Archives for September 2010

I do not have perfect children. I’m trying to teach my five year old to sweep. After she has swept the dining room, I check it. Most of the time I get a full dust pan and wonder what she got in her dust pan. I also wonder whether it’s worth it to walk with them through the steps of cleaning when even their best work is not always much better than nothing.

But, my friend Mary mentioned something that I’m been thinking about for awhile. She said that mothers should be having their toddlers make their beds because it’s the routine and practice that are most valuable, not necessarily that the bed be perfectly made. I liked that thought, and discovered it can apply to a great many things I want my children to do.

Alas, I’ll have to carry this conversation forward.

We do know that we cannot be a perfect mom, right? If we could be supermom, we wouldn’t need God’s grace and mercy, would we? If Ted Tripp could tell us what to do in every circumstance, then we wouldn’t be on our knees pleading with God to give us wisdom (and rejoicing with exuberance when we see Him answer that prayer).There is value in practicing motherhood, those awkward attempts to change a baby’s diaper, or figuring out how to get a baby to eat peas and not just peaches (or vice versa). We learn by doing, and if we avoided the awkwardness of learning a new skill (like being a mom of a seven year old, or being a mom of three for the first time), we’d never get out of bed! The same is true with learning to be a godly mother.

The first time I tried to teach David to obey mom (I thought it would take a ten minute “training session”), I realized my mom couldn’t possibly have taught me what to do in every situation. I had a fabulous example of a mother who passed on a love for wisdom, but she couldn’t bestow all the wisdom I would need. I’m learning that feeling like I don’t have the answers isn’t a bad place to be if that feeling drives me to my knees and to the Bible.

I’m struggling with understanding my children. How do I respond to my private child who doesn’t like to talk about feelings? How do I help my kinesthetic learner to touch the right things (and not the butter in the dish that feels so much lotion)? How can I possibly keep my children from feeling left out? How do I deal with friends?

My attempts to understand and teach are often awkward. I try to ask good questions, but sometimes finish feeling like I went about it all wrong. I try one thing, but find I’m exacerbating the problem. I want a quick solution. I want the lessons learned without the need for review or long study. What I really want is to be done with my awkward attempts. I want to be perfect.

But, if God didn’t allow me to learn in this way, I’d avoid crucial growth. Like the Israelites, God leads me along a longer road to sanctification because of his compassion and mercy. I can’t fret when I find myself struggling with the best way of applying Scripture to a certain situation. I wrestle, even agonize, but I cannot fret or become discontent as though all the really spiritual moms have all the answers memorized. Scripture doesn’t work that way. Wisdom comes with a pick and lots of sweat and muscle that takes time to develop. This is true for all of us, no matter how many children we have, not matter how old they are, no matter how godly our own parents were, or how much scripture we know. (Obeying what we know is a good place to start practicing wisdom.)

So don’t despair or feel like you’re all alone in the battle. It is a good fight, and a challenging one. When we find ourselves lacking, we must run to God, who promises to supply every need. When the answer to our question doesn’t come right away, we must not assume that God is ignoring us. We must keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking.

I think we’re learning that lesson. Tomorrow I want to talk about those perfect children of ours. 🙂

“Then it came to pass, when Pharaoh had let the people go, that God did not lead them by way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near; for God said, “Lest perhaps the people change their minds when they see war, and return to Egypt.” ¹⁸ So God led the people around by way of the wilderness of the Red Sea. And the children of Israel went up in orderly ranks out of the land of Egypt.
And Moses took the bones of Joseph with him, for he had placed the children of Israel under solemn oath, saying, “God will surely visit you, and you shall carry up my bones from here with you.”
So they took their journey from Succoth and camped in Etham at the edge of the wilderness. And the LORD went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so as to go by day and night. He did not take away the pillar of cloud by day or the pillar of fire by night from before the people.” Exodus 13:17-18

It’s Wisdom Wednesday, and I’m asking myself how Scripture has been changing me this week.

[crickets chirping] [sigh]

This week hasn’t been the greatest for spending time with God. But I have some quiet time now before the children get up. I’m calling off most schoolwork for the rest of the week to catch up on some needed responsibilities (like finding socks for Lee that actually fit him, finding a place to put all my piano music, taking care of bills and correspondence).

Has Scripture been changing you this week, specifically? What Scripture are you thinking about?

https://www.as4me.net/2199/

I can’t solve the gender discussions of the world. I won’t even try, but I will talk about some of the things I’ve been wrestling with.

First, it doesn’t really bother me THAT culture seems to inform our understanding of biblical femininity or masculinity. This seems logical and reasonable, and quite consistent with biblical principles of culture and Christianity. Sometimes there is a divergence (and I haven’t even begun to think about how and when in this context).

The inequality of thought bothers me (that I’m more restrictive in how I define masculinity than how I define femininity), but I think it’s okay that I don’t have it all figured out. It’s possible that the tendency of our culture towards certain excesses cause people to respond to that particular immediate need. In light of the march of militant feminism, perhaps Christians in the past responded with more time thinking about biblical femininity than masculinity. As we see our culture move toward a more matriarchal society, perhaps we’ll see greater attention placed on responding with the need for cultivating Godly male leadership.

When I get bogged down, I keep asking myself, what biblical principles are non-negotiable? How does God’s Word help me here?

Two things help me (and if you have other overarching principles, please share!):

First, Distinction. I am confident that God created gender on purpose. He made male and female different, and it pleases him for us to be distinct. (Although Deut. 22:5 has been misused in the past, it does illustrate this principle.) As a result of this way of thinking, my overall goal is to be different. Women can be distinctively female in a wide variety of ways, but the basic idea is still a good one. I like wearing skirts. If I’m going shopping, I’ll put on a skirt, not merely because I like them and find them comfortable, but also because they are distinctively female clothing. That’s a good thing, and worth encouraging. If I’m hiking, I want to take care that the overall effect leaves no doubt that I am a woman, and balances the fact that my clothing is in some ways less distinctively female. [i.e., I’m not hiking in a skirt.]

Second, Contentment. However I dress or act, contentment with who I am and the role God gave me is not negotiable. As I develop interests and hobbies, as I plan the things that occupy my time, it is wise to plan those things which help me to be content and flourish where God has placed me. When I was unmarried, I needed to gain a sense of what God’s plan for me included. Paul’s discussion on the role of the single believer was helpful for me in seeing the specific and unique place I had as a single woman in God’s church. I believe that is the essence of femininity. Now that I have a husband and children, understanding who I am and what I hope to accomplish must also be consistent with the new role God gave me.

I can encourage my daughters to pursue those things which will give them the ability to fulfill God’s plan with joy, as an expression of their own personality and abilities. I can encourage the development of those skills which will allow her to create a beautiful home. Sewing? Cooking? Sure. Building beautiful furniture? Yes. One isn’t required to crochet lacy doilies to be “feminine.” One may in fact love her husband and children by seeking frogs in a bog. Another may eschew icky things and use special spoons with which to stir her tea. If a love of frogs and bogs keeps a woman from being hospitable, she’s not feminine.  (Hospitality is commanded for believers, and since it is intrinsically associated with the home, it is something I believe a feminine woman will make a priority, regardless of marital status.)

Likewise, a young wife who loves all things dainty may find that she is unable to show genuine Christian hospitality without offending her own sense of order. This also is a problem.

If I’m going to encourage my daughters to develop interests, I’ve got wide latitude in how I do so. I could encourage the frogs in a bog, and I can encourage tea parties. Sometimes I can encourage both. But I cannot encourage everything, because I don’t have enough time in the day. It makes sense to prioritize. Sometimes I have no control of factors that might make a difference in my child’s development.  (A girl in a family of boys will have more exposure to frogs than a girl without brothers.) Can a young girl be feminine and wrestle with boys? How about sisters wrestling? I’ve pondered these questions. Here’s my conclusion. Wrestling isn’t going to help her in her pursuit of godliness and femininity, and thus I’m going to discourage it. Climbing trees and finding frogs could be feminine. I won’t discourage it, but I think it might be wiser to encourage other, “more feminine” things. Given a choice between fixing the car with daddy and baking cookies with mom, I’m going to encourage the cookies more. It’s a higher priority, but it doesn’t mean that fixing the car with daddy is a bad activity.

Tomorrow we’ll talk about some principles I’ve found have helped me prioritize what I work on and what I encourage. Then later I’ll talk about masculinity in the same way.