In our church, the children stay in the main service, and then are dismissed for the preaching. I like this approach very much, but it is a challenge keeping them focused on what’s going on.
David’s always been able to sit still, but he’s just this year started singing. Since we’ve started school, he’s been more interested in the hymn book (if it’s a low number). We have practiced several times at home, and I think that’s been helpful. I’m eager for when he’ll actually be able to start reading. I think I can tap into his interest in reading as he learns how to worship God.
But he’s still not saved and cannot truly worship. He’s trying very hard to be a good boy. He wants our approval, and is very happy when he is praised for good behavior.
I noticed yesterday that Bethel (turning four in December) is doing much better at sitting still during the service, although she still struggles with wiggles. She doesn’t sing at all, and she doesn’t understand much of what is going on. She just expressed a desire to go to children’s church instead of the nursery, so we’ll see how she does. Until recently, she struggled more than Laurel to sit still, so I’m encouraged to see her doing better. I’ve noticed that she also responds well to a smile and encouragement.
Laurel still is the biggest challenge. If I hold her, she rarely is still enough for me to think about what is going on in the service. She sometimes sings, is relatively quiet most of the time (but not always, and she still can be very distracting when she’s not quiet), and occasionally will let me help her follow music or reading. (David never would do this, so it is something new for me.)
All in all, they’re doing well. The biggest challenge right now is teaching them that our good efforts don’t make us right with God. That’s hard when we’re also teaching them that it pleases God when they obey and share. I still wrestle with this. I still see their efforts as an important development in their understanding of sin and salvation. Sooner or later, they’re going to understand they can’t win that battle.
I’ve enjoyed thinking about objectionable elements, but it’s taken focus, and so other things have not had as much attention. I got back on track over the weekend, but the laundry still needs attention. I really would like to spend a lot of time in the Bible, too. God is working in some areas that I’ll share on Wednesday.
Michele, In recent weeks I have been working on my son with this. He is 8, but a very mentally active kid. The tack I have been impressed to take with him recently is the “one another” approach. Much of what I like to see in church service etiquette is nothing more than thinking of others. I have asked my son what folks behind us are paying attention to when he continually wiggles and looks around. He has realized he is being a distraction to others (and the gravity of being responsible for said distraction)…much less to me! And, what about all the time in prayer and preparation our pastor has put into his sermon? Isn’t it rude to ignore him or be disrespectful? Then, of course, there is the Big Picture of Who we go to meet and learn about when we go to church. He has resorted to wanting to lay his head down in my lap, because he gets in trouble for most everything he does while sitting up! Sigh. Erin was much easier in this realm. I just need to stay focused on the goal…and perhaps sit closer to the back so we can take him out for “reminders” without making a 3 ring circus out of it.
These are good thoughts, Diane, that get to the heart of the matter. I know that there is a struggle over whether it’s better to sit in the front (with fewer distractions) and in the back (being less of a distraction). That said… I know some adults who still wiggle in church, but they’ve learned how to make their wiggling less noticeable. If they tried to stop wiggling, then they’d stop listening to focus on being still.
Monica, Thanks for your kind words. God’s grace is incredible, whether for us or our children. Thanks for the reminder and sharing.
“The biggest challenge right now is teaching them that our good efforts don’t make us right with God. That’s hard when we’re also teaching them that it pleases God when they obey and share. I still wrestle with this. ”
I know your post was centered on something else, but this really stuck out at me. Thanks for sharing these words. I have been meditating on the grace of God for the past 3 days, and it’s truly humbling.
Do you have nursery for younger ones for the whole time or just preaching?
I notice myself feeling more selfish than wanting to teach Ethan (2 yr 4 mo) at times, because I want to sing, hear announcement, prayer time, ect. : not be distracted and teach Ethan!
He does like to sing but als likes to get into everything. With Kelly (my husband) is leading songs (Sunday nights) I have a harder time!
He goes to toddler class a lot.
We have nursery for Sunday church just for preaching (but for all of the other services). If we had nursery for the whole time, I’d put my babies in it! I guess I don’t think it is selfish to want to worship God without distraction. Here’s my thought— can I teach a baby to sit still in church? Sure. But it’s a little like digging a post hole in the dead of winter. I have been amazed at how quickly my children learn something when they’re ready, so I don’t buy the idea that if we don’t teach children to sit still in church when they’re two, they will forever be daydreamers in church.
Ok, noticed my typos as soon as I hit submit! We also keep the baby (3 months) with us. He is usually quiet, often sleeping!
Yes, and sorta the same idea with these moms who tell me their child was potty trained as soon as they could walk. More power to ’em. Though that is a nice thought (and I often do the math of what my grocery bill would be like w/o diapers, wipes, etc)….I often wonder WHO was trained in that scenario…the mom or the child? =) I’ve always preferred to wait until my kids were ready to learn.