One of the long-term goals we have in teaching our children is helping them to govern their own behavior. Taking initiative is not something we associate with very small children; it is a quality cultivated over time.
A child who does not have control over his spirit is like a city whose protective walls of defense have been broken down. Self control is extremely important, but we don’t always know how to develop it.
My sister-in-law Martha has assigned chores for her children, but she also has a “pick a chore” assignment. That means after the normal chores are done, the child is to look around for something that needs to be done around the house, and do it. I love this idea. Children don’t always choose difficult or time intensive jobs, but the very process of looking for something that needs attention is what is most valuable in this exercise.
A week or so ago, I bought some candy corn and put it in the candy jar near where I was sitting. Of course, one of the children came by and asked, “Can I have some?” I told her yes. When she asked how many she could have, I told her that she could have as many as she wanted, as long as she wasn’t being greedy. Word quickly spread to the other two children. This was a novel idea, and it was fun for me to see them walk by and talk about how they had determined that they had taken enough. They consumed the candy faster than they would have had I given them a stated limit, but again, I was more interested in the process of evaluating, “What does it mean to be greedy or sinfully indulgent?”
What have you done to help your children develop the ability to govern their own behavior?
Thanks for this post. It’s really got me thinking. I’m having a hard time identifying an example and that might explain why my kids all seem to have very little self-control. We give choices, like “do this job, or don’t play video games”, but that plays on their passions, more than self-control. I’m really going to think about this this week and see if I can help them grow in self-control by giving them opportunities to govern their own behavior. Thanks Michelle.
Truthfully, I draw a blank, too, Laura, for more examples. I’ll be interested in any ideas you come up with. I also had the vague thought that I should be starting small. Bigger opportunities that they’re not ready for might simply be exercises in discouragement because they are too much temptation to bear.
Michelle, I have some successes to report regarding this. After speaking to the children on the subject, Sarah (9) came to the kitchen to report that she covered her eyes during a commercial that she knew Daddy didn’t approve of (during a football game that was on in the living room). Both daddy and I were in the kitchen at the time. I praised her for being self-governing and we talked that through. Caleb (10) told me yesterday that he stayed in at Recess to finish homework he had forgotten at school, even though no one told him to and he could have brought it home and turned it in the following day. He said to me, “that was….what’s the word you were talking about?” “self-governing”…”yea, that’s it! Wasn’t that good of me?”. “Yes son, that shows you are wanting to be more mature and show Mom you are growing up and being more responsible.” Yeah for small victories! Since you wrote about this, we have brought it up many times at home and it has been very helpful in showing the kids specific ways they can mature and be more “young adult-like”. Caleb informs me frequently he is a “pre-teen”!
Laura, This is AWESOME! I’m so encouraged with how your children are responding to your instruction. 🙂 (And it challenges me on this point– I’m frustrated when they don’t take initiative, but I’m not always faithful to give them the tools they need to be faithful themselves. Bethel has been asking for a planner of some sort. I think this will help her. And I have a few other ideas I’ve been thinking about (but not implemented yet– thanks for the goad!)