I’ve forgotten to mention something we’ve talked about recently with our children at odd moments when talking about selfishness and anger. It’s a response that even Laurel (age 2) can understand.
“Are you happy right now?”
I’ve found that, unlike other probing questions I might try, this question they understand and know the answer for. Immediately. They know they’re unhappy.
Then I remind them that Jesus tells us when we do right and serve others, we will be happy. “That’s one reason you’re not happy right now,” I say.
What I’m doing is showing them that they’re not merely unhappy because they didn’t get their own way, they’re also unhappy because they’re not doing right. I want them to know that God’s way is better, even if it is sometimes hard.
Jesus knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he was come from God, and went to God; He riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself. After that he poureth water into a basin, and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded.
So after he had washed their feet, and had taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you? Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet.
For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him.
If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them. John 13:3-6; 12-17
Great and simple point, Michelle. Sometimes I think we overcomplicate things. Or we try the proverbial, “What were you thinking?!?” without realizing that a kid doesn’t necessarily have to be thinking anything in particular at all in order to disobey.
Thanks you guys. Diane, I’ve asked many a question with blank looks for a response. I’d like to improve my questioning skills. Laura, you’ll have to tell me how your son respond to the project. We need to get together!
I really liked this Michelle. I’m having my oldest sit down and write out what sin is causing his unhappiness (after he tells me his happiness is because I wouldn’t let him have his way). We talk about being selfish, not accepting authority, and not doing all things without grumbling and complaining. If I have him write them out in journal form (as a sort of time-out) I’m hoping we can look back at it at the end of the week and see some patterns, or at least he will be able to see on paper the number of times and the repetition of bad behavior. Our favorite saying is “a thankful heart is a happy heart”. I need to remind myself of this when I am feeling unhappy too! : )
so far he HATES it, but I’m pretty sure it’s because he’s having to expose his sins in a way that hurts a little more than usual. He doesn’t want to have to think about reasons for unhappiness other than “you’re not giving me what I want”. Yesterday it really helped us see that maybe he really doesn’t want to do what God wants him to do. Says God doesn’t want him to have any fun. I’m still praying about this conversation and how to follow up on it. Yes, we do need to get together. Thursday or Friday?