There’s a fascinating balance that we find in Scripture.
On one hand, we learn about self-sacrificial love from Jesus Christ. In fact, this is the way we can begin to fathom God’s definition of love. Jesus gave us an example, that we should love others. On the other hand, we recognize that it’s a bad idea to teach our children that their parents exist for little other reason but to serve them night and day. Love doesn’t demand that others serve me, and catering to a child’s every whim certainly cultivates this attitude.
So then, how can we discern whether our sacrifices for our children are genuine Christian love, or which are unwise and harmful?
I’ve been thinking about some examples I’ve wrestled with personally:
- Getting ice water for our children at the table (after we’ve begun eating)
- Cleaning their rooms with them or for them
- Purchasing 2 dolly strollers (instead of one)
- Giving up my professional goals to homeschool my children
- Giving up time with my husband so my children can play with him.
- Not making my children’s hated foods for dinner, or allowing them to eat something else.
- Taking my children to AWANA/ driving to a Christian friend’s house for a playdate (using precious gas and time)
- Spending money for horseback riding lessons
- Allowing a lizard in the house. Crickets that escape. Allowing a dog to become a part of the family.
- Encouraging our children to participate in sports.
I’m sure you can add a bunch of your own. We need wisdom, don’t we? You might answer to some of the bulleted items, “It depends.” I agree, but I’m still wondering, what biblical principles can we use, then, to decide? How do we avoid erring to one extreme or the other? I think this will be fun to think about.
I think this would be a great discussion and thought process. . .I will have to give it some time of thought. Maybe I will post my own thoughts on my own blog.
Could one issue be needs versus wants? Child-centered parenting does all it can to meet a child’s needs and wants, while sacrificial love will focus on meeting needs, not necessarily wants (although some wants, like a desire to be in sports, can also be needs, the need for physical exercise and to learn teamwork and sportsmanship.) The Christian parent must discern the motivation behind the action perhaps?
For instance, I sacrifice sleep when I have an infant who needs to feed or a sick or scared child that needs comforted. However, if the child simply is bored and wants to play in the middle of the night, I do not sacrifice sleep for that desire. I think doing so is detrimental to my child as well as myself.
These are good thoughts. I think knowing our child’s wants and needs is a consideration when we make decisions, but I don’t think that’s the whole story, since God regularly and abundantly gives us far beyond our “needs.” He tells us to come before him with our “desires” in Psalm 37, among other places.
I’m thinking that we have to look at the definition of biblical love, which isn’t catering to the whims of others around me. Biblical love aways gives for the benefit of another. In this way, doing sports with some children might be good in one situation (beneficial in some way) and unwise in another (becoming an idol in a child’s life). More on this later!
What is going to draw my child into a closer relationship with God? What is going to allow them to drift farther from that? What will encourage their sinful hearts desires, what will nurture their brokenness? Hard topic.
These are good questions– like them!