Sometimes I get to the end of the day and think, you’re angry far more than you should be as a mom. Then I am puzzled by this evaluation. I don’t feel like an angry person. How could I have an anger problem?
So I’ve been listening to myself react for awhile. Yes, there are times when I’m selfishly and sinfully angry. I know those times and must repent and forsake this sin. But I’ve noticed a particular scenario that I’m not sure what to do with.
It’s always a reaction to something, but not always something that I would classify as sinful behavior in my children, were I to stop and consider the behavior. But my reaction (Don’t do that! or some variation) sounds like anger, not merely intensity, in my ears, and I don’t feel comfortable with it. I’m trying to decide if it’s a sinful reaction or even just a bad habit.
Proverbs 25:28 He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.
Still thinking. The fact is, I often hear an edge to my voice, and I don’t like it. Today I told David that he is utterly unable to truly forgive his sister unless God changes his heart. Not a half hour later I was on my knees asking God to change my own heart. I asked for God’s help, but then I realized that I wanted help, not repentance. Arggg. Even when I call on Him, I need His help.
Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Romans 8:26
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.