Archives for September 2007

We adults know that we should not love the world’s system, right?

Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. I John 2:15-16

Concepts defined and lived out by the world, like entertainment, success, love, satisfaction, are antithetical to the reality we find in God’s Word.

I wonder whether we’ve thought in biblical terms what “the world” is for a child. The world’s perception of family relationships, non-family relationships, children’s entertainment are often antithetical to the reality we find in God’s Word.

I know some are attempting to counter the world’s system in their children through homeschooling, church activities, and limiting their children’s media input, but I have never heard the problem defined as loving the world. I wonder if this might change how we protect, isolate, and expose our children to the world.

I learned something new today!

Chapter 4 in Mom’s book is titled, Understanding Your Child’s Personality. At first glance, the material appears extra-biblical. In truth, the principles in this chapter have a tremendous biblical basis, even though they’re not given in the book. The teacher has to do the work to get them. (It’s one of the suggestions for change I will make in this book.) Mom’s biggest point is that by understanding our children, we’re better able to love them and discipline them. As well, it’s helpful to examine biblically what our attitude should be toward the circumstances we cannot change (like Moses and Paul), how we should view our responsibility as parents to provide experiences and resources (like friends), and how the Holy Spirit can transform a neutral (or in our eyes negative) personality trait into character that can be used for His glory (Galatians 5).

Lee’s aunt joined our group this morning, and said something I was excited about. I’ve been brainstorming to figure out how in the world our daughter’s care-free personality could possibly be used of God, and Aunt Sally gave one suggestion. She said that women who are careful about details tend to be stressed out when company comes, but someone who can relax and enjoy company (without worrying about the details) tends to make others feel at ease. Her strength will be an asset as she develops a spirit of hospitality. My heart leaps; she’s right! I can see Bethel putting people at ease with her humor and relaxed view on life. And I can also see that she very well might develop the ability to focus on savoring Christ above being Martha-like busy.

The discussion was helpful for me, because I’ve been looking at a personality trait that seems like a perpetual liability. Under the Holy Spirit’s control, it can become an incredible tool for God’s glory. That thought almost makes me cry.

If you’re interested, here’s the link for the book, Parenting with Wisdom. Scroll down until you see the title Precept upon Precept (the original title of the book).

 

One of the fascinating observations Lee and I have recently made is that our children undergo a transformation when they have their pajamas on. All of a sudden, they work much harder at resolving conflict on their own, and they play together better than at any other time of the day. We think it’s because they realize it’s hard for us to send them to bed when they are happily playing, but will send them to bed fairly quickly if they are fighting.

 

If you come over to visit, and the children have their pajamas on at, say, three o’clock, you’ll know why. 😀

Am I the Holy Spirit to my children? I asked Lee this question yesterday as we made the long drive to Carlsbad. His answer was, No, the Holy Spirit can do His job just fine without us.

He’s right, I think. I don’t see any evidence in the Bible of this role for parents. Maybe my lack of knowledge on the role of the Holy Spirit showing up again, but I see this as an important question when considering what happens when the best parenting doesn’t produce the right effects. Now.

Supposing, as Shelley suggested here, that my children understand fully their sin. I’ve done my job to teach them their responsibility, defined terms from God’s Word, evaluated their development and ability to grasp the significance of their actions and thoughts. And still, they choose to sin. What now? HOW CAN I SHEPHERD THEIR HEARTS WHEN THEY DON’T WANT TO BE SHEPHERDED? Where is Ted Tripp when you need him? Am I missing this chapter in his book?

Ahem. Back to the topic. Let’s use bullets to keep my thoughts linear.

• I can (and probably should) regulate the fruits of their sins. We don’t hit, we take turns, we speak respectfully when mom says to obey. This is biblical. God has rules about fruits of sins, too.
• I can (and probably should) continue to make it clear that, although I can regulate what goes on in our household, I cannot regulate what goes on in my children’s hearts. This is also biblical. Jesus made it clear that sin originates from within a person, not without.
• That brings me to the problem: How do I deal with offenses that are motivation-dependent? Truly accidentally knocking a sibling over isn’t necessarily sinful, but shoving a sibling because of conflict is. If a child insists his motives are pure, what should I do?
• If I believe I am the Holy Spirit for my children, I will continue to press the issue. If I do not believe I am the Holy Spirit, I will want to find a point to stop trying to change my children’s heart and let God do it, should He choose to do so. Maybe simply telling the child where my role stops and the Holy Spirit’s role starts is a good place to begin. I guess I know what treasure hunt I’ll be on next.