Metacognition is thinking about thinking.
I wrote a bit about answering the question “How did they behave?” I’d like to follow up with a few more thoughts about the thinking behind and around the question itself.
The occasion of the post was a genuinely profitable and enjoyable spiritual conversation at the playground with a child who struggles with being good. I wanted to share my joy with the parents because I was reminded how encouraging it has been in my life when someone has seen past the faults of my children to see their God-given strengths that will be profitable in God’s kingdom in years to come. I would like to be an encourager like that.
I wrote because as I pick up my own children from church, I hear parents around me asking the teacher about their child’s behavior, and I hear the responses of the workers. Maybe I’ve heard only the negative workers, but I’m surprised how often the answer is a detailed account of the misbehavior of the child in question. I see the discouraged looks on the young parents. These are parents who are working on matters of obedience, attention, and respect. They desire to please the Lord by asking for a report. And the well-meaning workers believe they are helping the parents by giving a detailed and unmitigated report of this sort.
I realize this goes back to the question of when to ignore behavior, so I’m probably getting ahead of myself. There are indeed times where it is appropriate to share occasions of misbehavior. I ask about my child’s behavior, and I do address problems when they are shared (sometimes I don’t, I admit). But sometimes it might be good not to ask. Not to volunteer anything but the good. To encourage the parents. Pray for them and their children. And love them enough to see something the parents might need to see as well.
Try it yourself. Practice on some naughty toddler whose parents look a little tired. You get bonus points if you find a parent of a child with a disability or who has two or three children under three. Think of the God-given personality traits that may be a blessing some day, and share them with that child’s parents.
For your own children, and for those you regularly spend time with, think about what you want to accomplish when you ask for (or give) a report on behavior. Consider how the knowledge will help accomplish those goals, and then ask God for the grace to love your children by seeing how those personality traits that can be troublesome have been designed by God in the first place.
just this evening I had the opportunity to both practice and also recieve the ideas you have been talking about. A friend allowed me to take her children for a while and she asked the question about behavior. I was thinking on these blog posts as I responded positively (they really did behave well and any mis-behavior was simply age maturity level.
Then I came home to an email outlining my own children’s “sins” during VBS. I can attest to how deflating it was.
So I am going to try to be the teacher/caretaker whatever roll I find myself in who is the encourager!
Nicole– I love this story. I’m always amazed at how God teaches us.
Yeah, I am still struggling with the discouragement from the email. Of course, the mode of the confrontation was difficult, and it didn’t help that I don’t think this particular person likes my kiddos much. 🙁 These are great insights in these two posts!
thanks michelle! I’ve been dealing with these thoughts just in my own home–about how I should focus more on the good and not so much on the negative of my children. It brings them down so much if I overlook the good all the time. When I taught sunday school, every now and then I remember having the urge to “taddle” on a kid because I was annoyed. Mostly I think I held my tongue–but these are good things to remember.
Gabrielle, Yes, I think you’ve hit on a good indicator of motives when I’m deciding to inform a parent of misbehavior. And of course, it is strangely easier for me to see the good in other people’s children than my own some times. Laura, treating our children the way we want to be treated is another good measure. I’m glad you brought it up.