hindsight

I’m always amazed at how some bit of insight into a child’s motivation or development comes at just the right time. Perhaps he shows an interest in an area, or makes a comment that helps you understand him better. I believe God helps us to be aware of these insights and understand their implications for decision making in our kids’ lives.

For example, I’m still thinking through David’s adjustment to life in NM. It seemed life was fine. But some of his responses to life lately seem not typical of him. So I’ve slowed down to consider his needs. I think using the music/ light in the morning was a God-given insight from my husband. I’ve used music before for David, but not in this context.

Yesterday, a conversation with David revealed what may be more insight into his recent behavior. As we sat at lunch, David commented that we three made a triangle. Sure enough, if you connected our plates with imaginary lines, you’d see a triangle. I asked what would happen if somebody sat at the empty side of the table, and he said instantly, “That would be a diamond.” In a few seconds he added, “If we put plates here and here and here and here [indicating the four corners of the table], we would have a square.” Now, our kids’ grandparents think they’re geniuses, but I’ve never thought of them as anything but bright kids developing along a normal curve (and so they have). But this comment floored me, and gave me the thought that perhaps that little brain of his is asking for more.

So now I’m thinking through what I can do to keep his brain busy. Last night, I grew thankful as I thought about our conversation and how it helped me to consider another reason for his behavior that I might not have thought of. I wonder if I can help him speed up his “putting away toys” behavior by activating more of his brain. (so far, seeing how fast we can go hasn’t cut it)

Wisdom is what we need more than anything else. It is more precious than all the riches you could ask for, more precious than a large house, more precious than a bounty of toys, more precious than all the child-rearing books by godly people you can collect. May I be searching for wisdom today, on my knees in humility, knowing that I cannot rear my children as I ought apart from God’s mercy and grace.

[See the update I made when I realized I wasn’t really describing wisdom here!]

First the good news: David is peeing regularly without any lapses. He’s been getting more than his share of sweets, but I just reduced the reward to a few skittles, and he’s still doing just fine.

Second, the background. I’ve never tried to make David go poop. I’ve made him try once (about six months ago), but he’s not seemed to be resistant to trying. He just doesn’t seem to care. I’ve asked him if he had to go, and his reply is always no, even if he goes right after he says that (happened twice in the last few days). Today I decided that, given he’s obviously deliberately avoiding the toilet, I would simply make him sit on the toilet and try. It doesn’t matter whether anything comes out– you just have to try.

I got my opportunity today when I noticed David was passing gas. Now I know that when a person has to go poop, gas sometimes precedes the poop. I decided David needed to simply sit on the toilet. I figure if he doesn’t have a choice about sitting, then he’ll figure out that he may as well poop while he’s there. That’s the theory, anyway.

But David didn’t want to sit on the toilet. He didn’t want to try. He didn’t want Mommy to pray and ask God to help him do right. He sat for at least two hours on the toilet [Note from Michelle rereading this 8 years later: I would not recommend this approach. This was unhelpful and unkind in retrospect.]. He eventually told me that it was okay if I prayed and asked God to help him do right even if he didn’t want to, but he still didn’t want to try. I finally allowed him to lie down (he was falling asleep sitting up). I told him he’d be on the potty when he got up. Sooner or later, he will figure out that I will win, and it is more trouble for him to resist.

I’ll post what happens when he wakes up….

What Wisdom Sometimes Looks Like

Potty Training Stubbornness

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