As4Me

Sharing My Efforts to Apply God's Word to My Life as Mom. Wisdom Is the Principal Thing.

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Well Done, Good and Faithful Servant

Sometimes I wrestle with getting chores or homework done with my children. (Ever happen with your children?)

After dealing with tears, exhorting with Scripture, trying a few threats, discussions of virtue, throwing in a reference to the gospel once or twice, the chore is accomplished. (As you can see, I’m not yet at the point where chores are consistently completed cheerfully, immediately, and competently, without oversight.)

Then we sit down for lunch, and I pray.

Thank you Lord….

I pause. Thank you for what? For ungrateful children who are lazy and have to be forced to work?

During my pause, I remember reading “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

That’s what I want God to say to me, but I often whine, need exhorting from Scripture, ignore warnings, quench the spirit’s instruction, get distracted, drag my feet, start and stop. If I’m lazy and spend a few hours reading a book instead of cleaning my kitchen first (true story), then repent and finish well, does God tell me “Well done” at the end of the day? Or does he sniff and say, “Well if you had just started out well you would have done better….”

But what think ye? A certain man had two sons; and he came to the first, and said, Son, go work to day in my vineyard.He answered and said, I will not: but afterward he repented, and went.

And he came to the second, and said likewise. And he answered and said, I go, sir: and went not.

Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you. Matthew 28:28-31

Now, at lunchtime, after all the complaining and exhorting and feet dragging and sighing, when the homework is done, and the floor is clean, I will finish my sentence and say “Well done. We finished school and we did our daily chores.”

I’m not saying we shouldn’t deal with complaining and slow work that is more or less disobedience.  The instruction I give as we work is not nullified by the expressed satisfaction of finishing the job. At the end of the day, however we get there, I should not be afraid to say, Well done, thou good and faithful servant, because God’s grace is thus extended to me.

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The Messy Floor, Part 2

Awhile back all three children were happily making things at the dining room table. At some point, they stopped (I must have told them to clean up, but I’m not sure). When I came later to inspect the dining room table, I  discovered it was completely clean. The kids actually put everything away properly.

I was dismayed, however, to see the floor. They obviously didn’t look down. In fact, two children left their projects on the floor. (How can this be?!) By this time, they were all doing other things, and I sat, trying to decide what to do about this floor. (If you are a Type A mama, then perhaps you find it strange that this decision stumped me. Decision points like this often stump me. It’s normal here.)

First, I noticed, that they actually did a good job clearing the table. They weren’t avoiding work; they just didn’t finish it. Second, I suspected that they didn’t even see the floor (given that two craft projects were on the floor) and the messy floor was probably immaturity rather than character. Third, I highly value occasions where all my children are happily working together. I don’t want to leave them with the idea that working together means mom is going to be mad when we don’t get everything right. (it’s possible that correcting them will cause them to be more responsible, but at this point in their lives I think it will cause them to find another activity.)

Because I want to encourage an emerging skill (clean up), I opted not to tell them at all that I cleaned up the floor. They had no idea it was a problem. They were likely satisfied that they had done a good job cleaning up, and I wanted to leave them with those positive feelings about being responsible. There will be other occasions where I have them clean the floor, too. This just wasn’t one of them.

What biblical principles bear on this situation?

  • Different actions require different responses (Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all. I Thessalonians 5:14)
  • A good parent remembers the limitations and frailty of her children. (13 As a father pities his children, So the Lord pities those who fear Him.14 For He knows our frame;He remembers that we are dust. Psalm 103:13-14)
  • Love covers sins. In contrast, hatred stirs up strife. I’ve been thinking about this contrast– are my actions likely to calm their spirits or stir up strife? (Proverbs 10:12)
  • God never gives us a task or trial too much for us to bear. As a mom, I want to be sensitive to what is overwhelming, and how I can help them grow in their ability to accomplish difficult things. That’s how God works, too. He does stretch us. We need great wisdom to know when to stretch, and when our children have reached the end of good stretching. (I Corinthians 10:13)

What other scriptures can you think of that might be relevant to the messy floor?

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The Messy Floor, Part 1

Ever wrestle with feeling guilty about something you do as a mom, and not really being sure if you’re making the right decision?

Here is the thing I’ve been thinking about: Is it true that if I pick up something that my children left out without correcting them or handing out “consequences,” then I’m teaching them to be irresponsible?

Truthfully, I regularly pick up after my children. That’s to save my sanity. Children clean slowly, they get distracted, and they don’t always do the job well. If I always made them clean up everything they left out, I either would get nothing else done during the day, or we would have constant tears from overwhelmed children who still can make a mess faster and bigger than they are able to clean up. If I do nothing, the house quickly degenerates into a mess that’s overwhelming for me! Then I wonder, to verbally correct or not? Sure I can clean up after them, but it’s important that they are corrected, right? But if I do that, then again I overwhelm them with a constant stream of corrections. What’s a mom to do?

Tomorrow, I’ll tell the story of my messy floor. In the meantime, I’m asking myself this question: What biblical principles will dictate 1) whether I clean up their mess and 2) whether I correct them or offer consequences when I do clean up after them?

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Secret of Teamwork

A concept that my mom spends a lot of time with in her book is teamwork. We hear of teamwork in the corporate world frequently, but it’s not common to talk of it in parenting discussions. I know that I’m more inclined to see myself as a CEO (Go clean your room) than a coach (Let’s clean your room together.) As my children get older, I find myself feeling more impatient about their lack of independence. They should know better, I say.

Truly, there are times when they do know better, and there are times when I want  my children to accomplish something on their own, without help.  But if I’m honest, there are a lot of times when my children want or need my help, and I don’t help because I’m preoccupied with my own interests or agenda.

I’ve been practicing saying four words more: Let’s do this together.

I don’t always, and some times I need them to accomplish something on their own. But I have discovered that those four words have helped to maintain a sense of teamwork with my children, something I want to cultivate more. (I’m also finding that my children need my help because they still need help learning how to do something on their own. I have to consider if I’ve broken down a task enough, taught enough, or if I’ve helped them overcome the barrier to accomplishing what I want them to.

Tonight I helped the girls with their bath time. Truthfully, it was hard because I had congratulated myself that the girls could both handle this job without any help from me. The angry screams coming from the bathroom compelled me, not the more honorable desire to be a part of a team; but once I was there, God changed my heart and helped me to help them. I realized (again) that they have not arrived ,and they still benefit from guidance.

Cleaning together didn’t go so well. Sometimes, lack of teamwork isn’t the problem. Guess that’s for another lesson!

In the meantime, isn’t it interesting that the Holy Spirit’s job is someone who comes alongside? Good thought.

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