Archives for December 2015

December 25, 2015 by Michelle Leave a Comment

When Making Up Traditions Seems Fake

For a long time, I have always felt a bit sheepish when all the Type A mothers start talking about their Christmas traditions. Our Christmas schedule is always different, thanks to the military and hospital schedules. When I’ve thought about Christmas traditions, nothing seemed to fit my personality and life. Furthermore, every time I think about starting a tradition, it feels artificial and awkward, so instead we’ve been waiting to see what traditions our lives develop naturally.

Last year, since Lee was working at the hospital on Christmas day, we took pancake fixings and made pancakes for the NICU staff. Apparently that idea struck a chord with the kids. They are pretty proud of their dad’s buttermilk pancakes (especially remarkable since in Okinawa we have to culture our own buttermilk), and a few weeks ago, they declared that making pancakes at the hospital was a tradition.

This morning, the kids woke up at 4:30am, helped us pack the car with all the pancake fixings, and cheerfully helped serve the NICU staff. Then we came home and opened presents.

I like starting our Christmas morning with giving. I love that the kids are the ones who made sure it happened. If I were going to plan a tradition, a giving one would be my first choice. I’m thankful for God’s loving provision, and his reminder that he is actively involved in my children’s lives.

December 23, 2015 by Michelle Leave a Comment

The Meaning of Gift Giving

I discovered something new about my youngest daughter this season. She’s a gift giver. For several months she has been anxious about not having just the right gift for each person. It took some kindness from her parents to take her concern seriously and help her find gifts for everyone. One gift was a mail ordered gift that was ordered in plenty of time to arrive by Christmas, but…

We live in Okinawa, and mail here sometimes can be maddeningly slow. Laurel’s present isn’t here, and the post office is now closed until Monday.

Tonight before bed, Laurel was in tears. It would be easy to launch right into a lecture, wouldn’t it be? Times like these I have to remind myself to spend ample time comforting.

This time, it meant telling her I knew what emotions she was feeling. You’re feeling really sad and disappointed that your present didn’t come in time.

I wanted her to know that I was sad with her. I’m sorry the gift for your brother didn’t come in on time.

At this point, I’m itching to launch into a lecture. She’s placing so much emphasis on the gift and forgetting the relationship. I’d like her to know just one thing, and then I’ll go back to comforting. You know, the gift is just a metaphor for what more important here. Know what it is? Your relationship with your brother. You wanted this gift to show him kindness and love, but the kindness and love are still here. It would be silly if we spent all our time enjoying God’s gifts and ignored him, wouldn’t it?

That’s about as much as we could handle for teaching. Lots of hugs later, I sent her to bed. Now I’m sitting, thinking about our conversation. What’s a good verse for her?Here is one I’ll probably print out for her tonight. It’s a good one to remember.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17

What other verses would you share?

December 22, 2015 by Michelle 1 Comment

Teaching How to Make Spiritual Goals

Last December I worked with my children to make goals. This was not an easy task!

The first thing I did was ask them what they wanted to learn.

What things do you want to learn this year?
What things to you want to improve?
Are there any bad habits that you want to stop, or good habits you want to start?
How about spiritual goals. Do you have any goals about…. (naming categories is extremely helpful)
How about academic goals. What do you want to learn how to do this year?

I gave them suggestions and allowed them to pick some.

I forced them to write ten goals for the year, and I made sure that they included at least two or three spiritual goals. I didn’t correct vague or wildly impractical goals.

This was a hard activity for them, but after the questions and a few suggestions of goals that would be specific to each child’s interests. (I asked David what bird he wanted to study. I asked Laurel what subject in school she wanted to see the most improvement in. We had the same ideas, but she felt like she came up with them.)

After they wrote their goals down, I folded them up and put them away for the whole year.

Later this week, I’ll get those papers out. All the planning experts will tell you that you need to review your goals, but I figure we will work on one skill at a time. Maybe the kids will see on their own the need to be deliberate with making (and working on) goals.

(You may be interested in knowing why I even bother with making spiritual goals. Awhile back I spent a lot of time thinking through several passages that challenged me. I need to think about them some more later this week!)

December 3, 2015 by Michelle 5 Comments

Homeschool Meltdowns

There are few things that make me feel like an incompetent parent and homeschooling mother, than watching my child having a meltdown while doing schoolwork at the kitchen table. (Maybe you share my feelings, even if your kids take the bus to school!)

This week, my youngest learned that saying “Me and Bethel are going to the park” is considered incorrect grammar. She had a hard time understanding why, and in no time, she was alternately wailing and storming about the makers of grammar rules.

Actually, all my children have had tears from time to time. Some months seem more tearful than others. Sometimes it’s a week here and there. In good seasons it’s an occasional day. Regardless of when the wailing starts, one thought of mine usually rises to the surface.

“They would never do that if they were in school.”

The fear, of course, is that because my children are at home and doing school, something I’m doing wrong is perpetuating the tears. Why does homeschooling have to be so tearful? Am I harming my children’s development because of this seemingly uniquely homeschool-ish reaction to everyday routine?

Actually, what’s happening is far from failure. As my husband pointed out, what typically keeps kids from bursting into tears at a surprising assignment or unexpected difficulty is social pressure. That is, the awareness that nobody else is crying over schoolwork, and that people might think kids who wail on the floor are kinda weird.

Sadly, my children don’t seem to care if I think they are kinda weird. They don’t have the same desire for approval (or, fear of man) at home that they do in front of their peers. Instead of covering up their emotions, they reveal them, giving us the opportunity to actually address them biblically.

Over the months, we’ve talked about motives, finding encouragement, perseverance because God has given each of us a measure of intelligence and we are stewards of that gift. We have all been challenged to remain faithful even in the face of difficulty. We trust. Pray.

It seems it’s a lot messier learning to manage emotions this way, but I think it’s a fantastic opportunity that I’m thankful for. Praying that God would give me patience and joy, with an eye on the goal rather than wallowing in the process. (Isn’t it interesting that I’ve got the same challenges as my wailing child?)

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds. Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin. Hebrews 12:1-4