The last few times I have asked Bethel to come, she’s come happily and been rewarded with big hugs and kisses. “Mommy is so happy when you obey!” I still need to be asking her more. I forget. I deliberately avoid times when I suspect she won’t obey quickly or happily (when she’s grumpy or tired or very engaged in something). I want her to know the success and joy of obeying before I start making the task harder. Don’t worry! The hard stuff will come.
Some success!
After our long time spent on the potty, David woke up from his nap and after a few more tears, sat on the potty and tried. Nothing came out, but I was happy because he obeyed. (I never asked him to poop; only to try.) The next morning he told me he wanted to try to go poop on the toilet. (I had told him as long as he was choosing not to try to go poop, he would sit on the toilet after each meal, regardless of whether he tried or went. But if he chose to try on his own, he could go only one time each day when he actually had to go poop.)
So far we’ve had three successful tries. This morning he was in the bathroom by himself for a long time, and I wondered whether he needed to go, but he hadn’t called me. I think he was working up the courage (he had unrolled an entire roll of TP in the meantime, and I’m sure fear of mom kept him from calling too). When I went in, I asked if he needed to go, and he said yes.
We have had one “accident” when he went twice in one day. I put him in the bathtub and told him he needed to wash himself. This was traumatic. Through tears, he asked why I wouldn’t clean him up. I asked, “Who put the poop in your underwear?” With a straight face, he said “Bethel did it.” HA!
I think we’re on the right track.
Potty Training Stubbornness
First the good news: David is peeing regularly without any lapses. He’s been getting more than his share of sweets, but I just reduced the reward to a few skittles, and he’s still doing just fine.
Second, the background. I’ve never tried to make David go poop. I’ve made him try once (about six months ago), but he’s not seemed to be resistant to trying. He just doesn’t seem to care. I’ve asked him if he had to go, and his reply is always no, even if he goes right after he says that (happened twice in the last few days). Today I decided that, given he’s obviously deliberately avoiding the toilet, I would simply make him sit on the toilet and try. It doesn’t matter whether anything comes out– you just have to try.
I got my opportunity today when I noticed David was passing gas. Now I know that when a person has to go poop, gas sometimes precedes the poop. I decided David needed to simply sit on the toilet. I figure if he doesn’t have a choice about sitting, then he’ll figure out that he may as well poop while he’s there. That’s the theory, anyway.
But David didn’t want to sit on the toilet. He didn’t want to try. He didn’t want Mommy to pray and ask God to help him do right. He sat for at least two hours on the toilet [Note from Michelle rereading this 8 years later: I would not recommend this approach. This was unhelpful and unkind in retrospect.]. He eventually told me that it was okay if I prayed and asked God to help him do right even if he didn’t want to, but he still didn’t want to try. I finally allowed him to lie down (he was falling asleep sitting up). I told him he’d be on the potty when he got up. Sooner or later, he will figure out that I will win, and it is more trouble for him to resist.
I’ll post what happens when he wakes up….
Encouragement for the Potty Trainers
Lee kindly brought home an article on potty training an older child. The advice wasn’t helpful at all, since pottytraining isn’t a power struggle for David as far as I can tell. And I don’t coddle him when I change his messy underwear. He just doesn’t care.
What was encouraging was this statement “A child [at David’s age] who is of normal intelligence and has no physical problems can be considered to be resistant to potty training, not merely untrained”
Sounds silly, but knowing this isn’t typical or expected was helpful. Now I need to go (honestly) change a messy little boy.
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