Archives for May 2008

In the last chapter of Parenting with Wisdom, my mom outlines a process for thinking through problems, er, opportunities we face with our children.

She establishes that putting off behavior isn’t sufficient; we must replace bad behavior with good behavior. She also establishes that simply replacing behavior without a change of heart or mind is also not sufficient. When we teach our children to be well behaved without considering the heart, we are making good Pharisees.

That you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24

With a caveat that the very best behaved, unsaved preschool child is still a Pharisee until he accepts Christ as his Savior, this is a helpful model to consider as we brainstorm solutions to those proble– opportunities.

Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23

Furthermore, Mother reminds the reader that our actions flow from our desires and beliefs. This statement is biblical and common enough in Bible-based Christian parenting literature.

Now we must step out of theory and into real life. Knowing these things, what should we do next? In this last chapter, Mother outlines common problems and solutions, not so you know how to solve those problems, but so you know how to find solutions to your own problems. Make sense?

Here is her pattern:

• Look for possible underlying problems.
• Look for possible parental contributions.
• What should be put off? (with Scripture)
• What should be put on? (with Scripture)

I’ve found this pattern helpful. I learned it by watching her before I ever read about it in the book. It’s how she helped me think through problems I faced when I worked with children in high school, college, and beyond. The pattern reflects how she questioned me when I called her about problems I faced with my own children.

Care to try a few opportunities? On Monday, we’ll start with something easy, and then on Tuesday (and maybe the rest of the week) we’ll do one that is a little harder. In the meantime, try it yourself, and see if thinking your challenge through in this way doesn’t help you avoid leaning on your own understanding and instead helps you to acknowledge and follow His path.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

The other day I was feeling ashamed because I had been critical in the course of a conversation. The Lord brought to mind several passages that I’ve been thinking about and trying to put into practice.

A lady I used to ride to church with had an admirable trait of knowing something good about everyone. My sisters-in-law have a similar way of naturally thinking of best of everyone. I’d love to be more like that. It’s not a show– saying something nice to rebuke those who aren’t being kind, or being charitable because it is the socially expected action to take. Instead, her speech is kind because she genuinely thinks kind thoughts.

He who is devoid of wisdom despises his neighbor,
But a man of understanding holds his peace (Proverbs 11:12).

If I am wise, I’m not going to despise and criticize my neighbor. As my husband reminded me, despising my neighbor often means I am comparing with myself. The apostle Paul reminds us that comparing among ourselves is not wise (II Corinthians 10:12). Aha! There’s a connection! Furthermore, James shows us that earthly wisdom is self serving.

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

James 3:13-18

I want the godly wisdom James describes here.

What Scripture are you attempting to put into practice this week?

We had a quick trip to visit my parents and all of our siblings and their families. We’re thankful for the heritage of parents and siblings who enjoy talking about God, who are committed to teaching their children to love God, and who are a lot of fun to be with, too.

While we were there, we had a puzzle that we put together, one piece at a time. Everybody worked together, but each person has his own strategy for reaching the goal. For example, my brother was horrified when I did not begin with the edges and corners. Some people use the picture on the box more than others, and some people even search by the shape of the puzzle piece rather than the picture on the puzzle piece. In spite of all the differences, everything comes together and we have a beautiful picture. I hadn’t done a puzzle in a long time; it was a lot of fun.

For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?

If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling? But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him. And if they were all one member, where were the body?

But now are they many members, yet but one body. And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you. Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary: And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness.

For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked.

That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.

Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.

I Corinthians 12:14-27

I’ve been thinking about this passage in relationship to the different family styles within our extended family. I’ve also been thinking about this passage and what it says about our relationship with a local assembly of believers. It’s a challenging passage.