Archives for April 2007

A few weeks ago, I noticed with horror that my son and another boy (from music class)were fighting on our front lawn. I had a strong urge to stop the violence, but I checked myself and watched just a bit longer. I noticed they were both equally matched, and both were enjoying themselves immensely. Ahhh, this must be masculine fun.

I again noticed this aggression the other day as David and a few children from church were playing on some playground equipment. I watched in disbelief as my gentle son sat at the top of the slide and kicked a boy in front of him down the slide. They both laughed as David slid down after him.

It’s funny, because I would probably make a rule like “Absolutely No Fighting” and “No Kicking.” Instead, I’m pondering discussions like “Make Sure the Other Child Is Having Fun” and “Wrestle with Boys Only.” I want my son to be a man. As I have said before, I’ll be interested to see how his God-given personality develops. It will be fun to see the mind of a boy develop into a man. I can see how easy it is to force him to think and act like a woman. I want him to be kind and gentle, and I still do think those qualities are important and masculine, but I must not be intimidated by the masculine part of him. Aggression is not incompatible with kindness.

Do they understand “no”? Of course they do! However, I’ve noticed far quicker obedience when I am more specific about what I’m saying no about, particularly when it’s something the child doesn’t exactly know is unacceptable.

Last night, for example, Bethel (28 months) was pushing a very large model airplane that I had brought in from the garage and placed on the counter. I had a brief fear of the airplane careering off the counter and quickly said, “No.” Bethel looked up, and then continued pushing the plane. Was she ignoring me? I then said in the same tone and intensity, “Hands off.” She immediately took her hands away.

So I started thinking back to similar incidents, and I realized that she responds much better to specific, short commands instead of a vague no. It’s entirely possible that she really doesn’t always know immediately what she’s doing wrong and it takes a bit longer to figure it out. Alternative commands I can think of: Give Mommy. Get down. No touch. [I like Hands off better, though, because the first word the child hears tells the young child where the problem is.] Feet still [in church].

What do you think? Am I simply succumbing to secular psychological fuzzy wuzzy feel-good techniques? Of course I’m not saying the word no is never appropriate. I am just comparing the brain processing time of no versus a command like hands off.

Going to the playground? Watch out for strangers. A sleepover? Check for older siblings and cousins. Exploring the woods next to the house isn’t an option any more. The kids can ride their bikes only in front of the house.

In today’s world, we moms do have a responsibility to consider our children’s safety, and take precautions. Probably we go in one of two extremes: we either take too few precautions (which I believe to be foolhardy), or we cloister our children and live in constant anxiety because of the very real dangers.

We’re going to disagree on the particulars because we have different lives and different fears. That’s okay. But even when we take precautions, we can never completely eliminate the risk. For every precaution we take, some mother has taken it and still found her child or children victims of crime. What’s a mother to do?

It’s no surprise. We need wisdom. 🙂 We need wisdom to understand how and when to educate our children. We need wisdom to discern what activities we will allow and what we will not allow.

But when all is said and done, we also need trust. God is sovereign, whether our children are harmed or not. He works all things for our good. We can rest in him. The horse is prepared against the day of battle: but safety is of the LORD. (Proverbs 21:33)