As4Me

Sharing My Efforts to Apply God's Word to My Life as Mom. Wisdom Is the Principal Thing.

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Cultivating Humility, Again

All of my children have told me I should blog on this topic.

Awhile back, we started addressing a child’s habit of saying “I know” in response to instruction or information.

We saw great improvement, particularly when the child realized that “I know” was not true.

The last month or two, we’ve noticed “I know” creeping back into the vocabulary of more than one child. As our children have gotten older, they are pushing back a little when we point out the habit. “What if I really DO know?”

It’s a good question. Now we have been addressing the underlying motivation for making sure the other person KNOWS we know. These have been good discussions, and the children are listening and responding. The only trouble has been that our dear children have been observing that mom and dad say “I know” regularly, too. “But when we say it, it’s an appropriate time to say it.”

That’s our first reaction, but truth be told, for us, just as for them, a better response is, “True.” or “You’re right.” Can you hear the subtle shift from self and pride to respect and attention to the speaker?

Now you know why all of our children have suggested blogging on “I know.”

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: James 1:19

A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards. Proverbs 29:11

 A fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself. Proverbs 18:2

He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him. Proverbs 18:13

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Jesus’ Lectures on Humility

It’s a good thing to adore Jesus, to contemplate our salvation. We should learn to be still, and consider the great things that Christ is and has done. However, we are not helpless when it comes to fighting sin. We can come up on our own with clever ways to do right, but God’s Word faithfully makes the connections that we need between our choices and behavior. We should carefully study these connections first. It has been said that we shouldn’t treat the Bible as a bunch of things to do….. but we err in that we do not know the Scriptures.

Take humility. A pastor friend of ours was talking about humility, and pointed out that Jesus  makes the same statement about humility three recorded times in Scriptures, each with a different application. That sounds promising doesn’t it? Do you need humility? Do you think of humility like I do sometimes, as a feeling that comes and goes? Want to know how to fight the pride in your life?

Here is what Jesus said here:

For whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased;
and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.

And here is the story he told:

And he put forth a parable to those which were bidden, when he marked how they chose out the chief rooms; saying unto them.

8 When thou art bidden of any man to a wedding, sit not down in the highest room; lest a more honourable man than thou be bidden of him;

9 And he that bade thee and him come and say to thee, Give this man place; and thou begin with shame to take the lowest room.

10 But when thou art bidden, go and sit down in the lowest room; that when he that bade thee cometh, he may say unto thee, Friend, go up higher: then shalt thou have worship in the presence of them that sit at meat with thee.

11 For whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted. (Luke 14:7-11)

How many times do our children fight about where they are going to sit? We can certainly apply the principle, but before we stray too far, consider how easy it is for us to choose the best seats.

  • Children wanting to sit in the front seat. (Or in the back back, or not in the middle)
  • Children sitting next to mom or dad at the dinner table.
  • Children sitting next to a popular friend at church.
  • What are the best seats at a potluck?
  • What are the best seats at a meeting? (next to the leader, perhaps?)
  • Seats near the guest of honor (or a celebrity pastor/ speaker/ writer)?
  • Can you think of any other ways where we or our children are tempted to choose the best seats?

Truthfully, I was blown away as I thought about deliberately cultivating humility by choosing something as simple as a place to sit. I was struck by the relevance of Jesus’ words to the conflicts with my children. So before I start considering the broader implications of choosing the best for myself, first, I want to simply think about where I sit.

I had opportunity to share the story with our children, but it is still rolling around my head weeks later.

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Cultivating Humility

It’s rather silly that any mother would attempt to teach her children humility without recognizing the obstacles of her own struggle (or lack thereof) with humility and pride. So as I consider helping my children develop a sense of humility, out of necessity, I’m considering the same things in my own life. I suspect that’s exactly what God intends us to do as we teach our children.

Awhile back we noticed one child who habitually says “I know” when given instruction or information. It’s abrasive, not only for family members, but also for others who come in contact with our family. It sounds prideful. After being annoyed and embarrassed by his response a number of times, I realized that his words were habitual, and he probably wasn’t even aware of what he was saying.

“When you say ‘I know,’ did you know that?”
After a second, he acknowledged with a smile that he hadn’t.
“I’ve noticed that you often say, ‘I know’ after you are given instruction or information.
If you didn’t know if before you were told, a better answer is, ‘Oh, I didn’t know that.'”

We talked for a few more seconds about humility and being teachable. How our words reflect and shape what is in our hearts. I try really hard not to make a strong connection between what people think of us and our words (i.e., what people think of you when you say this), simply because it’s not the most important reason to humble ourselves.

He’s working on it. I’ve heard him correct himself, and if he forgets, we just ask, “Did you really already know that?”

[And yes, sometime later we’ll work on the prideful need to inform the other person that we DID know that bit of information already. And now I’m asking myself, is this paragraph exactly what I’m talking about? How do I say “I know” in more adult-subtle ways?]

But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. James 4:6

 

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Transparency and Friends

It’s fun (and encouraging) to be reminded that other moms are facing the same developmental issues that I am.

But I have been pondering for the last few weeks that Jesus is a better point of comparison than someone facing the same challenges I am.

For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. (Hebrews 4:15)

Jesus is better because not only does he know exactly how I’m feeling, what I’m worried about, but he also knows how to navigate the way out of my trials and temptations. That’s knowledge my human companions don’t always have, even if they’re transparent about their struggles.

Moreover, he WANTS me to find help from him!

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

As an addendum, notice one purpose/ outcome of our suffering:

Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered.

I’ve been pondering this, too. Jesus was perfect, and yet he learned obedience (by the outcome of that obedience). Interesting.

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