Archives for February 2017

February 23, 2017 by Michelle 2 Comments

Spiritual Gift or Talent?

This week I’ve been thinking about the process of teaching children about spiritual gifts. I realized that I probably was getting ahead of myself with ideas, and wanted to go back and review and meditate what the Bible says about spiritual gifts again.

In 1 Corinthians 12, we have both a list of gifts and a discussion about how the gifts were/ are supposed to function.

I’m not going to take a lot of time to talk about the definitions of the spiritual gifts; others have done so adequately. I’m also considering that the Bible makes it clear that God’s good gifts are not limited to this technical “spiritual gift” discussed here. When I use my God-given resources (including money, time, possessions, and intellect) consistent with the fruit of the spirit for the good of the church, I’m not going to worry about what spiritual gift I have. I love the emphasis on diversity, inclusiveness, and edification in both books of Corinthians. (Yes, there are limitations. Pretend we are in perfect agreement about all of them.) I’m going to work with what I know, and not worry about what I don’t know.

For example, the Bible doesn’t precisely explain how a spiritual gift differs from personality or talent. Seems there’s a relationship but they’re not the same thing. Since both talent and spiritual gift can be used by the Holy Spirit for the purpose of the church, I focus on the why and how more than precise definitions. For the purpose of discipleship, I’m treating talent and spiritual gifts interchangeably, with the goal that all of our resources will be used by the Holy Spirit for the purpose of building up the church body in some way. The metaphor in 1 Corinthians 12 (the church is a body) is an apt vehicle for understanding what I’m working towards.

One strategy that I’m starting to realize is important is that as a mom, I can cultivate a skill as a talent or as a spiritual gift. I can’t create Holy Spirit work in my children, but I can cultivate the soil and trust the results to him. The same is true for teachers of children in the local church. I am thankful for the adults in my life growing up who saw through my awkwardness and encouraged me.

I can point out ways of serving that are unique to my child. My son commented that maybe he could have a knife making ministry. David’s idea of a knife making ministry is unusual, but I’m especially happy with the thought process behind it. “How can I use this interest for serving the church and God’s people?” As a mom, I ask this question on behalf of my children often. Will the ways my children serve the church change as they mature? What ways are best for a ten year old girl to give? (Hint: it’s not always money. Laurel made some pencil toppers from a sewing gift, and handed them out to the younger girls at our church. A heart that is bent on giving doesn’t need money to give.)
I can spend time pointing out how God uses individuals to serve in specific ways. I love Paul’s metaphor of the body when speaking of the local church (1 Corinthians 12:12ff). Appreciating the diversity of the body helps us to spend less time wishing for different gifts and more time praising God for his provision. A beautiful memory I have in a past church was a profoundly shy deacon who, although reluctant to pray in public, spent hours working with teenagers building treasures during a vacation Bible school. He was a master craftsman, and had such a gentle, encouraging manner that clearly was evidence of God’s work in him. Another time my daughter pointed out the church candy lady, and said “Maybe she has the gift of giving, but she likes candy so that’s what she gives.” Your church is probably full of people who are serving in very specific ways. Find them, thank them, love them!
I can redirect their means of serving when appropriate to do so. When one daughter told me she’d rather not be up on stage in the children’s choir, I was really disappointed. I was embarrassed at how it would look if she quit the one activity that ALL the church children participated in. I was tempted to make it a learning lesson about the fear of man, and worrying more about appearances instead of serving the Lord. Then God helped me to consider how I would view her assessment if she was an adult saying those things. I’d probably acknowledge that singing in the choir might not be what God had for her. Joyful singers in the congregation are invaluable! However, we talked about what she could do that was more behind the scenes, or fit what she was comfortable with at the time. Over the years, she’s acknowledged that sometimes it’s good for her to participate in up-front service, but she knows it’s not what she loves.
Sometimes we cultivate skills outside of church with an eye for serving within the church. A child who loves to teach may need opportunities to practice teaching that might not be available within a particular body.
My home is a fantastic place for children to learn to practice their spiritual gifts. We spend a lot of time talking about serving younger children. They are the one population in the church that welcomes their service, and there are many opportunities. They can mentor a younger child, play with babies while their mamas sip coffee on my couch. Ministry that flows out of my home is one way that I practice “keeper at home” mentioned in Titus 2:3-5)
I point out ways where our spiritual gifts work together as a team. David’s gift of hospitality prompts me to invite people over sometimes, and my expression of hospitality makes coffee and talks. The children keep babies occupied by giving time, sharing their toys, and helping make things that they can give to their siblings or parents. We all serve in different ways with same goal of showing hospitality.
Another ways our spiritual gifts work together as a team is through prayer. When we pray as a family for the church, or people in the church, or projects in the church, we sometimes talk about the passage earlier in 1 Corinthians– one plants, another waters, but God gives the increase (1 Corinthians 3:6-10). Praying for others is one way that we support those who have different gifts from us.
A good check about spiritual gifts is how we respond when our influence is small. When I first starting teaching women, I measured my success by the number of people who came. Over time, I have learned to remind myself that God sends the people to me to serve, and he always knows how many to send. I am not afraid of teaching large groups, but I believe that the majority of teaching and mentoring goes unnoticed by the larger group. (For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown toward His name, in that you have ministered to the saints, and do minister. Hebrews 6:10)
Another good check is to remind myself about the relative importance of spiritual gifts. It doesn’t matter what spiritual gifts I’m cultivating, if I’m not spending enough time teaching them how to love one another, how to love their neighbor, then I’m going to be out of balance (See 1 Corinthians 13:1-3). So I ask myself, How am I cultivating a heart of love in my children? Maybe that will be the next series on As4Me.

February 21, 2017 by Michelle 9 Comments

Teaching about Spiritual Gifts

At the church we’ve been attending, the new members’ class includes a discussion about spiritual gifts. Since David and Bethel are a part of the class, they took the spiritual gifts inventory. (They also completed and discussed a simpler inventory with their youth group.)

Some churches do go overboard with teaching about spiritual gifts, and people can define themselves too rigidly by whatever they got on a survey (“I can’t help out in the nursery, because my spiritual gift is pastor/teacher” or “I need to teach an adult class because the survey said I scored high on teaching.”) On the other hand, good teaching can help people talk about and think about ways they can serve the church that bring joy and community with other believers. I like that.

I’ve never thought about teaching my children about spiritual gifts, so I thought I’d share some of the lessons I’ve learned along the way.

A lot of the ways that children can serve are “helping” and “practical” jobs, regardless of their spiritual gifts. These jobs are easy to find, and are invaluable for cultivating a love for serving the church. The better these practical jobs fit their own interests, the more they will enjoy serving. I know that’s true for me, too.
Kids are still developing, and their gifts may not be obvious in seedling form. When they were filling out the inventory, they kept asking “Am I like this?” A bunch of times, even I didn’t know. (Insert mom guilt here: Why don’t you know your children well enough to know these answers?) So I told them to put down a neutral answer (in this case, 3 out of a 5 number scale). Their youth leader told them that because they are kids, their answers might change as they get older. I would add that, just as for adults, you’ll get a better answer if you have one or two people who know you well rate you, too.
I also told them to rank something high if it was something you would love to do if you could do it. (They had a hard time answering questions that began “I’m good at” and “friends say I’m good at.”) There’s a risk that kids, like adults, will gravitate towards gifts they see as “important,” but if you’ve emphasized how everybody helps in different ways (e.g., like a body), I think looking at their interests is a valuable way of coming up with a tentative direction. Part of spiritual growth involves imagination and vision of what we can do through Christ.
Spiritual gifts in children look different than spiritual gifts in adults. It’s often mixed with immaturity! For example, a child gifted in leadership may be distressed when adults aren’t listening to his ideas about solving a problem. Adults may correct him for his inappropriate way of criticizing, without recognizing the God-given impulse to solve problems. All three of our children were unsure of how to answer the questions obviously about giving. I told them to answer the questions as though they had money. Actually, the many ways they already give wouldn’t show up on an adult measure, and it would be easy to miss.
Consider both opportunities to serve that are within their comfort zones, and also ones that aren’t so much. Spiritual gifts are mostly about our “sweet spot” and often result in spontaneous, organic ministry. We often see the needs in a church, consistent with our spiritual gifts. I can do administrative things if needed, but my friends gifted in this area see the need faster, fill the need better, and find much more joy doing it! Our children work the same way.
Parents may need to go out of their comfort zones to nurture their children’s gifts. For example, awhile back I was starting to get frustrated with David that he was keen to manage MY social life. It took me awhile to notice that his burden to connect people was something that I needed to encourage for God’s kingdom. Likewise, when my youngest started obsessing in September about the Christmas gifts for her siblings, and sobbed when the present for her brother wasn’t going to come overseas in time, I stopped being irritated by her nagging, and realized that her drive to give was a pattern I had been missing. In both these cases, I had to lay aside the inconvenience to help them serve in ways that pushed me spiritually.
Be aware that it’s possible to be discontent with one’s spiritual gifts (or our children’s spiritual gifts). As mothers, we have an awesome opportunity to help our children have a sense of wonder in how God made them, and can use them! When we are content with their spiritual gifts, we are better cultivators!
Sometimes parents can find places outside the church to develop their children’s spiritual gifts. When I was a teenager, my mom encouraged me to take a job working as a tutor for a tutoring clinic. I loved every minute of that job, and spent the next several years developing my skills. The time at that teaching job gave me a vision, but it took a number of years to see how God would use that ability to serve in my local church.

Make a joyful shout to the Lord, all you lands!
²Serve the Lord with gladness;
Come before His presence with singing.
³Know that the Lord, He is God;
It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;^[a]
We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

⁴Enter into His gates with thanksgiving,
And into His courts with praise.
Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.
⁵For the Lord is good;
His mercy is everlasting,
And His truth endures to all generations.

Psalm 100

(Followup thoughts here.)

February 17, 2017 by Michelle Leave a Comment

Let’s Throw Out Titus 2

My blog is deliberately narrow. I write about what God is teaching me as a mother, but I’m not writing only to mothers. In fact, my single friends who read and give feedback have taught me that they are learning in other contexts many of the same lessons I’m learning as a mother. Nevertheless, I’ve occasionally run across the idea that specifically talking about how to be a godly mother, or a godly wife is inherently divisive and exclusionary. After all, the reasoning goes, why would a single woman come to a parenting class? Or, it must be insulting for a divorced woman to sit through a discussion on loving one’s husband.

Churches have responded to this criticism by eliminating many ministries targeted toward the very things that Paul told Titus to make sure were being taught. Instead, we are teaching theology and gospel- centered materials. Who could criticize theology, right?

It’s not that theology and gospel-centered materials are inappropriate for women, but if they are replacing instruction on how to love one’s husband and children, how to be a keeper at home, how to be pure, then we do in fact have an unbiblical imbalance on knowledge without wisdom. Paul didn’t tell older women to teach theology. I would argue that the Titus 2 “list” isn’t exhaustive, but it should determine our priorities for mentoring. Let’s not throw out Titus 2 from our women’s ministries, but let’s also consider how to disciple all our women!

I offer a few observations and cautions:

We must acknowledge that the Titus 2 list doesn’t apply fully to every woman. A woman who is unmarried, who has no children, or who does not own a home is not a lesser Christian because those portions of Scripture do not apply to her. On the other hand, all women are called to love their neighbors, to rear spiritual children, and to use their resources for God’s kingdom. We all benefit when we learn about how women in other circumstances are fulfilling their spiritual calling in different ways.
When introducing a class, or inviting women, teachers can help by pointing out ways that different audiences can benefit from a particular topic. Invite and welcome women to attend where they wish. Single women are not isolated from children in the church! In fact, they have a tremendous opportunity to minister to young people in their extended families and local churches, and may benefit greatly from instruction on how to love children for Christ. As well, because our heavenly father is the perfect parent, studying parenting from a biblical perspective leads both mothers and non-mothers to a greater understanding and love of God. Other topics that appear narrow can be broadened. In fact, sometimes we gain fresh insight and compassion when examining our field from the perspective of someone with a different background or field of study. (For a thought experiment, brainstorm ways that learning how to love and submit to a husband overlaps with our experiences learning to love difficult people at work, and learning how and when to submit to bosses who may not always lead how we would like.)
Consider how you are teaching the lesser known parts of the Titus 2 list. If all of our “Titus 2” outreaches involve parenting and marriage, it’s understandable that some women are neglected in our discipleship. Do we need instruction on how to be kind, pure, and self-controlled? Maybe we can start our year with those topics from Titus 2.
Women gifted and passionate about theology can help by actively connecting doctrine to application. Instead of neglecting the Titus 2 list in favor of theology discussions, godly and wise women should connect theory and practice skillfully and deliberately. Instead of forcing theology to compete with wisdom, we embrace both!
Consider that many of the practical lessons older women teach younger women come in the context of daily living, not the classroom. When a younger woman brings her children to my house for a playdate, and shares lunch with our family, we talk and learn a great deal. When I listen to my older friends about how they are navigating their lives with their adult children, I understand a little bit better how to love my own children some day. Many of these practical lessons happen as we make a meal together, or fold laundry together, or meet for coffee after work. A class about “loving one’s husband” might very well be appropriate, but sharing life as believers should not be neglected or minimized.
Encourage godliness through God-given personality. Sometimes we confuse our personality with our spiritual depth, and create an exclusive club of godliness, dismissing anyone who doesn’t fit our own personality type. Women who read and talk about theology are “in.” Women who don’t like to read are “out,” no matter how much she may be following Christ or learning wisdom. Women who plan craft nights or make-up parties for ladies ministry are snubbed as shallow, and their social activities for “immature” Christians. By all means we must be about helping women learn and live God’s Word, but sometimes it is helpful to take a deep breath, and ask ourselves what it means for a non-reader to follow Christ. We can learn from each other better when we welcome diversity in how we live out the gospel.
Bring women together by encouraging texting when they are not physically close. Some of my best spiritual encouragement came when my neighbor happened to be a close friend from church. When we moved away, I realized that texting replicated some of the regular communication that we shared in person. Not everyone lives next door to a prayer warrior friend! I’ve been challenged to build relationships in my local church through texting, and have discovered that mentoring and community is easier with regular contact. Texting is also a way for working women to connect with their sisters in a meaningful way when they have limited time to reach out.
Encourage initiative in serving others. Individual women should not need special permission or a special class to mentor younger women. Anyone can invite a lonely woman over for coffee, or text a mama struggling with depression, or invite a neighbor over to study the Bible together. If women believe teaching a class is the only way for mature Christians to teach younger Christians, we will either stifle growth (because there are relatively few teaching positions available in a church), or set women up for discontentment (because they are not reproducing themselves, as God intended them to do).

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels [and read all manner of Puritan theologians], but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. ²And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains [and have read the Bible through more times than I can count], but have not love, I am nothing. ³And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

⁴Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; ⁵does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; ⁶does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; ⁷bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:1-7

What thoughts and cautions would you add? What are your experiences that help us apply 1 Corinthians 13 to our women’s ministry?

February 13, 2017 by Michelle Leave a Comment

Wanting My Children to Be Heroes

I think it’s pretty universal that parents have a place in their imagination for their children in the future, all grown up. We may see our children receiving an athletic scholarship. We hope they’ll have a high-paying or important job some day. We want them happy, and married with a few well-behaved kids. Some Christian parents have a different kind of vision: their children becoming the next John Piper, the next Adoniram Judson, the next Amy Carmichael. Back to the everyday, to how I think, I’m wondering, when I think about my children as adults, what is in my imagination? What people do I want them to emulate? What is most important to me, and ultimately, how do my actions confirm or deny my values?

When Paul talks about Epaphras, he identifies specific commendable actions. I’m noticing that he doesn’t feel the need to point out that Epaphras is motivated and strengthened by the Holy Spirit. He doesn’t remind us that anything good in this man’s life is entirely because of God’s grace, and so on. If Paul were speaking at some churches I’ve been a part of, he might get criticized for exalting men instead of God. It’s interesting that a public shout out is neither unspiritual nor necessarily man-exalting.

Epaphras, who is one of you, a bondservant of Christ, greets you, always laboring fervently for you in prayers, that you may stand perfect and complete in all the will of God. ¹³For I bear him witness that he has a great zeal for you, and those who are in Laodicea, and those in Hierapolis. Colossians 4:12-13

I love this description of Paul’s friend Onesiphorus:

The Lord grant mercy to the household of Onesiphorus, for he often refreshed me, and was not ashamed of my chain; ¹⁷but when he arrived in Rome, he sought me out very zealously and found me. ¹⁸The Lord grant to him that he may find mercy from the Lord in that Day—and you know very well how many ways he ministered to me at Ephesus. 1 Timothy 1:16-17

In his public commendations, Paul sets an example of a pastor who publicly recognizes the diversity and contributions of the body. He identifies important and praiseworthy qualities. If a line can be crossed into inappropriate hero worship, these examples have not crossed it.

Paul demonstrates what he loves by what he praises. I’m especially interested in praise of others as a teaching tool. I remember a college professor who publicly admired a legendary teacher for his habit of picking up trash as he walked around campus. Sure enough, one day I happened to walk behind him, watched him stoop to pick up trash, and never forgot the example of a brilliant man with humility to serve in such a menial task. I’m interested that my professor modeled a world view that admires character more than intelligence, a desire to see beauty and goodness in the world around her. I like it when that daddy is helping his daughter. I like it when people tell the truth even when it is hard. I like it when… My children don’t know it, but these comments are teaching just as much (and perhaps more) as if I gave them commands: pick up trash, help children, tell the truth, even when it is hard, and so on.

It is also true that I show my children what to value by what and how often I criticize. Negative examples are a necessary part of life, but I want to be careful that my running commentary doesn’t emphasize what is bad with the world. When my habit is to find fault, I can hear my children becoming cynical, not discerning. I’d rather my speech reflect that God is in control than communicate that nobody can be trusted, everything is falling apart, and I’m powerless to stop it!

Regardless of whether my comments are positive or negative, I am teaching what to value by what I value. Especially as my children have gotten older, I’ve been less confident in my ability to shape a life that attempts great things for God, and I have realized that I’m far more interested that they grow up to love God with all their hearts. If God wants to lead them into great things, he can do so, but what’s most important to me is that they follow Christ. That’s a big difference.

He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the Lord require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8

Do I love justice, mercy, and humility? How am I communicating that love to my children?

Spiritual Gift or Talent?

Teaching about Spiritual Gifts

Let’s Throw Out Titus 2

Wanting My Children to Be Heroes

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