I grew up in a family that thought about definitions. As a six year old choosing her own book in a bookstore for the first time, I purchased a pocket dictionary. It is not surprising that my children also are sensitive to definitions. (is it genetic? personality? or just that I am always defining things for them?)
There’s a down side to a skill in precision, and its one that I deal with regularly. Words can easily become tools for deceit, in the guise of truth telling. Words can also allow a child to disobey when they follow what you have said precisely, to the letter, into the ditch.
I am tempted to apologize for being imprecise, to attempt to be more precise, 100 percent of the time. I’m learning this approach will quickly lead a mother to insanity. Actually, I don’t have to apologize for being imprecise at all. We use imprecision constantly, and our children must learn to deal with it, and to respond in a spirit-filled way.
Usually our discussions happen after the fact. The most important thing I have learned to say is this: “If you understand what mom (or someone else) MEANS, then it is wrong to ignore the meaning and follow the WORDS.”
For example, I’ve asked a child to stop tapping a sister, only to start blowing on her. When I’ve told him to stop blowing on her, then I’ve watched him start trying to kiss her. Yes, I do think it is appropriate to say, “Stop annoying your sister.” But my children need to understand that when I say, “Stop tapping your sister,” I am also intending him to stop annoying her. Some of my children understand this easily. Some need more direct instruction. At first, there was genuine confusion (but I did obey you!). Gradually, we have explained that our instruction is often more broad than our words. It is a part of life.
Sometimes our children do not understand the broader instruction underlying what I have said. That takes maturity and experience, and a lot of explanations from mom. But they need to understand that when they do know the underlying meaning, they are responsible for it.
Basically, what I’m learning is that I am having more success showing my children to examine the broader meaning behind words, rather than attempting to make my speech 100 percent precise. I want them to learn to be more comfortable with varying levels of precision.
Have you wrestled with precision? What have you done to respond? Tomorrow I’ll talk about precision again.
So I was thinking on this as I mopped my kitchen tonight, as I heard a message on something similar on Sunday. I think this applies to Biblical principals as well. Often, there may not be a direct command about something, such as “thou shalt not watch TV instead of mopping your kitchen,” but there are principals to go by, such as being a good steward of your time. This makes it a valuable lesson for children to learn – if we are to obey God thoroughly we must obey not just the letter of the law but also the spirit.
Yes, I think the biblical principles do help us make wise decisions when there’s not a biblical command. It probably is a good idea to make this connection. Thanks for the thoughts! Hope all is well with your family!