own might be a better approach in the future. Here is another way to help them learn self-control and develop some autonomy as they get older. I still think there’s a place for putting on the music when the situation degenerates, but I need to think more about encouraging them to sing on their own.Similar Posts:

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Even though I’m no longer half insane from sleep deprivation, I do sometimes have troubles reading my Bible. Sometimes I don’t feel like reading my Bible. Sometimes I’d rather sleep. Sometimes I consider the options (laundry, Bible reading, Facebook) and I consider that the first two don’t sound as appealing as the last one. So I check Facebook, the news, my email, and then start on Facebook again. I don’t read the Bible at the same time every day. How can I, when my husband’s schedule changes daily, when my children all wake up at different times, and when I have a hard time deciding whether to spend the morning cleaning the house or doing school?

What’s a mom to do? Stop and think with me a bit. You’ll probably see some survival thoughts of your own.

If I were stranded on a desert island and could have only one book of the Bible with me, I wouldn’t say, “Oh, just give me those passages in Leviticus.” If I knew my Bible were going to be confiscated in a year, I would not start memorizing first Chronicles.Rather, I would pick the meatiest, most profitable portions. This reasoning explains why I often skip the parts I don’t understand or find boring during the survival days. Save those for later, when I can actually think straight. Truthfully, I still often skip over the parts I don’t understand, and I do skim through the geneologies. Yes, all scripture is profitable, but not all scripture is equally profitable.

As for the things I don’t understand, I’ve learned that it’s okay to save confusing portions of scripture for later. Years later. When I was a younger Christian, someone suggested that I put a question mark by every passage that I had a question about. I was quickly discouraged beyond words because I had so many questions, even some major, faith shattering questions, about verses I was reading. I had to either set the questions aside, or reject Christianity altogether, because I was not mature enough or capable enough to understand them. As I matured, I discovered that I began to understand many of those things that confused me, just by virtue of growing spiritually. Now I don’t see those portions as scary as I did back then. They’re more like puzzles that I wrestle with when I have time. I know difficult passages may always be difficult, but I look forward to the sense of satisfaction when I finally crack one.

Consider that Peter talks about the things Paul writes about as being difficult to understand!

II Peter 3:15-16a And count the patience of our Lord as salvation, just as our beloved brother Paul also wrote to you according to the wisdom given him, ¹⁶as he does in all his letters when he speaks in them of these matters. There are some things in them that are hard to understand, which the ignorant and unstable twist to their own destruction, as they do the other Scriptures.

Consider that some Christians may not understand some spiritual things until they’ve wrestled with more basic things.

Hebrews 5:13-14 for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. ¹⁴But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.

What should I do instead? If I want to delight in God’s Word, I read the fun stuff. I read the narratives. I read all my favorite Psalms. I camp out in Proverbs for awhile, or spend time reading one book of the Bible over and over and over.

I still think that following a Bible reading plan is helpful and profitable. The discipline of reading systematically helps us not to get out of balance in our Christian lives. I have found one way to be consistent is to follow a checklist like this one. Lee showed me a little while back an app for my phone that allows me to “catch up” when I’ve missed a few days (or weeks). It seems that I need to work on being systematic for awhile, and then I find myself needing to be LESS systematic for awhile. I’m constantly readjusting, based on what’s going on in my mind and life at the time. I think that’s okay. I do recognize that it’s easy for me to justify my lack of discipline as a micro-season of life (for example, I noticed last week that I haven’t read systematically since March of this year) The hard part is recognizing and adjusting to the reality and rejecting the sin. No easy answers here, but I believe God’s Word helps us discern the thoughts and intents of our hearts. God will help us know where we need work and where we need to have patience with our particular season of life.

What I have discovered far more difficult than getting Scripture in my mind during busy seasons, is putting it to work by obeying it. Lately, I’ve been convicted at the (embarrassingly) large number of times I get a glimpse of what I should do (specific actions, not general “be less prideful” goals that are hard to accomplish and measure), only to forget them until it’s too late to take action. I forget! I’m realizing that, far more important than the Bible I don’t understand, is the Bible I do understand. I don’t need the Bible knowledge of a mature Christian to be wise. I simply need to start putting into practice the simple commands that are plain for me to understand. As I am faithful with the understanding God has given me, I discover that he gives new understanding when I’m ready for it!

I know there are other approaches to the busy times of life. These are some concepts that have helped me not to be overwhelmed, but still be faithful to be growing spiritually. I’m sure there are more.

1. Spend the most time on the most profitable portions of Scripture
2. Save the portions that I don’t understand for later
3. Delight in what I’m reading, not forgetting that reading systematically is of great value, too.
4. Start applying what I can, and trust that God will show me the things I don’t understand later.

Tomorrow I’ll continue this discussion and talk about reading the Bible with Distractions.Similar Posts:

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• Don’t expect me to tell you about every time they sinned. If God marks all of our iniquities, who of us would be able to stand?
• Don’t expect me to tell you how many times I had to ask them to sit down. I know you’re working on this, and my recounting your child’s failure isn’t going to help you or him. If you press me, I’ll tell you, but since my mind is a sieve for numbers, I won’t be able to tell you details.
• If they do something naughty, and I tell them to stop, and they listen, I’ll tell you how obedient they were. I promise to tell you if they don’t obey, but remember that I have a hard time obeying God, too.
• The little girl who won’t forget about the item I’ve put away is tenacious. Some day, she’ll be a loyal friend that doesn’t give up when things are hard.
• That little boy who is perpetually silly will some day use kind and gentle humor to be a peacemaker. I’ve seen it happen, and it is an amazing thing how this gift can be used by God.
• That sensitive child who weeps when his mommy is gone may someday weep over souls who need to be saved.
• The toddler who boldly climbs up the top of the roof may someday be walking into Juarez to share the gospel in the midst of great danger.

I remember well the adults who loved me enough to see past my childish awkwardness, who enjoyed talking with me, and who looked past my immaturity to glimpse what I might grow up to be. I want to be that adult.

So don’t ask me about their sins, not yet. First, ask me whether they are loved.Similar Posts:

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Imagine wisdom.
_______________________________

Five years from now, will you be more wise than you are today?

What will it look like?

How will you get there?

What will be different?

What will be the same?

Solomon’s discussions of wisdom are designed to speak to our imagination.
His imagery is very important.
Jesus used the same approach to teach us about the kingdom of God.

I’m thinking about this, because I want to teach my children about wisdom. Maybe they’re better able than I to access the imagination part of their minds. I need to put that acuity to good use.

How? Praying about it is a good place to start.

Lord, I want to help my children understand the essence of wisdom with the familiarity of kinship. Wisdom is my sister. I don’t know the best way to show them. Help me know the next step.

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We had a good time. I told her that making custard is a lot like tending one’s mind. You have to keep the custard busy or it turns to scrambled eggs. Bethel stirred busily and thought that was uproariously funny. She wanted to know what stirring custard had to do with thinking.

Well, sometimes we women tend to worry when our minds are not busy. Ahh, she understood this. And we talked about boldness and patience– the first time I made custard I was so afraid of curdling it that I didn’t cook it long enough. We tested and tasted, and finally the mixture thickened just right.

Here’s why I share this story. Somewhere in my mind, I had developed a picture of the “ideal mom” activity. I used to think that I should have all my children in the kitchen all at once. I felt guilty if I sent them away. I’ve since learned that one at a time is much more profitable for them and my sanity. That’s not the only misconception. I have been guilty of thinking that spiritual conversations with my children consist of them telling me all their innermost thoughts, and me telling them sage advice to help them. I’m learning that conversations more often are words and sentences long, not paragraphs, and that my children are learning more from watching me and hearing me apply God’s Word than I realize.

Sometimes we see a mom we admire and pay attention to how she interacts with her children. We want to imitate her, but we are discouraged because we don’t LIKE the same things our hero does. Then we feel guilty as though something like cooking with children is the spiritual thing to do. Or we concoct a picture of the perfect mom (we never imagine her flaws), and wonder why we never measure up.

Spending time with our children looks different for each family, and often for each child. What they need today might look different in a month. Often, spending time with our children is a sacrifice, a deliberate choice. But it does not follow that the sacrifice must be filled with misery or always contrary to our personality.

If you’re a night person, then bedtime might be the best time for chatting with your children. If you don’t think coherently at night, then talking at that time might be less than profitable. There will always be times when love causes us to choose someone else’s comfort first (like when my child is a night owl and likes to talk then more than any other time). But it’s a helpful exercise to pay attention to not just how our heroes accomplish good things, but what they’re actually accomplishing and why.

We need to be careful when constructing a mental picture of a godly mom. For example, incidental teaching is a part of life. We’re told that God’s Word and ways should be loved and remembered and a part of our whole lives. That is what we should be aiming for. Not whether we make our bread from scratch, or chat with each child every night before they drift off to sleep, or read our toddlers lengthy chapters from Leviticus (while they ask intelligent questions and sit studiously for longer than 10 seconds).

He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? Micah 6:8

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• One child saying to a friend, “Let’s go away. We HATE him. [about another child]“
• One child trying to discern how appropriate a request is before obeying.
• Lots of times starting to put something away (after being reminded) but dropping it on a chair somewhere. (They have indeed been told this is not obedience)
• Lots of messes that do not get cleaned up. A new activity literally every three minutes, complete with its own mess.
• Needing to be prodded repeatedly to clean up the room. When mother helps, the children stop working.
• Whining and tears when a sibling doesn’t give a desired object to someone else.
• Siblings who hang onto said object just because the other child wants it.
• Siblings who tell a child to go away because they’re making a surprise, then spend that time playing with the other child.
• Children who poke each other in the car. (How many times did she say to stop? Five, but it wasn’t for the same thing, mom.)
• If the instruction seems unfair,strange looks
• Children who play instead of napping, then fall asleep in evening church.
• Children (older than 2) who pull the dogs tail, kick the dog, and forget to feed her. Not all at once, thankfully. Poor thing.
• Gloating and bragging.
• Interrupting. Then irritation when someone else interrupts.

Yep, I’d be a great mother if it wasn’t for my children.
[come back again for problems with, ehem, other people. Hint: Can you think of how these sins look in adults?]

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We had a lovely visit with Lee’s parents in Wisconsin. We got to spend a lot of time with Lee’s mom, who has had some health issues in the last few years. It was good being able to be at their house in Wisconsin to see how she’s doing. We spent one fun evening looking at slides from Vietnam– pictures neither Lee nor I had seen. The kids and Lee spent a day gathering fallen branches from the winter, and then we all had a much anticipated bonfire (what is it with Brocks and fire?). I discovered that it is indeed possible for marshmallows to be too large to roast, but it was fun to try.

Then we left our children at my brother’s house in Michigan and flew home. Lee’s schedule has been full and hectic (and this is Lee’s “easy” month!), and we needed some time to ourselves. When we considered that Tom and Martha were only three hours from the airport, and that we could easily change our children’s plane tickets, we saw God’s Providential timing and asked if they’d consider expanding their family for a week or so. Our children were thrilled to spent a week with cousins, whom they haven’t seen in over a year. That gave Lee and I a full week to spend time together and Lee to prepare for some research presentations he had last week. I flew up and retrieved the children at the end of the week. Now we’re all home.

God always gives us the resources we need. A friend commented that she really wished she had family that she could trust with her children (and I’m blessed because I’d feel comfortable leaving our children with any of our siblings). Her thought was, “I need this, but it’s not possible.” God promises that he will not give us trials and temptations beyond our ability to deal with them. Sometimes the help comes from our local church. Sometimes it comes from our family. Whatever help God provides, it seems that most often, solutions to our difficulties require a bit of purposeful thinking about them.

For my friend, if she needs help, the lack of family nearby that she trusts doesn’t mean God has forgotten her. There’s a solution to be found, and although we might need to search for it, God is not hiding a solution from spite. We need wisdom, and wisdom takes work.

I feel satisfied that God gave wisdom in the last few weeks, and I’m looking forward to seeing how God leads next. In the meantime, I still need to be seeking Him.

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Here’s how it happened.

I announced that we were going to clean their room. We all went upstairs.

• “Why are there scissors in your bed?”
• “What is all this paper on the floor? Here! and Here!”
• There’s paper everywhere!
• Where did all of this yarn come from?
• There are books everywhere!
• What happens when you leave books on the floor? They get ruined.
• Look at this book. Mommy spent a long time FIXING this book and it’s broken again.

After a few minutes of my running commentary (complete with biblical references and principles) on every paper and scrap, I realized that I wasn’t doing right. I needlessly discouraged them. My comments weren’t discipling them. I had already corrected them about the state of their room, and I didn’t need to keep commenting.

So I stopped ranting. Told them that I was there to help them, and that we would all work together. (I’ve done this before, but it needed saying again.) And again, gave the girls specific tasks. I took the scissors downstairs. Someone started singing, “”Encourage one another and build each other up.” Is it possible that they recognize the difference between rants and biblical edification?

Yes.

I’ve been discussing my mom’s book Parenting with Wisdom with some friends. Here is a paragraph from chapter three that we talked about this week:

Parents would do well to consider how merciful and patient God is with them. Before pointing out a child’s failure, it would be wise to remember the way we would like to be treated when we fail. We tend to accept correction from those who temper it with love and mercy, who do not correct out of anger or disgust, but deal with us gently for our benefit. Children are no different. They are little people with emotions as tender as our own, and have a spirit that can be easily wounded by harshness. They cannot withstand an onslaught of demands and corrections. They become easily agitated and discouraged when parents do not use wisdom in choosing what really needs to be dealt with and what needs to be overlooked. (Parenting with Wisdom, page 54)

Do not withhold Your tender mercies from me, O LORD;
Let Your lovingkindness and Your truth continually preserve me.
¹² For innumerable evils have surrounded me;
My iniquities have overtaken me, so that I am not able to look up;
They are more than the hairs of my head;
Therefore my heart fails me. Psalm 40:11-12

If I pray this for myself, recognizing the need for God’s tender mercies when my sin overtakes me, discouraging me to the point where I am ashamed to look up into God’s loving eyes, can I not ask God to teach me how to properly respond to my dear children when they are at the same place?Similar Posts:

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